So you’ve broken up with your long-term partner but still, live with them?
While in some cases, this is a difficult situation to deal with, it can give you a leg forward when trying to get back together with them.
In other words, I will teach you how to win your ex back when you live together!
1) Respect their personal space
If you want to win your ex back, the first thing you have to do is respect their personal space.
This means no snooping through their email/phone/social media accounts to see if they’ve found someone new.
It also means respecting their time and not calling or texting them at all hours of the day and night.
If you want to get back together with your ex, you have to show them that you can respect their personal boundaries.
They’ll be far more likely to give you another chance if they feel like you respect their privacy.
You see, you might live together, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have any personal space.
If your ex goes to their room, leave them alone.
By giving them their personal space, you are showing that you respect them, but also that you aren’t trying to control them.
If you want to win back your ex, you can’t be controlling.
Instead of trying to force them into a relationship, you have to show that you respect their personal boundaries.
This goes not only in their room, but also on social media and through email.
Let them have their space and trust that they’ll come around eventually. Respect their privacy and give them space if they need it!
I know, it might feel counter-intuitive at first, but believe me, it works.
Think about it: if you broke up with someone and lived with them, you could probably use a bit of space at first, right?
Now: if they don’t give you that space, you are less likely to want to be with them than if they gave you space to miss you, right?
2) Disappear from their sight for a while (yes, it’s possible even when you live together)
We know that living together means that you will see your ex a lot more often than during a usual break up with someone.
However, there are certain situations where disappearing from your ex’s sight is the best way to get them back, and this is one of them.
If you’ve broken up with your significant other and they’ve moved in with you, then you’re in this situation.
If you want to get back with your ex, you have to give them space to miss you.
This means disappearing from their life for a period of time. Yes, that is possible even while living together.
You can do this in a few different ways.
You can take a vacation by yourself.
This will not only help you take a break from the relationship, but also give you time to reflect on what you want in life.
If you can afford to, consider just switching up your schedule to a point where you and your ex almost never cross paths at home.
You probably know pretty well what your ex is up to on a daily basis, so if you change up your schedule so that you don’t see them for a while, that can actually be quite good.
It relates back to what I just mentioned earlier – they get a chance to miss you.
If they’re always seeing you, they can’t miss you.
So, if you want to get them back, disappear from their sight for a while.
This will make them wonder what you are up to and why you never seem to be home at the same time as them.
3) Talk to a relationship coach
While this article will shed light on the main things you can do to get your ex back when you still live together, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like living together after a breakup.
Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help.
From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
4) Make a big change
If you’re trying to win your ex back, you want to show them that you’re serious about changing your life.
Now, making a big change doesn’t have to mean completely overhauling your life.
It can be as simple as making a few small changes.
For example, if you’ve been going out too much or are spending too much time on social media, make a commitment to make a change.
If you’ve let your health and fitness slip recently, consider going to the gym more often or making healthier eating choices.
Making a few changes in your life will show your ex that you’re serious about taking your life in a new direction.
But that’s not the only change I’m talking about here.
We’re talking makeover.
Now: drastic changes are things people often do right as they get out of a relationship.
While I don’t recommend doing anything crazy without sleeping on it and figuring out if that is something you actually want, a drastic change can help you during a breakup.
You see, it helps you see this new time as a fresh chapter in your life.
You’re not the same person you were before and you’re not going to live the same way again.
When you want to get your ex back, it’s important that they see this change in you.
Even if they don’t want to get back together, changing up your looks can make you seem a lot more interesting out of the blue.
A big change can help you show your ex that this breakup is just a catalyst for a new chapter in your life, one where you are doing things differently and living a better and happier life.
Again, make sure this change stems internally, and that you actually want to make that change.
You don’t want to change for anyone but yourself.
5) Focus on your own independence
Your ex might have broken up with you because they feel like you’re too dependent on them.
If you want to get your ex back, you need to show them that you’ve become more independent.
- If you’re unemployed, consider getting a job
- If you’re a student, try to get more involved on campus
- If you don’t have any hobbies, take some time to explore your interests.
Doing things on your own will show your ex that you’ve become more independent.
As you become more independent, your ex will feel more comfortable having you in their life again!
But honestly, your codependency doesn’t even have to be the reason for the breakup in order for your ex to appreciate you being more independent.
No matter who you are, being independent and having your own life is attractive.
Think about it: who will be more appealing, someone moping in their room and texting their ex relentlessly about talking again or hanging out, or someone who instead goes out with friends and does things that inspire them?
Your ex might have left you because they want to see you happy and fulfilled.
As long as you’re not doing anything crazy like changing your whole personality, becoming more independent can help you show your ex that you’ve become happier and more confident in yourself.
That will make them want to be with you even more!
Make sure that this independence comes from a place of self-love, not self-loathing.
If your breakup was caused by your own codependency or lack of confidence or happiness, it’s important that these changes come from a place of self-love and inner peace.
And the best part?
Finding this independence will help you regardless of whether or not your ex wants you back!
6) Don’t overthink your actions, follow your heart
Your breakup might have been a result of you overthinking your relationship.
