With all the responsibilities that come with being a wife, it’s easy to feel like you need to do everything.
After all, your husband can’t be expected to handle everything on his own, right?
Perhaps not. But that doesn’t mean there needs to be an imbalance in your relationship.
If you feel like your husband expects you to do everything at home, I have 12 tips for you!
1) Don’t be afraid to ask for help
This might seem like an obvious one, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t ask for help when they need it.
You might think that your husband will be offended or put off if you ask him to help out around the house.
But the truth is, most men will be happy to help their wives out if they are able.
If you have a specific chore you need assistance with, don’t be afraid to ask.
Your husband will most probably be happy to help you out.
And you’ll feel less stressed out knowing that you don’t have to do it all yourself!
There are plenty of ways to get your husband involved around the house.
You might want to sit down with him and consider the best ways to do this.
If you have children, you might want to consider ways to get them involved as well!
You see, we sometimes expect other people to know exactly what you need or that their common sense will let them know that they need to help out more.
Well, let me tell you a secret: you can never be too specific when it comes to asking for help.
The thing is, most people want to help but don’t even realize they need it.
That’s why you should make sure to be clear when asking for help.
If you don’t, chances are your husband will think you’re doing okay.
But if you ask in a way that makes it clear how much help you need, chances are he’ll be more than happy to help!
Now: in order for this to work best, try to ask him from a place of love, not from a place of resentment.
Think about it: if your husband isn’t aware of what is happening and all of a sudden you “ask him for help”, but really just bash him for how unhelpful he’s been, that could trigger him to be hurt and defensive.
If, on the other hand, you decide to approach him openly and lovingly, he’ll definitely be more receptive to helping you out.
Also: Be specific about what you need help with
Now, I know this sounds like a simple thing to do, but it can make all the difference in how much your husband is willing to help out.
If you don’t think your husband would be willing to help you out with something, be honest about it.
But if you’re able to explain why it would make a big difference for him, then he’ll most likely be happy to do so!
How? Just say something like: “If I get the laundry done today, I know that will make my life a lot easier.”
Now: men will often not truly understand it when we speak in riddles.
You need to be clear as day.
So, if you want your husband to start helping you with the dishes every night, say “I would really appreciate some help with the dishes every night”, and not “doing the dishes is so exhausting”.
Trust me, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment if you try to only hint at certain things.
2) Have a weekly chore day
While husbands may be willing to help out around the house, they also probably have other things they’d like to do on occasion.
You don’t want to constantly be asking your husband to take out the trash or fold the laundry while he’s trying to relax, and you probably don’t want to do that either.
Instead, pick one day of the week where you and your husband take turns doing chores (or maybe even do them together).
This way, both of you are contributing at the same time.
If you have children, be sure to involve them on chore day as well!
Having a set day for chores also prevents them from being something that gets pushed to the back burner.
You see, when this day is set, it turns into an activity you can do together.
But not just that, it will also be easier for both of you, because there is only one day of the week that you have to do it.
This way, you decide when to do it and when not to, rather than being set up for disappointment by having to do it every single day.
And: Don’t let your husband get away with not helping!
Many women don’t realize this, but husbands are capable of helping out too.
If you don’t ask them to help around the house, they may take it as a sign that they don’t need to be doing anything around the house at all.
But if you make a point of asking them once or twice a week, they’ll be more likely to want to help out as often as possible.
It will make your life much easier and happier in the long run!
And the best part?
If your husband is in his masculine energy, he will want to help you out because he wants to make your life easier.
He’s not doing it out of obligation or because he feels like he has to.
In fact, you can even ask him if he wants to help and you will know right away if he is just being polite or if he really wants to do it.
3) Talk to a relationship coach
While this article will shed light on the main things you can do to get your husband to help out more, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like sharing household chores. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
4) Set clear expectations about roles and responsibilities
Make sure your husband knows what role he has in the house.
If he expects you to be in charge of cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids, make sure you’re both on the same page that that’s your responsibility.
If he has his own job, he’ll think he doesn’t need to be in charge of other things.
Basically, make sure you and your husband are on the same page about responsibilities and roles.
Maybe you’re in charge of the kids while he’s in charge of the dishes – make sure he knows that.
If you just assume that he’ll know you don’t want him to help out with the kids, you could accidentally put him in a bad place.
Keep communication open and make sure everything is clear and understood between the two of you.
You see, when you clearly communicate what you expect of each other, life can get a whole lot easier.
Too often we just assume things, which ends up making things harder than they need to be.
But when you communicate, you can make sure that everyone is on the same page.
And if there are any disagreements, it will be easier to work them out.
Don’t let chores get in the way of your happiness Don’t let chores get in the way of your happiness!
Now: you also need to get clear on what it is you truly want.
