10 tips to stop being dramatic in a relationship

Do you tend to get caught up in drama in your relationship? Do you struggle with controlling your emotions when dealing with your significant other? 

Don’t worry, all relationships have their fair share of drama! That’s just the nature of human connection. 

However, too much drama can also create unnecessary stress and tension and ultimately even the breakdown of a once loving relationship. 

Fortunately, you can avoid drama (or at the very least deescalate it) if you act and react properly! 

In this article, I’ll teach you how to stop being dramatic in a relationship through 10 easy, doable tips. Ready for a drama-free romance? Let’s get it!

1) Communicate clearly and honestly

Trust me, keeping your feelings bottled up won’t be doing you any favors. People aren’t mind readers and your partner is no exception. 

Good, solid communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Be honest and clear about your feelings and needs, expressing them in a calm and rational way. 

Be aware of your tone.  Avoid using antagonistic or dramatic words or making sweeping statements that blow up a tense situation even more. 

Set boundaries if you feel it will help. Feeling cornered is the last thing you want in a relationship – it’s a breeding ground for explosive drama. 

Developing your communication skills puts you ahead of the game, for both relationships and life in general. But take note, solid communication takes mindfulness, which leads me to my next point…

2) Take a step back

Being mindful of yourself and your emotions is crucial when you want to avoid drama. 

Let’s face it, we all occasionally get ticked off or worked up by our partners – being in such close and regular proximity to another person tends to do that. 

When you notice yourself feeling upset at your partner over something superficial, try to take a step back from the situation. 

Take a few deep breaths and slowly count to five instead of just blurting something you might regret later. Or maybe you can go for a walk or jog outdoors or distract yourself with errands. 

This will allow you to approach the situation with more clarity and rationality later on instead of giving in to pure emotion. Giving yourself time to reflect will also help you develop empathy for the other party…

3) Practice empathy

Here’s the thing, drama does not always come from malice. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and view things from their perspective. Ask yourself why they could be feeling the way they are and think of ways you can support them. 

Showing empathy is a good display of character and can help to prevent arguments, as your partner will likely appreciate you for it. 

As humans, we feed off each other’s emotions. When we are hostile, we can expect hostility in return. But when we are calm, understanding and empathetic, tensions tend to defuse significantly. 

And if you still get crap from your partner even if you’ve tried everything, then maybe it’s time to rethink that relationship. 

But always try to understand before reacting…

4) Avoid making assumptions

Speaking of understanding and empathy, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions or assume that you know what your partner is feeling. This will only create a stressful and toxic cycle. 

Always ask them for clarification and try to understand their point of view instead of reacting with anger. 

I remember early on in my current relationship, my girlfriend and I would regularly get into arguments. Often, our screaming would be so loud that the neighbors would hear us. 

Sometimes, the arguments were so bad that she would leave for her parents’ house or we’d break up for a few days. This became something of a routine for us – an incredibly unhealthy one. 

Eventually, as I got older and got to know both her and myself better, I learned how to think before reacting. 

I now make a real effort to not let my emotions get the best of me. I now approach conflict as an opportunity to understand the other person better and to communicate my thoughts and feelings. 

Needless to say, our fights rarely escalate these days. And I get to spend my days being more productive, focused, and mostly drama-free. 

5) Don’t play the victim 

There are few traits as damaging to your relationship as playing the victim. As much as possible, avoid playing the victim and using guilt to manipulate your partner. 

This will create feelings of toxicity and distrust in your relationship. Sure, you might be able to get away with playing the victim a few times to get your way. But let’s be real, once this becomes a pattern, your partner will wake up to it. And trust me, they won’t be happy you’re playing them. 

There was a time when I tended to get caught up in things and was easy to manipulate. I remember my ex would regularly belittle me and hurl personal insults at me. I’d try my best to stay unaffected. 

But eventually when I did crack, she would go on a tirade about how she was the victim and I was the bad guy. Sometimes there would be tears involved, on both sides. 

