It’s difficult to love yourself when you don’t understand how important self-love is.
If you don’t love yourself, it can be hard to take care of your body, make healthy choices, and feel confident in who you are.
This post will teach you how you can achieve self-love and happiness that lasts a lifetime.
Signs that you don’t love yourself
Here’s the kicker:
When you feel low and that you’re not your own biggest fan, it often always runs deeper than a mere feeling.
There are some telltale signs that you are not treating yourself kindly, these include:
1) Neglecting your appearances and hygiene
Neglecting your appearance and hygiene is a sign of being uninterested in yourself.
This can be seen as an unhealthy mindset that will lead to more serious problems down the line if not addressed early on.
It also creates negative consequences for others around you, such as making people feel uncomfortable or triggering someone with low self-esteem who may lash out at you because they’re feeling insecure about their own appearance.
2) You are putting yourself down
You are making excuses and you are not accepting your successes.
It is important to realize that there will be a time when things go wrong, but it won’t always happen at the same rate or with the same intensity as they do now in order for you to learn from them and continue moving forward towards success.
You feel that you deserve to be treated poorly and you don’t want to get better.
You want to stay the same, but you don’t want to be this way.
3) You talk negatively about yourself and things that happened in your life
You might also feel like you don’t deserve better because of how bad everything has been for so long, but it’s not true.
There are always more options out there than what we think is possible or even realizable at the moment.
We all have something to offer and should never settle with anything less than our best selves if we want to be happy.
You tell yourself that you are not good enough and that nothing good will ever come from you.
You tell yourself that no one would ever love or care for you if they knew who you really were, so why bother trying?
4) You have a negative outlook on life, which is why your self-esteem is low
You see the world as a bad place and you are not happy with yourself.
It’s hard to feel good about anything when it feels like everything around you has gone wrong or that nothing will ever go right for you again–and this includes your own body image!
5) You don’t feel good about yourself, but you don’t know why
When you do feel better, it doesn’t last long because your negative mindset never changes.
You are constantly in a state of low self-esteem and depression that will keep coming back every day no matter what steps or strategies you take to improve your life.
6) You have a lot of self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-dislike
You think that you are not good enough or that no one would ever love you. You just don’t believe in yourself and your own abilities.
You think that you will never be good enough or big enough for anyone to love and care for you. Some people even go so far as to say that they wish that they were dead!
7) You have no appetite and hardly eat
You have no appetite and hardly eat anything.
Your stomach seems to be a bottomless pit, but your throat is too dry for you to drink water or even saliva.
You feel like there’s something stuck in the back of your throat, preventing any food from going down it without pain and discomfort.
8) Eating to fill a void or trying to fill an emptiness
Eating to fill a void or trying to fill an emptiness is the act of eating food that has no nutritional value.
It can also refer to people who are attempting, through their diet, lifestyle and other methods, such as exercise and meditation, in order to achieve physical health or mental well-being.
The term “food addiction” refers both specifically towards those with compulsive tendencies for certain types of foods (such as sugar) but it may also be used broadly when referring generally towards any kind of unhealthy dependence on food regardless if its just one specific type like candy.
9) Neglecting your health
You haven’t been to a doctor in ages because you’re not bothered.
You are not sick, but you don’t care about your health.
It seems like you’re just going through the motions of life and living it by the seat of your pants. You are doing things that are potentially harmful to your body and do nothing to improve it.
10) You are generally either overweight or underweight
You have a lot of excess fat in the body or a lack of sufficient amount of muscle mass in comparison to other people around you.
This can be due to a poor diet and lack of physical activity, but can also be caused by certain eating disorders.
You don’t seem to care about where your body is at right now, so you’re not thinking long-term effects!
11) Neglecting your mind and learning
Neglecting your mind and learning is a popular idea in the current generation, with many people believing that it’s more important to work hard than learn.
However, there are some individuals who believe that neglecting one’s mental health can have detrimental effects on their overall well-being.
These people might find themselves struggling to maintain relationships or feel as if they’re not living up to their full potential because of a lack of knowledge about what makes them happy or productive.
Neglecting your spirit and soul can have detrimental consequences further down the line.
12) Feeling guilty about yourself, or not owning up to mistakes you have made in the past
Feeling guilty about yourself, or not owning up to mistakes you have made in the past.
