The term “alpha male” seems to be thrown around a lot these days.
It’s probably because most guys have these big egos that really like the idea of being alpha.
But what exactly is an alpha male? Surely every guy can’t be one, right?
The fact is that they can’t. The word “alpha” is exclusive by its very definition. Alpha–first letter of the greek alphabet, means just that: the first.
Among animals, the socially dominant animal of either gender is designated as the alpha. So no matter how big every dude’s ego is, the fact remains that they can’t all be the alpha male. Sorry, guys.
A lot of women find themselves attracted to alpha males, with good reason. Identifying them from the riff raff is actually pretty easy once you’ve met a few alphas or even dated them.
They are natural leaders, they stand out from the crowd and don’t people please. The people they do care about and love are looked out for and protected by him.
They are proud and confident on the outside, but inside always feel like they could do better and try harder.
However, the way an alpha male falls in love is sometimes a little bit different from other guys.
If you’ve ever been interested in an alpha male, understanding his behavior can be a challenge.
An alpha male displays affection in ways that differ from beta males and other people in general, so it can be a bit of a mystery trying to figure out whether or not he’s actually into you, or just being–well–alpha.
The good news is that there are some sure-fire ways to identify whether or not an alpha male likes you.
Just because his behavior is different from most other guys, that doesn’t mean he’s impossible to read or understand.
Here’s how to tell if an alpha male likes you.
1) He always makes sure you’re okay
The protection drive in an alpha male is very strong. If he cares about you, you’ll be able to tell by his behavior.
Does he check in with you regularly to see how you’re doing? When you’re not okay does he know right away?
If he’s keen on making sure you’re alright, he’s showing you that he likes you, and he’s definitely interested in you.
The protection drive in a man boils down to his hero instinct (I’ll tale more about this fascinating concept below).
2) He walks you to your car
An alpha male will always be a gentleman, and one of the ways he will show this is by walking you to your car (or your house).
It fits in well with his need to be protective, to make sure that you are safe.
He’s not just going to walk everybody to their car, though, he’s only going to do it for the people he’s interested in.
If he’s escorting you home on a cold night, or he’s walking you to your parked car, he’s displaying to you that he likes you.
3) He’s protective of you
Alpha males tend to be protective. They want to shield you from all the bad things in the world.
If he expresses a desire to keep you from harm, it’s a huge sign that he really likes you.
What drives an alpha male to protect you from all the big (and little) things in life?
A relationship psychology would point to his hero instinct.
If you haven’t heard of the hero instinct before, it’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
Simply put, men want to be an everyday hero to the woman he cares about. He wants to step up to the plate and be there for her.
This is deeply rooted in his biology.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.
If your man is an alpha then all these traits will come naturally to him. However, there are still things you can do that will bring out this instinct more.
If you want to learn the words you can use, phrases you can say, and texts you can send to trigger the hero instinct in your guy, check out this excellent free video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first discovered the hero instinct, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. However, I think the hero instinct can be a game changer when it comes to developing a loving relationship with an alpha man.
4) He craves your admiration
Similar to above, alpha males love being preened.
They work hard in almost every aspect of their life, and seeing admiration for that is always welcome to an alpha male. Especially from a girl he likes.
If he mentions some of the many things that he’s accomplished as an alpha or shares with you different facets about his busy and productive life, he’s likely craving your admiration.
As alpha males are not people-pleasers, he’s proving that the way you feel about him matters.
If he thinks that’s the case, it’s because he’s probably into you.
5) He’s not afraid to flirt with you
Confidence is one of the biggest signs of an alpha male.
And not the kind of inflated confidence many guys try to show that is so clearly false.
Rather, an alpha’s confidence is effortless. He doesn’t give it a second thought, it’s part of who he is.
Which means if he likes you, he’ll be flirting with you. Maybe he teases you, or he’s being sly and mysterious. He’ll be showing you he likes you in his own way because he’s not afraid to.
Keep an eye out for flirty behavior; when you notice it, you’ll know he’s into you.
If he wants you, he’ll be showing the signs.
6) He takes the lead
It may seem obvious. Alpha males are leaders, so of course, he’ll lead, right?
But alpha males don’t just lead anybody. They aren’t people-pleasers, so they won’t just take everybody by the hand and whisk them away.
He’ll do it with you if he’s into you.
When you’re together, he wants your input, he wants your opinion, and with that he’ll take the lead, make decisions, and demonstrate that classic alpha behavior.
This behavior might just become one of your favorite parts about him.
7) He’s jealous of exes
Most guys will demonstrate a measure of jealousy over you. It’s a natural behavior that when kept in check is normal and shouldn’t adversely affect a relationship.
Alpha males, with their protective instincts, will show jealousy over you if they like you.
Maybe he gets uncomfortable when you talk about an ex, or maybe he hates the fact that your ex messed up and treated you badly.
He recognizes your worth and as an alpha wants to show you how special you are in the way that he thinks best.
Of course, he won’t be threatened by your exes. He is alpha, after all, so what does he have to be afraid of?
8) He resents the people who have hurt you
When an alpha male is really into you, his feelings will be very strong.
His desire to be protective stems from the fact that he cares about you and your well-being. For anyone who has hurt you, past or present, he will resent them.
He hates the idea of you being hurt in any way.
If you tell him about someone who has hurt you, don’t be surprised if he gets upset and reacts strongly to what you say. He’s just showing you that he is into you, cares about you, and doesn’t like seeing you hurt.
