We used the word ‘soulmate’ to describe what an ideal, dream relationship is. It’s two people who are meant for each other, finding each other and falling in love.
But that’s not the only type of intense, deeply connected relationship out there.
Have you ever met someone who you felt drawn to instantly? Their energy, their personality, something about them made you feel like you’d known them for years.
Their presence in your life changed you and made you see the world differently. They challenged you in ways no other person could. And your love was intense.
If so, it’s possible you had (or have) a twin flame relationship.
As Dr. Lisa Vallojos, a psychologist who specializes in love and relationships explains:
“The real purpose of Twin Flame is not about great sex, emotional highs and an epic love story — it’s to wake you up, shake you up and call you higher. It is a gift presented by the Divine — one you can only grasp fully when you’ve released all the smaller things you’ve been clinging to for so long that no longer serve you.“
In this article we’ll look at what this type of relationship actually is, the different signs that you’ve met your twin flame, and the 8 stages that twin flame relationships go through.
What is a twin flame relationship
A twin flame relationship is usually described using the terms ‘soul connections’ or ‘mirror soul’, but is often mistaken for being the same as a soul mate.
A twin flame relationship isn’t built upon the similarities that you share (like with a soul mate), instead, it blooms from the differences that you both bring.
These differences and opposing forces attract you to each other, often creating very intense, deep-rooted connections. Your lack of similarity means you actually bring balance to each other’s lives.
A twin flame relationship forces you to be challenged, learn and grow as a person, and as a couple.
Dr. Vallojos also mentions how challenging these relationships can be:
“Your TF will trigger you in ways you can’t even imagine. It’s as though they are shining a flashlight into your darkest places and forcing you to see what’s there. They are showing you all the unhealed, wounded, and shadow aspects within so that you can integrate, and ascend.“
These relationships can be tough, and many couples end up separating for periods of time, if not forever.
For those who don’t give up though, who work through their issues and recognize that they are part of something bigger than themselves, they succeed in reaching a relationship like no other.
32 signs you’re in a twin flame relationship
So what does it actually feel like to be in a twin flame relationship? It can be hard to tell, but if you have many of these feelings listed below, it’s a good indication that you’ve found your twin flame.
1) He feels like a hero
When a man has the ‘hero instinct’, he willingly steps up to the plate to be the best provider and protector for his woman.
This is typical of a twin flame relationship, as for a man especially, feeling like a hero can bring out deep, emotional connections towards his partner.
There’s actually a psychological concept that explains why men are “meant to be” with the woman who makes him feel like a hero.
It’s called the hero instinct. Maybe you’ve heard of it?
According to this theory, a man will only fall in love with a woman when he feels like he is her provider and protector. Someone that she genuinely admires for what he does for her.
In other words, men simply want to be your hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. After all, it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like a hero.
Men have a thirst for admiration and respect.
They want to protect and provide for the woman they love. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
So if you’re making him feel these emotions, then it’s likely that he is falling for you.
However, if you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And he will lose interest in you.
So, if you want your guy to fall in love with you, then to make sure you’re triggering his hero instinct.
By finding ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.
But it requires a little more work than just asking him to hold your hand across the road or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
2) You feel like you’ve known them your whole life
Sometimes, you can be with someone for years and still feel like you don’t really know them. In a twin relationship, you often feel like you’ve known them forever, even if you’ve just met.
You feel like you’ve been reunited with an old friend, and because they have such a deep understanding of you, getting to know them happens without trying.
3) You can’t stay away from each other
It doesn’t matter if you’ve just seen each other, you constantly feel drawn to being together. In a twin flame relationship, you can’t resist being with each other.
But, you are also secure in knowing that even when you’re apart, you’re still together. Your connection to each other is stronger than any distance put between you.
4) They challenge you
A twin flame relationship isn’t always comfortable. Your partner will challenge your views, habits and ways of thinking. This happens as they want to help expand and improve your life, and their deep connection with you is enough to make you take those first steps.
They also act as a mirror to your inner self, so whatever negativity, issues or insecurities you have will be there right in front of you, forcing you to confront them.
5) You might have an on and off relationship
Twin flame relationships can be complicated. If the couple doesn’t know how to navigate their intense relationship, they can often spend time apart and then reunite after some time.
What makes this different to a normal relationship is that even during the breaks, you know they are the one for you. You also know that at some point you’ll be back together, because you can’t help but be drawn back to each other.
