Relationships are tricky to navigate, and it’s easy to get too assertive.
Your partner deserves some space, and pushing too hard might end up ruining what you have.
So how do you know when to talk less and visit more? And more importantly, how do we stop being too pushy in a relationship?
Let’s take a look at 20 ways to deal with this pushy behavior.
1) Don’t overreact to every little thing
Think about this for a moment:
How many times have you overreacted about something?
Maybe your partner hasn’t replied to your text message in a few hours, and you just assume that it’s because he or she is mad at you.
Or maybe they’re just busy hanging out with a friend, and you assume they’re going to cancel their plans.
By overreacting, you make your partner feel like it’s more important than it is. You’re also making yourself into more of a control freak, and you could drive your partner away by doing this.
Keep in mind:
Being pushy isn’t just about the amount you talk. It’s also about how you react and feel about your partner.
Take a deep breath, think before you speak, and try to take it easy.
2) Speak kindly to others in your life outside the relationship
Another helpful way to stop being pushy in a relationship is to make sure you don’t treat others with disdain.
Think about your friends, co-workers, and family members. Do you speak to them with love, kindness, and respect? And do you speak to them in a way that makes them feel comfortable around you?
If not, it’s time for some change. Speak kindly to these individuals. Don’t jump down their throats for every little thing.
Trust me, it will reflect positively on you. And it will teach you how to be more generous in your relationship.
3) Think about what values are most important to you in a relationship
Let’s be honest about what you value most in a relationship. Do you want someone respectful, caring, and generous?
But at the same time, you still hurt your partner, and you do it on a regular basis. And the guilt makes you feel terrible. Speechless, right?
I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are.
I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what trap us in things like pushy behavior.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about being pushy and love.
The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty.
The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like pushy behavior.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to stop being pushy in a relationship.
If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.
4) Build more laughter into your relationship
Have you ever noticed that some couples seem to be able to laugh together?
Have you ever had the experience of being in a room filled with people laughing and being happy, and realized that it didn’t feel like anyone was trying too hard?
I know laughter is something we really don’t talk about much in modern-day society. But there’s a reason for that:
Laughter gets to the heart of things.
When you’re laughing, you don’t have time to think or talk. You simply react with laughter. This is a very natural way of being in the world. This is an effective way to deal with pushy behavior.
The more you laugh in your relationship, the more comfortable and relaxed you feel.
So try to make up funny stories, or come up with funny situations that you can make light of. Laughter is truly the best medicine.
5) Respect the fact that this relationship is a two-way street, not one-sided
You can’t just do what you want and expect your partner to fall into line.
That’s a recipe for disaster, in so many ways. And it will push your relationship in an unhealthy direction.
Instead, you need to treat this relationship as a two-way street. This means that there are things your partner needs from you. And there are things that you need from them, too.
Both of you are coming together to form a relationship, and there’s no reason why one person should always be the provider.
That would just make one person feel like they’re being taken advantage of.
Think about how to make sure that both you and your partner are getting what you need from this relationship.
6) Listen more and talk less
I know this might sound like a strange suggestion. But think about it:
If you feel like you’re talking too much, then listening more is certainly something to try.
When you stop talking and really listen to your partner, a lot of things change. You realize that silence isn’t the worst thing in the world. In fact, it can be a breath of fresh air.
You become more alive in your relationship, and this makes it far more fulfilling.
The worst thing you can do is talk your partner into giving up. They have the right to have their own opinion and thoughts, too.
And when you learn to respect this, a lot of pushy behavior will disappear on its own.
7) Avoid assuming your partner is thinking the same thoughts as you
Here is the truth:
You’re not your partner’s thoughts. In fact, your partner might have a different understanding of what you’re talking about than you do.
And being pushy won’t help solve this disagreement.
Instead, you need to be willing to listen and hear your partner’s thoughts and opinions. To do this, you must give them the benefit of the doubt.
To begin with, think about how pushy behavior makes you feel. If you really want to know what your partner is thinking, ask them directly.
And if they refuse to tell you, well … again, let’s not go there.
8) Make your partner feel good about themselves
When we feel good about ourselves, it’s easy to be more loving and generous with our partners.
And that’s what you want, right? So why not try to make your partner feel good about themselves?
