Breaking up is hard to do, so goes the song by Neil Sedaka.
No matter how ugly the separation might be – you’ll most likely reflect on this one thing: will he come back, no matter what?
That depends, as you’ll see in the explanations below.
First, you need to ask yourself these seven hard questions
Similar to a breakup – reconciliation is never easy.
That’s why you need to ask these seven questions first – so you won’t end up making the same mistake again.
1) What’s the status between the both of you?
Is your ex still playing a significant role in your life?
Do you still communicate with each other, or are you in non-speaking terms?
Is he dating someone new – or are you going out with someone new?
You have to make sure that your current status allows you to reunite with him. He may be married now, which puts the possibility of reconciliation out of the question.
2) What do you feel whenever he crosses your mind?
Like any other pining ex, he may come across your mind once in a while (maybe even more.)
Whenever this happens, what do you feel?
Does it make you feel happy? Or does it just stress you out?
If you’ve been in a relationship for so long, you may think of toxic experiences as something normal – even healthy.
Now that you’re away from him, you can finally reflect on your true feelings.
Without the rose-colored glasses, you can easily understand why you (or him) needed to take a break from the relationship.
3) Why (and how) did the relationship end?
Maybe you’ve had differences, or perhaps he cheated on you.
The reason behind your breakup often dictates couples part ways.
The first reason may have led to an amicable breakup, but the latter may bring about a nasty one.
You may be one of the people who find cheating totally unforgivable.
Why and how you parted ways are considerable factors in him coming back – or you taking him back.
4) Why do you want him back?
This is a question that branches into several other queries. If you really want him back, then you should reflect on the following:
- Have you given the newly-ended relationship the time and space it needs?
- Did you have a good relationship?
- Can you resolve the relationship issues at hand?
- Do you both recognize – or acknowledge – the mistakes you’ve made?
- Have things changed ever since the breakup?
- Does he share the same values as you?
- Does he really want you back?
- Do you miss him – or just the idea of him?
- Do you really want to reunite with him?
- What do your family or friends have to say?
5) Will it work?
Even if you love each other a lot, there may be reasons why the relationship never worked out.
For example, the dynamic may be off-balance.
You kept on pushing while he kept on pulling.
You invested a lot of time in the relationship, while he didn’t.
You were always present, but it seems like his mind and thoughts are always fleeting.
Maybe you’ve tried reconciling many times before, and the results remained the same. You get together, fight, and break up after a month or two.
While fate will always draw him to come back, you need to ask yourself this hard question: Will it work – or is it a waste of time and effort?
6) What’s your worth?
You’ve given his all to him, yet he still managed to cheat with his coworker or your so-called friend.
Unfortunately, this might have harmed your self-worth.
You begin to think negatively – and doubt yourself.
Before you take a spiral down this rabbit hole, remember to pause and take a deep breath.
Unless you want to make the same mistake again, you must know your worth.
Self-worth is the “internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging from others.”
You have a “negative overall opinion” of yourself when you have low self-worth.
This will make you “judge or evaluate yourself critically, while placing a general negative value on yourself as a person.”
When it comes to relationships, having low self-worth can make you bend over backward – or be shy or self-conscious.
Worst of all, it may make you withdraw from the contact or intimacy expected in relationships.
You may not know it, but this lack of self-worth may be the very reason why your ex left you.
7) Have you had time to discover yourself?
Did your ex tell you he wanted time to ‘find’ himself?
While it sounds lame, you should let him be. In fact, you should try this out for yourself.
For one, self-discovery is all about examining your life – and finding out what’s missing in it. Likewise, it’s all about taking the necessary steps toward self-fulfillment.
If you hadn’t explored yourself just yet, you could do so by:
- Visualizing your ideals
- Exploring your interests and passions
- Trying new things and learning something new
- Evaluating your current skills
- Knowing what you value within yourself
- Asking yourself the hard questions
Will he come back? These 13 signs say he will
What’s meant to be – is meant to be.
Even if things aren’t looking positive right now, these 13 signs prove that he’ll come back eventually.
1) He’s still in love with you
Love is a potent force, and it will eventually bring him back to you.
Here are four signs that he loves you – and that he’s willing to give a second crack in love:
- He tries to connect with you – and he’ll make sure that the conversation keeps on going.
- He keeps on asking a lot of people about you.
- He hasn’t dated anyone since the breakup.
- He keeps on teasing you.
- He often feigns attention.
- He tells you he still misses and/or loves you.
- He’s all touchy-feely.
2) He still takes care of you
It might be a force of habit, but if your ex wants to come back, he’ll do the same things he did before.
That includes taking care and looking after you.
For example, he continues to cook your favorite meals – even after he’s moved out. In fact, he delivers it to your home regularly.
