“I messed up my relationship”: 15 ways to fix a big mistake

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We’ve all made mistakes in our relationships at one time or another.

Some are small and insignificant, while others are so big that they threaten to end your relationship forever.

Take me for example: A few months ago I had a big fight with my boyfriend. I was so mad at him that I wasn’t thinking straight. So what did I do? I ran straight to my ex. I cried on his shoulder and spent the night at his place – JUST TALKING!

Even though nothing happened, what I did was a big mistake. My boyfriend felt so betrayed. Do you blame him? I don’t know if I could have forgiven him if he had done that to me. But forgive me he did.

So what exactly did I do? How did I fix things?

Well, that’s exactly what this article is going to explore.

Read on for the 15 ways to fix a big mistake:

1) Reach out first

First and foremost, you should reach out to your partner and let them know that you want to talk to them.

Even if you feel that your relationship is beyond saving, it’s important to let your partner know that you care enough to want to try to fix what’s broken.

If you made a big mistake, you need to let your partner know that you’re serious about making things right again.

They may not be ready to talk to you just yet, but letting them know that you want to have a conversation with them is an important first step.

2) Don’t try to lie your way out of it

If you’ve done something that has broken your partner’s trust in you, there is no way that you can lie your way out of it and make things better again.

Trust is an essential part of any healthy relationship. Without it, there’s no foundation to build upon.

If you try to lie to your partner and pretend that you didn’t do what they think you’ve done, you’re only going to dig the hole you’re in even deeper. The truth always comes out, trust me.

If you’ve neglected your partner, lied to them, or have done something else that has broken their trust, you need to be honest about it.

Even if you’ve done something that you can’t undo, like cheating on them, there’s still a chance to win your partner’s trust back.

But you can’t do it with more lies. You need to respect them enough to be honest and sincere.

Now, I don’t guarantee that they’ll take you back, but you definitely stand a better chance than if you try to lie about it.

3) Don’t shift the blame

When you’ve messed up, it’s tempting to try to shift the blame from yourself to your partner.

Just think about how many times you’ve said: “Well the only reason I did it is because you….” or “Like you’ve never done anything like that”. We’ve all done it at one point or another.

However, this is no way to actually fix things. If you constantly shift the blame from yourself to your partner, they’re going to feel as though you’re not taking responsibility for what you’ve done.

Trust is about taking responsibility for your actions. Holding yourself accountable and owning up to the things that you did wrong is an essential part of rebuilding trust after you’ve broken it.

They might be willing to forgive you if you take responsibility for your action, but they won’t be ready to forgive and forget if you try to blame them for your mistakes.

3) Admit you made a mistake

You made a mistake, and that’s okay. It happens.

You’re human and humans make mistakes.

No one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make things right again.

If you’ve broken your partner’s trust and you truly want to save your relationship, you need to be honest with them about what you’ve done wrong.

You don’t need to give them a play-by-play of what you did or how you did it. What you need to do is own up to the fact that you made a mistake and let them know that you’re sorry for it.

4) Hear them out

If your partner is ready to talk, you need to give them a chance to be heard.

It’s important that you don’t try to jump in and defend yourself before they get a chance to say what they need to say.

You may feel defensive, it’s only natural, but it’s important that you don’t interrupt your partner. Let them finish what they have to say before you say anything.

Only once they’re done can you speak and give your side of the story.

5) Acknowledge their feelings

It may seem obvious, but not everyone does this. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How would you feel if they did to you what you did to them?

If your partner is upset, you need to acknowledge the feelings that they have. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with them, but you should acknowledge that they are legitimate feelings.

If your partner is angry, acknowledge that they’re angry with you. If your partner is hurt, acknowledge that they’re hurt and let them know that you’re sorry for it.

Don’t tell them that they’re blowing things out of proportion or overreacting. It’s important that you don’t try to deny your partner’s feelings. This is the best way to show your partner that you’re serious about making things right again.

6) Ask what you can do to make it right

The next step, after you’ve listened to your partner and acknowledged their feelings, is to ask what you can do to make things right again.

Let your partner know that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to make things better between the two of you again.

For example, your partner may ask you to go to couples therapy. Even if the idea of therapy seems silly to you, you should go. It’s the best way to show your partner that you care and are committed to making things right again.

Or maybe you did something to offend your partner’s family and they want you to make amends to their family. Even if you don’t like their family or are too proud to apologize, if you want to save your relationship, you need to do it.

If you’re not willing to do what they ask of you, then you obviously don’t care about them enough to want to fix your mistake.

7) Ask for forgiveness

For some people, asking for forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. I guess it’s because it makes them feel vulnerable – not only are they admitting that they made a mistake, but they’re also leaving themselves open to the possibility of being rejected.

