“I’m in love with someone who doesn’t know I exist” – 10 tips if this is you

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

 

Picture this.

You are in love with someone.

The catch? They do not know you exist and it’s driving you crazy!

If this is your predicament, we feel sorry for you. You’re not alone if this sounds like something familiar.

What do you do?

Good thing, there are steps that can be taken to help with this situation. The following 10 tips will show how to go about it.

1) Don’t be over-the-top.

What we mean by this is don’t take actions that are out of normal character in an attempt to ‘win’ them over.

When this happens, it’s easy to be overly eager. You will want to show your feelings in so many ways.

But, you have to be careful. It will just make the person feel uncomfortable and avoid you more than before.

Here’s an example.

If you are very shy, then being too forward might backfire in the end and they may run far away from you.

By being too shy, they will feel that you are a ‘mouse’ who is not worth their time and effort.

But, when you’re too forward, you come off as over-impulsive and perhaps un-lady-like.

So how should you go about it? Well, don’t be too shy and don’t be too forward.

The middle ground is the best place to be in.

It’s highly recommended that you keep your true feelings to yourself when you are around them.

This will give you time to figure out what it is you really want and what it is that they want from their relationship.

You can still show your feelings and just do it in ways that the other person will appreciate or understand.

The point of love is that it’s supposed to feel natural, not forced. Take things slow and steady to help with this situation.

Don’t do anything that will make you lose the relationship that you already have with them or make them think negatively about the person that you already are.

Be yourself and do what you do best. Let them see who you are and what you stand for.

It will be the best thing that you can do when trying to get the person to notice you.

2) Show signs of affection.

When in love, it’s only natural for a person to want to show their affection towards the one that they love.

The problem is, if they don’t realize or acknowledge it, then it will never go anywhere.

The question is, how do you show the other person that you love them in a way they will recognize?

First, you have to know them otherwise, your intentions could be misconstrued.

How is that?

Well, if you’re showing affection to the wrong person, it will go nowhere and you’ll find yourself in the same place as before.

You’ll still be in love with someone who doesn’t know and appreciate your feelings for them.

So, how do you know this person?

If you’ve been in their lives for a while and have gotten to know them as well as you know yourself, then you should be able to give them hints.

You can let your actions speak for themselves when the time comes.

Make sure your actions are in concert with your words and that whatever action you choose is all about them (i.e.- don’t show affection towards someone other than the one that you love).

If the other person is the right one for you, they will see it in your actions and know that you love them.

From there, if things move forward, then things will work out for the best.

Word of advice – be consistent though.

3) Be available.

If the person knows of your existence, then you’re already halfway there.

But, keep in mind that it will take time for them to see you for who you really are.

For example, if you like a certain coffee shop that they go to often, then just go a few times with them and go get lattes together.

The key is to just be around them as much as you can so that they can get to know who you really are.

In the meantime, keep taking steps in the right direction, making yourself available to them and sort of letting them know your true feelings.

If they love you, then they will come around if they don’t know it yet.

If they are not interested, they might be just busy or too preoccupied with their own lives to notice you.

Either way, don’t get discouraged.

There’s always a chance that they will come around.

Patience is key when it comes to getting the person you love to love back.

4) Be yourself.

We all have a certain way about ourselves and the way we do things.

It’s important to show off who we really are so that the other person can get to know us better.

The more they know you, the more they will get to appreciate who you really are and the more they will fall in love with who you really are.

If they love you, then they will be happy that they found out who you really are.

However, some may find it imperative to change themselves for the person they love.

Yes. You may want to create a new persona for yourself to win the object of your affection over, but this is not a good idea.

Don’t be someone that you’re not, just to make someone fall for you.

If you do this, you will end up losing yourself in the process, which is never a good thing.

You will have a new identity and it will get in the way of what you really are trying to achieve.

Be confident in who you are. Let your actions and words speak for themselves.

When it comes down to it, the person will know who you are and they will love you for it.

5) Try to get them involved.

You can’t make them fall for you.