One of the most effective ways to do this is by making compliments. This is something I learned from a relationship counselor when I was going through a difficult time in my life.
This sounds like such a simple thing, but it makes an enormous difference in your relationship. And the funny thing is that you can do this all day long, in little ways.
For example, when your partner is cooking, you might tell them: “Wow! Those are really delicious potatoes.”
Or when they’re reading a book you think they might enjoy, you say: “I’ve heard good things about that book.”
It’s simple but it makes a big difference. And it helps to get rid of pushy behavior in relationships in the long run.
9) Don’t push your partner to do things that are inconvenient or uncomfortable for them
The reason we do things that make others uncomfortable is that we can’t bear to think of them as separate people with their own thoughts and opinions. We’re selfish, and don’t want to be seen that way.
This is a dangerous pattern that can have very tragic consequences in relationships. And the worst type of pushy behavior happens when you tell your partner what to do, and then push them towards doing it.
I know that you don’t mean to do this. It just sort of happens. But you need to be aware of it, and avoid doing it as much as possible.
This is because your partner might end up feeling like they’re walking on eggshells around you.
So go solve it:
Ask your partner if it’s okay to do something and this prevents the problem in the first place because you are taking your partner’s feelings into account from the very beginning.
10) Find a commonality that you can discuss with your partner
As we discussed earlier, one of the reasons you can get pushy is that you want to be heard. But even so, you must find a commonality that you can both relate to.
For example, if you’re both fond of chocolate, see if there are new brands or flavors of chocolate to try. You can always ask your partner if they have any recommendations.
Or if he/she has a hobby that you might enjoy, see if there are special classes you can take together. And for goodness sake, don’t be pushy about it.
Remember: Be open and receptive to your partner’s ideas and suggestions.
You have many opportunities during the day to show your partner that you care about what they think and feel. And being pushy is a lack of respect for your partner, it doesn’t work in the long term.
So use everything a little differently to make sure that you’re making progress.
11) Practice patience and self-control by holding back your words as well as actions
One of the things that you’ll notice in relationships is that some people are more patient than others. And this is a trait that you can develop by developing patience and self-control.
When you act on impulse, you find yourself in situations where your best intentions are lost. And because of this, you might become frustrated with your partner when they don’t do things just the way you want them to do it.
So one of the most effective ways to practice patience and self-control is simply by taking a breath.
When I was struggling the most in life, I was introduced to an incredible free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.
With a focus on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace, it was hard to resist giving it a go.
What made this breathwork video so effective?
Well, it comes down to the man behind it all. Rudá created these unique flows using a combination of ancient shamanic techniques and healing breathwork sequences.
He’s spent years developing them to help people find their inner peace.
So, if you feel a disconnect with yourself due to your pushy behavior, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video.
He’ll give you the tools to start injecting patience and self-control back into your life, from the very first breathwork exercise.
12) Be flexible when you disagree
Nothing happens in a vacuum; the whole universe is interconnected.
So when you argue, it doesn’t matter what your reasoning is, what matters is that you can be flexible enough to change your mind.
The best way to do this is by giving your partner time, and saying what you need instead of what you want.
For example, if they’re working late, and it’s inconvenient for you to cook dinner that night, then don’t put it on their plate.
Instead say: “I know it would be great to have a romantic dinner together tonight. I’m sorry that it looks like I’ll be cooking. Here, let me make you something easy to take tomorrow.”
Or if they have a hard time getting dressed because they don’t like to wear clothes, then let them go out in their pajamas or pyjamas.
It may not suit every situation, but it’s better than going into an argument when you don’t need to.
13) Learn how to communicate in an open way that doesn’t start with criticism
This is a difficult thing to do. I know.
Because we all want to be heard and want to communicate with people in a way that tells them exactly what we want, especially if you’re too pushy.
But all it takes is one or two complaints, and then you’re in an inning of constant criticism, which can quickly become a habit.
And the next time you try to explain something, you’ll find yourself on the other side of the table, ready to complain again.
So it’s important that you learn how to communicate in an open and flexible way that doesn’t start with criticism.
Here are our recommendations to start a conversation with your partner:
- Before you sit down to talk, take a deep breath and ask yourself what is the most important thing to communicate.
