There is arguably nothing worse than being unsure whether a guy truly loves you or if he’s just lying about his feelings.
It leaves you in a state of confusion and quite frankly, sometimes despair, as the only thing you probably want is some clarity.
The good news?
There are some tips I have for you that will help you to know if a guy has ulterior motives and is just playing with your feelings.
Let’s take a look:
1) Listen to your intuition
Alright, let’s start off with a banger – listening to your intuition. I know, that’s probably not the tip you were looking for right off the bat, but hear me out!
When it comes to matters of love, your intuition is very wise and will help you to discern if a guy is lying about his feelings or not.
You know how you get that feeling in your stomach when something isn’t right? Yeah, that’s your intuition talking! If a guy is playing with your emotions, it will feel wrong.
Your gut feeling is the truth!
Think about it: why have you clicked on this article in the first place?
The truth is, if a relationship is in a good place and he gives you no reason to doubt, then you wouldn’t have to be here.
You’d already be blissfully in love, or at least on your way there. So if you’re still reading this article, then chances are your gut feeling is telling you something.
And what it’s telling you is that he’s probably not being honest with you and he’s just playing with your feelings.
Now: sometimes, your intuition can be a bit off, I’ll admit that. However, when you really get the nagging feeling that something is wrong, I’d look into it a bit more.
After all, you don’t want to spend your life with a person whose feelings you doubt, right?
2) See if he changes his opinion to please you
One of the biggest tips I can give you to figure out a man is lying to you about his true feelings is to see if he changes his opinion to please you.
If a guy is all over the place when it comes to his beliefs, then chances are he’s lying about his feelings for you.
Think about it: if a guy is truly in love with you, he would probably be honest about his views because he feels that you will love him for it.
The truth is, some people change their opinions to please others because they want to receive positive reinforcement from them.
This can, technically, just be a sign of him not being very secure in himself.
To figure out the truth, think about what kind of man he is. Is he very confident and sure of himself?
In that case, changing his opinion to meet yours is definitely a bit sketchy.
If he’s not very confident and sure of himself, then it’s not a bad thing that he wants to please you.
In fact, it just means that he’s probably a bit nervous around you and wants you to like him.
My tip? Let him know that you like him and that you like him for his honest views and opinions.
3) Check if this might be a pattern for you
We talked about intuition earlier and I mentioned that sometimes, your intuition can be a bit off.
The thing is, depending on your past, your attachment style, and your beliefs about yourself and your relationships, you could have doubts where there is no need to have any.
I’ve been in the same boat before and it sucks because it can get really hard to discern what’s real and what isn’t.
You see, this is the time to really check in with yourself, think about your past relationships and see if these kinds of doubts are a pattern for you.
If you have a history of doubting guys, then it might be easier for you to get caught up in a whirlwind of doubt.
The thing is, if this is a pattern for you, then make sure you’re not just projecting your own insecurities on this guy.
That’s a surefire way to ruin a relationship, unfortunately!
But I have some good news, too.
Anything that originates from yourself can be worked on and changed!
When I realized that a lot of my doubts were not coming from my boyfriend at the time, I decided that I wanted to change and looked for a relationship coach.
They helped me identify my own limiting beliefs that I had formed in childhood and over a few sessions, I learned to discern between feeling triggered and actually having reasonable doubt.
When I did it, I worked with Relationship Hero, which was a great choice because it was all online.
I honestly believe that almost everyone could benefit from some relationship coaching – we learn so little about it growing up and if you don’t happen to have really great parents who are really securely attached to one another, you might be sabotaging your own relationships without even being aware of it!
Think about whether you might be the common denominator behind all your doubts, and if you want, go and do something about it.
4) See if he avoids definitive statements
Okay, now that you’ve figured out whether you might be the reason for your doubts, let’s take a look at him again.
To see if he is lying about his feelings, watch if he avoids making definitive statements about his feelings for you and your future together.
Does he say things like “I love you”?
Or does he say things like “We’ll see about the future”?
If you’ve been dating for a while and there are no definitive signs of his feelings for you, then you should ask him to explain why he is so noncommittal.
If he doesn’t have a good reason, or if he just gives you some lame excuse, then it might be time to get out.
You see, I understand that commitment can be scary for some people, but if you are looking for a serious relationship, you need to respect yourself and leave if he treats you like that.
