How to detect if your girlfriend is having an affair: 19 big signs most men overlook

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

 

Let’s be honest here, cheating is something that most men fear when they enter a relationship with a woman.

Do you feel like your girlfriend is cheating?

Here are 19 signs to detect she is having an affair:

1) She doesn’t want you to see her computer or phone

If you notice your girlfriend becoming defensive while you’re trying to look at her phone or computer, it might be because she’s trying to hide something.

If she gets really angry with you for trying to see what’s on her device, you should be very concerned, especially if this has not been an issue in the past.

If your girlfriend has changed the settings on her phone so that you can’t access her call logs or her messages, or if she changed her passcode this is a huge red flag.

Now: I’m not saying you should be going through your girlfriend’s phone without her knowing, but if you ask for her phone to look something up and she seems super hesitant, that will raise some concerns!

Of course, if this is how she has always been, that could just be the way she likes it, but if she used to give you her passcode and not care whether you looked through her phone or not, that’s a big change!

2) Is she always late? Does she make excuses for being late?

If your girlfriend is always late for dates or events and says she’s sorry for being late without actually giving you an explanation, this could mean that she’s meeting someone else.

You see when your girlfriend is always making excuses for being late or canceling plans at the last minute without a real reason why there could be another guy involved.

The thing is, it can happen that you’re late once or twice, but if she starts being constantly late because she is out much longer than expected, it may raise the question of why that is happening.

Sure, it could be a coincidence, but if it happens more than once, you should start asking questions.

You see, if there was a normal reason for her being late, then she’d have a good explanation, right?

3) Talk to a relationship coach

While this article will shed light on the main signs that your girlfriend is cheating, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation.

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like cheating. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.

Click here to get started.

4) She’s always on her phone

If your girlfriend is always on her phone and starts getting defensive when you ask her what she’s doing or who she’s talking to, that is a huge red flag.

If she refuses to tell you who she was talking to, this means that there is something going on that she doesn’t want you to know about.

You should ask yourself why your girlfriend is so secretive about her phone calls and texts.

Now: I’m not saying you should become controlling and check every single thing she does on her phone, but you see, in a normal and healthy relationship, you usually talk about things, such as who you are talking to a lot or if there are any news.

Getting defensive out of the blue is a red flag – after all, there is nothing to hide if she’s not cheating, right?

Again, think about if she would have any other reason to hide something from you: is your birthday coming up? Did she buy you a surprise gift? Is she planning a romantic evening for the two of you?

If there is no reason to hide anything, it may be a sign that something is up.

5) She has a lot of new friends

If your girlfriend has a lot of new friends and she wants to always go out with them, it could mean that one of those friends is actually her new boyfriend.

You see, if your girlfriend has only been talking about one person for weeks and suddenly starts talking about another person or group of people all the time, it could mean that there’s someone else in her life.

Of course, this doesn’t have to be the case – it could just be that she made some new friends!

However, if you notice that she always wants to go out with them instead of spending time with you, then this is definitely an issue.

Especially, if she doesn’t want you tagging along with her, that can be problematic.

You see, if your girlfriend made new friends, there is absolutely no reason for you not to meet them at some point, right?

If she’s acting secretive and doesn’t want you to meet them, then it could mean that there is something going on.

6) She goes out a lot, but you don’t know with whom

If your girlfriend is suddenly going out a lot more than she used to, but she won’t tell you who she’s seeing, this is a huge red flag.

You see, when your girlfriend suddenly has a lot more friends than she used to but she won’t tell you about them or let you meet them, it could be because she is cheating on you and doesn’t want you to find out.

Going out alone is not a bad sign, but if she won’t tell you with whom she’s going out, that becomes problematic.

The worst scenario here is if she goes out and you find out later that the friend “she was with” never went out that night.

That’s when you know something fishy is going on!

7) She doesn’t do the little things for you anymore

If your girlfriend is suddenly not doing the little things that she used to do for you, this might be because she no longer feels like she should.