6) Being together feels right
We all have gut feelings, and some things just feel right. We might not even be able to explain why, but twin flame lovers will often just have a feeling that they’re supposed to be together.
7) You can be your authentic self around them
Being your authentic self is hard when you’re not in the right relationship. In a twin flame relationship, you know that you can be 100%, unapologetically yourself and your partner will love you for it.
8) Being together brings balance to your world
You have noticeable differences, and the fact that you’re opposites in many ways brings balance to your life. What you lack in, they make up for. Rather than being complete through your similarities, it’s your differences which unite you.
It’s the ultimate Yin and Yang.
9) You make changes for them
You find yourself changing more for them than for any other person in your life (and them for you). This is because their force on you is so captivating and motivating. You can’t help but adapt and change, and you both feel stronger as a result of these changes.
10) You had different upbringings
Your upbringings might have been the polar opposite, but this doesn’t cause conflict in your relationship. Instead, you want to learn and understand more about each other’s early memories, and this helps you in knowing them better as a person.
11) You experience extreme emotions
All relationships go through a range of emotions, but a twin flame relationship includes some fierce feelings. You love hard and fight hard. You experience ups and downs, but you’re secure in knowing that it’s all worth it for this relationship.
12) You have an instant connection to each other
Sometimes we meet someone for the first time and everything just flows. The conversation and chemistry make you feel like you’re talking to an old friend. This feeling doesn’t come often, so you’ll know when you have met your twin flame because the getting to know each other process will happen naturally and easily.
13) Something keeps drawing you back to each other
Even after your worst argument, you can’t imagine not seeing them again. You understand the intensity of your connection, and accept that things won’t always be easy, so you both tend to find ways back to each other.
14) Your connection runs deep
You’re more than just lovers, more than just girlfriend and boyfriend or husband and wife. Your relationship transcends all of those levels, and takes you to a place where you know that you are connected deeply.
15) You end up in the same places
Bumping into each other all the time might seem like a timely coincidence, but in a twin flame relationship, your connection is what will be pulling you to hang out in the same places.
You may even find out that you had come across each other in the past without realizing it. They have always been around, you just didn’t know it.
16) You understand each other
Understanding each other happens naturally. Even though you may argue from time to time, deep down you both understand each other’s moods, thoughts and feelings. This can be hard to achieve in normal relationships, but in a twin flame couple, it happens without them even realizing it.
17) They are your passion
You care about what they like, and you do what you can to be involved in their hobbies and interests. You know that you’re stronger as a team, so you often join in on each other’s passions.
18) You still want to be with them even during rocky times
Being together is your priority. Even when you go through down periods, you still want them around. No matter how bad things get, you know that sticking together is better than being apart.
19) Being around them increases your spiritual happiness
Their presence brings you more than just superficial happiness. This type of joy comes from deep within you, and your soul feels content when you’re together.
20) They feel like home
Sometimes home is more than just a house, it’s feelings of safety and comfortability. When you’re in a twin flame relationship, your partner brings you peace and security, and you can instantly relax when you’re together.
21) You can talk about everything
No matter what it is, you know you can talk to your twin flame about it. Your conversations are without judgement, and you know that they will always try to give you the best advice possible.
22) You accept and love the differences
A twin flame relationship is built upon your differences making you stronger. You know your partner might be polar opposite to you in many ways, and that’s what you love about them. What you lack, they provide, and vice versa.
23) Life feels like an adventure with them
Exploring the world and experiencing new things only makes your twin flame relationship stronger. You are both expanding your minds and deepening your connection to each other by going through different experiences together.
24) You mix your friend circles
You make time for each other’s friends and families, because you both choose genuine and honest people to keep in your lives. This makes befriending his/her friends much easier, because you look for the same qualities in people.
25) You support each other
Whatever life throws at you, you know that they’ll be there for you. They’ll pick you up from the dark periods of your life and stay with you until you heal.
You know that even if your relationship is rocky, they’ll still support you because your care for each other runs much deeper than a superficial relationship.
26) You can’t get enough of them
Everything with them seems more fun. Whether you go on dates or not, even just staying together in bed all day can feel like an adventure, because in a twin flame relationship, the company of that person makes every experience enjoyable.
27) You respect alone time
Even though you want to be around them all the time, you know and respect that you both need alone time. Your love is intense, so when you take time for yourselves you allow for reflection and a little down time.