Asking for forgiveness shows your partner that you respect them and that you’re serious about making amends.

But how do you ask for forgiveness? How do you show the person that you love that you truly regret what you did and that you never meant to hurt them? How do you convince them that you’d never repeat the same mistake again?

You get some professional help.

I’m talking about getting advice from a relationship coach.

Relationship Hero is a popular website with dozens of highly trained relationship coaches to choose from.

When I made my big mistake and my boyfriend wouldn’t talk to me, I spoke to one of their coaches and they helped me establish a dialogue and get my relationship back on track.

Click here to get started.

8) Show them how much you care about them

If your partner has forgiven you and wants to move forward with your relationship again, it’s important that you show them how much you care about them.

Let them know how much you love and appreciate them after you’ve saved your relationship. Let your partner know that you’re committed to them. Show them that you want to be with them and be a part of their life.

When you’ve saved your relationship, it’s important that you don’t take it for granted. Your partner may have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean that they’re guaranteed to stay with you if you don’t show them that you care about them and appreciate them.

9) Learn from your mistake

Nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes from time to time. However, there are two important things that you need to do after you’ve made a mistake in your relationship.

The first is to learn from your mistake so that you don’t make it again. You should take some time to think about why you did what you did and how you could act differently next time. Try to understand what really happened.

For example, if you’ve had an affair, you should try to figure out why you strayed and how to avoid it in the future.

The second thing you need to do is tell your partner that you’ve learned your lesson. It’s not enough to just apologize. You need to be sincere – and that means not making the same mistake twice. Show them that you didn’t mean what you said and that you regret your actions.

Hopefully, your partner will forgive you, but even if they don’t, you need to show them that you genuinely regret what you’ve done because you care about them.

10) Win their trust back

You can apologize as many times as you want, but if your partner doesn’t trust you anymore, your relationship will never be the same again.

If you truly want to repair your relationship, there are ways you can show your partner that you’re trustworthy again.

There are no quick fixes for repairing trust, but there are ways of showing your partner that you’re serious about mending the rift.

  • Let your partner know that you regret what you’ve done and that it won’t happen again
  • Apologize sincerely.
  • Be patient and let your partner heal.
  • Be honest and don’t break any promises.

11) Respect their boundaries

You can apologize a million times, but if you don’t recognize the pain and hurt that your mistake has caused, your apology won’t mean anything.

Recognizing their pain means not only putting yourself in their shoes and trying to feel what they feel, but it also means knowing when to speak and when to be quiet. It means knowing when to take a step back and give them space.

So after you’ve apologized, you need to be in tune with their feelings and act according to their needs and wishes. You need to respect their boundaries.

12) Talk to a professional

If you’ve made a serious blunder in your relationship, such as an affair or a similar trust violation, couples counseling can be an excellent way of working through your problems and repairing your relationship.

A good couples therapist can help you and your partner navigate the hurt and pain that comes with feeling betrayed and let you begin the process of forgiveness and healing. But I get it, the word “therapist” is a little daunting to some people and moreover, not everyone can afford a couples therapist.

There’s another option. You can talk to a relationship coach.

I mentioned Relationship Hero earlier. They can help you deal with any issue related to your relationship, from fights over whose turn it is to do the dishes to infidelity.

And the best part? A lot of their coaches have a degree in psychology, which means they really know what they’re doing. 

So if you want to make things right, a relationship coach will not only tell you how to save your relationship, but they’ll help you make it stronger and healthier.

Click here to get started.

13) Communicate and listen

If you want to save your relationship, you need to be willing to talk with your partner about the issues that are causing you pain.

Whether it’s an argument about money, a betrayal of trust, or a silly misunderstanding, you need to communicate with your partner before things get out of hand.

If you’re having an argument about money, you need to explain why you feel the way you do and listen to your partner as they explain their point of view.

The same goes for any other fight or misunderstanding. The key is communication – that means listening and actually hearing. It means giving your side of the story by being open and honest and not trying to find excuses for your behavior.

14) Show that the relationship is important to you

Show your partner that the relationship is important to you by doing those things that you’ve been neglecting to do.

For example, if you’ve been neglecting your partner by focusing on your work, you need to make a gesture. Take a week off from work and take your partner somewhere special where you can focus on your relationship.

Make sure you don’t spend the entire time checking your email. This time is about the two of you, not about work. You need to put your priorities in order.

15) Accept that you can’t make them forgive you

The fact of the matter is that you can’t make your partner forgive you and you can’t make them trust you again.

All you can do is apologize sincerely, show them that you’re committed to repairing the relationship, and hope for the best.