He keeps on mowing your lawn or fixing your car whenever it bugs down.
Take it as his labor of love. He loves you, and he’ll never stop caring about you.
3) He tries to make contact
If you’ve been together for quite some time, you (and him) will find it hard to go about with each other.
Doing things together has been routine, after all.
Even if he’s trying his hardest to prove that he’s okay on his own, his feelings will surely betray him.
He’ll try to make contact with you – one way or another – through these methods:
- He’s in constant communication with you. It’s as if you haven’t broken up.
- He keeps in touch with your family and friends as well. Ditto.
- He crosses paths with you most of the time (often intentionally.) He knows your favorite hangouts, after all.
4) He keeps on asking about your status
A guy who wishes to reconnect will do more than just contact you – he’ll ask you about your love life as well.
He may do it in a suave way – almost fishing for an answer.
For example, he may remark, “I don’t want your new boyfriend to be jealous.”
This is in hopes that you tell him what he wants to hear: “No, I still don’t have a boyfriend.”
Likewise, your ex may take the blunt approach and ask, “Are you seeing someone new?”
5) He asks a lot of questions
Apart from asking you about your status, an ex who wishes to reconnect will ask you several other questions.
“What have you been doing lately?
“How’s your family?”
“How’s your pet?”
It’s his way of establishing rapport once again. He wants to be as open as when you were still together.
6) He’s making plans
You know your ex is on the verge of a comeback if he’s making plans – just like the way he did before.
He’s not wrong to do this, for psychologists say that ‘futurizing’ is a healthy activity that will:
“Make you both happier because as you look at the future, you’ll be creating things to look forward to, and that’s where happiness comes from.”
For example, he may tell you he wants to meet up with you for a friendly chit-chat.
Once you get there, you realize it’s more than just platonic banter.
He has a serious face, and he’s straight-up talking about building a future with you. Indeed, he wants to get back to you – and he’s making it very clear.
7) He’s still calling you ‘babe’
If he’s still calling you babe – even if you’ve broken up for quite a while – it’s a sign that he’s still longing for you.
Although it may be a force of habit, it could be what experts call the Freudian slip (or parapraxis.)
According to the notable psychoanalyst, true desires could only be revealed through ‘slips of the tongue’ and other unconscious clues.
This theory is backed up by another psychologist named Daniel Wegner. In the 1980s, he suggested that the “subconscious processes are continuously scouring our thoughts to keep our innermost desires locked away.”
Essentially, what scientists are telling us is this – his ‘slip of the tongue’ is a reflection of his deep desire for you.
8) He keeps on reaching out on social media
An ex who wishes to reunite will do more than establish physical contact – he’ll do it online as well.
He’ll engage with your social media accounts so much so that he’s become your number one fan.
He’s always the first to like or comment on your posts, among many other things.
Unpredictability and bits of information – the likes of which he could get through social media – can boost the levels of dopamine, the brain’s pleasure chemical.
The same goes for oxytocin, the cuddle chemical. According to a report, 10 minutes of social media time can increase oxytocin levels by 13%.
Science aside, there are many other reasons why he’s getting your attention on social media.
For starters, it could be his way to mark his territory.
“Sometimes people erect actual boundaries to stake a claim to their personal space,” details a report.
In other words, he’s letting other people know that he’s there first. And while you may not have gotten back together just yet, he’s working on it. It’s his way of telling other guys to stay out!
9) He’s constantly reliving the good old memories
Apart from being a devoted online fan, an ex who wishes to make amends will try to relive the good old memories.
It’s his way of telling you, “Hey, we’ve had a good run – let’s try it again!”
It’s pretty apparent in his social media accounts – reposting pictures of the vacations or parties you’ve attended before.
If you do talk to him, he’ll actively bring back memories – such as “Hey, do you remember the time we went to Paris for our anniversary?”
He’s not wrong to do this, though. According to experts, remembering the good old days may help revive the relationship.
The effects are not limited to positive memories, for even negative events can pave the way for good feelings.
Remember the time when you got lost in a National Park – all because he thought you didn’t need a map?
Research shows that “In these examples of shared adversity, there were smiles, hugs, and statements of gratitude and closeness.”
In conclusion, Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. has this to say:
“Bringing back the positive, not the negative, memories of your past experiences may prove to be a way to bring back those good feelings that can keep your intimacy bonds close and strong for years to come.”
10) He’s jealous
Maybe you’ve finally decided to go out on a date – after months (or years) of breaking up with him.
If this doesn’t bode with your ex – it’s obvious that he loves you. He wants to be with you again, that’s why he’s jealous about your new relationship.
“Jealousy can rear its head in any relationship. It’s a destructive emotion: it has the potential to suffocate a happy partnership and break down the trust that was there,” explains a report.
