Is he cheating on you? 30 red flags you can’t ignore

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It’s not uncommon to find yourself hunting for signs of cheating. It’s also not uncommon to be unsure and to want more information before you confront him with your suspicions.

But of course you don’t want to be a paranoid partner who makes things up and is only counting the crumbs he drops on the floor, so how do you know if he’s really cheating? What are the red flags?

Here are 30 signs to help you determine if your partner is cheating.

1) He doesn’t talk to you anymore.

Communication is key to any relationship. If he’s not interested in opening up to you or sharing what he’s feeling, that could be a sign he’s cheating.

If you haven’t heard from him in a day or two and he’s never like this before, you might suspect that he’s with someone else. Maybe he’s ashamed of how things are going with you and doesn’t want to face you about it. Maybe he wants to get over you and move on with his life.

2) He takes mysterious phone calls in another room and closes the door.

Seems like he has secrets, right? It’s easy to feel insecure in situations like these.

Perhaps he’s afraid your children will hear what he’s saying or maybe he needs some privacy, but it doesn’t hurt to stay aware of how he’s behaving. You don’t want to be kept in the dark if there is a secret you need to know about.

3) He answers the phone or texts with an attitude.

Is he short with you when he’s on the phone or sending you a text and making it seem like it’s no big deal?

He might be trying to hide his true feelings, but it can still feel like he’s being rude to you.

If he’s getting defensive or rude when you ask him about his communication habits, there might be some kind of secret at play.

Is he agitated about something? It could be that he’s frustrated about you and has his eye on someone else. Or it could be that a customer is becoming demanding or another coworker is getting on his nerves.

4) He suddenly changes his appearance.

Has he gotten a new haircut? Is he dressing differently? Has he started wearing more cologne or makeup? Maybe he’s trying to look better than you because he’s getting ready to move on with someone else.

When you notice changes in his physical appearance, this could be a sign he’s cheating.

He may be trying to make himself look better because he doesn’t think you’re good enough and he wants to appeal to someone else.

5) He makes excuses for not spending time with you.

Is he suddenly busy with something? Maybe it’s because he’s meeting someone new. Unless you ask him about this, it can feel like he’s not as interested in spending time with you anymore.

When he gives no reason for missing days or hours together and keeps his distance, this could be a sign he’s cheating on you.

6) He doesn’t seem to care about you anymore.

Is he less affectionate or caring than usual? Is he not as emotionally involved in your relationship as he used to be? Or does he just seem unhappy about being around you.

If you’re noticing a lack of interest, give him a little space to see what happens. If his behavior doesn’t change, this could be a sign that he’s cheating on you.

7) He wants to break up with you.

He starts to bring up every little problems you have and acts like he can’t deal with them.

He suddenly desires to end the relationship badly, even though you were fine a week ago. It doesn’t matter how many times you ask or talk about it, he just doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

If this is the case, think about why he wants to break up. Maybe he wants to start being in a relationship with the person he’s been cheating on during the time he’s been with you.

If he wants to leave but can’t tell you real reason why, this is a sign that he’s cheating on you.

8) Your gut is telling you he’s cheating.

When you have a gut feeling that he’s cheating, but no hard evidence, it can be confusing. You might find yourself doubting what you think or feeling like you’re being overly suspicious.

The truth is that your instincts are often correct. The problem is that sometimes we don’t give our intuition enough credit, so we dismiss it instead of listening to it. So, don’t underestimate your gut. It’s there to help you out in moments like these.

If you have a feeling he’s cheating, it doesn’t mean for sure that he is, but it definitely means that you should start to keep an eye on it. No matter how well you know him, there are always things that could be going on that you don’t see on the surface.

9) He’s never pleased with whatever you do or say.

He’s always critical of your behavior. He’ll complain about everything, either in front of you or behind your back. This behavior is a big sign that he’s trying to start up conversations with someone else.

10) He only wants to talk about work and his business.

He never wants to discuss your relationship or ask you anything about yourself anymore, so it almost seems like he no longer interests himself with you. He’s completely focused on his own life and work, rather than being invested in yours.

He only talks about his activities and how much money he earns. He doesn’t care about your day or what you did. It seems like he doesn’t have time for you anymore. He never takes any interest in what is going on with you.

