I hurt my girlfriend, what should I do? 15 tips if this is you

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It feels awful when you have hurt the one you love. 

Most of the time you know they’re upset, especially if you betrayed her trust, but sometimes you may have no idea what you did. 

But no matter what, it’s still hard to think about or see the tears, pain, and anger in your partner – and know that you’ve caused it.

Don’t worry most men I know who hurt the person they love also do not know what to do next. 

So, I’m sharing the most effective ways you can do to make it up to your girlfriend and forgive you after hurting her.

What should you do when you hurt your girlfriend? 15 tips 

It may be uncomfortable to clean up the emotional mess you created, but nothing works better than tackling it head-on.

Do something to avoid angry stand-offs, silent treatments, and further conflict. 

Even if your girlfriend won’t forgive you right away, you have to show her how truly sorry you are. 

1) Acknowledge her feelings

You may not like how your girlfriend feels or reacts, but try your best to respect her. 

Ignoring her, invalidating her feelings, or making a joke is a no-no. She’s hurting, and all she wants is to be understood and cared for by you.

Acknowledge her feelings even if you don’t agree with her response. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to hear the words, “I understand what I did make you so angry?” 

2) Apologize sincerely

Since you want your girlfriend to forgive you for what you did, give her your most sincere apology. This matters a lot. 

Do it personally instead of sending a lame text or message. 

If she’s ready to hear you out, talk somewhere private so you won’t get distracted. But if she still feels too angry to see you,  give her some space until she wants to talk.

When you apologize, keep these in mind:

  • Put your phone away so you can focus on her
  • Look her in the eyes to make her feel your sincerity
  • Make it known that her happiness is your priority 
  • Ditch the drama, just keep it short and simple
  • Assure her that you won’t do it again
  • Let her know that she means a lot to you
  • Don’t downplay your apology

And remove the word “if” in your apology. 

For example, instead of saying “I’m sorry if I did something that hurt you,” you can say, “I’m sorry for what I did and I can’t tell you how much I regret hurting you.”

3) Be honest about everything

Telling the truth feels risky. It’s not even easy either. 

I know, it’s easier said than done.

If you cheated on her, the bitter truth strings – but you shouldn’t try to downplay what you did.

Don’t hold back and tell her the half-truth, only to find out the rest later on. When you do, she’ll feel even more hurt and upset. 

But, you can be honest in the stinging aftermath of hurting her.

How?

Be gentle and aware. Be positive in your approach. Let her know that you’re coming from a place of vulnerability. And, be open to her response.

When you tell the truth, it cultivates trust and respect – which is the foundation of every relationship. 

4) Take time to listen to her

When I feel hurt, it’s always likely that I will air out my side. 

So take time to listen to your girlfriend. I’m sure that she has something to say about what she feels or what you’ve done.

Allow her to talk and listen to her sincerely. 

Don’t interrupt or contradict her while she’s talking. Though you may be tempted to argue with her, don’t come off as defensive or she’ll have a hard time accepting your apology.

After she has spoken, you can’t give her your perspective. But don’t argue with her, okay?

Just make sure you value her thoughts and feelings –  and that she matters so much to you.

Let me tell you this.

I can feel what you’re going through for hurting your girlfriend. 

When my relationship hits a rocky patch, I feel like it’s seemingly reaching a dead-end. 

I even thought of walking away! 

But, I tried to take a step I’d never taken before: I reached out to a professional relationship coach. 

I’m so glad I did that!

I didn’t expect too much, but my hopes were exceeded. When I spoke to Relationship Hero, the walls I’d built up in my relationship broke down and they helped me understand my situation clearly. 

This coach was tough but fair and genuinely helpful as she took apart every single lie I was telling myself. And she helped me understand what to do when I hurt my partner. 

My relationship is so much better than it was.

It’s not perfect, but the important thing is, that my partner and I become stronger and hugely optimistic about the future again. 

Click here to check out Relationship Hero and see if they can help you too.

5) Own up to what you did

When you do something that hurts your girlfriend, whether intentionally or not, it’s always best to take responsibility for it. 

Ask her if you’re unsure of what you said or did. 

