Is he falling for me?
Are you asking yourself this question?
Men are tough to read. After all, they’re not exactly great at expressing their emotions.
The good news?
There’s been a huge amount of research on men’s psychology, and the signs that a man is falling in love are fairly obvious when you know what you’re looking for.
Over the past few days, I’ve devoured all the information I can on the signs a man is falling in love, and in this article, I’m going to share with you everything I’ve learned.
We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.
1. He’s a gentleman
If he says all the right things and is very conscientious about how he looks, acts, and shows up around you, then it’s clear that he wants to make a good impression on you.
Let’s be honest, most men aren’t naturally like that.
He wants to present himself as the perfect guy because he’s falling for you.
Perhaps he thinks that you’re out of his league, or that he’s not the right type of man for you, and therefore he thinks that he has to be the perfect gentleman to win you over.
What are some signs that he is acting like a gentleman around you?
Here are 4 signs that he is a gentleman:
- He’s ultra polite. Don’t confuse this with boring. A gentleman is engaged in everything you say and will not be sexually aggressive. He’s interested in getting to know you and will respect the boundaries you set.
- He is actually present in the conversation: If a man isn’t interested, then he won’t pay attention to what you say. But if he’s a true gentleman, he’ll listen to every word you muster and he’ll ask topical questions. He won’t dominate the conversation. His body language will show he’s listening by nodding along, laughing when appropriate, and visibly reacting to your comments.
- He ignores antiquated expectations: He’ll take a modern approach to dating. If you want to pay for your own meal, he’ll respect your independence. He respects you as an equal and in fact, being in the presence of a strong woman such as yourself gives him energy and confidence.
- He will adapt. He’s very conscious of social cues, even if you flat-out reject him. He will not talk down to you, call you names, or act like a spoiled child. When he is kissing you, he will show compassion, tact, and skill. He won’t just shove his tongue down your throat.
2. He wants to protect you
A surefire way you can tell that he loves you, before he even knows himself, is if he makes an effort to protect you.
For example, subtle gestures like facing his body to the side of the traffic when you’re crossing the road, or placing his hand on your back when you’re walking in front in a busy area, are excellent signs that he’s naturally playing the protector role.
He is doing this because he loves you and he wants you to be safe.
There’s actually a psychological concept that explains why men are so protective of the woman they love.
It’s called the hero instinct. Maybe you’ve heard of it?
According to this theory, a man will only fall in love with a woman when he feels like he is her provider and protector. Someone that she genuinely admires for what he does for her.
In other words, men simply want to be your hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. After all, it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like a hero.
Men have a thirst for admiration and respect.
They want to protect and provide for the woman they love. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
So if you’re making him feel these emotions, then it’s likely that he is falling for you.
However, if you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And he will lose interest in you.
So, if you want your guy to fall in love with you, then to make sure you’re triggering his hero instinct.
By finding ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.
But it requires a little more work than just asking him to hold your hand across the road or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
4. He loves it when you act weird
When you act weird or different than other people, it doesn’t turn him off.
In fact, if he finds it endearing and charming then it’s most likely that he is falling in love.
He loves everything about you, even your crazy tendencies.
We’ve all heard the statement that loves blinds, right?
According to Susan Winter, a relationship expert, the honeymoon phase of the relationships is when “love blindness is at its highest peak”.
This is because we haven’t had enough time to experience “the downside of our new lover”.
I’m sure we can all relate to this.
In the honeymoon phase, everything is perfect, and what’s why he might be blind to everything you do.
He’s falling for you and according to him, you’re the picture of perfection even when you’re acting weird.
5. His attention is always on you
Does he only care about what you are doing and how you are doing?
Is his eyes firmly on you when you’re on a date?
Go outside and have a look at any man. Most of them can’t help but look at the pretty girls around them. It’s constant. Their eyes dart from one side of the room to the other.
But if your man focuses on you and only you, and doesn’t get distracted by anything else, you can bet that he is falling in love.
He will spend hours talking to you, even if you think there are much prettier women in the room that he could be talking to.
In fact, a study from Loyola University found that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin in the brain, which is a sign of obsession.
“This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship,” said obstetrician-gynecologist Mary Lynn, DO.
So if he can’t keep his eyes off you and he listens to every single word you say, then don’t doubt it at all:
This man is falling for you and within the time he probably wants to make it official.
6. He seems to be acting nervous around you
We’ve all experienced this, right?
When we’re around someone we like, it’s really difficult to not get nervous.
After all, you want to make a good impression in front of your crush and you don’t want to appear like an idiot.
Guys are no different. They get nervous around women they adore.
If he is falling for you, you are going to be able to tell because he will fidget and shift positions in the chair all night long.
If you’re wondering if he is acting nervous around, here are some signs to look for:
- He cracks his knuckles.