Guys who lie about their feelings will always find excuses like “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there” or “We’ll see”.
That kind of guy is basically saying that he is not sure about you and your future together.
If that’s the case, why would you want to be with him?
Why waste time on someone who might not be sure about your future together?
Go for a guy who knows what he wants and is willing to commit to it.
5) Watch out for guys who don’t match their actions with their words
Speaking of commitment – you know what really shows that a man is committed to you? When his actions match his words.
If he says that he loves you, then he should act like it.
He shouldn’t hesitate to show you affection in public, and he shouldn’t hesitate to make plans with you for the future.
If he treats you like an afterthought or a burden, then something is wrong.
Be careful not to confuse insecurity for commitment!
I know that it is hard to tell if someone really loves you or not, and I know how confusing love can be sometimes.
It’s easy to feel insecure about your relationship and wonder if the person who is supposed to love you really has deep feelings for you.
But sometimes, it’s clear as day. A guy who truly loves you will stick to his promises and follow through.
He says he wants to move in with you? A guy who loves you will actually start looking for places.
He says he wants to go on vacation together? If he had true feelings, he’d start planning with you.
If he keeps saying he wants things but never does anything about it, then you need to ask yourself why.
Maybe he just doesn’t see you as a priority.
Sure, some guys are simply a bit slow when it comes to relationships, but if he’s been dragging his feet for a long time and still makes excuses, then that’s not the kind of guy you want to be with.
6) See if he keeps moving relationship goalposts
Now that we’ve talked about sticking to your promises, let’s take a look at another crucial tip in any relationship: see if he keeps moving the relationship goalposts.
Did you have certain goal posts for your relationship, like “We’ll move in together after you graduate from Uni this Fall”?
A huge sign that he is lying about his feelings is if he uses excuses in order to move these goalposts around.
For example, he might say “I know we wanted to move in together, but I feel like I should maybe save up for just a couple more months, and then we do that”.
If he’s making excuses for why he can’t make the same commitment that you are, then he’s not ready to commit.
Of course, sometimes, real-life stuff happens and people do have to change plans. But if you notice a pattern of him consistently changing things up and postponing things, that’s a red flag.
You see, a man who truly loves you wants to be your hero and wants to actually stick to the things you guys have planned.
If you’re feeling especially defeated at this point, there is technically one last thing you can try, and that’s bringing out his inner-hero and hoping to evoke those deep feelings in him.
You can learn how to do this with this free video here, relationship expert James Bauer explains how to really get to a man’s heart, and it might work in your situation!
But of course, you don’t want to wait forever for this guy to change his mind.
My tip? Try it out, and if even that doesn’t work, that could be your final sign that it’s time to move on!
7) Be careful when he tries to change your mind on certain things
A guy who loves you will love you for who you are, including your opinions. More importantly, he will respect all of your opinions.
Someone who lies about his feelings, on the other hand, will probably also subtly try to change your opinions about certain things.
For example, he might be the kind of guy who tries to make you feel bad for being a feminist or a vegetarian.
He might try to convince you that you are “overreacting” and “too sensitive” and that he is just “trying to have a good time”.
Or maybe he will try to convince you that it’s okay for him to go out with his friends, even though you two had plans.
If you notice that he is trying to change your mind about something important, then you should take note of this.
That’s because it shows that he doesn’t respect your opinion and doesn’t actually want to hear what you have to say.
That says a lot about his character and how he stands in relation to you!
8) His relatives will also try to manipulate you when you disagree with him
On a similar note, a guy who doesn’t truly love you might even get his own family involved when it comes to convincing you to change your mind on something.
That’s when it gets downright manipulative.
You see, relationship problems, differences in opinion, and anything of that sort are private things, meant to be discussed between the two of you.
If he makes you feel bad by involving his family and letting them tell you how you should feel, then he’s showing that he doesn’t respect your opinion.
Now, I know that sometimes it can be hard to find a balance between respecting his opinion and respecting your own.
But if his family members are trying to convince you to change your mind about something important, then that can be a red flag.
9) When you share your needs with him, watch how he reacts
One of the biggest clues to whether someone’s feelings are genuine or not is how he reacts to you when you talk about your needs.
You see, there are guys who will listen intently to your needs and then try their best to meet them.