How is your relationship dynamic? Is your husband the only one going to work or are you both working?
Do you want more help in the household or are you frustrated because you aren’t getting adequate acknowledgment for your work?
You see, more often than not, the latter is actually the biggest issue.
We don’t always need things to be 50/50 in order to be happy, what we often lack is a sense of acknowledgment and gratitude for the work we are doing.
Think about this: could that be what you are mad about?
Would it help if your husband brought you flowers or acknowledged all your work around the house more often?
And if you are not getting the acknowledgment you want, what do you think would make you happier?
Maybe it’s just a matter of making sure your husband knows that you need to be appreciated for all the work he does around the house.
If that is the case, communicate that with him.
Trust me, most men are more than happy to show you their appreciation if they realize that this is what you want.
5) Don’t do everything the same way all the time
If your husband is always doing the same chore, or you do everything the same way you always do, both of you might feel like you’re stuck in a rut.
For example, if your husband is always cleaning the garage on Saturday, it might make him feel like he’s not being given the freedom to choose what he’d like to do.
Or maybe you’re always doing the laundry, it might make you feel like you have to wash everything, even if you simply want to fold and put the clothes away.
Keep in mind that men and women have different ways of doing things, but both like some excitement and changes.
If you’re always doing something the same way, it can get boring really quickly!
My biggest tip for that is to switch things up a bit!
Switch chores, change the days on which you do them, or just skip something one week because you have something more important going on!
For example, if you’re always doing the laundry, skip it one week and do something else instead.
You can always do laundry the following day.
Maybe start with something easy like cleaning the coffee pot.
It can be really hard to take a break when you are doing the same thing over and over again, but it is important to switch it up once in a while to get new energy!
And the best part?
That might help get your husband more motivated to help, too.
6) Figure out how to mend your marriage
Issues like this can really put a strain on your entire marriage, even causing some couples to think about a divorce.
If nothing you’ve tried has improved the situation with your spouse, you may need some external guidance to help get things back on track.
Mend the Marriage, created by relationship expert Brad Browning, is a course that has helped thousands of married couples reconcile their differences.
In this free video, you’ll learn some of the biggest marriage mistakes people make without realizing it.
And crucially – you’ll pick up some excellent tips on how to rectify things with your partner.
So rather than let things run their course and potentially lead to divorce, take back control and decide the outcome of your love life.
The great thing about Brad’s advice is that you can use it even if your spouse isn’t as enthusiastic about repairing your marriage as you are.
It could be the difference between growing old together or calling it quits ahead of time.
7) Ask for what you want – directly!
If you want your husband to help out with kids, or you want him to do a certain chore, ask him.
Don’t assume that he’ll know what you want or that he’ll want the same things as you.
Find a good time when you can sit down with your husband and be open and direct with him.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. If you want your husband to do something around the house, ask him to do it!
If you have a good relationship with your husband and you’re open and honest with him, he’ll appreciate being asked.
And he’ll feel like he’s being taken care of and that he gets a chance to take care of you.
Again – don’t beat around the bush.
I know, it’s not always easy being direct, but if you want something to change, you will have to ask him for it!
And if you don’t ask, you won’t get it.
Keep it simple, but keep it nice.
If you’re having a bad day and a lot of stuff is going wrong in your life, it can be really easy to take things out on each other.
You’re already stressed and upset, so why not? But if you want your marriage to work, keep things together, and don’t let stress get the best of you!
When you are having a day where everything is getting too much and you feel like your husband never ever seems to help out at all, that might not be the best time to talk about the issue.
Chances are, you will come across as aggressive. Instead, take some minutes to calm down and remember that your husband is probably not doing that out of malice, but simply because he doesn’t know any better.
8) Communicate openly and often
Communication is key in any relationship. You and your husband should always be open and honest with each other.
If there is something that needs to be said, say it. If there is something you want from your husband, make sure he knows.
Also, if you feel like your husband expects you to do everything, don’t keep it to yourself.
Open up and talk to your husband about the things you’re feeling.
If you feel like he expects you to do everything, let him know. Talking to your husband about your feelings will help him understand what you’re going through.
It will also help him understand what he can do to help make things better.
You see, maybe you feel like your husband expects you to do everything, but that might not be the truth at all!
Perhaps his intention was completely different and he didn’t even realize how his actions (or lack thereof) make you feel!
So, before you get mad at your husband, make sure to communicate.
In my experience, communicating openly about issues is the best way to understand each other’s points of view and then come to a solution that is both mutually agreeable and beneficial for the relationship.
If you are not communicating well with your husband, it is most likely because you are not communicating well with yourself.
You need to find out what is bothering you so that you can work on it. That way, your marriage will be stronger than ever!
9) Make it clear that you don’t expect him to do everything either
If your husband is always doing something that you never do, he can feel like you expect him to do everything.