Make it clear that her feelings and reactions are normal and understandable. 

If you messed up and you still made it sound that there’s nothing wrong with what you did, then it would be tough to win her back. 

Don’t ruin a good apology with these words: 

  • You weren’t supposed to get hurt by that
  • I’m sorry you got so mad when all I did was…
  • I’ll apologize to stop all these
  • You’re just making a big deal out of everything
  • I’m sorry, but I’m already doing that before I met you
  • Okay, I’m not perfect

6) Gain her trust back

Be straightforward, open, and honest with them.

When trust gets broken or compromised, it becomes incredibly difficult to rebuild.

Your girlfriend feels shattered, so accept that it could take a long time for things to return to normal. 

Don’t pressure her to accept your apology or jump back into your arms.

But as long as you’re both willing to put in time and effort, you can rebuild the trust that once was lost.

Here are some ways:

  • Acknowledge that you hurt or betrayed your partner
  • Fix all that you did wrong
  • Give her the time and space she needs
  • Be fully present with her and in the relationship
  • Spend more quality time together
  • Commit to communicating clearly
  • Let her know how much you want to be with her again

Keep this in mind:

Your relationship might not return to what it was before, but you can start a new one with her. And this time around, make it the best that you can.

7) Show you’re sorry

Insincere apologies and empty promises will do you more harm than good.

To gain back her love, respect, and trust, you have to be consistent and put effort into doing it.  

It’s a good idea to make up for what you did beyond saying that you’re sorry. And keep in mind that she might not be ready when you ask for forgiveness.

Still, think about what you can do to make things right. Consider what would make your partner feel better.

Let her know that you want to make things better, so try to:

  • Make her smile and laugh
  • Remind her of what you love about her
  • Take her out on enjoyable dates

And I’m sure she’s also giving importance to thoughtful and sincere love gestures. 

8) Be true to your words

When you promise her that it won’t happen again – live up to it.

Whether you fell off the grid for a while, neglected her, or cheated on her, show her that you’re serious about changing and holding on to her.

If you cheated on her, you can say something like, “I’m so sorry for flirting with other girls and cheating on you. I will never do it again. And I want you to know how important you are to me…” 

If you fought with her and your words hurt her, tell her that you won’t say anything stupid like that again.

Your actions speak louder than words. So even if you tell her that it won’t happen again, the most important thing is to stick to your words.

9) Be there to comfort her

When you hurt your girlfriend, you might think that since you caused her pain, you’re the last person who can comfort her.

But the truth is, this is the time when she needs you more.

Learn what comfort feels like for her as it can be physical and emotional.

Both are the most powerful ways to experience comfort, especially from the person we love.

She might need you to hold her hand, hug her, and cuddle her. Or probably, she needs more reassurance, validation, and understanding from you.

If you have no clue what she wants, you can ask her, “What can I do for you right now?”

This shows that you are committed to not hurting them in the same ways.

10) Work on moving from the past

When I experienced being hurt, I forgive but I can’t completely forget what happened. I learned to accept and move on from the past incident, but I know it takes time to heal.

So even if your girlfriend has forgiven you, don’t expect that she will get over it right away. 

Though,  you can help her focus on the present instead of the past hurt.

If you keep bringing up what happened, it will be hard for both of you to fully move forward and enjoy what you have.

There might be instances wherein she wants to talk about what happened. Try not to avoid it. Maybe, she’s just looking for reassurance from you. 

But always make it an effort to talk about other things as well.

11) Enjoy doing new things together

Returning to what you’ve been used to can make your relationship feel more stable, but you can do things to keep your relationship fresh.

Find something new and exciting that you will both love and enjoy. It’s best if it won’t remind her of the time you hurt her.

Getting back together after hurting makes every moment you spent together more interesting.

Why not give these activities a try:

  • Discover a new sport 
  • Take a cooking class together
  • Have a vacation at a campsite
  • Join a bowling league
  • Taste different cuisines 

The important thing here is that you’re enjoying each other’s company and strengthening the love that you have.

12) Show the love

Let your girlfriend know how much she means to you and truly loves her more than anything else.

When you apologize to her, she has to see the impact she has on your life. 