If you’ve done something that’s irreparable, such as an affair or a betrayal of trust, you need to know that there’s a chance that you won’t be able to make things right – no amount of groveling, begging, or pleading is going to get your partner to forgive you.

While it’s important to apologize and recognize your partner’s pain, you also need to accept that you can’t make them forgive you.

You need to focus on the things that you can control and hope for the best.

Top 10 reasons relationships don’t work out

There are so many different factors that play into whether it will last or not. Some relationships fail when one person cheats on their partner, others fail because of distance, and still others fail due to very little explanation at all.

But there’s good news — most relationships won’t fail if you prepare beforehand for the potential difficulties that could arise.

Let’s take a look at the most common problems that people face:

1) Commitment issues

One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is a lack of commitment. While most people enter a relationship with the intention of being in it for the long haul, for some, it’s not a priority.

If you’ve always felt like you’re not the type of person who is relationship material, it’s important to communicate that to your partner as soon as possible.

Otherwise, it can lead to resentment on the part of the other person. If you’re unsure about the future of your relationship with your partner, make sure to communicate that as well.

If you don’t, your partner may feel hurt if you suddenly change your mind about your commitment.

What’s more, if you decide to take a break from your relationship, make sure to make a distinction between a break and a breakup. A break means that you’re still committed to each other, but you just need a little space to figure out where you both stand.

2) Poor communication

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. When there is a lack of communication in a relationship, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

Couples that communicate well are able to work together to solve problems and build trust. In order to be good communicators, you must be sensitive to your partner’s needs and understand how they perceive the world. It is also important to be truthful and open.

Lying or withholding information can destroy trust, making it difficult for couples to build strong relationships. It can be difficult for couples who have different personalities or temperaments to communicate well.

However, with a little patience and effort, you can learn how to communicate effectively with your partner. By communicating well in your relationship, you will be creating a foundation that will last a lifetime.

3) Trust issues

There are some people who are just naturally more guarded than others and have trouble fully letting go and fully trusting their partners.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has trust issues and you’ve never experienced that before, it can be very frustrating. You may feel like you’re being unfairly judged, but it’s important to remember that their trust issues stem from past experiences that have nothing to do with you.

Your partner was probably hurt too many times before and is scared of getting hurt again. That’s why you need to be patient and show them that you’re someone they can count on, someone who’d never do anything to hurt them.

4) Unrealistic expectations

Often times in relationships, we set expectations for our partners that are just not realistic.

We expect them to be able to read our minds and know what we want, to be able to be at our beck and call at all hours of the day, and to always do the right thing. We expect perfection.

But nobody is perfect. They can’t read your mind. They’re bound to make mistakes, just like you are.

You need to accept that mistakes will be made and you need to manage your expectations if you don’t want to keep getting disappointed.

5) Boredom and loss of interest

Another common reason relationships fail is that one or both partners lose interest in the other person.

It could be that your partner just doesn’t find you as interesting as they once did, or it could be that you’re no longer interested in them.

If you feel like this is happening to you but your partner doesn’t want to talk about it, you need to decide whether it’s worth staying in the relationship.

Remember that staying in a relationship that isn’t working does more harm than good.

6) Different life goals

If you and your partner have very different goals and aspirations for the future, it can create a lot of conflict in a relationship.

This is especially true if one person is more serious about their ambitions and the other is more carefree.

It’s important to discuss your future goals with your partner, and it’s even more important to support each other in your goals.

All in all, if you and your partner have different life goals, you need to decide if the difference in your goals is a deal breaker or not.

7) Culture clash

If you and your partner come from very different cultural backgrounds, it can cause a lot of problems in a relationship.

You need to be willing to understand and respect your partner’s culture while they need to be willing to understand and respect yours.

Many people are unaware of the cultural differences in others until they’re in a relationship, and it can cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

8) Bad timing

Bad timing can cause a lot of problems in relationships. Most of the time, bad timing happens because two people start dating too soon.

If you start dating someone before you and your partner have had enough time to get over your previous relationships, you could cause problems with your new relationship.

If you both seem interested in the other person, but you just don’t feel ready to start a new relationship, try to be patient and wait a little while longer.

9) Distance

If you and your partner live in different places, it can be very difficult to make the relationship work.

Distance isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker. If you and your partner want to stay together but you live in different places, you should try to find a way to stay together.

But the truth is that long-distance relationships usually have an expiration date. Despite the love you feel for each other and your willingness to make it work, after a while, the distance may get too much.

10) There are three of you

Finally, a relationship with you, your partner, and one other is bound to fail.

Whether it be an ex that one of you is still hung up on or a new love interest, your relationship doesn’t stand a chance with a third party involved.

The bottom line is that a choice needs to be made about which relationship it’s going to be.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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