Have you fallen out of love and don’t know what to do?
If you don’t love your girlfriend anymore, you might feel hopeless and want to give up.
But is that really the solution?
Maybe you’re just going through a rough time. If so, don’t give up just yet.
This guide will help you through it.
13 things you can do if you don’t love your girlfriend anymore
1) Try to determine what went wrong
Carolyn Joyce, a mental health writer, thinks that “to understand our own experience of falling out of love, we should consider three things:
Why am I falling out of love?
What are the signs that I’ve fallen out of love?
Is it possible/worthwhile to reconnect with my feelings and fall back in love?”
In your case, you already know that you don’t love your girlfriend anymore, so you can disregard that question.
Let’s focus on the ‘why’. What happened that made you fall out of love? Do you know when it started?
You might find it helpful to answer the following questions:
What are the top 3 reasons I feel this way?
When did I start to feel this way? When did it all begin?
What’s missing from our relationship now that wasn’t before?
According to Sheryl Paul, psychologist, and author, people fall out of love “because they realize they’re not right for each other or because they argue too much or aren’t having enough sex or have feelings for someone else.”
However, she thinks the most powerful reason is that we’re simply human. We fall in love and we fall out of love, but then we can fall back in love again. She describes this process as being cyclical and reversible.
So, unless the things that went wrong are total deal-breakers, it would be helpful to realize their effect on the love you felt for your girlfriend.
2) Decide whether you want to break up
Now that you hopefully know what went wrong and what exactly made you lose feelings for your girlfriend, you have to make a decision.
But, before you do that, here’s what Arlin Cuncic, author and social anxiety writer, thinks about your situation:
“If you’re in this position right now and are unsure if you want to continue the relationship, it’s important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases. Just because you have lost feelings right now, doesn’t mean that you can’t ever get them back.”
In other words, don’t make the decision in haste. Think about the possible implications of your decision. Asking yourself the following questions might help:
Am I really out of love or is it just a phase?
How would my life change if I left her?
Are my needs and wants different?
Do I have a future together with her?
However, “understanding the difference between the normal ups and downs of a healthy partnership and signs that a relationship has run its course isn’t always easy,” says Cindy Lamothe, a writer at HealthLine.
So, if you feel there’s nothing left in the relationship, you might have to end it. But, if you’re unsure, keep reading.
3) Ask a relationship coach what to do
In case you don’t love your girlfriend anymore and you are sure you want to move on with your life, that’s great. Maybe it’s time to make a change and your relationship is indeed holding you back.
Breaking up with her is not going to be easy, but I’m sure you’ll manage it.
But what if you feel disconnected from her but also confused and frustrated about what to do?
I can tell you from personal experience that no matter how hard you try to solve things in your head, you won’t be able to. You can’t think straight because you are involved in the relationship.
So, what you could do is ask a third party who has no emotional ties to help you sort things out. A professional relationship coach is one of these people.
When I need guidance with relationships, I consult with a relationship coach from Relationship Hero. Their advisors are my favorites because they know their stuff.
Here are some examples of what a professional relationship coach can do for you:
- Help you figure out if your feelings are temporary or not and how to deal with them.
- Teach you how (and why) relationships work and don’t work.
- Provide relationship strategies that are personalized to fit your needs.
So, if you’re ready to get clarity and figure out what to do, click here to get started.
4) Analyze your wants and needs
Another thing you could do to figure out what’s next when you don’t love your girlfriend anymore is to understand your wants and needs.
Let me explain:
You might feel the love you had for your girlfriend is gone, but what if, you’re the one who’s changed? What if she doesn’t fulfill your needs anymore because your needs are different?
Maybe there’s something deeper at play here and you shouldn’t break up just yet.
To find out, you can make a few lists as follows:
- One of your former wants and needs from your girlfriend and your relationship
- Another list of your current wants and needs from your girlfriend and your relationship
Now, are your wants and needs different? If they’re the same, what happened? If they’re different, do you think your girlfriend could still fulfill your needs and wants?
If you do think she could still fulfill your needs and wants, what do you have to lose? Maybe that’s exactly what you need to fall back in love with her – to share the changes you’re going through with her.
5) Understand that falling back in love is possible
…but only if you want to.
“Although falling out of love can be a scary experience, it’s possible to regain that love if you have an open mind,” says Julia Naftulin, a health reporter.
Sheryl Paul’s suggestion is: “The best way to feel love is to give it.”