The feeling of guilt is a natural human emotion that can be experienced when we are aware of our own shortcomings and failings but choose not to admit them.
It stems from an awareness that what has been done was wrong or hurtful for someone else, usually another person close to us such as a family member who may feel betrayed by our actions.
Guilt can also stem from other situations where we might have intentionally harmed ourselves without considering others’ feelings first.
What are the underlying causes of not loving myself?
You don’t just wake up one day feeling like you hate yourself. There is usually a reason for feeling this way and can usually be as a result of:
You were bullied
You might have been bullied as a child and as a result, feel like you do not love yourself.
People who are victims of bullying often experience low self-esteem, which can lead to depression or anxiety.
Bullying is when someone deliberately hurts another person emotionally or physically on purpose for no reason at all other than their own amusement.
There are many forms of bullying such as cyberbullying (when people bully others online), verbal abuse (calling names), physical violence, sexual harassment/assault, and psychological abuse in relationships. Each can result in feelings of low self-love.
You’ve suffered abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, etc)
Perhaps you were abused by a partner, a family member, or a loved one.
This can take a huge psychological toll on our mental health and cause us to feel ashamed of ourselves and filled with self-loathing.
If this is the case for you, it’s important that you seek out resources as soon as possible in order to help yourself heal from your past trauma.
Consider talking about what happened with someone close such as friends or family members who are supportive despite their own experiences within abusive relationships themselves.
You might also want to explore therapy options if they’re available where you live so that together we can work through the healing process together.
Another reason why you feel like you cannot love yourself is that you have abandonment issues.
Abandonment can be a very painful experience and it might lead to feelings that make it difficult for people in your life, including yourself, to trust others or let them get close.
To overcome these struggles with self-love requires time and effort on the part of the individual as well as those around them.
You were previously incarcerated or committed a crime
When you were young and stupid, you might have done some things to land you in hot water with the law.
Now that you are older, it is difficult for your brain to forgive yourself or move on from what happened in your past because of how much time has passed since then.
You cannot seem to let go of this guilt so easily either because every day brings more memories back into focus as well as new opportunities for regretting those actions while they still haunt you today.
You were neglected as a child
Another underlying reason why you don’t feel love for yourself might be because of childhood neglect, which can lead to low self-esteem and anxiety.
If this is the case, then it’s important to work on healing your feelings around these issues in order to develop a more fulfilling life experience that includes true intimacy with others.
You abuse substances
Whether it be alcohol, prescription medication, or illicit narcotics, you struggle with sobriety.
Substance addiction is a chronic condition that can affect anyone at any age and in various ways.
It usually involves an individual developing a physical dependency on substances to achieve certain effects such as euphoria or relief from pain while also experiencing negative consequences like tolerance and withdrawal symptoms when they stop using them.
You have body dysmorphia
Another common and not too often talked about condition is body dysmorphic disorder.
Every day you have people telling you that you look great, however, when you look in the mirror you feel like your hideous.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a mental illness where someone has an obsession with having a particular physical feature they don’t actually possess or are overly concerned by their perceived flaw(s).
People who suffer from BDD will spend hours looking at themselves to see if there’s anything wrong with how they’re supposed to be naturally born and this can lead them down into depression- many times leading them to suicide attempts or self-harm as well as other disorders related because of the lack of support for those suffering from it.
How do I learn how to love myself again?
I know what you’re saying:
How do I learn how to start loving myself again? I can’t get over this. I have been broken for a very long time, and I am afraid to love myself again.
I am constantly thinking about my mistakes and how I have hurt people.
So, now that you know what might have caused your feelings of self-hatred, the good news is that there are many ways to fix the problem.
Yes, you can fix it yourself and there are many ways and means to go about doing it.
1) Daily, weekly, and monthly “check-in’s”
The very first step in the healing process is to ask yourself :
How do I feel about myself today?
Take a moment to reflect on how you feel about yourself today.
Take a few deep breaths and write down what you think your strengths and weaknesses are. Write down how you want to feel tomorrow.
Also write down how you want to feel at the end of this week, next week, and at the end of the month.
Self-love starts with small steps. It can be as simple as:
- Today I am proud that …
- I got out of bed and had a shower
- I’m confident in my abilities as an individual.