11) All of his attention has moved to someone or something else.

He’s always looking at his phone. He’s constantly interested in social media or checking email. He’s obsessing over things he used to care about before you two started dating. It seems like he’s skipping town without saying goodbye these days.

12) He purposely avoids your questions about his communication habits and makes excuses for them.

If you innocently ask him about something that’s concerning you, he gets defensive. This could mean that he’s hiding something.

He might make excuses for not answering your texts or phone calls, but if you ask him about this and he’s rude to you, it means there’s more to the story than he’s letting on.

13) He’s gone back to partying with his friends.

He’s suddenly not interested in spending time at home with you anymore, and he seems to be going out every night now. Maybe he’s out with coworkers or friends, but why is he suddenly interested in being with them again?

14) He suddenly starts talking about his ex again.

Maybe they secretly became close after they broke up. He might have even been into her before you met him. Don’t waste your time if he still has feelings for his ex and the only reason why he started dating you was because something didn’t work out with her.

15) He starts to pretend he doesn’t know you.

It can happen quickly or slowly, but he becomes more and more distant from you. He literally ignores your presence in his life. For example, if you two are seeing the same movie at the theater, it’s very unlikely that he will say anything to you about it or strike up a conversation with you later on.

Even if you’re just watching the movie with him, he seems to be looking off into space the whole time. If you do happen to look at each other, it’s much more likely that he will look down or away from you than talk to you. He’ll never seem as interested in seeing your company as he used to be.

16) He is nervous or tense when you’re in the same room together.

You might notice that he starts to get nervous or tense around you. Maybe he starts to stutter or starts sweating. Maybe his eyes go into a squint and he gets really quiet as you two talk. This is a big sign that he’s hiding something from you about what he’s doing with his time or who he’s spending it with.

17) He’s not as interested in sex with you anymore.

If your partner is making it clear that he’s not interested in having sex with you or he’s taking longer and longer to get ready for sex and never seems to be in the mood, this could be a sign that he’s cheating on you.

18) You can no longer communicate through normal conversation.

He’s always in some kind of trouble and he always has an excuse for why he isn’t being honest with you. All these things are making it harder and harder to talk to him. So, if your conversations seem more like arguments than anything else, it might be a sign that something is wrong.

19) He doesn’t want to spend time with you at all.

He might not want to spend time with you at all. For example, if he only has time for you in the morning before work, and then barely sees you again during the day, this could be a sign that he’s hiding something from you.

20) His phone or computer use is limited.

You might not be able to see his phone or computer all the time, but it’s likely that he checks or uses it pretty often during the day. If you notice that he’s limiting his phone use without a good reason, he might be hiding something from you.

When you touch his phone or computer, you might find that his password has changed and that he has many different passwords. You might also find an unfamiliar app or a blank browser history.

If he sees you touch his phone and is upset about it, it means he’s hiding something from you. He might even start to act rude or offensive when asked about his phone use.

Or he keeps his phone on silent mode all the time and distracts you when you try to ask him about it. That might be the sign.

21) He’s acting really creepy.

He might even be acting really weird and off doing crazy things that aren’t like him at all. You might find weird text messages on his phone or weird gifts for you that he doesn’t have to buy. He might have secret rooms in his house, because there are often strange little nooks and crannies around the house that you’re not sure about.

22) He will do anything to avoid getting caught.

If your suspicions about his behavior are legit and he’s acting strange, he might even be very upset when you catch him in one of his lies or schemes. He might even try to get rid of evidence that he’s been doing something wrong.

23) He’s being very secretive about everything.

He seems to have nothing to hide, but still he’s being extremely secretive about every aspect of his life and every detail of what he’s doing with his time. Something must be up if he won’t tell you where he goes or where he’s been.

If he’s trying to avoid telling personal info about him to you, he’s definitely hiding something unsavory that he doesn’t want you to know about.

24) He has a history of cheating.

If you haven’t been together long and he already seems to be slipping into his old patterns, this could be a sign that he’s having an affair or will cheat on you soon. He might have done it before, and now the same is happening again.

Not to criticize him from his background, but you should always look out for these signs and consider that you may be the victim of the same issue over and over again. If you do find yourself in a relationship where your partner is cheating on you or lying to you, make sure to seek help from a counselor to get through this tough time.

