15 ways to stop over-thinking and get back on track in your long-distance relationship

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Long-distance relationships have their challenges, but there are some simple steps that can help you overcome them! 

Sometimes it’s easy to get too caught up in the everyday variables: time zones, weird feelings, the little things that make long-distance difficult. 

But when you’re on a roll and feeling great about your relationship and yourself, those little things aren’t going to bother you. 

Here are 15 great tips for making your long-distance relationship work.

1) Stop worrying about the little details

If you’ve never done long-distance before, it’s easy to freak out over every little thing: whether she’s wearing the same shoes, making sure he has his charger, or making sure that he gets an A in history class. 

All those little things really add up, and they can make it difficult to enjoy the long-distance experience. 

When things are normal at home and the location is the same, long-distance can be easy because it doesn’t feel like a big deal. 

When you’re not together, you need to decide if the little things are worth worrying about. If they are, then stop. If they aren’t, then don’t worry! 

Why bother worrying about them? Get over it! 

You can’t control all the little details anyway. Live in the moment and just enjoy being in love with your partner. 

This is something you can control: spending time together! 

2) Remember why you’re together

Long-distance can make relationships more difficult than they need to be if you let it interfere with the fun of being together. 

You have to remember this:

When your relationship is going well, distance doesn’t matter. When your relationship isn’t going well, distance becomes a problem. 

On a day-to-day basis, you should remind yourself why you are together and not just thinking about everything else your partner does or doesn’t do. 

If you let it, you might start wondering if your life would be better without him/her. Don’t let that happen! 

When you’re together, you’re together. If you have questions about your relationship, ask. 

Don’t fret or think that something is wrong with your partner; this is what being in love with someone is all about! 

Being honest and open while keeping your trust are key to a long-distance relationship working well. 

3) Love yourself first

Long-distance relationships are hard enough without the added pressure of feeling bad about yourself. 

Don’t expect to have your partner do everything for you. There’s a lot that you have to do yourself, and it’s all part of the experience. 

When long-distance is hard, you’re going to feel like giving up, but don’t! You’ve made it this far, right? How much further could you go? Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. 

Let’s be honest about everything with your partner.

It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away. 

But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are. 

I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what traps us in things like a long-distance relationship. 

As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves. 

We need to face the facts about arguments when we’re in a long-distance relationship. 

The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty. 

The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve your relationship.

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. 

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to stop over-thinking and get back on track in your long-distance relationship.

If you’re done with wasting your time on the love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities. 

Click here to watch the free video.

4) Give the benefit of the doubt

One of the best solutions to stop over-thinking is giving the benefit of the doubt.

So how?

Don’t assume that your partner is being careless or inconsiderate. Don’t think that he’s only thinking about himself and doesn’t care about you. 

Oftentimes, people assume the worst of their partners. They think of them as selfish, lazy, and self-centered. 

If you assume this way, you’re going to be a jerk to your partner and then it’s going to be harder to maintain the relationship because they won’t want to put up with your negativity.

Even if you don’t think your partner is being inconsiderate, they might be. Don’t assume that they care only about themselves.

If you turn them off, it will make the long-distance relationship harder to maintain because you’ll have very little in common. 

Don’t be a negative person. If you can’t give your partner the benefit of the doubt, then don’t have a long-distance relationship at all! 

5) Don’t try to guess what they’re thinking

A long-distance relationship is likely to be stressful because you’re not together. 

When that stress starts to build, it’s easy to assume that your partner is thinking the same way. 

Some people think they know what other people are thinking and act accordingly, but I personally think this is a mistake. 

In some ways, a long-distance relationship can be like an emotional cocktail party because it’s hard to determine which thoughts are yours and which are your partner’s.

Unless you are a mind-reader, it’s impossible to guess what your partner is thinking. 

In relationships, it’s never right to try to read your partner’s thoughts and make assumptions about what they’re feeling. 

If you do this, you will end up being emotionally unavailable to your partner and that will be a big problem.

It’s better to just be yourself and act according to your own feelings. 

This is the hard part. You don’t want to change who you are so that you can make your relationship work, but it’s necessary if you want to make it last. 

6) Distract yourself with activities

You can stop over-thinking in a long-distance relationship by not having time to sit and think about everything. 

When you have no time for thought, the space for latent thoughts to emerge and try to take over your mind actually closes. 

Do distraction activities whenever you get a chance. Use this opportunity to do what you want without being interrupted or distracted.

It works every time! 

Distraction activities will keep you busy so that you don’t have time to catch yourself over-thinking in a long-distance relationship.

It helps to stop over-thinking in a long-distance relationship because you have more time for other things. 

That means you can spend less time on the phone and more time doing what you enjoy.

I did the same thing when I was at college and there wasn’t a lot of time for thinking. I had to focus on my work, study, and extracurricular activities.

7) Talk it out, but set a time limit

Long-distance relationships can become frustrating if you talk about everything even when your partner is not available.

You can be frustrated, but you don’t have to be confrontational. 

If things are going badly in your relationship, it’s important to speak up and express your feelings. 

Sometimes, it’s better to get into a fight instead of being passive-aggressive and staying silent. 

There are times that things are going really well, but feel like they’re not lasting.

It also helps you stop over-thinking.

Sometimes, you should try to communicate with your partner, but don’t do it all the time. 

Talk about what’s going on in your relationship and then agree to change the subject. 

This is important in a long-distance relationship because you need to know when to move past a topic. 

