You’ve done everything you can.
You tried pulling all the “get your ex back” tricks you’ve got in your book but nothing’s happening.
If anything, your ex is even more distant now and it makes you wonder… have they truly moved on?
Here are the obvious signs that your ex is definitely over you and wants to move on (and what you should do about it).
1) They never reach out to you.
Just because you’ve broken up doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to each other entirely.
Even if there’s trouble and friction between you and your ex, if they still care about you as a person, then they will definitely reach out every now and then to make sure you’re doing well.
Them not talking to you at all means that either they’re trying to move on from you… or they have already succeeded.
It’s especially damning if they used to be okay reaching out and talking to you before they just suddenly stopped.
Perhaps you had squandered their goodwill, or had somehow done something especially wrong.
It’s not even that they’re “too busy” to spend time with you, because if you were to look at their social media, you can definitely see that they’re living the good life.
2) They have blocked and unfollowed you on social media.
Another strong sign that your ex wants to move on from you is that they have you blocked or unfollowed on social media.
You might open your social media and tab on to their profile, only to see that the “follows you” button is gone from their profile. At worst, you might even find yourself smacked with a big red “you’re blocked” message.
Doing this is a big slap to your face and they know it…and they don’t care! In fact, they might even do it to make it known to you that they’re absolutely over you.
Sure, it’s possible that they still do want you, and simply need some time to get their bearings.
But whatever their reasons may be, this is a very definite message from them saying that they don’t want you near them (at least for now). They don’t want to see your messages on their timeline, or to have you bothering them with private messages.
So it’s best for you to treat it as a sign from them that they want to move on.
3) They’re sparing with their words.
If somehow you manage to find the opportunity to talk to them, there’s something different about how they talk to you.
They’re more distant, and much less willing to talk to you at length.
Let’s say that you bumped into your ex at a park. You ask them how things have been going. Their response is “All good.” They won’t even ask you back.
And even when they’re willing to say a bit more than that, they’re simply just not responsive, and you’re left feeling like you’re the only one keeping the conversation going.
It’s clear that they simply don’t want to talk to you and they are doing their best—without being outright rude—to tell you that they want you to leave them alone.
4) They get irritated and evasive around you.
Avoidance is a sure way to communicate apathy and disinterest.
In moderation, it’s an important part of playing hard to get and stirring interest.
But there’s a difference in hiding things and pretending to be disinterested in order to conjure the image of a high class lady or gentleman, and outright creating a wall with a glaring “do not disturb” sign.
If they seem more annoyed than anything when you’re near—acting restless, looking past you—then they’re not playing games. They don’t like being around you, and they want you out of their sight.
And if they simply don’t care, they might even try to walk past you and disappear into the crowd.
5) They cut away your friends and family.
Even if they’re trying to put some distance between the two of you, if they still care about you, they will try to maintain a few indirect connections.
Your friends and family, namely.
It’s how they can know what’s going on in your life, or know how you’re doing. They also know they can help them to get you closer together.
But if they want to move on from you for real, then they are going to cut off everyone you know. Without anything tying them down to you, it becomes easier for them to lick their wounds, heal, and move on.
6) They don’t hold their punches.
When you care about someone, no matter how much you’ve hurt one another, you’d try to make sure you aren’t hurting them unnecessarily.
Even when the truth hurts, you’d try to find ways to be gentle with your words.
But your ex doesn’t bother with that!
Whether you’re trying to talk to them about the break-up or something else entirely, they won’t hesitate to say words that they know will hurt or even devastate you.
They wouldn’t sugarcoat their words when they’re trying to tell you about what you did wrong in the relationship, or about your personal flaws.
In fact, you could swear that they want to hurt you, and are being especially mean on purpose.
Don’t take this as them trying to somehow play games with you.
If they’re acting this way they definitely want you to back off and leave them alone.
7) They want all their stuff back.
If they’re still stuck on you, they will want you to have some of their belongings, and also keep some of your stuff with them. This way, they will have something to remind themselves of you, and vice versa.
And of course, they can pretend to care about their stuff and take a little bit back at a time so that they can be with you.
