Being single at 39 can feel like a double-edged sword.
On one side, you’ve got more time and energy than ever before to focus on your personal happiness and growth with no partners or kids to take up all of your time.
On the other side, you may be beginning to question whether love will happen for you, or if it will all just never happen.
You may also be worried that being 39 and single is weird… because there are still so many people in relationships around you. If any of these sounds like you, keep reading!
Before we do…
It’s totally normal to be single at 39.
Being single after 39 isn’t an indication of failure or anything negative. It’s just a normal part of life. You’re not being judged by anyone else.
In fact, you’re probably being judged by people who are in relationships, who have chosen to stay in relationships, or who are in a relationship but aren’t happy.
When you’re single at 39, you have a rare opportunity to really focus on yourself and spend time on the things you’ve always wanted to.
1) You don’t believe in marriage.
After all, isn’t it just a piece of paper? If you think it’s ridiculous that people spend thousands of dollars and months planning a party to validate their love, then you shouldn’t feel weird.
If you don’t believe in marriage, it’s not weird to be single at 39.
In past generations, almost everyone eventually got married. But if you’re one of the many people who doesn’t believe in marriage anymore, you’re still going to age like everyone else. And who knows?
You might even be a happier person than those who are in unhappy marriages!
2) You’ve burnt your fingers in the past.
If you’ve had more than one broken heart, it might be because it’s not the right time for you to be in a relationship. If this is the case, you aren’t weird.
But I can almost guarantee that if you’re 39 and single, there are wounds from past relationships you’re still healing from.
It takes time to get over traumatic experiences like these — and even if it took a while for your heart to mend, it’s easier said than done to just jump into another relationship after something like this.
After all, think of yourself as a mature bottle of red wine. You don’t simply want any peasant savoring your flavor.
3) You’re still looking for the one.
If you haven’t met your ideal partner yet, it’s not weird to be single at 39. It just might be because you haven’t found the right person.
And this is okay! The perfect person will come along when the time is right, and you are a better person for it.
You can always compare notes with your friends who are married and wonder “What am I waiting for?”
Or, take a look at your divorced friends and thank god for small mercies!
There’s a reason why you don’t find fulfillment in relationships – maybe you make bad choices in terms of love.
But when you learn to trust yourself and tap into the incredible pool of personal power within you, you’ll find what you’ve been searching for all along.
You see, we all have an amazing amount of potential. We’re all capable of achieving more than we realize. Happiness is within reach, we just look for it in all the wrong places.
And this has a knock-on effect on everything else in our lives, including our relationships.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people restore balance to their lives, discover their personal power, and live life with passion at the heart of everything they do.
He uses a unique approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with an effective modern-day twist.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can build the life and relationships you’ve always wanted, simply by following a few of his techniques.
So if you’re ready to take the plunge and live the life you know you deserve, check out his genuine advice below.
4) You’ve got too much going on in your life.
If you’ve gotten really busy at 39 and have had no time to be in a relationship, it’s not weird at all.
And if you’re really busy with work or trying to complete that doctorate, it’s probably the best possible reason for being single by mid-life.
If you’re that busy, then the odds of finding someone compatible with you who doesn’t have their own crazy workload are slim to none!
I didn’t say it’s impossible though. Love will find you in the most unexpected places when you least expect it, so if you’re down for love, it will happen.
5) You’re just not that into it.
At 39 and single, it could be that you’re just not into the whole being-in-a-relationship thing.
You might want a relationship, but at this point in your life, your value system might be more important to you than having a spouse.
Some people love being on their own. They enjoy their space without having someone continually around who they need to answer to.
And if this is the case, it’s completely normal for you to be 39 and single.
6) You don’t want to be tied down.
If you’re like me, you are the type of person who likes to get up and go.
You know, spontaneous. You have no desire to have an action plan for everything and you don’t want to have to explain to someone where you’re going, with whom, and what time you’ll be home.
You enjoy life and will try anything once. You’re also not into the whole routine thing.
7) You have kids — and they’re grown up now.
Being a parent can really change how we see the world and our priorities.
It’s possible that after raising a child, you’ve adapted your values so that marriage and family life don’t hold the same value that they used to.
Unlike your friends in their 30s who’re sleep-deprived and changing diapers in their late 30’s, you started early and your kids have left the nest allowing you to do the things you love.
If you’re in this situation and are 39 and single, it’s not weird at all!
8) You aren’t looking for a spouse.
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is looking for a spouse.
I know many people in open relationships that are living their best lives!
So, with that said, not all of us are looking to get spoused up, nor are we looking for someone to make it into our golden years with.
Some of us are just looking for some no strings attached fun and are enjoying variety.
9) Been there and done that.
If you’ve been divorced, it’s not weird to be single at 39.
In fact, if you’ve been divorced more than twice, it’s also not weird being single at 39.
Society has come a very long way since the 20th century so, if you’re not in a hurry to go down the aisle anytime soon, or at all, it’s really ok.
Maybe you’re still figuring out what you want?
There is nothing wrong with being divorced or in a relationship that doesn’t fit the picture of what society thinks a committed relationship should look like.
What are the perks of being 39 and single?
Now for the good part! So I have given you the reasons why it’s totally not weird to be single at 39. Let’s take a look at all the benefits that come along with his status.
You are more independent now.
You have worked hard and you have built yourself up. Now you know you can stand on your own two feet. Your family is also happy that you are strong enough to be on your own now!
Oh, and not to mention the fact that you’re no longer a ramen-eating student and have the cash to buy almost anything your heart desires.
You have the freedom to do what you want.
You are not tied down with a relationship or love life. This gives you the freedom to do anything you want. Enjoy traveling and doing new things that you have never done before. You have time on your side now! You can take a year out of your job and do something new for yourself!
You feel free to date whoever you want.
There is no one in your life telling you who you can and cannot go out with. You are not waiting on the other person to make their move. If they want to see you and be with you, cool. If not, their loss.
Dating is easier.
With the adage of the technological era, dating has never been easier. Gone are those totally awkward blind dates and those standard-grade conversations about the weather.
Nowadays, you can swipe and find someone who piques your interest. And, if after meeting them in person and you can’t stand them, you can just ghost them.
Older and wiser yes. When I think back at my 20-year-old self, I cringe. I cannot believe that I was so incredibly naive and had absolutely no clue as to how the real world works.
When you’re in your late 30s, you have a pretty good handle on life and have the advantage of being able to tell facts from bullshit.
Hopefully, this article has put a smile on your face and has made you feel completely comfortable about being 39 and single.
Remember, each one of us has a different journey to follow. Some don’t succeed in their 30s,40s,50, or even 60s! Don’t judge yourself according to what others are doing. Do you, and live your best life.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.