If you overthink your relationship, you’re likely to drive your ex away.
But even if it wasn’t the cause of your breakup, it still won’t be of much help when trying to win back your ex, believe me!
If you want to get your ex back, you have to let go of your analytical side.
Don’t try to find a “logical reason” to win your ex back.
Think about how you acted before the breakup.
What made your ex fall in love with you in the first place? Focus on those qualities again. If you’ve been obsessing over what went wrong between you and your ex, you’re only going to drive them away.
Instead, make an effort to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
Don’t try to overthink your next move. Instead, follow your heart and let the rest take care of itself.
The more you think, the more unnatural and forced your actions will seem to other people.
Instead, let go and let life take its course.
When it comes to talking to your ex, follow your heart and you won’t go wrong!
7) Prove that you’ve changed
If your ex broke up with you because they felt like things weren’t working out, you have to prove that you’ve changed.
The first step is finding out what didn’t work in your relationship and what role you might have played in that whole scenario.
Now, don’t blame yourself, but rationally think about where you could have been a better partner and what you could have improved.
Don’t try to change who you are just to win your ex back.
That will only make them dislike you even more.
Instead, find ways to make yourself feel like you’ve changed for the better.
Whatever it is that could help improve any future relationship, not necessarily with your ex, but also with yourself or someone else, look at what changes you could be making.
You see, when you don’t make any changes, then a second shot at the relationship will likely just end the same exact way again.
In order to get a different result, one of the variables has to change, which is you in this case.
8) Start slowly
If you want to get your ex back, you should start to slowly re-enter their life.
You don’t want to jump back into their life too quickly, though.
You have to take things slowly so that they don’t feel overwhelmed by you.
If you’ve broken up with your significant other, don’t try to talk to them right away.
Instead, start by sending them a text or email letting them know you’re thinking about them after you’ve both had time away from each other.
Don’t make the first thing you do after the breakup about trying to get them back.
Instead, just make gradual changes in your life and then slowly start hanging out with your ex again.
Maybe that means having a casual dinner together at home at some point or going out for coffee.
Whatever you do, don’t jump right into “let’s date again”!
If you do, then they will likely get the wrong idea and think you’re just trying to get them back.
Let your actions speak for themselves and don’t try to force them into anything.
9) Don’t lose hope
I know what you’re going through with living with your ex because last year my relationship was seemingly reaching a dead end too.
I’m talking do-not-resuscitate. Over and out.
I was ready to walk away, but before I did that I took a step I’d never taken before. I reached out to a professional relationship coach.
I had low expectations, but even my highest hopes were exceeded. The coach I spoke to at Relationship Hero broke down the walls I’d built up in my relationship and helped me understand why we broke up and what role I might have played in that.
This coach was tough but fair and genuinely helpful.
My coach took apart every single lie I was telling myself and helped me understand how to truly resolve this situation of living with my ex.
My relationship isn’t perfect now, but it’s so much better than what it was. Most importantly, I’m hugely optimistic about the future again.
10) Don’t do their laundry or other chores you used to do while being with them
If you want to win your ex back, you have to show them that you’ve become more independent.
This doesn’t mean that you have to become some sort of obnoxious person who refuses to do anything for anyone.
It just means that you have to be more conscious of your actions and how they will make your ex feel.
Don’t do your ex’s laundry or dishes just because you used to while you were still together.
Don’t take care of their pets or children.
Doing these things will make you look clingy and desperate.
It will also send the message that you’re not ready to let go of the relationship.
You see, it’s totally fine to do these things for them while you’re in a relationship, but now that you’re literally broken up, you’re not their servant.
Showing yourself enough respect not to do those things will actually help your ex see your worth, too.
And the best part?
It will help them realize how much help you were in their life and how much easier it was with you in it.
This can be a huge catalyst to being together again.
Now: if you keep doing chores for them while you’re broken up, they have zero incentive to want you back.
Their life is still easier and they are free to do whatever they want? Jackpot.
Don’t be that person, respect yourself!
11) Don’t ever try to make them jealous
If you want to win your ex back, you never want to try to make them jealous.
This is a surefire way to lose them for good.
When you’ve broken up with your partner and they’ve moved in with you, it’s tempting to try and make them jealous.
You might want to brag about the new people you’re dating or try to make them jealous by flirting with someone else.
Don’t do these things. They will only backfire on you and make your ex resent you even more.
Instead, focus on doing things to make yourself happy and moving on with your life.
While it’s always good to keep yourself open to meeting new people, don’t try to actively date anyone while you’re trying to get your ex back.
If it happens and things click, then you obviously can pursue that, because your ex won’t even be an afterthought anymore, but while you want them back, don’t make them jealous.
Worst case, they just think you’ve moved on quickly and will move on, too.
Best case, they see right through your facade and think you’re desperate, so just don’t do it.
You got this
Maybe you’ve learned something from this article, I sure hope so.
Whatever you do, remember that you are an amazing person who deserves to be loved, and if your ex doesn’t see that, maybe they aren’t the one for you!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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