It’s a different matter when they want their stuff back for real—when they waste no time in getting back what is theirs and make sure they aren’t leaving anything behind.
This means that they’re serious about leaving you for good and moving on.
Perhaps they already have done so while you were still together, and they’re simply putting their foot down.
8) They’re out dating again.
The next thing you hear about them is that they’re back in the dating scene, hooking up and knowing new people.
You might think at first that they’re just trying to get you jealous. After all, making someone jealous so that they’ll go after you even harder is a well-known dating tactic.
But if you pay closer attention, you might just see that this isn’t what’s going on. They seem to be genuinely in love with their new person!
And they’re not waiting for any reaction from you. When you’re there, you might as well be invisible because all their attention is on someone else.
And if you add the other signs discussed in this article, it becomes clear that they don’t want you messing up their love life.
9) They don’t care how you’re doing.
If you’re neck-deep in trouble or down in the dumps, then an ex who still wants you would try to be a good friend.
Even if you’re no longer a couple, they’d hate to see you in bad shape.
Did you get run over? Then you’d have them calling an ambulance to your position.
But that’s NOT how they react.
They shrug you off or even get irritated when you try to share your problems, or try to make yourself understood.
They might say things like “Oh, did you call your family?” and “I hope you’re okay” and then go silent.
You have a feeling that even if you tell them you’re dying, they just wouldn’t care so much…or they’d even suspect you’re just being dramatic.
At this point, they’re definitely trying to move on from you, or have already managed to stop caring.
10) They tell you so.
Not everything has to be signs and indirect communication. They can just tell you straight up that they want to move on from you!
They might be gentle about it, or they might put their foot down hard. But at the end of the day, they’re making it known and very clear.
If somehow you failed to realize what it was they were trying to tell you, or if they felt like they had no choice, they might even “tell” you by threatening to get a restraining order on you if you keep insisting.
At this point, there’s nothing to be done but to respect their decision.
Even if there might be a chance they would change their mind, there’s just no point in pursuing the point further.
Doing so might end up ruining what little goodwill they have left towards you at best, and get you behind bars at worst.
SHOULD YOU GIVE IT ONE LAST TRY?
If your ex is showing all the signs above, then it’s not a good idea to work on getting back together. Not right now, at least.
If you respect them enough (and more importantly, if you respect yourself), I advise you to back off and move on because they’re clearly over you.
HOWEVER, if your ex is showing only a few of the signs above, all hope is not lost. You can still do something about it. But it’s a risk you have to take because it might take a while.
So you better know if it’s worth it.
And the thing is, it’s not easy to know for sure…so you’d need the help of experts.
I know what you’re going through because I was also struggling to move on from an ex a few years ago.
I tried everything in my power to move on and live a brand-new life after our breakup, but I just wasn’t able to.That’s because I knew deep in my heart that my ex was the one for me.
But at that time, I realized that I can’t do it alone. So I reached out to a professional relationship coach.
I had low expectations, but even my highest hopes were exceeded.
The coach I spoke to at Relationship Hero quickly assessed my chance of getting back together with my ex…and whether or not it’s worth it.
My coach was tough (he was brutally honest), but he gave me proper guidance every step of the way.
My ex and I are together again now, and our relationship is much better than what it was.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IF YOUR EX WANTS TO MOVE ON BUT YOU STILL WANT THEM
1) Respect their decision.
Whether or not they tell you in your face about it or let their actions do the talking, you should respect their wishes.
If they didn’t react when you sent them an “I miss you” message, then don’t do it again!
I know, I know. The fact that your ex has fallen out of love with you is hard to swallow. And it’s harder to not do anything about it.
But here’s the thing: there’s nothing much you can do about it for now.
Put yourself in their shoes. Would you like a person who doesn’t know how to respect boundaries? Of course, not.
If you keep hounding them, you’ll only end up annoying them and any respect or love they might have had for you will go up in smoke.
2) Manage your expectations.
Let’s not hold any illusions here. Your ex has decided that they want to move on, and that means it’s very likely that they won’t ever come around and return to you soon.
If they eventually will, it won’t be quick or easy.
So it’s best to manage your expectations early.
Don’t expect them to come back to their senses and go knocking on your door anytime soon. Instead, be realistic.