- I am a very caring person …
Write down one positive thing that happened yesterday or today.
- Yesterday, I was able to get a good night’s sleep for the first time in days and woke up feeling refreshed.
- Today, my mom came into town so we could go out together before she heads back home tomorrow morning.
- I had a great time yesterday. I made the best lasagna and salad for dinner, watched an episode of The Big Bang Theory with my dad, then we went to get ice cream afterward!
- I went to the grocery store and bought some vegetables for our dinner, which was a nice surprise for my girlfriend because she hadn’t planned on cooking tonight.
- We ate out at this really cool place that we found online last night called “The Gingerbread House.”.
One positive thought can change your outcome!
How does it help?
What you’re essentially doing is shifting your mindset from always seeing the negative to the positive.
Essentially what you’re doing is re-programming your mind to highlight the good things and to pay less attention to the negative.
This can be done with various methods such as meditation, mindfulness training, or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
The shift in focus allows for a more productive approach towards life’s challenges which will allow for better self-care and happiness.
So what’s the big deal about meditation? Isn’t it’ just hippies that do that type of thing?
Absolutely not!. Mediation is often misunderstood with many portraying it to be mumbo-jumbo and hogwash– Something only Buddhists do is something I often hear.
Meditation may be practiced by anyone regardless of race, gender, age, nationality, or creed. Practicing meditation does not require being religious in any way (or non-religious) and can be done anywhere and anytime.
Contrary to popular belief Meditation is not the same as prayer but is in fact more of an inner journey that cultivates peace of mind and self-awareness.
Meditation is the process of entering into a state of consciousness where the mind calms down, becomes silent, and remains focused on one thing.
In your case, it’s practicing self-love.
The more you practice it, the more you’ll get used to it, and eventually, it will become second nature.
You’ll find yourself thinking about how you’re feeling and what you need to do.
The benefits of meditation are substantial!
For example, if someone is very focused on a task or a particular thing, they will be able to perform better than others who are distracted by other things.
Being self-aware makes people aware of their surroundings and what they’re doing so that they can better manage their daily lives and tasks.
Meditation is also a great way to relieve stress and anxiety because when we meditate we focus our attention on one thing which helps us calm down both physically and mentally.
So, loving yourself starts with self-discovery, and meditation can help you to do just that. It’s not just for the hipsters after all!
3) Eating a healthy, well-balanced diet
You are what you eat, so if you eat things that are good for you, such as fruits and vegetables, whole grains like brown rice or quinoa, and lean protein sources like chicken breast or fish fillets, it’s going to have a good effect on you.
But eating healthy is expensive…
NO, it’s not.
You don’t have to make drastic changes.
Small changes such as eliminating carbs or sugar from your diet are an excellent start.
You’ll see positive results because they will make your body feel energized and healthy.
If instead of these foods you ate processed food with added sugar in it (e.g., donuts), then the effects would be disastrous on your health since this type of food is filled with empty calories which do not provide any nutrients to the body but just cause weight gain by adding lots of water retention into the system causing cellulite buildup around areas that store fat deposits.
As I’ve already mentioned, it’s not an overnight process.
Learning to love yourself again is going to take time and it’s all about making small changes that will all accumulate and make a big difference in the end.
It’s exactly the same with learning how to eat healthily.
Huge changes can be overwhelming and can cause us to feel exasperated but when you change one small thing, the rest will follow.
You will learn how to eat healthily and live a happy and healthy life!
You’ve got this!
Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Start by eliminating all the processed foods that you have been buying that contain added sugar.
Just remove them from your shopping list and don’t buy them anymore. Make a conscious decision to not buy them anymore.
You can always find other ways of eating healthy such as eating fruits and vegetables or making homemade smoothies.
If you are too busy in your day, do not worry!
There is no need to make drastic changes all at once since it’s difficult for us to stop buying processed food when we have been used to having it for so long.
Start with small changes such as buying healthier choices instead of processed foods.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Your family and friends can be a great support in this process.
They might not understand what you’re going through but they will support you and help you make healthier choices.
4) Get enough quality sleep
Sleeping is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
If you don’t sleep properly, your brain cannot function properly.
