Having an insecure boyfriend can sometimes be exhausting.
You have to constantly prove your love just because he’s not confident that he’s handsome enough, talented enough, or capable enough to be loved by you—or anyone for that matter.
But if you truly love your boyfriend, you must learn how to handle it like a big girl.
In this article, I will tell you why some men are insecure and give you 20 ways to deal with an insecure boyfriend.
The root of insecurity in relationships
There are many types of insecurities, but one of the most common is the insecurity in romantic relationships.
This type of insecurity manifests itself when your significant other thinks that you are going to leave him for someone more attractive or capable.
1) Trauma from childhood
As a child, your boyfriend was probably rejected or teased by his peers.
This would make him feel less valuable, and it would also make him want to prove other people wrong.
However, this desire to prove others wrong is not a healthy way of thinking because it makes people do stupid things that they normally wouldn’t do.
It’s like when you see someone driving recklessly on the road because they want to show everyone that they can drive fast.
It’s simply ridiculous, but this is what insecure people do. They act crazy just so that they can feel like they have value in the world.
2) Society’s demands from men
Toxic masculinity has made a lot of men insecure.
Society has taught men that they should be strong, so they should not show their emotions.
They should not be weak, so they shouldn’t ask for help.
They should not have any insecurities, so they should be perfectly happy with themselves.
This toxic masculinity has created a generation of men who are afraid to show their true selves to the world. They’re afraid to admit that they have weaknesses and fears.
3) An abusive ex
Maybe your boyfriend is perfect but his ex treated him like he doesn’t matter.
This will make him think that he’s not good enough for anyone.
It will also make him insecure about his relationship with you because he’ll always be afraid that you’ll leave him for someone better.
The insecurity from his past relationship with the ex can translate into worry about your feelings as well, so it would be best for him if he found a way to confront any insecurities head-on or explore ways that don’t involve other women at all.
20 steps to deal with an insecure boyfriend
We all have insecurities so don’t just dump a loving guy just because he’s insecure because contrary to what most people say, insecurity should be a dealbreaker at all.
There are ways to handle an insecure boyfriend though, especially if his insecurities are not directly affecting your relationship.
Here are the things you should do when you have an insecure boyfriend:
1) Don’t get angry at him for his insecurities
You might feel like putting him in his place but remember that he is who he is and he can’t change that overnight.
And neither should you expect him to change himself just because of how it makes you feel when you see how insecure he is about himself or jealous of others around him.
You have to accept the person for who they are and try to work around their bad qualities instead of trying to change them into something that’s not even the real them—as much as possible anyway.
2) Be as honest and authentic as possible
Don’t fake any praise just to make him feel good.
If you’re not happy, if you’re not pleased, then don’t pretend you are. But be very gentle with your words. Add a bit of humor if you can.
Don’t pretend that everything is fine when it’s not because this will only make him more insecure than he already is.
Instead, be honest with him and tell him the truth. If you’re not happy then say so because letting a person continue thinking everything is fine when it’s not will only make them feel worse than they were before.
An important thing to remember is that being dishonest doesn’t solve anything; in fact, sometimes honesty can help people get through some of the hardest things in life if we know how to talk about our problems properly and try new ways of doing things for ourselves.
3) Don’t overdo it
If you love your boyfriend, you’ll have to show him that. But don’t overdo it.
Keep your affection on a reasonable level because if you go overboard, he might feel smothered and overwhelmed.
You don’t want him to think that you see him as a “weakling” that needs more attention and love than necessary. Love him and show your affection like you usually do, but don’t “baby” him too much just because his ego is hurt.
Doing so might aggravate things. Instead, be a shoulder for him to lean on and just be patient.
He’s a big boy and he will recover.
4) Praise him for the things he’s truly good at
Be specific, be honest and don’t be condescending.
If he’s good at something, then let him know that you appreciate that quality in him.
Don’t just say “Good job honey” or “That’s great.”
Praise him for the things he’s truly good at. Tell him exactly why you appreciate his efforts and how much it means to you.
5) Make him feel like a hero
Most insecure men feel emasculated.
He’ll feel more confident about himself if he feels like a hero. As you know, people who feel good about themselves are less likely to feel insecure about themselves.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
6) Don’t force him to discuss his insecurities
If you press him to talk about his insecurities, he might clam up or he might feel like you’re not being sensitive to his feelings.
Instead, let him know that you’re there for him if and when he feels ready to open up about them.
Forcing him to talk about his insecurities will only make things worse because it will only cause more friction between the two of you.
7) Share your own insecurities with him
Sharing your insecurities with your boyfriend will make him feel less alone and more comfortable.
If you keep flaunting your achievements and awesomeness but don’t show the ugly bits and your many flaws and insecurities, your insecure man will get even more insecure.
By being vulnerable and open about your flaws, you will also make him feel like a better man because he’ll know that you have your own insecurities that you’re trying to work through as well.
He’ll feel like you understand what he’s going through and it will make him want to open up to you even more.
8) Unsubscribe to gender roles
A man may feel insecure if he’s not earning enough or if he’s not the man of the house.
But what if he’s not?
This is where you come in.
If your man has a job and he earns enough, then don’t try to make him feel insecure. Besides, he’s worth more than the money he earns or the car he drives.
If he’s insecure because of these reasons, assure him that it’s okay not to be the man of the house.
Unsubscribing to gender roles is a great way to show your man that he doesn’t have to be a certain type of man in order for him to be loved.