You see, when you are happy in a relationship, you will do some little things that show your partner that you appreciate them and that they mean a lot to you.

If your girlfriend is suddenly a lot less affectionate than she used to be, this could be because she’s cheating on you and doesn’t want to give you any signs.

Another sign is if your girlfriend suddenly doesn’t want to do things that she used to enjoy with you, this could be because she doesn’t want you to see her.

Now: there are plenty of reasons why this might be the case, and cheating is just one of them.

My suggestion? If that happens to you, have a calm and open talk with her about the issue.

Who knows? Maybe the core issue is something completely different from what you thought it was gonna be!

8) She wants a lot more privacy than ever before

If your girlfriend is suddenly a lot more protective of her privacy than she used to be, this could be because she has something to hide.

Simply put, if your girlfriend is suddenly acting like she wants a lot more privacy than she used to, she could be hiding something.

For instance, if your girlfriend has always let you see her phone without a problem, but suddenly she doesn’t want you to, this is a huge red flag.

Usually, there is no good reason to suddenly be super protective of your privacy unless there is something going on.

If your girlfriend is suddenly a lot more protective of her privacy than she used to be, this is a huge red flag, especially if that wasn’t the case before.

9) You spend a lot less time together

If you suddenly spend a lot less time together with your partner, it could be because she doesn’t want you to notice that she’s spending more time away from the house.

Think about it: if your girlfriend suddenly starts making excuses for why she can’t spend as much time with you as she used to, she could be cheating on you and wants more privacy for her affair.

Again, this one really depends on the situation.

Sometimes, people get busy with work or family and just have phases where they can’t hang out too much.

In that case, you probably know what is going on and can relax a bit!

But if your girlfriend suddenly spends a lot less time with you than she used to, this is a huge red flag.

10) She is not interested in sleeping with you anymore

If your girlfriend has always been interested in sleeping with you, but suddenly she is no longer interested in that, it could be because she has found someone else.

In other words, if your girlfriend has always been happy to engage in sexual activity with you, but suddenly she isn’t interested anymore, she could be cheating on you.

Now: if your girlfriend has always been happy to engage in sexual activity with you, but suddenly she isn’t interested anymore, it could have other reasons, as well.

Female libido can change due to external or internal factors, there is a lot at play here.

Maybe she isn’t feeling too great in general, or perhaps her hormones are out of whack.

As with everything here, my suggestion is to calmly approach the topic and talk to her about it!

This is always better than ignoring it and building up resentment!

11) She spends a lot more time at work

If your girlfriend suddenly starts spending a lot more time at work than she used to, but she can’t or won’t tell you why it could be because she has found a new lover.

I know, it’s the big cliché of coming home late from work, but unfortunately, it’s true!

Of course, this one depends on the situation, as well.

Sometimes, people do get super busy at work and start to spend more time there.

But if your girlfriend suddenly starts spending a lot more time at work than she used to and doesn’t seem to have a good explanation for it, this is definitely a red flag.

You see, a lot of the times when things get busier it’s due to a big project or something else going on.

If your girlfriend suddenly starts spending a lot more time at work than she used to, without a good reason, she could be cheating on you.

12) She has changed her appearance

If your girlfriend suddenly changes the way she dresses or changes her hairstyle, it could be because she wants a new lover to notice her.

Now: everyone is allowed to change their style and appearance, there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself, just to make that clear.

In combination with other signs in this article, however, it could be a sign of cheating.

This also means that she suddenly puts a lot more effort into her appearance when going to work or out.

Remember when you first started dating and she went full out with outfits and makeup?

As a relationship progresses, you get more comfortable with each other and relax your style a bit.

Now: if she suddenly changes her appearance or puts a lot of effort into her looks, she could be cheating on you.

13) Her behavior and attitude towards you have changed

If your girlfriend has always been a loving and caring person, but suddenly her behavior and attitude towards you change, it could be because she wants to hide her affair.

Maybe your girlfriend has always been a happy person, but suddenly she is angry or depressed – it could mean that she is hiding something.