Remind her of all the things you love and appreciate about her. Reassure her through your words and actions. 

You don’t have to sound like you’re sucking it up. You don’t even need to put on an act either. 

Make her feel loved even more with these ways:

  • Say “I love you” and mean it
  • Compliment what you like about her
  • Keep her smiling 
  • Make her feel good about herself
  • Tell her how happy you are with her
  • Send or write her sweet messages
  • Give her attention when she talks 

Just make it clear that you don’t want to lose her.

13) Be willing to do whatever it takes

When you think that she’s still upset, let her know that you want to make things better.

You might feel that what you’re doing or saying only makes things work.

But then, your girlfriend will take comfort knowing that you’re willing to fix and rebuild your relationship. 

Tell her that although you might not know the best way to help her heal the hurt, she can depend on you.

Be someone she can still feel safe with. 

Be there when she wants to talk and you’ll go out of your way to hear her out. And let her know that she can trust you again.

14) Reconnect with her

Rekindle the spark back and rebuild what has been broken. 

The key is not to place the blame and be more patient and forgiving. 

Regaining your intimacy and connection after being hurt takes time, but it’s always possible.

Here are some things you can try doing:

  • Buy her lunch at her favorite restaurant
  • Watch the movie she’s been dying to see
  • Hug, kiss, and cuddle each other
  • When you’re apart, have a few minutes for video calls
  • Send each other thoughtful messages
  • Enjoy your meals without any gadgets
  • Go out on a date like it’s your first
  • Visit someplace you’ve never been
  • Speak highly of each other 

15) Learn from what happened

It’s unrealistic to believe that the one who loves us should not hurt us. But sometimes, even with our best intentions, we hurt those whom we love most.

This is because every relationship is filled with connection, disconnection, and repair. And this cycle builds strength and true intimacy.

The important thing here is not to allow conflicts and hurt to linger.

It’s best to acknowledge what makes your partner upset so you can prevent things from happening again.

And to keep your relationship healthy, always communicate openly and honestly.

Never let those feelings get bottled up. Instead, take time to talk so that you’ll both feel that you’re on the same page. 

It’s also important to learn to compromise. 

Make sure to find ways to make each other happy so that one doesn’t get his or her way all the time.

Pay attention to each other’s expressions and body language. Sometimes she may not want to tell you that she’s upset.

Knowing each other’s love language allows you to meet their needs before they even express them. 

When your girlfriend is still upset

Be aware that sometimes she may still feel upset even if she has forgiven you already.

Probably, she’s acting this way because:

  • She feels afraid of getting hurt again
  • She doesn’t want to give in right away
  • She wants to make you feel guilty temporarily
  • She wants to see if you will come begging or pleading
  • She wants to act tough and carefree 
  • She wants to gain more power in the relationship 
  • She wants you to try more to get her back
  • She wants you to feel genuinely sorry for what you did

It’s just that sometimes when we get hurt, we might still be angry that we distance ourselves to process those emotions.

These reasons don’t mean that you’re doomed. There’s a huge chance that he’s missing you and wants to get back to you

But if it’s been weeks or months and she’s still upset, you may need a bit more help.

It’s best to resolve everything if you know that your partner is still hurt over what happened.

Here’s what you can do.

While this article will shed light on what to do when you hurt your girlfriend,  it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

Because there’s no single solution out there, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation from a professional relationship coach.

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like when you hurt the person you love most.

Their popularity boils down to how effective their coaches are. 

And I am so confident that they can help you.

Here’s why.

After going through a rough patch in my relationship, I reached out to them as I needed someone to talk to.

From the moment I got in touch, I received genuine, helpful advice, which made me see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was overwhelmed with how kind and empathetic my coach was. 

So if you need  life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship, 

Click here to get started.

On the last note

No matter what, keep this in mind.

Don’t beat yourself up over what happened. It doesn’t make you horrible.

Instead, use it as a motivation to be the kind of man that your girlfriend wants to forgive.

As much as we don’t want to hurt our partners, sometimes it happens. 

But knowing what to do when you hurt the person you love can help them feel safe and secure in the relationship as you both learn to move forward.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.