He might not be forthcoming about it, but these signs make his resentment very obvious:
- He keeps on throwing shade or undermining your new date.
- He keeps on asking your family and friends about your new beau.
- He talks about you poorly in front of your new partner.
- He’s upset that you’ve moved on fast (even though it took you months – maybe even years.)
- He’ll tell you – and show you – that he’s displeased.
- He keeps on baiting you with nostalgia – just like the example above.
11) …And he wants to make you jealous as well
You know your ex wants you back when he’s obviously pretending that he’s over you.
As to why, researchers believe that “evoking jealousy might function as a secret test. Individuals might think that they can gauge a partner’s commitment based on their response to jealousy manipulation attempts.”
He’ll do everything to make you flush with jealousy, and that includes:
- Posting on social media how happy he is
- Flaunting a new partner
- Going to your favorite restaurant or cafe with his new beau
12) He’s no longer stuck in the past
Say you’ve broken up because you emotionally cheated on him. Of course, you can expect him to be bitter or mad about it.
Even if you try to win him back, you won’t succeed if he’s in this state of mind.
Unlike the other people who have let go, being stuck means he’s “triggered by memories or overwhelmed by old feelings.”
That said, there will come a time when he eventually gets over this issue.
Once he does, it’ll be easier to reconnect.
In fact, you can take advantage of it – for it’s a sign that he may be open to the possibility of a reunion.
13) A psychic tells you so
Maybe your ex gives you mixed or confusing signals. If you want to know for sure that he will indeed come back, then it’s time you sought the help of a psychic.
Should you decide to go this way, make sure to ask these three critical questions:
- Why did it end?
- What was I meant to learn from my ex – and the experience itself?
- Is a future reconnection in the cards?
How do you know if you should reunite with your ex?
Sure, he’s doing his best to reconnect with you. The question is, should you take him back – despite everything that has happened?
Well, the answer is simple.
If you and your ex are meant to be, then these things are bound to happen:
1) Fate keeps bringing you back together
Psychologist Stephen Diamond, Ph.D. describes fate as:
“Fate refers to the existential givens of life, those aspects of existence that are immutable, inexorable, and inevitable, and over which we can exert little or no control. From an existential perspective, we are “thrown” into life without any choice or responsibility in the matter.”
He goes on to elaborate that we are born at a “biologically predetermined time, in a particular place, to specific parents, of a certain gender, and with innate strengths, talents, traits, temperament, limitations, and vulnerabilities.”
Take the story of these three lovers.
One met her husband by moving to another table in the library.
Another ‘reconnected’ with his wife because he was asked to move to her hometown of Plymouth.
Another met his husband in the 2004 Athens Olympics, where she was a volunteer – and he, a supervising organizer.
Simply put, if things keep falling into place – without you (or him) forcing it – it’s a sign. Fate is telling you that you both are meant to be.
2) Time and space haven’t changed a thing
Say you broke up with your ex about five years ago. All of a sudden, you see him in your favorite cafe (fate much?), and it’s like you never drifted apart.
It’s like everything just went on pause – and now, you’re resuming everything back again.
3) You remain ‘connected’ with each other
Do you still feel connected to your ex – even after you’ve broken up?
For one, it may be because you’re twin flames who are in love with each other.
That’s because you share an emotional connection with him. Though this may reflect your negative attitudes at first, it often leads to a more profound emotional bond.
Twin flames also share a unique mental connection, wherein you share skills or knowledge that complement each other.
There’s also a physical connection that goes beyond sex. As twin flames, you share energy unlike any other.
Lastly, there’s an unexplainable spiritual connection. Both of you vibrate in a frequency that leads to unconditional love.
4) He’s your soulmate
Cambridge defines a soulmate as “someone, usually your romantic or sexual partner, who you have a special relationship with, and who you know and love very much.”
And while you may feel it with any other ex, the connection with a soulmate is entirely different:
- There’s an undeniable feeling of love at first sight.
- It feels as if you’ve met him before.
- You can read his mind (and him, yours.)
- You can be yourself with him.
- You share the same values as his.
- You feel safe and complete with him.
- Everything just feels so right.
- He’s always got your back – and you got his, too.
- You’re more than just lovers – you’re best friends too!
- Nothing can keep you apart – not even a bad breakup!
- Your zodiac signs are perfectly aligned.
- Your psychic has told you so.
5) There are no more grudges against each other
If you’ve parted ways on a bad note, then you both may hold grudges against each other. They could be so bad that you revel in them for a couple of years.
It’s not easy to forgive and forget, after all.
“Our grudge morphs into a boulder that blocks the light of kindness from reaching our heart, and thus is an obstacle to true healing,” explains psychotherapist Nancy Colier.