You see, if your girlfriend has been acting differently lately and it isn’t a normal part of the relationship, there is a chance that she has a secret boyfriend.

Just like if she’s been acting weird or secretive, this can be a sign that there is someone else in her life.

She may be trying to keep you away from the new guy so that you don’t find out about him.

In this case, you should ask yourself why she’s doing this. Is she feeling guilty about being with someone else? Is she afraid to lose you?

But again, there might be a different reason for her sudden change in behavior.

Perhaps she isn’t feeling well with her mental health?

Or maybe something else happened in her life that affected her heavily?

These things can obviously affect behavior and maybe that’s exactly what happened!

14) She becomes defensive when you bring up your concerns about her behavior

If your girlfriend immediately gets defensive when you try to confront her about her behavior, it could be because she is hiding something.

You see, when something else is causing her behavior to change, there is no need to get defensive, right?

She might be feeling guilty or trying to hide something, and when you confront her about it, she gets defensive.

This is because she doesn’t want you to find out about what’s really going on.

Another thing that could happen is that she gets aggressive and attacks you for thinking that there is someone else.

If this happens, it could be a sign that there really is someone else in her life!

15) She called another name in bed

Okay, this one is rough and I’m sorry if you had to go through that, but if your girlfriend called someone else’s name in bed, it’s a clear sign that she is hiding something.

Maybe she was dreaming about her lover and called his name instead of yours?

Or maybe you were having sex with her and she called another man’s name?

Either way, it means that your girlfriend has been thinking about someone else while you were making love.

And if you don’t have the most amazing sex life already, this can be a reason for her behavior change.

Now: it doesn’t mean that she is cheating, but someone else is definitely on her mind.

If I were you, I would talk about it and not just ignore the fact that it happened.

It is normal to be attracted to other people and maybe there is just something you need to work through together!

16) She doesn’t want you to do the laundry

Okay, this one is a big one, because no woman will refuse help in the household!

If your girlfriend does not want you to do her laundry, it could be because there is something on there she doesn’t want you to see…

The thing is, maybe there is something she is embarrassed about, like having a period accident, but other than that, the only other explanation is that there is something else going on.

17) She doesn’t post pictures of you anymore

This sign only applies if she used to do this because some people just prefer to keep their private life off of social media.

But if she used to post a lot of photos of you or even selfies with you, and now she only posts selfies without you, it could mean that there is something else going on.

Or maybe she doesn’t want her friends to see her with you?

This is just another sign that there is something else going on and that your girlfriend might be hiding something from you.

But hey, before you jump to any conclusions, simply ask her about it! There’s a good chance nothing serious is going on!

18) She treats you more like a friend than a boyfriend

When your girlfriend starts treating you more like a friend than her boyfriend, it could mean that there is something going on.

Maybe she has started to get more distant and not as intimate with you.

Don’t forget that your girlfriend needs your support and understanding! But if something else is going on, just talk to her about it!

Maybe she has lost feelings for you or perhaps she has been too focused on something else in her life to give her full attention to the relationship!

Whatever it is, make sure to have open and honest communication with her!

Ask her if something has changed or if she wants to talk about what is going on!

19) She changed her passwords on social media

Some couples have each other’s passwords for social media and that works well for them.

If you were in that situation but now your girlfriend has changed her passwords so you don’t have access anymore, that could be a cause for concern.

Now: potentially she just had to change them for security reasons, so maybe just ask her about it!

If that’s the case, I’m sure she’ll happily give you her new passwords.

If not, there might be something else going on that makes her want to keep her social media private from you.

Trust your gut

If you notice one or more of these signs, your girlfriend could be cheating on you.

Always trust your gut, but don’t jump to conclusions! Usually, there need to be more than one of those signs to be sure.

You see, a lot of these signs have perfectly innocent explanations.

Make sure you don’t do anything stupid and don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment!

Don’t break up with her just because you think she is cheating! You never know, maybe there was just a series of unfortunate coincidences.

Find out for sure first before accidentally ruining your relationship over nothing!

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.