Worried that you’re dating a player?
You know that you’re into him, but you just don’t know if he will commit, or even if you really want him to.
The worst bit?
You hate the thought that you might just be considered another “notch” on his belt.
But before you make a final decision on what you believe this man is like, you need to know the signs that he is a player.
After all, sometimes there is a fine line between a guy who is simply friendly with everyone, and a guy who appears friendly on the surface but is out to manipulate women to get them into bed.
And I’m guessing that you want to know the difference. Am I right?
Alright, so here we go. Let’s go through the bonafide signs that the man you’re dealing with is a player with bad intentions.
1. He shows no emotion
C’mon, admit it. Have you ever dated someone and thought, “where the f*ck is this guy’s emotions?”
Look, I’ll be honest, it’s common for men to struggle to show their emotions, but if everything he says seems almost fake and robotic – you know that fake smile that I’m talking about – then you might be dealing with a player.
You see, when a guy is sleeping around, hooking up with many women, he simply doesn’t have the ability to open up emotionally to any of them.
His only goal is the booty at the end of the night, and if he opens himself up emotionally, then he puts his goal in jeopardy.
He knows that if he opens up emotionally it might be great for the conversation and emotional rapport, but it won’t add any benefit to the physical attraction
Men can compartmentalize sex from emotion (probably hard to believe for a woman, but it’s true).
In fact, according to relationship expert David Bennet, women tend to have brains that have “more overall connectivity” which means that the emotions they experience from one task affects other facets of their life.
Men, on the other hand, don’t have brains that are as connected, and therefore can separate their feelings from their behaviors.
So he’s not going to let himself get sucked into a committed relationship when he can keep aiming for that booty.
The bottom line?
If you’re dating a guy that seems devoid of all emotion, or the only emotion he shows is fake smiling and laughing, then I’m sorry to say but he might be a creep that’s just out to get you in bed.
2. He just got that player lifestyle, know what I’m sayin?
What is his lifestyle like?
Is he an accountant that spends most of his nights sitting on the couch watching Netflix?
Or is he a bartender or musician that goes out most nights of the week?
It’s important to recognize that the majority of players live a lifestyle that allows them to party, and meet countless different types of women.
In fact, even a businessman who needs to travel all the time is constantly moving from fling to fling because he is never in the same place long enough to settle down with someone.
And that might suit them just fine.
Now if your man is good looking, naturally outgoing, and his profession exposes him to a high number of women, then there is always opportunity for him to have some fun.
Now I’m not saying all bartenders or musicians are players. That’s definitely not the case.
But in general, there are more players in these professions compared to accountants for example.
All I will say is this:
If your man is in a player-type of profession, and he exhibits some of the other signs that I mention in this article, then you need to tread carefully.
3. He’s smooth like butter
Spill the beans.
How in the hell did you meet this man?
Did he approach you and say all the right things to make you giggle and fawn?
Now you might not like hearing this, but if he was incredibly smooth when he approached you and got your phone number easier than cake, then I’m sorry to say, but he might be a bonafide player.
Think about it. If he approached you and said all the right things without an ounce of awkwardness, don’t ya think he has had some practice?
No guy is smooth if he has only approached a few women in his life.
Flirting is a learnable skill. It isn’t a natural talent. The more you flirt with women, the better you get at it.
So if your guy is incredibly smooth at flirting with you, he is most likely flirting with more people than you.
Now perhaps you can change him. Maybe he’s over dating female after female and he wants to settle down.
But I’m going to be brutally honest here:
The chances are low that you’re going to be the one that he will settle down for.
After all, 100 women before you weren’t able to get him to commit.
But I could be wrong. And that’s why you need to also look for some other signs to paint a complete picture of this guy’s true intentions.
4. He only wants sex
This should be pretty obvious. If your man is only interested in having sex with you, and can barely keep a proper conversation with you for more than 5 minutes, then it’s likely that he is a player.
How can you tell if his only intention is sex?
When does he strike up conversation? Late on a Saturday night?
Or does he always want to meet up at night because he knows that will lead to alcohol and going back to your or his place?
Basically, if the only time he meets you is when he knows it could result in sex, then I’m sorry to break it to you, but he’s probably a player.
Tell him that you’d like to meet him for coffee during the day and see what his response is.
If he isn’t willing to meet up with you during the day, and you know, actually talk to you, then his only intention is sex and he is probably a player.
5. He doesn’t have the hero instinct
When a guy has serious intentions with a woman, he’ll do certain things:
- Protect her
- Help her when she needs help
- Provide emotional support when she needs it.
On the flip side, when you’re not seeing any of this from a guy, he’s probably a player.
What noble behaviors like these all boil down to is a man’s hero instinct.
If you haven’t heard of the hero instinct before, it’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
Simply put, men want to be an everyday hero to the woman he cares about. He wants to step up to the plate and be there for her.
This is deeply rooted in his biology.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.
All is not lost if you’re dating a player, however. There are easy ways to bring out the hero instinct in a man.