Most of the time, I ended up apologizing, even when I wasn’t in the wrong. I felt guilty but I was never sure why. 

Only later did I realize how emotionally gullible I was, falling into her trap often. And in the long run, this created a bitterness that contributed to the end of our relationship (with plenty of drama along the way.) 

Maturity means not playing unnecessary mind games and dealing with your issues head on. The more you communicate properly and fight fairly, the less drama you’ll encounter. I guarantee it. 

Instead of playing the blame game, look for solutions instead…

6) Focus on problem-solving

Be the bigger person when conflicts arise. Try to focus on finding solutions instead of placing blame or getting defensive and riled up. Work together to find a resolution that works for both of you.

Maybe this means going to couples therapy or something as basic as having a proper sit-down and talking it out with clarity and respect.  

I know the latter can be a bit uncomfortable especially if you don’t like expressing yourself, but believe me, it’s worth the investment and effort. 

7) Don’t be overly critical 

As a partner, you want to be encouraging rather than demeaning. Constructive feedback is helpful but regular criticism can be pretty hurtful and damaging to a relationship. 

Try to offer constructive feedback rather than harsh criticism. And just as important, be sure to balance any negative feedback with positive reinforcement.

Regular criticism leads to anger and resentment, and all of that leads to drama. So if you want to avoid this hurtful chain reaction, then try to steer clear of harsh criticism – something that should work both ways. 

And if you do mess up, then take responsibility for it…  

8) Take responsibility for your actions

Nobody’s perfect, including you and that’s okay. If you happen to make a mistake or do something where you’re at fault, take responsibility for your actions. 

Apologize sincerely and work to make things right by not making the same mistakes and falling back into old habits. And if you know you can’t help yourself, then avoid situations that can tend to cause drama.  

I used to frequently fight with my girlfriend when intoxicated. Of course, being chemically uninhibited, I’d say hurtful things that were out of line. I noticed a pattern: our worst fights would be after I’d had a few drinks. 

These days, to keep the peace, I rarely drink anymore, since I’m resigned to the fact that it will cause problems in my relationship. If I do go to social events, I stick to soda water with lemon. And on the rare occasion I have a beer, I make sure I limit myself. 

Outside factors like alcohol could be the culprit for much of the drama in your relationship – the underlying factor that takes it to that next level of conflict, even if the initial argument was trivial. 

This brings me to my next point…  

9) Don’t make mountains out of molehills

Do you tend to overthink? Do people consider you a worrywart? If so, you might be prone to blowing minor issues out of proportion.

Sometimes, you need to step back and take things for what they are without analyzing them too deeply. 

Maybe you get hung up on words when they don’t really mean anything. As you may have heard before, the mind is powerful and when we direct it to things like overthinking, then we often create problems that either weren’t there to begin with. 

Learn to let go. Don’t let your intrusive thoughts or insecurities win.

I know it’s difficult but try to stop taking things so seriously. Have a sense of humor about things. 

You know how you sometimes you laugh about a fight when it’s over? That’s because the fog of emotions you felt was temporary, that you really didn’t mean those nasty things you said. 

Once the anger wears off, you start thinking rationally again. 

So try to lighten up! It’ll pass. You got this. 

Pick your battles, save your energy and focus on what really matters in the long run. Distract yourself with productive and healthy things like exercise and self-care…

10) Practice self-care

When was the last time you did something you truly loved? If it’s been awhile, you might want to change things up. Self-care should be part of your daily routine. 

Make time for activities that bring you joy. Pursue hobbies, both new and old. Take care of your body. Exercise, fix your diet and prioritize quality sleep. Seek support from friends or a therapist if you need it.

When you take care of yourself, you tend to have a healthy mindset and habits, and in turn, far less drama in your life!

Why are we dramatic? 

Now that we’ve established how to stop being dramatic in a relationship, it’s also useful to know the root of the issue: why are we dramatic? Well, this could be due to a number of reasons, many of which might sound familiar to you! Gaining insight on why we are dramatic can help us improve in itself.