25) He lies to you about something that should not be a big deal.

There are some things that you should not lie about. They shouldn’t be a huge deal at all. If he lies to you about something small like this, it can mean that he will lie to you about more serious things in the future. If he does, maybe it’s time for you to move on from this relationship.

Especially if he lied about his timeline. If he says he was at home for the whole day but was actually at a bar, that’s not a good sign. It gets worse if he says he was at the bar alone when there were other people with him.

If he was out with his friends and told you that he was at home, it might mean that the next time you ask about his whereabouts, you might find out something completely different. He will keep lying and lying to you.

26) He doesn’t want you to meet his friends, family or coworkers.

If he doesn’t want you to meet his friend or family, it probably means that he doesn’t trust you and has no intention of staying in any future relationship with you.

Especially if you both are in a relationship at least for a year or even more. He never even mentions meeting your or his family, friends, or coworkers and you should be very suspicious of this. It probably means that he has something to hide from them.

27) He disappears for long periods of time without telling you where he is.

Maybe he disappears without telling you where he is, or where he’ll be. He might pull away from you and have an excuse for everything that’s going on with him. Maybe he’s telling you that he has a lot of work to do. It might be a sign that there’s something more going on with him than just too much work.

28) He starts to ask for space.

He might start to get really paranoid about you, or he’ll become distant to the point where you only see each other at parties or out in public. If you’re starting to notice the distance growing between you and him, it’s probably because he’s hiding something bad from you or he’s trying to fade out of your life.

And when you bring this issue up he keeps making excuses for why he needs space. The truth is that he’s hiding something from you.

29) He’s constantly asking you to trust him even though you have no reason to.

Maybe he’s pushing for trust between the two of you and it makes no sense how he expects you to trust him so quickly. If a person doesn’t even know his partner well enough to feel like they can be trusted, they shouldn’t expect them to trust them at all.

He wants you to trust him so he can tell you whatever he wants to tell you and build trust in a way that is not healthy. He’ll probably lie to you or have something else up his sleeve that he’s hiding. Shouldn’t be surprised if it turns out badly.

30) He constantly denies that anything is wrong.

He might turn a blind eye to all his suspicious behavior he keeps doing and insist that everything is fine, and there’s nothing wrong with him. He might even try to convince you that you’re being overly suspicious of him when it’s not true at all. He might try to convince you that you’re the bad one for caring about what’s going on with him.

What should you do now?

If he doesn’t seem like he’s fully invested in the relationship anymore, it may be time to move on. Breakups are hard and they aren’t easy for anyone. If he’s cheating on you, talk with him and see if there is anything that can be done. Consider taking a break or ending things if you’re not happy.

But, do not forget that communication is important for every relationship and if you are serious about your relationship, it is important to be honest with yourself, take a hard look at the situation and give the love of your life a chance to explain.

Talk with him about what your concerns are. You can ask him if he wants to end the relationship or if he is cheating.

It may be that he’s simply become bored and wants some excitement in his life. It’s important to talk about what is bothering you and what your partner feels about it.

Try to sort this out together, what is the best for both of you.

If you feel he is not willing to talk with you or sort the situation out, then this can be a sign that he really doesn’t care about your relationship. There is no sign that he is willing to work on it.

Then there is no use trying to hold things together if it is going to end poorly anyway. Just pull away from him and let him go.

Remember that loving someone doesn’t mean being willing to share everything with them or put up with their actions or things they do that we don’t like. Considering ending it is the best, if this is the case.

BUT, If you feel there is still a chance to fix things and you both still have feelings for each other, then try to stay together. Don’t give up without trying to fix things.

It may be that you need to set some rules so he can see what it takes to have a happy relationship and be faithful. Let him know what he can do to make it better. Give him some time to change his behavior and don’t let go of hope just yet.

Keeping an open mind and heart will allow you to see if the relationship you had with this man was worth saving in the first place. If he is willing to work on things, give him a chance and make sure you are communicating your feelings about how this relationship can be saved.

In the end, only you can decide what is the best for your relationship and your life.

Stay aware and alert of the signs. Use your observation skills and trust your instincts.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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