9) He carries your things
Acts of service are a big way that alpha males demonstrate love. Being able to provide, be there, and make your life easier is important to an alpha.
He’s not servient to everybody, though. There’s probably only a small handful of people he’ll extend himself like that for.
Those that he does, he cares about fiercely and would do anything for them.
If tries to carry your things for you, it’s not because he thinks you’re weak.
When an alpha male offers his help to you freely, it’s a big indicator that he likes you and wants to impress you.
The truth is men and women want different things from a relationship.
What do you think really drives him as a man?
You may think that men are all about money, sex, food, sports, and power.
Sure, those things all come into play at times. But I think there is a deeper truth that few women are aware of.
Men are actually driven less by those external things above and more by how a relationship makes them feel about themselves.
Above all else men want to feel essential to the woman in his life.
I mentioned the hero instinct above. It’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology.
The simple truth is that an alpha male wants to be your hero. And if you want your relationship to succeed, you need to let him be one.
The best thing you can do is watch this excellent free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
Some ideas are life changing. When it comes to alpha men, I think this is one of them.
10) He’s big on physicality
Alpha males find strength very important.
In the complex social structures, we have as humans, the type of strength an alpha male displays can be surprisingly different from the next.
But, most of them are going to be big on physicality and showing their strength.
Maybe he’ll lift you up and carry you, swoop you off your feet or give you a piggy-back ride. It may be alarming at first, but he knows his strength, and (hopefully) he won’t hurt you.
In the bedroom, too, an alpha male will find great satisfaction in using his strength to please you.
But what if he’s making you wait to sleep with him? Here are a few reasons why.
11) He puts his arms around you
Everybody likes the feeling of being hugged and being held.
That feeling of security is something that nobody takes for granted.
If an alpha male is into you, expect to see his arms around you a lot. He’ll likely be doing it without even noticing that he does.
It’s a way for him to feel secure, and to feel like he is protecting you. He is an alpha, after all, and protection is a big part of his makeup.
12) His big plans involve you
Alpha males are big dreamers. More than big dreamers they are big planners, and hard workers.
They take life on life’s terms, make the very most of it and make it their own. It’s one of the things that sets alpha males out from the pack.
If you hear him talking about his big plans for the future and you come up, that’s a big sign he has strong feelings for you.
He envisions his future with you in it, which makes you really important to him. It’s not just everybody that gets an exclusive spot in his dreams.
13) He reveals to you his weaknesses
Alpha males never bluff their confidence. They wear their scars proudly with their hearts on their sleeves. They have nothing to hide and that’s what makes their confidence so effortless.
But it’s not to everybody that they reveal their true weaknesses.
Since alpha males have the tendency to lead, he feels the pressure to look strong for those who look up to him.
If he’s revealing his weaknesses to you, it’s because he thinks you’re really special. He trusts you, cares about you, and really likes you.
However, even alpha males can be hard to read at times.
And the reason is simple.
Male and female brains are biologically different.
One big way is that the limbic system (the part of the brain that regulates our emotions) is much larger in female brains and male ones.
This is why women are generally more in touch with their emotions and men can struggle to deal with complicated feelings, such as falling in love.
I learnt about this from relationship expert Amy North.
In her video, Amy North reveals exactly what to say to an alpha man to make him want to commit to a deep and passionate relationship with you. These words work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.
If you want to learn science-based techniques to attract men and get them to commit to you, check out her free video here.
So he’s an alpha male and he might be into you. How can you attract him?
A lot of women are hesitant to enter a relationship with an alpha male.
They think because he’s alpha he has to always take the lead and dictate everything in the relationship. That’s really not the case, though.
Alpha males tend to look for alpha females.
He may like to take the lead, yes, and may even be surprisingly, infuriatingly stubborn, but he doesn’t want to be with someone who will just nod her head or go along with whatever he says.
He wants a woman who is confident, capable, driven, and independent.
He wants a girl who will speak her mind, voice her opinion, and push back against his alpha tendencies.
There are all kinds of crazy chemistry when that happens.
So what can you do to draw his alpha gaze?
- Dress to impress him. Alpha males spend a lot of their energy making sure they stand out from the crowd and look their best. If you do the same, he’s guaranteed to notice.
- Ooze confidence. Confidence is a key element of an alpha male’s makeup. If you also display genuine confidence, not just in front of him but in your day to day life, he’s bound to take an interest in you.
- Admire him. Alpha males love admiration. Make sure you show him you’re impressed by what he does. Verbalizing your admiration will attract him to you without a hitch.
- Don’t always do what he says. An alpha male would get bored with someone who just nods along and always does what he says like a robot. (Who wouldn’t?) Just because he likes taking the lead doesn’t mean he likes total subservience. When you defy him, he’ll be intrigued, and you’ll have his attention.
- Stay true to your word. Alpha males have a strong sense of loyalty. With strong loyalty comes the need to stay true to your word. If you stay true to your word, and true to yourself (no people-pleasing), you’ll have the attention and respect of an alpha male.
There’s only a small percentage of people out there who are true alphas, both male and female; understanding them can at first be a confusing and intimidating experience.
Once you get to know an alpha, though, you’ll find that they are, above all else, virtuous and true to themselves.
They ooze confidence, take the lead, don’t people please, and aren’t afraid to get what they want.
When you realize an alpha male is into you, it can be a little bit intimidating. But don’t be afraid to push back, assert yourself, show him your independence and confidence.
Above all, be yourself. You’ll quickly find out how attractive that really is.
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