Insecurities 

When people feel insecure or uncertain in a relationship, they may become dramatic as a way to seek reassurance from their partner. But this isn’t healthy nor is it fair to your partner that you’ve turned them into an emotional crutch (or punching) bag! 

Solve your insecurities through therapy and don’t take them out on your partner. Respect their autonomy as a person.  

Unaddressed insecurity can lead to overreacting to minor issues, feeling jealous or possessive, and constantly seeking validation.

Now let’s go back to communication…

Communication issues

Imagine if you were on an airplane, and the pilot lost communication with the ground staff. Sound stressful? Well, that’s because effective communication is necessary when building any functioning relationship, as we established earlier. 

On the other hand, poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations that can cause unnecessary drama. 

When people don’t feel understood by their partner, they may resort to dramatic behavior as a way of acting out or making themselves heard.

Unmet expectations

It’s become a bit of a cliche, but the old saying “expectation is the root of all heartache” is mostly true, in my experience.

When people have lofty expectations for their relationship and their partner, they might turn to dramatics when those expectations aren’t fulfilled. 

This can mean feeling disappointed or upset when their partner doesn’t act the way they want them to or when they don’t receive the level of attention or affection they feel they deserve.

Expectations are often molded by external factors like comparing yourself to others; be it through conversations with friends, Instagram posts or unrealistic romance movies. 

Keep in mind that most of what you see online or in the movies is not real. In fact, it usually isn’t. So it’s best to approach these things with a grain of salt and be realistic about your expectations. 

Past experiences 

Our past experiences, like hurtful past relationships or traumatic childhood experiences, are capable of strongly influencing how we behave in our current relationship. 

If you have been hurt or betrayed in the past, for instance, you are much more likely to become dramatic as a defense mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt again.

When I was new to relationships, I admittedly had trust issues. I lacked that foundation as a person, having grown up with a young father who would regularly have affairs. 

Eventually, my parents separated permanently. So yes, you could say I’ve had my fair share of trauma growing up. 

In my first real relationship, I found myself having trust issues with my partner. Even though it was irrational and she constantly reassured me, the feelings lingered, as if they were almost ingrained in my character. This had many negative effects on my relationship–including a lot of avoidable drama. 

And though I think I’ve mostly gotten over my own trust issues, I still have to fight those feelings from time to time. 

Although our past impacts our current behavior, don’t get me wrong, our present issues like stress or depression can have a similar effect on us and our propensity for drama…

Personal issues

You never know what someone is dealing with in their life, and oftentimes, it’s those closest to them who have to absorb this bad energy. 

Sometimes our personal issues like stress, anxiety, and depression can result in people being much more dramatic than they normally would.

From work-related stress to family problems, when people are going through something, they tend to be more sensitive, emotional, moody and short-tempered. This naturally will lead to more drama in our relationships. 

For example, the pandemic was a stressful time for everyone. People lost their jobs, or they took pay cuts or struggled with debt. Business closures across the globe became common. Covid took its toll on everyone. 

Along with the surge in cases there was also a surge in divorce rates and separations. Covid-induced relationship drama was certainly a thing, and I can’t say I’m surprised. 

Final thoughts

To recap, if your relationship sometimes resembles a melodrama, consider it time to take steps to tone down the emotions. 

Being too dramatic can result in avoidable tension and stress between partners, not to mention it being a really unattractive trait! Stress is also bad for your health… who wants that?

As alluring as it is to blame your partner for all your squabbles, try to avoid resorting to this.   

It’s also important to listen to your partner and show empathy, even if you think they’re being difficult. Be the bigger person. 

And don’t forget, relationships take effort on both sides. Hold each other accountable without being accusatory!

By practicing emotional maturity, effective communication, and a touch of humor, you’re well on your way to creating a healthy and drama-free relationship you can both enjoy!