And then there a guys who will try to convince you that “you don’t actually want that” if it doesn’t fit their agenda.
Guess who of those two guys truly loves you?
A guy who truly loves you will be happy to meet your needs and will try his best to do so.
But the guy who doesn’t love you will try to convince you that your needs aren’t that important, or that he doesn’t want to meet them.
10) If he mocks you for your needs – be careful
On that note – if he ever mocks your needs, you should be very careful.
In a respectful relationship, you listen to one another’s needs and discuss how you can help each other meet them.
However, if he is lying about his feelings for you, he might do things like actually mocking you for your needs.
That’s a red flag because it shows that he doesn’t respect you, and that he might not truly love you.
This could look like him saying “Oh my god, you’re so needy and sensitive all the time”, or “what, don’t you like yourself that you need so much reassurance?”
While all these sentiments can be discussed in a respectful manner, comments like these will leave you feeling small and unimportant.
And if you’re with someone who truly loves you, he’ll never make you feel that way.
11) See how his mood changes when you talk about the things that are important to you in a relationship
A guy who is lying about his feelings will not like talking about the things that are important to you in a relationship.
His mood will change, and he might even get angry or upset.
It’s worth noting that when you’re with someone who truly loves you, he’ll be happy to talk about the things that are important to you in a relationship.
Sometimes he might not agree with them, but he’ll respect your feelings and your right to have them.
A guy who’s lying about his feelings will try his best to distract himself from those topics – and if he can’t, he’ll try his best to change the subject.
12) Watch out for guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is when someone tries to make you feel bad about something so that you’ll act a certain way.
It’s often used as a manipulative tactic, and it’s one of the signs to watch out for if he doesn’t love you.
In a respectful relationship, your partner will never guilt-trip you into anything.
If he does try to guilt-trip you, it means that he isn’t respecting your feelings or needs – and that could be because he doesn’t truly love you.
A guy shouldn’t make you feel guilty for your choices or opinions.
If he does, it’s a sign that he’s the wrong guy for you.
13) Do you feel like you actually know him?
I know what you’re thinking: “I’m in a relationship with him, of course I know him!”.
But the thing is, there is knowing someone, and then there is knowing someone.
Can you talk to this guy about deep, personal stuff? Does he open up to you about his feelings?
The thing is, a guy who is lying about his feelings for you will probably also not let you in emotionally.
So if you find that apart from the superficial stuff, you don’t really know the person you are with, that is something to look out for.
You see, regardless of whether he is lying or not, if you don’t know personal things about your boyfriend, you need to work on your connection and communication.
14) Watch out for defensiveness
This one applies to any liar, no matter what the subject is: if he gets way too defensive, that’s a huge sign that he’s lying.
When you ask him a question about something, he will immediately shut down and turn defensive.
He might say things like “Why are you asking me this?”, “What’s wrong with you?”, or “Are you crazy?”
It can be difficult to make sense of these reactions, especially if they come out of nowhere.
But if you think about what lies behind them, they actually make perfect sense: if he gets defensive when you ask him questions, it means that he doesn’t want to answer them – because the truth might come out.
A guy who is lying will often get defensive as soon as there is any kind of confrontation – even if it’s just a simple question.
That means that his defensiveness is a sign of guilt and deception. He’ll try to make it seem like the whole thing is your fault, and that it has nothing to do with him.
15) Are you always the scapegoat?
Speaking of making if your fault – my last tip is to watch out for whether or not he is always making you the scapegoat.
If no matter what happens in the relationship, it somehow always ends up being your fault and you apologize for things you aren’t even sorry for, that’s a pretty bad sign.
Not only is it a sign that he might be lying about his feelings, but it’s also a sign that your relationship is not the healthiest.
I know that it’s easier said than done, but if you really care about your relationship, you need to be able to stand up for yourself.
Final thoughts – look out for yourself
The moral of the story is that if you have a gut feeling that something is wrong in your relationship and a few of these things apply, you need to look out for yourself.
If you are feeling insecure about your relationship, don’t let him take advantage of it.
You deserve a healthy, honest relationship where you feel comfortable expressing yourself – and if that’s not what you have now, it’s time to move on.
You can try the things I suggested and if you see no improvement, do yourself a favor and find a guy who will love and respect you the way you deserve!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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