- Then, go ahead and communicate it.
- Once that’s done, give a little time for your partner to process the information and then ask them if they have any questions about it.
Remember to pay attention to your tone of voice, body language, nonverbal gestures, and facial expressions as you speak.
14) Apologize when you’re wrong and take responsibility for your actions
As pushy people, we tend to blame our actions on other people.
You might be wondering: What’s the point in apologizing?
Well, in relationships, we often go through hills and valleys. And when you apologize, what you’re really doing is pulling the two of you out of those valleys and back up to a higher level of trust. So when pushy people don’t apologize, it falls apart faster than ever.
Your partner will appreciate it, and as a result, you’ll get the space and time to change your behavior.
15) Ask for support when you need it
Another great way to change your pushy behavior is to ask for support when you need it.
Many times, we assume that asking for support means that we’re weak or needy. But when you ask for support from the people who care about you and love you, it shows that you have a positive relationship with them.
They will be glad to help you and they will be happy to see that they can do something to make your life better.
This will not only help you change your pushy behavior but also strengthen your relationships with the people who care about you most.
So take the next step:
You can change your pushy behavior right now, starting with asking your partner for support.
16) Avoid making your partner feel guilty for something you believe is ‘their fault’
This is a very common flaw that pushy people make.
They believe that if something makes them feel uncomfortable, then it must be the fault of their partner.
So they take out their frustrations on them and end up hurting them.
And this can’t be healthy in any relationship, partly because you’re making your partner feel guilty for something they had no control over and also because guilt is not an emotion that they need to feel.
Instead of blaming them, why not take a step back and try to find a solution that will make both of you happy?
Like saying: “I love you for being there for me. And I know that we can work things out, together.”
17) Practice humility by acknowledging that you don’t know everything
Many times, pushy people think that they know everything, even though in reality they don’t.
And as a result, they make decisions that are based on their assumptions and not reality.
The problem with this is that it can backfire:
When you decide that you’re right, your partner will either take the opportunity to prove you wrong or end up backing down. Either way, it feels like a lose-lose situation.
Now, instead of making decisions based on assumptions, why not take the time to get to know both your partner and yourself so that you can see the situation clearly?
You may just discover that everyone involved has been right all along. So always practice humility, even when you think that you’re right.
18) Don’t be a perfectionist
Perfectionism is a huge problem for lots of people (not just pushy ones), but it’s especially problematic in relationships.
Because when your partner expresses themselves, they often do so in a way that’s different from how you want them to.
And this can be frustrating because it feels like a rejection. It also doesn’t feel good for you to hear that your ideas aren’t the best.
But no one expresses themselves perfectly all the time, so if you’re always expecting your partner to be perfect, it can be a huge problem.
And you’re not being honest with them either.
So instead of keeping a score of what you don’t like about your partner’s behavior, why not try to work on accepting them as they are and then figure out how to make them better?
19) Acknowledge that your needs are equally as important as your partners
Many pushy people believe that their needs are more important than those of their partners. And this is a problem because based on your point of view, you can’t see the whole picture.
So by denying the importance of your partner’s needs, you’re taking away one of their basic human rights. Which is not OK.
After all, you want to be recognized and respected equally! And so does everyone else.
Why not acknowledge the importance of your partner’s needs by taking actions to show them that you care about them?
This will let them know that you value their feelings as well. And take away a big stressor from their life.
20) Take a break from the relationship
This is the last step, but one of the most important ones.
If you’re still struggling to fix the things that are bothering you and your partner, then perhaps it’s time for a break.
It’s healthy for both you and your partner to take a break from each other every once in a while.
Because if pushy people don’t take enough time to think about their feelings and perspectives, they will end up resenting their partners, and this can make your relationship fall apart faster than ever.
Don’t be afraid of losing each other, be afraid that you’ll lose yourself. Take a few days or weeks off to figure out what’s right for you and your partner
And when you feel ready to re-enter the relationship, you’ll know that it’s going to be healthy and happy again.
Understanding your pushy behavior in a relationship is the first step towards changing it.
So take the time to ask yourself why you do the things that can hurt your partner and see if there are ways to change them.
And then use these tips to turn your life around, starting with you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.