If one of you keeps bringing it up, it can make things worse. This is why setting time limits for each conversation helps.

8) Meditate

Meditation is great for relaxing your mind. 

It helps you let go of negative emotions and live more in the present moment. 

Meditation can also help you stop over-thinking by helping you to focus on the moment instead of what’s going on in your head. 

So how much time can we spend meditating?

Try meditating about once every two days for 15 minutes and then gradually increase it until you’re doing it twice a day for 30 minutes. 

If you feel like you want to do more, that’s great, but just make sure not to overdo it. 

You want your mind to be clear enough so that you can think about what’s happening rather than getting lost in the past or in your imagination. 

Meditation will help you break loose from the shackles of your thoughts and direct more energy towards the present moment. 

9) Accept that relationships have ups and downs

We can’t always be happy with our partners when we’re in a long-distance relationship. 

It would be nice if you were always happy, but that’s not the way it works in real life. 

You’re likely to have moments of frustration and disappointment throughout a long-distance relationship because you don’t have as much time together. 

That said, a good relationship is about how you respond to these issues.

By accepting that, you can calm yourself and overthink less.

Remember, your relationship is not about the happiness of one person, but rather the happiness of both people.

If you’re having a bad day, don’t let it ruin the good things in your relationship.

10) Rein in your imagination

If you’re really over-thinking in your relationship, it might be because you’re trying too hard to see what’s happening.

You might start imagining things that aren’t real so that you can create a better future for your relationship. 

For instance:

You might imagine yourself with a new partner or having a child with your current partner and doing all these things without telling them. 

You can’t do this because it is not good for the long-distance relationship.

It’s basically like you’re cheating on your partner and it will only make things worse when they find out.

Please be careful not to overthink because it can get you in all kinds of trouble.

If you do find yourself imagining things, come back to reality and start grounding yourself in the present moment again. 

11) Acknowledge your feelings

A long-distance relationship brings a whole new set of emotions and feelings. 

They can be a little strange and unfamiliar, but it’s important to understand them so you know how to deal with them. 

It’s also important for your partner to know that you’re feeling something because it can make them feel better about themselves if you tell them what’s happening. 

Talking about your feelings and acknowledging them will help stop over-thinking in a long-distance relationship.

Your partner might not know how you feel, so telling them can make them feel better about themselves.

This is because you’ll have a clearer picture of what’s going on inside you. 

You’ll be able to focus on the present and can also communicate with your partner better.

enjoy doing so that you can feel good about what’s happening in your relationship.

12) Write a letter or email to your loved one

Tell your loved one how you feel and communicate what you need from them. 

Be sure to let them know that it’s ok to break up. Your best bet is to start with a short email or letter. 

Let’s dive in!

There is no point in making a long-distance relationship complicated by falling in love, that’s all. 

If you’re constantly thinking about your partner, say something and then send it as an email or letter.

Remind your partner how much you love them and how you want to be with them. 

If you don’t think that your relationship is going to work in the long-term, it’s important for both of you to know. 

If your partner wants to try again then that’s fine. 

Be sure to tell them about a few ways that they can improve their communication so that the next time won’t be so stressful and over-thought.

13) Talk to your partner every day

Using technology (Skype or phone calls) or even video chatting make it easier to talk to each other every day, but long-distance relationships are no different than any other romantic relationship. 

If you don’t communicate, there will be problems.

Try to talk to each other everyday and do a video chat if possible. 

The more you talk, the less likely you are to over-think or have unnecessary stress in your relationship. 

You’ll feel more connected and it may help revive the romance in your relationship.

Remember this:

You should be communicating as much as possible so that you can avoid any misunderstandings. 

If your partner is a doctor and lives in a different city than you, they might not have time to talk to you either. 

A lot of the problems that people have with long-distance relationships come from a lack of communication. 

Communication is the main thing that’s missing in long-distance relationships.

14) Be open-minded

You might not like everything that your partner does and you might think that they shouldn’t be doing it.

While this is true to an extent, there are a lot of people who do things that you don’t like, too. 

If your partner is friends with someone, then you can’t just reject them because you don’t like them. 

But wait, let me tell you something:

Instead of judging people, it’s better to be a better person and be friends with everyone in the world. 

You can put your personal issues aside and be open-minded towards everyone. 

This is because you don’t know everything about everyone in the world even if you’ve been with them for a long time. 

No matter what, there are always going to be people who you don’t get along with. 

You just have to learn how to accept them for who they are and not take it personally.

15) Take positive actions

There is a saying: “Smile, and the world smiles with you.” 

It doesn’t matter how your long-distance relationship is going to be at the end of the day.

It’s just going to be a long, hard journey…So smile right now and take steps towards making it better. 

If you’re having trouble with your relationship, say something. 

If you don’t think that your relationship is going to work in the long-term, it’s important for both of you to know.

In fact: 

Being positive can stop over-thinking.

When you’re in a long-distance relationship with someone, it’s easy to over-think when there are problems. 

Over-thinking can cause depression and anxiety. 

So, maintaining a healthy mentality is really important.

Be a smiling person: BE POSITIVE!

Final thoughts:

Everyone has to go through a period when things don’t work out in their life. 

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’ll have to do a lot of thinking that create overt-thinking.

If you want to avoid this problem, you should learn to be happy and deal with people in a pleasant way.

Maybe your partner isn’t being honest with you, maybe they’re not being faithful…you might question them. 

You have to be strong and think of yourself before you start having extra thoughts about your partner.


Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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