If you want to learn the words you can use, phrases you can say, and texts you can send to trigger the hero instinct in your guy, check out this excellent free video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first discovered the hero instinct, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. However, I think the hero instinct can be a game changer when it comes to turning a player into a rock solid boyfriend.
6. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family
We can all agree that a big step in anyone’s relationship is to meet your partner’s close friends and family.
But if you’ve been dating for a while, and your man isn’t even bothering introducing you to his friends or family, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he doesn’t see this as a serious relationship.
Furthermore, he might be scared of introducing you to his friends as they know his history of being a player.
Who knows what they will reveal!
And he knows that if you hear those stories he won’t be able to sleep with you much longer.
Also, keep an eye out for how secretive he is about his life.
Most players don’t like to reveal a whole lot about themselves.
This is for 2 reasons.
A) They are most likely dating a lot of other women at the same time and they don’t want their flings to know about it.
B) Their main goal is sex, and they don’t want to get emotionally tied down.
7. He’s cheated on his ex-girlfriends.
While he might have been the perfect gentleman since you’ve met him, if he has told you about some shady things he’s done in his past, then obviously you need to be wary.
At this point, you have to decide whether to believe he’s changed or not.
It’s hard, no doubt, to try to overcome something like that, but if you don’t trust him, there can be no real relationship.
After all, trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
When it comes to finding out if your guy is a player, you need to sit down and learn more about him and ask yourself if the way he treats you is good enough for you.
Everyone has different needs and wants and your relationship doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s.
But and this is a big but:
There are some things you need to have a successful relationship with this guy: trust, loyalty, and safety.
If you feel like he’s compromising any of these three areas, he’s not going to be the guy you thought he was
8. He’s a fake alpha
A player is someone who tries to be the leader of the pack but usually ends up at the back of the room all by himself.
He is loud and aggressive and tries to be the center of attention but doesn’t accomplish much with himself otherwise.
Sure, he looks like an alpha male to onlookers, but a real alpha male can spot a fake from a mile away.
A real alpha is a true gentleman that treats women well. He wants to find his soulmate and live happily ever after.
He also treats everyone with respect and doesn’t flirt with any female he comes across.
You’ll be able to see if he is a fake player simply by how hard he tries to impress you and hide his insecurities.
You know the type.
He’ll try to be the alpha by putting other people down in the room to make himself look better.
He’ll talk himself up and even make up some fibs about his life if he has to.
And he’ll probably try some outrageous pick-up lines he learned from a pick-up artist book he read.
It’s completely lame but this is how he has learned to hide his insecurities and pounce on vulnerable ladies.
Keep in mind that players are generally insecure in some type of way, and picking up women is a way for them to hide their insecurities.
If your man is a player, then he’ll be no different.
9. He’s a loner.
See above. Despite his best efforts to be someone who is at the head of the class, a player will always end up by themselves because it’s only a matter of time before people see who he really is.
You can’t hide a deceptive nature, ironically. And people don’t enjoy being friends with someone who is inauthentic and toxic.
Guys see other guys who are trying to fake it until they make it and they don’t go near those guys if they can help it.
So if your man seems to have no friends or anyone to hang out with, then he might be a player that people have learned to stay away from.
10. He’s totally conceited.
Not only is a player someone who is going to talk about himself all night, he’s going to talk down others who try to take the spotlight and make other people feel bad about themselves.
Unfortunately, this also includes women.
Players like to be in control, despite actually having a control problem.
They like things to look like they are all tied up with a nice bow, but really, deep down, they are scared and try to compensate with highly assertive and conceited behavior.
11. He’s not really paying attention.
He might ask you questions and at first, glance, seem interested, but when you peel back the layers, you can see he’s really checking out the other girl over your shoulder while you tell him about your childhood friend who moved away and how you sent postcards every year to one another until you were 30.
Yeah, he doesn’t care and if you’re not paying attention to it, you’ll think he’s the greatest listener on the planet. That’s his game.
This is because a player has learned how to flir and interact with women.
They know what to say to make you feel good, they know when to say “yep” to make it seem like they’re listening, and they know how to get away with looking at other women while they’re out on a dinner date with you.
It’s their game. After all, a night out is just another chance for a player to get you into bed.
12. He’s not telling you the whole story.
No matter how many times you ask about his life, family, friends, job, school, experiences – he won’t give you a straight answer.
He’s always changing the subject and if you happen to bring up ex-girlfriends he makes a beeline for the door.
Look, maybe he is confused about his feelings for you.
But you can’t get any information about this guy. He plays it close to the chest so you don’t find out how fake this guy really is.
13. He doesn’t remember anything you tell him.
He misses dinners, dates, doesn’t call you back and doesn’t show up when he was supposed to meet your roommate.
What’s his deal?
Well, unfortunately, he doesn’t care to get to know anything about you beyond your bedsheets so when you ask him for anything, he’s going to blow you off.
It’s not that he means to hurt you, it’s just his playin’ ways. And if you’re dating a guy like this holding onto the hope that you can change him, just move on.
There are ten more guys just dying to be with you. They just aren’t letting you know because you’re chasing this douche around.
