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I’m a hot girl. I know it, and my whole life guys have made me very aware of it in not-so-subtle ways (thanks, guys!)
So, like, I don’t want to fall into any stereotypes but at the same time, I’m not too fussed about it…
I’m a former model, a social media influencer, a wannabe chef, and all of that cool stuff. I like to think I’m actually pretty chill too.
My physical beauty is not what I’m all about, and it’s not a focus of my life, at least not any longer.
The thing is that recently it kind of came up in my relationship and it’s turned into a super annoying headache for me and my boyfriend.
He hates all the attention I get for my looks and feels I’m “dating down” to be with him.
Trust me I’m not…
But how do I let him know and him to really, believe me, you know?
Why am I even writing this article?
This article is for women who are in a relationship with a guy who is insecure about their looks or believes he’s bad looking and basic compared to you.
This type of issue starts small yet it can become a massive bummer if you let it keep going.
My guy has even been showing signs of basically sabotaging our relationship out of his own self-esteem.
He feels that our relationship must basically be fake because of how I look. I hate this problem, and here’s my take on what to do if you’re stuck here too.
“I’m more attractive than my boyfriend” – 7 tips if this is you
1) Are you settling?
Like, be real girl…
Are you settling?
Because if you are and you know it in your fine-ass bones then stop reading this article and let him down gently as soon as you can.
I want to just put this disclaimer right here up top.
Here’s an example:
This chick Justine writes a letter to dating coach Evan Katz to say she feels she is settling for her boyfriend.
Even though she loves him, he’s just not what she’s physically looking for in a guy.
You know what, I don’t judge. I actually applaud her honesty.
If your partner doesn’t physically turn you on, then that’s not a relationship that’s going to last.
2) Who says you’re more attractive than your guy?
Ok, I am well aware of the idea that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that jazz.
But honestly, some people are just better looking than others objectively and I think it’s really condescending to say otherwise.
At the same time, if you’ve got a face and a smile and a soul then you’ve probably got a lot more going for you than you think.
Guys are too hard on themselves sometimes, I know my boyfriend is way too hard on himself!
He’s not ugly by any means, just not the kind of fellow who would turn heads in a crowded room.
Fine…
So what makes me more attractive anyway? Social media fans, my past modeling, my facial symmetry?
Sure, maybe. But in my opinion my boyfriend’s beard is hot as f*ck and his voice really turns me on.
Also he has super hot eyes (I know, I need another word than hot).
OK, the point is that tip two is to keep in mind that while beauty may be partly objective, there’s also a strong subjective element
I think my boyfriend is hot! So there…
3) Do you take his insecurities seriously?
So OK, I think my boyfriend is an attractive man and his huskiness turns me on…
I’ve emphasized that I believe here in what I’ve been writing, I hope so anyway.
I’d notice him in a crowded room even if other girls wouldn’t. Maybe it’s pheromones or whatever, I’m not a scientist…
But:
My boyfriend thinks he’s ugly and he’s convinced that me being outwardly more attractive than him proves that I’m basically pity-dating him.
God, the idea is so absurd, I never would…
But he got that idea into his head one day when he was in a really bad mood and it seems like it just won’t come unstuck since then.
It comes up off and on, especially when we argue or he feels like he’s not good enough for me.
“Fine, I mean you can go find someone who’s more your level babe, right?” he mocks.
F*ck, I hate it.
I wish he’d just believe me that I love him and respect me enough to know I’d never pity-date anyone.
4) Do not try to look uglier
Some of my friends told me to just stop using makeup or look messy on purpose to make my boyfriend feel an ego boost.
What the hell?
First of all, no makeup? Like…
Anyway, I realize that the root of this idea sounds valid but it’s actually a terrible idea because the whole reason my boyfriend is so worked up is that he has a breach of trust where he isn’t sure he believes I’m really turned on by him.
He thinks that because he thinks I’m in love with him as a person but inwardly think he’s basically kind of ugly.
I swear I don’t, but he won’t believe me.
Trying to intentionally go goblin mode to make him feel better would be so condescending and stupid.
It would just double down on what he’s already upset about, which is that he feels I’m “stooping to his level.”
No, you have to live in your way and have your style and your standards.
The process of getting your partner to come around to accept that you aren’t above him happens differently.
5) Do you let him see your vulnerabilities?
Every girl I’ve ever met has some insecurity about her appearance.
I certainly do. Don’t look at my calves, please, or my puffy cheeks. Ugh.
The point is that sometimes guys don’t realize just how insecure we get about our appearance and reminding your boyfriend that you have flaws too can be a bit of a wake-up call for him.
My boyfriend isn’t just some insecure guy, he has times when he’s also feeling pretty well and doing good.
He’s a semi-pro snowboarder for one thing, and he gets huge confidence from that.
On the appearance issue, though, it does help him to see that I do have real insecurities.
By noticing that I’m not faking it, he realizes that it’s OK to have real doubts about your attractiveness.
Yes, I think most people would agree that I’m hotter than my bf.
But I also think, no I know, that there are much more beautiful girls than me out there, and I don’t focus on it.
I want him to adopt a similar mindset and be OK with his insecurities while also seeing that it’s not a competition and that he’s perfectly good enough for me and even better than I deserve really…
6) Do you encourage his self-development?
I encourage my boyfriend’s self-development at every chance I can.
I love to head to the resort for a snowboarding weekend with him, even though I can barely do the bunny hill.
But seeing him come in warm and glowing from a training run is amazing, and he’s never looked hotter.
Encourage your guy to do the same.
He may not turn heads as much as you, but you can boost his inner confidence and have him focused on his passions.
It will go a long way to bridging this divide of appearances or outer perception.
7) Do you use your appearance against him?
I never talk about my looks around my boyfriend in a bragging way or just for the sake of it.
His insecurities are his own.
But I know girls who seriously use sex as a weapon with their boyfriend and to manipulate him.
They even will brag about how he’s not good-looking to play mind games and get him under their thumb.
That kind of person may be beautiful on the outside but I can’t imagine an uglier soul.
If you’re engaging in any kind of power games with your guy based on being more attractive than him, you need to be sure that you stop.
Even an internalized belief that you’re better than him due to your looks can be really toxic.
Just be honest and break up if it matters a lot to you or you’re not feeling him like I advised in point one…
I’m hot? So what
So, like I have been saying ladies and gentlemen…
My whole life I’ve been told my physical beauty defined me by guys and by society more generally.
It got old kind of fast, actually, especially because I’m not the kind to use my looks to manipulate or exploit anyone.
When I finally met a guy I felt this strong connection with, it turned out he has self-image issues.
He finds his less attractive looks upsetting and believes there must be something missing from our love because of that…
But there’s not, there’s really not.
Day by day I am working to help him see that, but I also know that I ultimately can’t force him to see that he’s worthy of me. He has to come to that realization himself…
But, if you’re still finding your boyfriend’s behavior too strange to explain, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like imbalanced relationships. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, that’s how I know that I can’t force him to see that he’s worthy of me. One of their coaches told me that and they also helped me see things clearly.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