Hope but don’t obsess over it. Wait with eyes wide open.
Realize that it might probably take a while for them to get back to you…or it probably will never happen.
Once you’re 100% okay with the risk, that’s the only time you can work on getting your ex back.
3) Tell them you’re sorry for bothering them, and that you’ll stay away.
You might have turned into a “pathetic ex” to the eyes of your ex because you’re always there texting them and smiling at them and generally being nice to them.
You’re chasing them even after they showed all the signs above.
Well then, make your loss felt by stopping all of that.
Go no contact.
This means blocking or unfollowing them on social media and deleting their number.
If you show your ex that you can live without them—that you’ll finally disappear from their life—you start to become attractive again. And not only that, you’ll regain your self-worth.
4) Try to figure out what went wrong.
You broke up so that means that either something went wrong in your relationship, or perhaps the relationship was a mistake in the first place.
Figuring out exactly what caused your relationship to fall apart will definitely help you avoid heartbreak in the future (with your ex if you get back together or with another partner).
So let’s say you figured out that your clinginess is a huge factor that they broke up with you, then work on that.
Or let’s say it’s because you’re out partying all night, then work on that.
That way, when your ex reaches out to you again, you can proudly show him the changes you’ve made. Who knows, it’s what they’ve been waiting for all along.
Of course, don’t bend too much. Change only the things that you really want to change about yourself.
5) Be the best version of you that you can be.
Learning from your and your ex’s mistakes and doing better is a good thing. But why stop there?
Since you’re already doing some self-improvement anyways, you might as well commit and try to be the best version of you that you can be.
It’s not going to be quick or easy. There’s a lot involved when you want to improve yourself. This is something that deserves an article of its own.
But as a quick guide, you can try to do the following:
- Center your life so that it revolves around you, and not other people.
- Find something to live for, even if it’s as simple as wanting to learn more about the world.
- Try to be more open-minded. Instead of judging or criticizing others, try to hear them out and understand.
- Try to identify your strengths and develop them.
- Don’t let fear of failure hold yourself back.
6) Change how they feel about you.
Once enough time has passed, it’s time to re-spark their interest.
To do this, you only need to change the emotions he associates with you and make him picture what a brand new relationship with you would look like.
In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for women who want to change the way their ex feels about them. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger deep feelings inside him.
Because once you paint a new picture about what your life together could be like, you could end up creating the relationship you’ve always dreamt of.
7) Decide if the brand-new you still likes your ex.
A natural consequence of going on a journey of self-development is that you’ll… well, grow. And sometimes, you’ll end up realizing that you’ve outgrown the people you used to cry your heart out for.
It’s a common tale, where people would, as teenagers, be absolutely devastated when their crushes or significant others cheat on them or leave them behind.
But when they meet that person again as an adult, their reaction is to laugh their heart out and wonder why they were that madly in love with someone like that.
So try to take another look at them, now that you’ve gone through some personal growth.
Do you still like them, or do you find your infatuation over them silly now?
Do you still see a relationship with them?
Do they deserve the brand-new you?
Ask the hard questions. Maybe your ego was just hurt and you’re fixated on getting them back. But what if you really do get them back? Would you be truly happy?
8) Start from a clean slate.
So you somehow have contact with your ex again. Perhaps you stumbled into each other after a year apart, or perhaps they simply decided they wanted to reconnect with you.
Whatever you decide—whether you still like your ex or not—you should try to start from a clean slate.
Set aside the fact that you had a history together and refrain from bringing your past up unless they decide to do so themselves or unless it’s to apologize and make amends for grave failings on your part.
Certainly, you’ve learned a lot since then, and you can now do better.
Treat them as you would a friend, and leave it to the you and them of the present to dictate how the future should be—and not your past selves.
There are few things more painful than to see your ex move on and leave you behind, especially if you’re still madly in love with them.
But they have crossed the point where it’s almost impossible to bring them back, and it’s going to be very hard to convince them to come back without violating some personal boundaries.
For now, all you can do is wait, and hope, and most of all—grow.
One day, you’ll realize that keeping your distance and respecting each other is an important step for both of you to become better.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.