14. He is not a true gentleman
A gentleman that genuinely likes you will look after you and want to provide and protect for you.
But if your man doesn’t seem to show the slightest interest in being gentleman and he only seems to look out for himself, then you can better your bottom dollar he might be a player.
So, how can you tell if your man is a gentleman or not?
Here are 4 signs that he is a gentleman:
1. He’s ultra polite. Don’t confuse this with boring. A gentleman is engaged in everything you say and will not be sexually aggressive. He’s interested in getting to know you and will respect the boundaries you set.
2. He is actually present in the conversation: If a man isn’t interested, then he won’t pay attention to what you say. But if he’s a true gentleman, he’ll listen to every word you muster and he’ll ask topical questions. He won’t dominate the conversation. His body language will show he’s listening by nodding along, laughing when appropriate, and visibly reacting to your comments.
3. He ignores antiquated expectations: He’ll take a modern approach to dating. If you want to pay for your own meal, he’ll respect your independence. He respects you as an equal and in fact, being in the presence of a strong woman such as yourself gives him energy and confidence.
4. He will adapt. He’s very conscious of social cues, even if you flat-out reject him. He will not talk down to you, call you names, or act like a spoiled child. When he is kissing you, he will show compassion, tact, and skill. He won’t just shove his tongue down your throat.
If your man doesn’t show these signs, then it isn’t good. Pretty much the opposite of above is a bonafide player.
15. He gets hate mail, posts, and texts from ex-girlfriends on the regular.
You should always watch out for this sign. It’s a really big one.
If the phone rings in the middle of the night or his text messages are blowing up from some “crazy ex-girlfriend” you might want to consider the other side of that story.
Sure, she might be out of line, but there’s a reason she’s freaking out about him. And it might not be good.
Let’s be honest. You don’t know much about this guy’s history, and if the only snippet of his dating history is a crazy ex girlfriend that won’t let up with crazy texts and calls, then you need to be ultra skeptical about it.
You could ask him and see what he says about it. But keep in mind that there is always two sides to every story, and if he exhibits any of the other signs that he is a player, then it might be time to ask yourself some questions.
16. He has lied to you.
Players are known for lying and decieving their dating partners.
So for whatever reason, if he has lied to you about something and you’ve found out, then it’s obviously not good.
Now, this can sting twice because you have to deal with the fallout of the lie and you have to deal with the repercussions of realizing he lied to you.
And of course, your brain is going to go directly to this thought: “well, if he lied to me about this, what else has he lied to me about?”
17. He won’t commit.
As discussed above, if he is dating more than one person at a time and won’t commit to you, even though you’ve said you don’t want him doing that, it’s time to move on to greener pastures, my friend.
If you’re cool with him seeing other people, there’s no issue. But based on your suspicion that he’s not who he says he is and you’re looking for more, this guy isn’t for you.
18. He won’t answer your questions.
Sure, he might engage in conversation and will entertain you all night long and make you laugh, but when it comes down to it, he won’t provide any direct or real information about himself.
Now, if this were the movies, you might suspect he’s a secret spy, but in real life, a guy who won’t give up information about himself is hiding something for sure.
19. He’s doing things out of the ordinary.
You might find him hooking up with friends doing back-alley deals or running off in the middle of the night to meet someone under the guise of “it’s no big deal.”
You might be blinded by all of this if you’re totally into this guy, but keep your wits about you. We never really know people and you can’t fill in the blanks with guesses.
20. He flirts with everyone…even dudes.
Two feet and a heartbeat? This guy is flirting with you.
He’s into all of it: guys, girls, guys who look like girls, girls who want to be guys: a player just wants to play. He doesn’t care who it’s with.
21. He doesn’t talk about his past much.
He keeps his life separate from you and you don’t know anything about his friends or parents or where he grew up or what sports he played in college: he’s just a closed book.
This is usually a big red flag that he’s hiding lots of things he’s not proud of.
22. You find out he’s seeing someone else or is in an open relationship.
Even if you’re casually dating, you don’t want to be sharing your partners with anyone.
If this guy is going on about how he’s got two other days this week, it’s probably safe to say he’s not ready to commit or even try sticking to one girlfriend for a while.
23. He uses language such as, “I’m just having fun”, or “I’m not looking for anything serious.”
These are big signs that you’ve got a player on your hands.
He might be trying to play it cool and not get hurt, but it comes across as not wanting to put other people’s feelings first.
He might want to have fun, but he doesn’t have to hurt people in the process.
24. He seems like he’s got nothing to lose.
When he’s not into you, he’s not going to go out of his way to get your attention and he won’t feel bad about breaking plans.
Guys who don’t care about the way they treat people are definitely players.
25. He doesn’t seem to be making a commitment and encourages you to just “go with the flow.”
Waiting around to see what he wants is not on your to-do list, yet you’ll do it for a while until you realize that “go with the flow” is code for “I’m seeing other people.”
26. He’s looking for love in all the wrong places.
You’ve barely had a chance to learn his last name and he’s already trying to get you into bed. If you’re just a conquest to him, think twice before taking him home.
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