9) Make him feel like he’s the most important person in your life
If he feels like you’re always putting other people ahead of him, then he’ll feel insecure about himself.
Make him feel like you’re always putting him first even if you’re not. If you don’t have time to spend with him, tell him that and make some time for him.
If you can’t do something for him, tell him that and make it up to him later on. If he’s feeling bad about himself, then do everything in your power to make sure that he feels good about himself when he’s with you.
10) Be there for the things that are important to his ego
If your man has a big ego, then it will help if you’re there for the things that are important to his ego:
Be there to applaud him when he’s done something big.
Be there to tell him that he’s the best at what he does.
Be there to remind him that you’re proud of him for being a good father, husband, son, etc.
11) Don’t try to change who he is
It’s important to realize that you can’t change who he is.
Don’t try to change him because if you do, he’ll feel like you’re not accepting him for who he is and he will feel insecure about himself.
Instead, just be there for him and make sure that he feels like the man that you fell in love with.
12) Be a good listener
If your man wants to talk about something, then let him. Cutting him off or not paying attention when he’s talking could hurt an insecure man.
Don’t try to be the one who talks all of the time or interrupts him while he’s talking because it will make him feel like you’re not interested in what he has to say.
An insecure man is very sensitive to how people react when he speaks, especially if it’s something very important to him.
Instead of yawning, changing the topic, or dismissing him, encourage him to talk more. If you can, be a little enthusiastic. It will do a lot to the confidence level of your man.
As they say, attention is the most basic form of love, and no one needs it more than an insecure man.
13) Take things lightly but don’t dismiss his feelings
When he gets a little jealous or when he starts to get offended easily, try to cheer him up.
Make him feel that there’s nothing wrong with him.
If he gets mad over little things, then make him feel like it’s no big deal.
If he gets upset over something that you said or did, then try to explain it to him and make him understand why you did or said what you did.
Don’t just ignore whatever he’s feeling and don’t try to get rid of what he’s feeling.
Instead, try to talk to him about it because if you ignore his emotions, then he’ll feel like there’s something wrong with who he is.
14) Be expressive in showing your appreciation
If you want to show him that you really appreciate him, don’t just show it with a hug or kiss, tell him!
Tell him how much you love being with him and how proud you are of the man that he’s become.
If possible, don’t just be nice to his face. Let everyone know how great your man is. Let his parents know it, let his friends know it, let everyone in the world know it.
But it doesn’t have to be loud all the time. Any praise you give to your man would make him feel like a million bucks. Trust me on this.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed—especially if you acknowledge his efforts when you’re with other people— he’s more likely to do more of those things.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
15) Don’t ignore his needs
Sometimes, an insecure man will need you more than usual.
He might need you to comfort him, hold him, talk to him, etc.
If he’s feeling bad about himself and if he’s not happy with something that’s going on in his life then he’ll need you more than usual.
Don’t ignore these needs of his. Instead, try to meet them because he’ll feel good about himself if you do.
16) Be positive with him
If you’re always negative with your man and if you’re always trying to find the bad things in him, then he’ll feel like there’s something wrong with who he is.
Don’t make him feel that way.
Instead, just be positive with him and if you have to point out a bad thing about him, then do it in a nice way.
For example, if he’s not very good at doing something but you know that he’s trying his best to do it well, then tell him that it doesn’t matter how well he does it because what matters is the effort that he put into doing it.
Or maybe tell him that even though he isn’t the best at doing something or even though there are some things about his life that aren’t perfect yet, then there’s nothing wrong with who he is.
17) Don’t tell him how to act and live his life
Just let him be himself.
If you want to marry a guy who’s insecure, then don’t try to change him into someone else because if you do that then he’ll feel like there’s something wrong with who he is and it will hurt his feelings.
Much like how a child needs to feel loved for who they are, so does an adult. The best way to make your partner happy is by accepting him or her in their entirety without any conditions or expectations.
18) Support him in his endeavors
If your man wants to achieve something in his life, then support him.
Support him by encouraging him, helping him out and just being there for him.
When you do this, he’ll feel good about himself because he’ll know that you believe in him.
By achieving that goal, you might also be solving his problems with insecurity.
You see, insecurity is all about feeling like you’re not good enough.
If your man can feel like he’s good enough, then he won’t be insecure anymore.
19) Give him the opportunity to explore things (and suck at them)
Insecurity is also all about feeling like you’re not good enough so when your man has an opportunity to express himself, then make sure that you give it to him because he’ll feel good about himself when he does this.
For example, if he wants to do something that involves some kind of art or any kind of skill, then let him do it.
If he wants to play a sport or if he wants to learn how to play an instrument, then let him do it.
If he wants to start a business and become successful at it or if he wants to achieve something in his life, then let him do it.
When you give your man the opportunity and freedom that’s needed for him to express himself through his hobbies or talents, then you’re giving him the chance for those things in his life to be perfect and by doing this, you’re solving his problems with insecurity
20) Show him it’s totally okay to fail and have flaws
Be a good example to your man. Instead of giving him long lectures on how to be less insecure, show him how to handle flaws and mistakes better.
When you mess up something, try not to be upset. Try to show him that everyone has their own flaws and that includes you.
Show him that this is nothing to be ashamed of or get defensive about.
By now you should have a better idea of why your man feels insecure and how you can handle his insecurity better.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.