Let him know that you expect him to do some things too.
If you have kids, make sure your husband knows that you expect him to help out with them.
Now: if you open up about this issue to your husband, make sure that it doesn’t spiral into him thinking you want him to do everything.
This can happen faster than you think.
The result? He shuts down, gets defensive, and might not want to help at all!
Instead, make it clear that you would just really appreciate some help from time to time.
If he loves you and wants your life to be a bit easier, he will have no problem with that.
If you want him to help with the kids, let him know that it’s okay.
He might not want to help with everything, but now he knows that you are struggling.
You have to find a compromise, especially with work and jobs in the picture, too.
Who is working more? Who needs more free time at home? Who can do what chores on what days?
Think about it and come up with a plan that works for both of you!
10) Don’t let it build up into resentment
If you feel like your husband expects you to do everything, don’t let it build up into resentment.
When you don’t talk to him about this issue and then explode one day, he might feel like you resent him for it.
If you’re always cooking dinner and he doesn’t ever help out, he might feel like you resent him for that.
Let your husband know that you appreciate the things he does around the house. Let him know that you don’t resent him for doing certain things.
And more important than anything else: remember to take care of this issue before you feel resentment toward your husband.
You see, resentment is a silent killer in relationships.
If you let resentment build-up, it can tear down the foundation of your marriage.
It becomes a vicious cycle.
And who wants that?
You don’t! You want to be happy in your marriage, right?
So, instead of waiting until you can’t take it any longer, talk about it right away!
Talk about it with your husband and make sure that you don’t let resentment build up.
Your husband will appreciate this and it will help you get through this rough patch.
Because resentment is what could eventually lead to a divorce.
Instead of letting it get to this point, you need to do something before it becomes too late.
But where do you start?
Well, it can be as simple as knowing the right phrases to say to rekindle the bond with your husband.
I learned this and more from leading relationship expert Brad Browning.
He is a best-selling author and helps men and women save their marriages on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
Watch his excellent free video here where he explains his unique methods for mending marriages.
11) He might have a different idea of “clean”
You are getting frustrated because clothes are on the floor in your bedroom and while you are cleaning the entire house, your husband can’t even pick up his own things?
Well, he is probably not doing it to get on your nerves, your husband might just have a different idea of clean.
You might want to talk to your husband about this and see if you can come up with a compromise.
Maybe he doesn’t want to pick up his clothes, but he wants to help you clean the whole house.
Or maybe he doesn’t mind picking up a few things but doesn’t want to clean at all.
Whatever your husband’s idea is, you have to talk about it and see if you can come up with something that works for both of you.
And maybe you also get to decide together what your idea of a clean home is.
This will make it easier for him to understand when he is being the one causing a huge mess and where he could improve.
Sometimes, it’s the little things, like wiping the shower after he uses it, or doing his own dishes right away when he eats something.
When you tell him that dishes soaking in the sink in the kitchen are not your ideal of “clean”, he might finally understand what you want from him.
Because think about it: when you tell him to leave things a bit cleaner, for him, that might mean moving the dishes from the table to the sink and he thinks he’s helping out!
So, be clear about what you expect!
12) Understand where he is coming from and if he had bad intentions
Men can have really different brains than women do, or at least they have a different way of thinking.
While your husband may not be aware of this, it could be why he expects you to do everything.
He might not know that you like the dishes loaded a certain way or that you like to load the dishwasher a specific way.
He might be doing everything the way he thinks should be done and not even realize that it’s different from how you’d do it.
If your husband has been expecting you to do everything, discuss it with him.
Tell him that you feel like he’s expecting you to do everything, and tell him that you don’t appreciate it.
Let him know that you’d appreciate it if he helped out a bit more.
You see, during this conversation, you will probably find out why you feel the way you do and what your husband’s intentions were in this process.
More often than not, your husband has a completely different view of the situation and wasn’t aware of how you feel.
You see, men have a different way of thinking than women do.
And it’s important to understand this before you talk about anything.
If you don’t, you’ll end up talking about the same thing over and over again and it will get old.
And who wants that? You don’t! You would rather be happy in your marriage, right? And if you are happy in your marriage, then what’s the problem?
Talk about it with your husband and make sure that you don’t let resentment build up.
You’re a team
By now, you should have a better understanding of how you can get your husband to help out.
The truth is, marriage is hard.
There are plenty of reasons to call it quits and give up, but only you know for sure if your marriage is worth fighting for.
And if it is, if you want to get back the love and commitment you once shared with your spouse, don’t give up just yet.
I mentioned Brad Browning earlier. His Mend the Marriage course offers practical, real-life advice that could help you revive your marriage.
Before writing your marriage off, it’s well worth watching the video and learning where you went wrong, and how to rectify it.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.