I remember one time when my boyfriend and I fought.
We were both really mad, and I was feeling so hurt because he was technically ignoring me.
If you have a similar situation, listen up because I am about to give you 10 ways that might help.
What I want to do is share my experience with fighting with my boyfriend, and how it was resolved.
Keep reading and you’ll find out the right way for your relationship.
1) Try not to ask him why he doesn’t want to talk
This is probably the most important tip of them all.
“Why” questions make us feel foolish, so refrain from asking them.
Asking why something happened gives us an explanation and helps us feel better about it.
But, pushing for an explanation of your partner’s actions is never a good idea.
If you start asking your partner to explain why they’re acting this way, then you will be putting a lot of pressure on them, and they will not like it.
If you do want to know why, ask more open-ended questions that give your partner a chance to explain his thoughts.
This is the moment in the relationship where you need to accept the things that go wrong and figure out how to work around them.
There are also situations where he is simply too busy to talk and needs some space, so be patient and understanding if this is the case.
2) Don’t try to “make him see” that you’re right
This is about learning to let go of your pride.
Let’s face it.
If you try to convince your partner that they are wrong in their decisions, then this will lead to a feeling of resentment and anger inside.
Instead of bringing up discussions in the relationship, you should focus on change by positive reinforcement.
When a person tries to convince you of their point of view and you don’t agree with them, it can seem like they are doing everything in their power to make you change your mind.
Instead of trying to make them see things from your point of view, try to look at things from their point of view.
There are two sides to every argument.
Listen more than you speak and don’t be upset by what you hear if it doesn’t match with your opinion.
Then, try talking about how you can work with each other rather than about why things need to change.
If he thinks that he is causing these relationship problems, then there is a good chance that he will listen to what you have to say.
It’s important that you truly listen and take in all the information and process it in your head before making a decision on how to act or what to do.
3) Be willing to apologize
Just remember when you fight: It’s okay to apologize.
Don’t be ashamed of being wrong or apologizing for something that you did.
I think that one thing that a lot of people get caught up on when it comes to fighting is the issue of being right.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the anger and amplify our frustrations by saying things that hurt us or others.
I know it’s easier said than done, but an apology is one of the most powerful ways to diffuse conflict.
Even if you think you’re in the right, saying you’re sorry can be a positive action that will soften your partner up and make them open to listen to what you have to say.
Apologizing can help you show your partner that you wish to stay in the relationship, and if it’s sincere, it can make your partner feel like they can trust that you mean well.
4) Don’t threaten to walk away from the conflict
Neither of you wants to be without the other person, so if you tell your partner that you’re going to leave and end the relationship, then your partner will naturally have a reaction.
Don’t say things that might make your partner afraid to lose you.
It doesn’t work and can have the opposite effect of what you want to happen.
Never say things like “I don’t care what you think” or “I don’t need your love.”
Both of these statements are very destructive and create unnecessary conflict with the people you love.
If they are mean or angry, they will be more likely to retaliate.
This promotes more fighting rather than less.
You don’t want that in your long-term relationship, so find a way to resolve the issue peacefully.
5) Get outside help if necessary
You might be feeling like your partner is never going to apologize, so it can feel like there’s no way to make things better.
You might also be feeling extremely emotional about everything, so you may want to consider talking to someone about the situation.
Now, I know what you’re going through is tough, but would it help to speak to a professional relationship coach?
When my boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch, speaking to a coach at Relationship Hero literally saved us.
That’s why I always recommend their services to anyone facing the problem in their relationship.
Their coaches have extensive experience in dealing with relationship breakdowns – their tried and testing methods could be the savior of your relationship too.
6) Understand the specific issues that are causing friction in your relationship
Every relationship has problems, but it is up to you and your partner to understand what the issues are.
By now you’ll be wondering how you can fix your problem?
If you’re able to identify the issues in your relationship, then you will be able to fix them more easily.
Walking in each other’s shoes is a great way to resolve problems together.
- What is the issue that you’re having issues with?
- Are you frustrated because your partner is not reacting to you in a way that you think is fair?
- Is this person consistently giving or withdrawing love?
If your partner has done something that bothers you, ask for their perspective on it.
Be sure to remain neutral and non-confrontational.
Listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings.
Be sad for them if they are hurting, but try not to get emotionally involved.
It is best to have frank and honest conversations with your partner about the things that are bothering you in the relationship, instead of just blaming each other.
If you try to pin everything on the other person, then both of you will suffer from this behavior and it will not work out.
7) Understand his reasons and feelings
When fighting with your boyfriend and he stops talking, he is probably feeling frustrated because of his emotions.
We aren’t always able to see beyond the hurt in our hearts.
Knowing your partner’s reasons and how they feel will help you figure out what you can do to make things right.
Communicate with him, reassure him that you love him, and share your feelings with him.
The relationship needs to be worked on, not just discussed and solved in one sitting.
If you know why he is upset, then you will be able to address the issue more effectively.
For example, if he is feeling hurt because of something that you did, will it be helpful for you to ask them why they feel that way?
A lot of times people aren’t honest about their feelings and so just getting into their head can help a lot.
Let him know that you will trust in his feelings, and let them come to the surface.
8) Show him that you care
The best way to handle fighting with your boyfriend is to show them that you care.
Ask yourself: What can I do to show my partner that I’m willing to work through the issues?
You can take out the trash or do the dishes.
These are small ways that your partner will know that you care.
I think that the best way to do this is by actively showing them that you care and are willing to work through your differences.
You don’t need to talk the situation out; just let them know that you care about them.
Your partner will see that you’re trying, so they will be more able to listen and accept what you have to say.
9) Take a break from one another for a little while
If you and your partner are constantly fighting, then it is going to get really hectic and stressful.
Take a small break from one another for a few days.
This is a good idea because this will give you a chance to calm down and think about what’s going on.
Spending that time alone will allow you to calm down and figure out how to communicate better with the person that you’re dating.
One of the most important parts of any fight (or argument), is how we handle ourselves after the dust has settled.
When you’re in a fight with your partner, it can be easy to stay angry and blame them for everything.
However, taking a break from one another for a little while can help to get things back on track.
Even if you don’t have time to completely separate for a good day or two, it is always good to try something different so that you don’t return to the same pattern.
10) Know when to give up
If you feel that a fight is going to go on forever, it might be better for you to walk away.
No matter how hard you try, there will be fights that you’re just not going to be able to fix.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said it well when she wrote: “Sometimes we have to let go of what we cannot change in order to hold on to what we love.”
If this is the case, it’s time to accept the reality of your relationship, and think about how best to end it.
Try not to blame yourself for fighting with your boyfriend; instead, try and pick up the pieces from the argument and move forward in a healthy way.
I hope this gave you some insight!
I was really heartbroken when my boyfriend and I fought, but after learning what I did about it, I eventually moved on.
I hope that the 10 tips above have helped you to understand what causes fights and disagreements, and how to resolve them.
The best way to fix any issues between you and your boyfriend is to have a healthy, open conversation about what’s really bothering you.
This will help you to not get too overwhelmed by anger and frustration, so instead you can work on solving the problem together.
Remember that conversations don’t always have to be pretty, they just need to be effective.
Be able to communicate with your boyfriend in a way that doesn’t upset him and make him angry as well.
This will lead to a happier and healthier relationship.
And as I mentioned before, if you want to get advice specific to your current relationship, speaking to a coach at Relationship Hero.
I was given practical advice that helped me and my boyfriend get back on track.
I was blown away by how understanding they were and how effective their methods proved to be.
That’s why I always recommend them to anyone facing the problem of arguing with their lover.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.