However – if you and your ex are meant to be – then it means you both pushed these grudges away a long time ago.
Letting go of grudges is more than just forgiving the other person, for the most important thing here is “loving your own self.”
“In re-focusing our attention, we find the soothing kindness and compassion that the grudge itself desires. In addition, we take responsibility for caring about our own suffering, and for knowing that our suffering matters, which can never be achieved through our grudge, no matter how fiercely we believe in it.”
6) You share a karmic relationship
Even if you’re not twin flames or soulmates, your karmic relationship will keep you drawn to each other.
It’s what happens when you immediately feel a spark for a particular person.
There’s an instant connection that you may find hard to describe.
It’s as if you can’t live without your karmic lover.
You find yourself addicted – if not dependent on him. The same goes for your karmic lover.
Sadly, karmic relationships are often chaotic.
Some are destined to fail – although you can always try to make things work.
Just be prepared for the drama and exhaustion, though.
Getting back with your ex: What you need to do
Your ex is keen on telling you he loves you. In fact, he’s exhibited the signs of making a comeback.
Add to that, you feel an indescribable connection – as if you both are truly meant to be.
While you definitely have the green light to go and reunite, you need to be careful when you do so.
It’s a matter of following these tips on how to get your ex back successfully:
1) Reflect on your actions – and take responsibility for them
Maybe he broke up with you because you’ve fallen for someone else.
Instead of blaming him for why it happened – saying he was emotionally distant or busy with work – you need to take responsibility for them.
Stop complaining and making excuses. It’s your fault why he broke it off.
Instead, you need to do what you have to do.
Be a bigger woman and apologize for these previous mistakes.
2) Try to be a better person
Fact: cheating is only the second reason why couples break up.
The number one reason why lovers drift away is because of bad behavior. Vices are definitely at the top of the list – alcoholism, smoking, drugs, etc.
Other drivers of painful breakups include:
- Misdirected anger
- Lack of support
- Withholding attention and affection
- Lack of communication
- Giving up on the relationship
As you see, these are habits or traits that you (or your ex, for that matter) can try to change.
By consciously becoming a better person, you and your beau can make things work the second time around.
3) Forgive – and forget
Granted that things are easier said than done – forgiving each other is the key to having a harmonious relationship.
To wit, forgiveness helps you:
- Reconcile. This is the point of the entire thing, right?
- Heal. “Forgiveness allows you to let go of pain and continue with a lighter heart.”
- Improve the entire relationship. If you don’t forgive him, trusting him will be a struggle. Needless to say, you may end up going separate ways again.
- Be healthier. Forgiveness will not only reduce your stress levels – it can help lower your blood pressure as well.
4) Discuss what went wrong in the relationship
Even if you’ve forgiven each other, it will all be naught if you don’t address the issues that caused the breakup in the first place.
Is it because of criticism, anger, or micromanagement?
Or is it due to lack of appreciation and neglect?
With regards to how to do it, sexologist Shah Boodram has this advice:
“Have a sincere, honest, peaceful conversation. The purpose of the activity isn’t necessarily to create closure or to smooth over any lingering tensions…
The purpose is to get a clear window into what you specifically were like in the relationship, what your strengths were, and what made you challenging to be with.”
To get the most out of the conversation, Boodram recommends asking these questions:
- Am I a good listener?
- Was I reasonable?
- Am I sensitive or unstable?
- Am I too distant?
- Did I make enough effort to understand you or cater to your needs?
- Did I apologize every time I was wrong?
- Do you consider me independent or needy?
5) Reset the relationship
It’s always good to start anew.
Nothing good ever happens if you continue to keep tabs on each other.
Psychologists call this the ‘fresh start effect.’
According to a report, “It’s a strategy that can be helpful in bouncing back from a previous failure.”
When starting anew, it’s crucial to delete the relationship history. Remember: old failures won’t help improve anything.
More importantly, make sure to tunnel your vision. Focus on the current relationship instead of the old, broken one.
6) Don’t be in a rush
Whether you’ve broken up for a few weeks – or a few years – don’t rush the relationship.
Don’t think that you’re just picking up where you left off.
Even if you only spent some time apart, some things might have changed the relationship dynamic.
That’s why you need to start fresh in the first place.
If things are meant to be, there’s no need to rush. Fate will make everything fall into the right place.
He’s back… Now what?
Indeed, if he loves you, he’ll come back – no matter what the circumstances might be.
That said, you both need to make a conscious effort to make it work for the nth time.
You need to reflect on your mistakes and take responsibility for them.
Likewise, you need to have an open heart and forgive him for his shortcomings.
Most importantly, you both need to strive to become better lovers.
By pouring more love, patience, and consideration into your rekindled relationship, you can finally make it last.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
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