She points out that we often rely on our partners to make us happy, but that’s a mistake. Instead of depending on them, we should turn to ourselves and take responsibility for our own happiness.
We need to stop blaming others for our feelings because our feelings depend on us too.
So, maybe some of these tips will get you through feelings of losing love for your girlfriend:
According to Dr. Kurt, “you can fall back in love but it almost always requires learning new ways to love and communicate with each other. Usually, there are also a few underlying problems that must be addressed as well in order for the love to be able to come back.”
In other words, it’s a process. However, it’s possible to regain love.
As soon as you understand that, you’ll be able to make a decision based on the information that you have.
Instead of feeling stuck or confused, you’ll be clear about what to do next. You’ll have the courage to take action.
6) Talk to your girlfriend about your relationship
“If you are interested in trying to revive your relationship, there are ways to do so. The most important factor is that you and your partner want the same thing,” says Arlin Cuncic, author and social anxiety writer.
This means that you can’t get out of this situation unless you talk to your girlfriend about what is happening. Of course, I’m not suggesting going to her and telling her you don’t love her anymore.
This conversation is about reconnecting with her. It’s about seeing if the two of you can find a way to make things work in the relationship.
As Dr. Kurt suggested, communication is key.
When you feel lost and need clarity, talking to your girlfriend can be really helpful. It’s a big step in the right direction.
Another thing to consider is whether or not she feels lost too. If she does, it could be crucial for both of you to reconnect with each other. You can help each other see that there is something there worth saving.
In case the two of you decide to do this, know that it won’t be easy.
In fact, it could be the hardest thing you’ll have to do. However, it’s worth the effort.
7) Make a list of all the good things about her
Since you started falling out of love, you’ve certainly lost track of all the good things about your girlfriend.
If that’s true, it wouldn’t hurt to remind yourself of what you used to find so beautiful about her. Think about how she made you feel and what she did to make you happy.
Try to remember why you loved her in the first place and if you still have reasons to love her.
I know it’s hard because you don’t feel the same way about her anymore, but try to see things from a different perspective.
When you fall out of love with someone, that doesn’t automatically mean you stop loving them. It might just be that you’re not in love with them anymore.
This is where making another list would be useful. Write down 10 things you still love about her.
On top of that, you could list the ones that matter. For example, you might appreciate her entrepreneurial skills, but they may not matter to you on a personal level or relationship-wise.
On top of that, you might want to look at the future and see if there’s a way you could see yourself in the future with your girlfriend.
8) Try to be less codependent
Did you know that codependency ruins relationships and can turn you into someone you don’t like?
Codependency is a bond between two people whose decisions are controlled by the other. It goes beyond dependency and becomes a means of control.
If your relationship with your girlfriend has been or is codependent, you need to change things. You can’t continue living that way.
You won’t be happy because your happiness will be dependent on her actions, and she’ll be equally unhappy because her actions will be dependent on yours.
According to Rachael Pace, a relationship writer, codependency has a negative influence on any relationship because:
- It creates distrust and resentment
- Jealousy and loneliness occur
- There is no real intimacy
- Obsessiveness, clinging, and poor communication are present
Can you relate?
If you can, it’s time to change things. You might think you don’t love your girlfriend anymore, but it’s actually the codependency messing with your feelings.
To know for sure, don’t hesitate to ask for a professional opinion. At Relationship Hero, you’ll find a relationship specialist to help you understand and overcome codependency.
They can explain why and if this is the problem and also offer you advice on how to deal with it. And, to make things even better, they can help you resolve your relationship issues and find a way back to love.
9) Take a short break if you think you need it
“I don’t love my girlfriend anymore,” you said.
Take a break from her!
According to a dating writer, Stacey Laura Lloyd, “in the most fundamental sense, taking a break means that you and your partner haven’t officially broken up, but you’ve decided to take some time off from each other and your relationship.”
Why is that effective?
It’s a way to keep your relationship together. It allows you and your girlfriend to have time to think about your relationship and decide whether or not it’s worth the effort.
What’s more, you can reassess your feelings for each other and decide what to do next.
If you decide to take a break, make sure you have a concrete plan. Decide how long the break will last, and decide when you’ll see each other again.
Otherwise, you risk turning a break into a break-up. And that’s probably not what you want.
During your break, you can also see how it feels to break the routine, as well as give yourself some time to think.
When you feel ready, you can then decide if you want to continue with your relationship or not.