- He takes a lot of deep breaths.
- He picks his skin or bites his nails.
- He tends to interrupt you, or doesn’t have the patience for you to finish your sentence.
- He is very chatty.
- He rocks in his chair.
- He is constantly multi-tasking.
7. He can’t stop smiling around you
Call it fake. Call it being positive. But one thing is clear:
If he can’t help but smile around you, then it’s a clear sign that he is falling for you.
For one, he is probably trying to make a good impression. We all know that a smile can make anyone look better.
He also wants to appear happy around you and show you that he is a stand-up guy that you can also have fun with.
And two, he’s probably just enjoying your company. When anyone gets time to spend with someone they truly like, then you know that they’re going to relish that time.
You can’t fake true happiness. He loves spending time with you and he loves what he sees.
Now keep in mind:
You will also need to get a baseline of how he acts around other people before interpreting his smiling around you as a sign of affection.
If he smiles around everyone, then he might just be a friendly, nice guy.
He also might see you as a friend.
But if he doesn’t act like that around others, then it’s most likely that he is falling for you.
8. Your sex life is off the hook
Now this obviously refers to those who are already sleeping with their man of affection.
But when it comes to sex with someone you love, it’s generally a million times better than sex with someone you don’t love.
When you’re not in love and you’re having sex with someone, it’s generally about finishing as quickly as you can and that’s it.
So if you find that sex has recently changed for the better, and suddently your man seems to be incredibly passionate and connected to you, then it might be the case that he is falling in love.
What is the main difference between making love and having sex?
Well, if your guy is all about the “Wham! Bam! Thank you Mame!” then he might not be in love with you.
But if he is patient, kind and considerate of your needs, and he’s not racing against the ticking clock, then it’s more than likely he has stronger feelings for you.
9. He is being his true self around you
“Players” are everywhere these days. They’ll say whatever they can to get you in bed and add you to their “list”.
This means that “players” are likely to be quite manipulative and dishonest with the way they go about things.
So if your man is behaving like his true self, and he is honest with every word he musters, you can bet your bottom dollar that he is being authentic around you.
Guys that aren’t playing a game when they’re around you, and speak the truth about their life and future plans, are obviously keen on a long-term relationship with you.
Guys only “play games” and manipulate when they want something short-term.
So how can you tell whether he is acting his real self around you?
Well for starters, you might need a baseline of how he acts around others.
If you notice that he is pretty consistent, then he’s probably being his “real self”.
You also want to pay attention to the way he talks about himself.
If he seems to be leaving out details or is glazing over important parts of the conversation, it’s probably not love.
How can you tell if he is lying?
He might say much more than he needs to, while doing a lot of backpedaling.
He might even tell details that a person who is telling the truth might not say in order to be more convincing.
According to Dr. Lillian Glass, a body language expert:
“When someone goes on and on and gives you too much information — information that is not requested and especially an excess of details — there is a very high probability that he or she is not telling you the truth. Liars often talk a lot because they are hoping that, with all their talking and seeming openness, others will believe them.”
10. He wants to help you
You know what men love doing? Solving the problems of the woman they love.
They have this innate urge to make life easier for their object of affection.
If you have something you need fixed, or you’re running out of supplies for an upcoming party you’re hosting, he’ll be the first to come around and help you out.
Because a man wants to feel essential. And if he is falling in love with you, he wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help.
The great news is that it’s easy to activate this biological urge of feeling needed. All you have to is ask for help. Yep, that’s it. And if he drops everything and comes to save the day for you (no matter how small) then you know that he is falling in love with you.
In fact, for a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your man loves your independence and strong woman qualities, but he still wants to help you out however you can.
After all, men have a biological urge to feel needed and to provide for a woman they deeply care about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it “the hero instinct”. I actually mentioned this above.
As Bauer says, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with a woman.
After all, he won’t invest his time into you if it doesn’t give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
The key question is: How can you trigger this instinct in him, and give him this sense of meaning and feeling useful? You don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not.
You don’t have let go of your independence. In a completely authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to the plate to fulfill it.
In his latest video, Bauer breaks down several things you can do. In fact, he even reveals texts, phrases and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel essential.
By triggering his “hero instinct”, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction in the relationship, but it will also rocket your romance to the next level.
11. He introduces you to the special people in his life
Has he introduced you to his best buddies? His family?
If he has, you know it’s real.
The truth is, introducing your friends and family to your partner is not something you take lightly. It’s a big step.
So if he is taking this step, then it’s obvious that he wants to commit to you in the long-term.
But if you’ve been together for a significant amount of time, and he still hasn’t introduced you to this family or friends, then something might be up.
Relationship expert Susan Winter says that “gaining access to your partner’s inner circle is a mark of commitment”.
Also, another important consideration is how willing he is to make an effort with your family and friends?