28) You finish each other’s sentences
It sounds a bit cheesy, but finishing each other’s sentences just happens naturally in a twin flame relationship. You know each other so well that you know what they’re going to say or how they’ll react.
29) Jealousy is a thing of the past
You don’t need to feel jealous, because you know that what you and your partner have is unique. The thought of them leaving you for another man or woman doesn’t scare you, because you’re secure that your relationship has way more value than a temporary fling.
30) They are a mirror of your fears and desires
Your twin flame partner is everything you want and everything you fear. Fear in the good sense, as they show you ways of life which can make you feel nervous or uncomfortable. They hold up a mirror to your strengths and insecurities, and push you to challenge yourself even when you don’t want to.
31) You learn from them
In a twin flame relationship, you know that you both bring qualities to the table which the other needs. Therefore, you can’t help but learn from them, and learn together.
You aren’t closed off to opening your mind to new things, and you are willing to learn in order to keep progressing as a person and as a couple.
32) You’re both driven to achieving together
You both have goals in life, and you know that by working together, these goals can be achieved. Instead of holding each other back due to insecurities, you support and push each other to be the best you can. Some of your goals will be shared, so you work together to achieve them.
32) You’re bonded but free
You are secure in your connection, but that doesn’t mean you feel stifled or stuck in a rut. You know that you are both free, and this is what makes your relationship so different to normal couples. With the space to be yourselves as well as be together, you can achieve a great relationship.
The 8 stages of a twin flame relationship
If you’re wondering how exactly a twin flame relationship works, check out the 8 different stages below:
1) Searching for ‘the one’
This first stage is when you haven’t met your twin flame yet, but you know on some level that you want a connection deeper than the norm.
During this time, you are preparing for this type of love by working on yourself, building your self-esteem and confidence within yourself before becoming part of something much bigger.
2) The awakening
As mentioned above, you’ll often feel like you’ve met this person before. And you may well have, without realizing it. Sometimes it can be crossing paths temporarily in the street, or seeing them in a picture or dream.
Once you meet, you may not remember having come across them before, but the feeling of knowing them, and the intensity of the relationship, will be enough to signify that you’ve met your twin flame.
3) The love stage
No matter how much you try to avoid it, falling in love will happen. Maybe you’re afraid of being vulnerable, or you might already be committed to someone else.
Whatever the reason, meeting your twin flame will ignite emotions so powerful in you that you won’t be able to resist falling in love with them.
4) The relationship
Although you might face difficulties and even periods of separation, your relationship will feel incredible. Your understanding of each other will help you to reach new heights of intimacy which you will have never reached before.
5) The crisis stage
You might find during stage 5 that old traumas, insecurities and fears may surface. Depending on the maturity of the couple, you’ll either be able to work through them both individually and together, or you’ll separate. Note that in a twin flame relationship, separations happen but the couple are often drawn back to each other (though not always).
6) The running/chasing stage
During this stage, your relationship will be heavily tested. Emotions will be running high, and as you try to work through your issues, you may find that one partner will ‘run’ whilst the other ‘chases’. It’s usually the less mature partner who runs, fearing the intensity of the emotions and rejecting their fears which are being mirrored in their partner.
The mature partner will chase, and try to resolve the issues. Ultimately, the couple may break up for good, or just temporarily. If they manage to work through these issues, they’ll come out stronger than ever.
7) The surrender
If the couple do come back together (or remain together throughout their difficulties) they will often come to a stage of acceptance. Once they have worked through their problems, they can move forward and become more harmonious in their relationship.
8) Being together as ‘one’
Once this final stage has been reached, the couple can be secure and harmonious in their relationship. They become united, a team which wants to grow and build together. In their relationship, they know how to work through their issues and disagreements, and they see these challenges are hurdles which will ultimately make them stronger each time.
A twin flame relationship is certainly special and unique, but ensuring that it lasts and makes it to the final stage of being ‘one’ requires a lot of maturity and perseverance.
Couple’s who find themselves in long lasting, committed relationships, often have to put time and effort into bettering themselves and finding inner peace, as well as working on the relationship.
If you find that this is an area that you want to develop and improve in, check out this free masterclass on ‘Love and Intimacy’, where you will be guided by world renowned shaman, Rudá Iandê.
Finally, if you are in a twin flame relationship – cherish it. These types of relationships can be fleeting and short, or last for years, but the impact they have on you will remain for the rest of your life. It’s a beautiful thing to experience.