10) Work on your own happiness
Here’s something to think about:
“Falling out of love is an invitation to go deeper into yourself and find what’s missing from your life, not necessarily to leave your wonderful partner. It’s not about finding the perfect person but about building the perfect relationship for you,” says Jessica A., a writer at Medium.
In other words, falling out of love could mean that there’s something missing in your life. That’s why you’re not happy anymore.
What could be missing?
If you’re not happy, it’s time to take care of your happiness. Find what you’re missing, and then make a plan to fill that void.
For example, if there’s a lack of purpose or fulfillment in your life, see how you can change that by taking action and making changes. You could start a new hobby or maybe even find a new job.
Or maybe you feel empty because you don’t have the right friends or family around you. If that’s the case, it might be time to reconnect with loved ones or make more friends.
If you feel empty inside, it’s probably because you’ve lost touch with yourself. You don’t love yourself anymore and your happiness is dependent on other people. If that’s the case, it’s time to fix that.
Your happiness will affect your relationship with your girlfriend and other people around you. It’s crucial to take care of it as soon as possible if you want to be successful in life and happy in love.
11) Talk to other girls and see how it feels
Look, this might not be my best suggestion, but if you don’t love your girlfriend anymore, then maybe you could try to talk to other girls and see how it feels.
I know you don’t want to hurt her, but if you think you’re at this point, it’s probably because there’s a problem in your relationship.
And if that’s the case, then maybe you could talk to other girls and see what happens. You might find out that the love you have for your girlfriend is still strong, or you might realize it’s not the right thing for you anymore.
If the latter is true and your feelings are gone, then maybe it’ll be easier to leave her if your mind is clear and focused on other women.
However, if you find yourself comparing every girl you talk to with your girlfriend, and you still prefer her, then you might be going through a phase; you’re not really out of love for her.
In that case, it’s better to figure things out before you make a decision.
It’s finally time for you to see what works for you and what doesn’t work anymore. After all this time, maybe it’s the right moment to end things with her if your heart isn’t into it anymore.
12) Get to know the new her and show her the new you
Would you like to fall back in love with your girlfriend?
If you do, then it’s time to get to know the new her.
When you’re with her again, be curious. Ask her questions and show an interest in what she has to say. Listen carefully every time she talks, even if it’s about something that doesn’t interest you at all.
It’s also time to show her the new you. If you’ve taken some time to analyze your wants and needs and discover what makes you happy, now it’s time to show it.
Show her what you learned in your analysis. If you’ve understood that you need some time alone from time to time, tell her that.
If you’ve learned that you need a bit of adventure in your relationship, tell her that, too.
In other words, be bold and show her the new you. Tell her what you feel and think. Let it all out so she’ll know who you are and what makes you happy.
By doing so, it will be easier for you to fall back in love with her. It will also strengthen your relationship, especially if she’s open to it.
13) Find something to do together that excites you
The next step is to find something you can do together that excites you.
Doing the same things all over again can make you feel bored. And many people mistake boredom with not being in love anymore.
So if that’s the case and you’re bored in your relationship, then try something new with your girlfriend.
Get out of the same routine. Do something that you’ve never done before or do things that you used to love doing together, but not anymore.
“With a little effort, you and your partner can break free from the day-to-day tedium, keeping each day fresh – and your relationship even fresher,” says Emily MacInnes, a writer at Huff Post.
There are many things you can do together, but the key is to find something that makes both of you excited and happy.
MacInnes suggests the following approach:
- Stop doing things on auto-pilot. Try to be truly present when you’re with your girlfriend.
- Don’t be afraid to share your dreams with her and take action together.
- Switch up the small things to revive the spark. Pay more attention to the little things and make an effort to be more thoughtful.
- Get a little crazy and try to be more adventurous together.
With these tips in mind, it will be easier for you to create moments that make you feel happy and excited. If you find yourself in the same routine, then maybe it’s time for both of you to take action and do some things differently.
“I don’t love my girlfriend anymore,” you say.
By now you should have a good idea of what to do when you’ve fallen out of love with your girlfriend.
Basically, you have two options: you stay in the relationship and make changes to fall back in love or you leave and try to find happiness somewhere else.
Before you decide, make sure to think about what went wrong, analyze yourself, ask for a professional opinion, talk to your girlfriend, and take a break if necessary.
All these are important to make sure you do what’s best for you and your relationship.
And remember: you are responsible for your own happiness.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
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