You can’t concentrate. You won’t be able to think clearly.
You’ll become stressed and anxious, and it will affect your ability to function as well; however, proper rest does not always come easily or naturally because many people are used to being awake at night during work hours or when they have a lot on their plate in general (even if that means staying up late).
There’s nothing wrong with this–it just makes getting good sleep even more difficult than usual because there may not be enough time left before bedtime occurs for all those thoughts racing through our minds from the day’s activities–or whatever else we’re doing–to settle down into something manageable by then without interruption.
If you’re a fellow insomniac like me, here are a few suggestions to help you prepare for a restful sleep.
- Drink a cup of chamomile tea
- Take a relaxing bath and throw in a few essential oils
- Read a book
- Stay off the phone, tablet, laptop!
- Switch off the tv
- Play relaxing music
- Calm your mind.
Not only is sleep a necessity, getting adequate rest is a great way to love yourself!
5) Get physical
Want to know a secret?
Exercising releases endorphins into the blood which makes you feel good! Endorphins are hormones that can be produced by our body when we exercise.
Endorphins are a natural substance that helps to reduce pain and increase your mood.
The human brain releases these chemicals in response to stress, physical activity, or other positive experiences like sex or laughter. When exercising regularly for 30 minutes three times per week there will be an improvement in mood as well as lower levels of anxiety and depression.
You don’t have to do anything drastic like take out a lifetime gym membership. That’s the worst thing to do because it will make you feel overwhelmed.
Making a conscious decision to start exercising is the first step and then all you need to do is choose a physical activity that you can tolerate.
The most common type of exercise for beginners is walking, running, swimming, or cycling. However, some people may find it easier if they try yoga which has many positive benefits such as improving flexibility and decreasing stress levels in your body.
And, if that’s not tickling your fancy, or if you’re not ready to leave the house to exercise, Youtube has a tremendous library of fitness videos to help inspire you and get you started.
With all those endorphins rushing through your body you’ll start looking good and feeling good too.
6) Spoil yourself
YOLO! (You only live once)
You weren’t simply put on this earth to pay bills and die. Money might be tight but you should always make sure there’s something leftover that you can use to spoil yourself with.
Some people need a little time away from the monotony of life, so they find ways in which they can invest their money into things that will have a lasting impact or bring them some peace of mind.
This could mean anything from spending your hard-earned cash on a weekend getaway, buying new clothes for work every day because it makes you feel good about yourself, or even just indulging in some chocolate cake when nobody is looking!.
You’re not being greedy or selfish if you do this, but it’s important to make sure you don’t go overboard so that you can still save some money for the future.
There are lots of ways to spend money on things that will not only make you happy but also make other people happy too.
7) Learn something new
Another great way to show yourself that you love yourself is to improve your skillset.
Perhaps there’s a coding diploma or an Asian cooking course that you’ve been dying to do, do it!
The benefits of learning new things are endless and the best part about this is if you’re really into what you learn then chances are others will be too.
There’s nothing like sharing knowledge with someone else who can benefit from it as well – so go on now and start doing something amazing for yourself today.
There is no greater investment than yourself so when you feel like you’re stuck, you have nothing going for you and feel low, learn something new.
This can be anything from learning a new language to trying out a different hobby or sport.
It’s important not to just let your life stagnate but rather try and find some way in which it will improve as well as change things up by looking at the world through fresh eyes again.
8) Reading books
Another great way to learn how to love yourself is by rediscovering the joy of books!
Reading is a great way to pass time and it’s also very enjoyable. Reading books is a great hobby that can help you to improve your vocabulary, but also it’s good for your health.
Reading can be really beneficial for you because it gives you the opportunity to learn new things and meet new people.
You can read anything from novels and magazines to newspapers, scientific journals, magazines, or even comics, and what’s more, there are loads of self-help titles that you can emerge yourself in.
So, I hope this article has been an eye-opener and that you’re feeling slightly more optimistic about life.
With so much happening, it’s difficult to remain positive. We get stuck in a rut and we often tend to put ourselves last, failing to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The key takeaway though is this. You matter.
Despite how low you’re feeling, there’s always a reason to hang in there. You get one life and what you chose to do with it ultimately lies with you.
So, go out there and give it your best shot. Love yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.