If he loves you, he’ll likely try his hardest to make a good impression.
After all, he wants your parents and friends to approve of him, and if your relationship survives the honeymoon phase, then he’s probably going to be spending a lot of time with them.
12. He can forgive and forget
There’s no getting around it: Every relationship has its problems, even when you’re going through the honeymoon phase.
But if he is able to quickly get over whatever obstacle has been put in your path, this is a good sign.
If he says sorry, and wants to patch things up, then he’s probably falling in love.
He wants you to be happy, to feel comfortable, and that’s why he is willing to make amends as quickly as he can.
In fact, it could be that a crisis is what sparks him into finally saying the words, “I love you”.
He also has the insight of being aware of and understanding himself and how you’re feeling, recognizing the consequences of his actions, and learning from his mistakes.
He wants the relationship to grow stronger and work in the future. This is why he is willing to admit his mistakes, and forgive your mistakes.
You know he is in love when he is willing to make the relationship work, even when you’re faced with difficult times.
13. He can’t help but use the word “we” when talking about the future
By using the word “we” when talking about the future, he obviously sees you two as a team and as partners.
In other words, he can’t imagine living his life without you by his side and he doesn’t have any plans for the future that doesn’t include you.
He simply assumes that you’ll be together in the future, because he doesn’t plan on letting you go from his life.
If whenever he talks about the future he assumes that you’re in it, then that’s clearly a great sign that he is falling in love with you.
Also, if he is constantly asking you about your plans for the future, then he might be trying to figure out if you fit in with his plans.
Clearly he is deciphering the future of your relationship and how you’ll make it work together.
We can all agree that there is a “certain level of intimacy” that comes with asking questions about the future.
Guys don’t talk about future plans all too often so if your man is all about what is happening next week, next month and next year – there’s a good chance he’s to be yours forever.
14. He is honest about his feelings with you
Does he tell you how much you mean to him? Has he told you that he wants to be in a serious relationship?
Look, it takes a lot of guts for a man to admit how he is feeling, so if he is telling you that he has strong feelings for you, then you’d better believe him.
Men don’t often tell a woman they love them unless they actually mean it. So you can be sure that he is falling for you if he is telling you how he feels about you.
However, don’t be too disheartened if he doesn’t tell you he has feelings for you. Why? Because not all men are honest with their feelings, and that’s completely normal.
t doesn’t mean he isn’t falling for you, but it just means that he needs to feel a little more comfortable to express how he truly feels.
If he is the kind of guy that isn’t forthcoming with his feelings, he will express his love in other ways.
This could be flowers for no reason, or leaving a little mint on your pillow for when you wake up in the morning, or always making sure he has your favorite drink ready for when you’re willing to come over.
Even if he finds it hard to admit how he is feeling about you, he’s showing it all the time by these little recurring signals.
15. He spends hours and hours asking you question after question
Can he sit all day long and ask you question after question about yourself? Does he actually listen to your answers?
Then put it down that is falling in love.
Look, guys don’t do that for fun. It takes effort for a man to be curious about what’s happening in a woman’s life.
But the fact he is asking questions and seems desperate to develop a connection, is a great sign that he’s genuinely into you.
But don’t forget:
If he remembers all the finer details then that’s a great sign.
Because this shows that he is listening.
Some guys only ask questions because they’ve learned that is how you’re meant to behave in social situations.
The problem? They don’t actually care about what you’re saying.
But if your man is taking in what you have to say, and then using that information to go deeper into who you truly are, then that’s a great sign that he is falling for you.
16. He just wants to be a permanent fixture in your life
He wants to share everything about his life with you, and vice versa, he wants to be a part of your life.
In fact, he wants to completely immerse himself in it.
He doesn’t just want to meet your family and friends. He makes every effort to make sure they like him.
He wants to make the best impression that he can.
He tries to spend time with the people that matter to you because he knows that will make you happy.
You know he’s falling for you if he wants to try things you’re passionate about as well.
A man that’s falling for you will try yoga just because you love it. He knows he sucks at it and he probably won’t enjoy it, but he’ll enjoy spending time with you.
Look, it’s one thing to take interest in you. But when he starts making every effort to actively participate in your life, you know he wants to “belong” in your life.
17. He’s told you he wants to be exclusive with you
Well, if he has told you that he wants to be in an official relationship with you, then it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he is falling for you!
If he makes it clear that he is dating you and only you, then that by itself says that he is falling for you and wants to make this long-term.
There’s no question about it.
He knows he’s falling for you and doesn’t want there to be any ambiguity about where you two stand. It would probably hurt him too much to see you with another guy.
Look, it’s pretty obvious what most men are like. They’re afraid of commitment. They don’t want to get locked down in a relationship unless it’s with the right girl.
But not this guy. He wants you for him and him for you, and that’s a surefire sign that he is falling for you.