It’s a choice that they have to make on their own.

They are the only person that can decide whether they want to be with you or not.

If they don’t want to be with you, then there’s nothing that you can do about it.

In the meantime, while trying to convince them otherwise, try and get them involved in your life in any way possible.

If you have noticed that they don’t know that you exist and are paying attention to them, then try asking them about it.

Be direct and straightforward about what you’re asking for.

For example, “Hey, do you know anyone who looks like I do?” is a good start to a conversation in getting the seed planted in their mind.

You can also ask people that are close to the person you love if they know who they are.

Ask them if they know a certain person and if they do, then you can use that as an advantage in getting the person you love to know about you.

Just don’t do it in a way that’s too obvious or that could give the other person a bad impression about you.

It may not be the best way to get them to fall for you, but it is a start.

If they love reading and writing, then you could buy them a book that they’re interested in or a writing/creative material to use.

Doing something like this will give you an opportunity to get closer to them and help you win their trust.

This one is a bit tedious but it will help.

6) Be positive even when they are not around you or ignore you completely.

Listen, you have to get it together.

There are times in life when things don’t work out the way we want them to.

That doesn’t mean that it’s time to throw in the towel and give up on people.

It just means that you have to keep going because the person might not be ready for what you want from them yet.

You don’t want to give up and let their behavior run your life, so find other ways to cope with their behavior if you need to.

If the person is not around you, then you might want to think of new ways to keep yourself entertained or occupied so that it will take your mind off of them.

You can do things that you would normally do in the past once you start to get bored with being alone.

For example, go for a walk and talk to your friends if you have any nearby or read a book or anything else.

If it’s summer, then maybe go swimming or be free in nature instead.

Take a break and come back more positive!

7) Don’t try too hard to win them over.

Let them know who you really are and they will take note.

If they don’t know you yet, then it’s going to be time to start making strides towards the relationship that you want.

The steps that you have taken have been noticed and the person has realized there is something about you that makes them want to notice.

So, now what?

If you have tried everything and the person still doesn’t know that you exist, then it might be time to make a move.

You don’t want to force anything on them, but in the meantime, you need to do something for yourself.

This will get you frustrated and angry, but let’s face it.

It might take a while before they take notice of you.

Give it time. Don’t rush things.

8) Be consistent.

If you would like the one you love to know who you really are and appreciate it, then show up as often as possible and be yourself.

This is important because they will see that they can trust you and that they can rely on you when needed.

It will also put some pressure on them which might help them decide if they like you or not as well.

If they love you, then they will make an effort to see you and be close to you, too. If they are not feeling the same way, then it might take a while to see that they like you.

Do not be discouraged.

If you’re looking for love through this person, then you will have to show them your side of the fence.

Your personal life, your thoughts, and what you do.

Be consistent in who you are and they will know it sooner or later. When they do get to know who you are, let them know in a loving way.

Just be yourself and let them get to know the real you over time.

9) Give them space when they need it.

If they give you the impression that they do not like you yet, then don’t push them too hard just yet.

Give them space.

Show them that you want to be close to them, but you are going to give them the space they need.

Does the person like you? Are they ready for a relationship?

They should let you know! And when they do, then this is your opportunity to show them your character and make things work in your favor.

You can’t force anything here. Just be yourself and give it time.

10) Be honest.

Now, this.

When someone you love knows about your true self, then there is no way that they will not be attracted to you.

You can’t hide who you are.

This is a true test of love.

If they really know you, then they will appreciate everything about you and love you for who you are.

Good or bad, they will accept everything about you and not hold anything against you.

This is the time for them to fall for you because this is your opportunity to show them who you are as a person and what makes them want to be with you.

So, that’s it.

We have tackled 10 things to do when loving someone who doesn’t know you exist.

The point of the matter is you need to be yourself at all times.

If this person does not give you the chance to be yourself or they are not interested in who you are, then there is no point in trying to make them fall for you.

Just give it your best shot and let everything fall into its place.

You can do it!

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.