Do you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed by insecurities?
Trust me, I’ve been there. Growing up being bombarded with pictures of beautiful women, I know it can be difficult to shake that feeling of being inadequate.
But what if I tell you that the greatest thing to ever happen to me was taking matters into my own hands and stopping being an insecure woman?
I am not exaggerating when I say that literally every aspect of my life immediately changed for the better.
How did I do that? Well, I’m not one to gatekeep, so keep reading…
1) Understand your own values
You might think they come from your family or peers, but values are something you form on your own as you grow and become more self-aware.
If you don’t know what your values are, how can you make a conscious choice to follow them and therefore stop being an insecure woman?
Knowing your values gives you a sense of direction and security in your life – it shows you what you want.
This is why discovering your own values is the first step to changing your mindset.
A good place to start is by asking yourself questions about your life and the decisions you make every day.
What are your core values? How do they affect your decisions?
How would your life be different if your values were different?
What do you want your life to look like, what makes a “successful” life in your eyes?
Often, people get stuck in the “wrong” values because they think it’s what they’re supposed to have or it’s what’s expected of them.
If you’ve been feeling the need to stop being an insecure woman and have no idea how to make that happen, start by asking yourself questions about your values so you can make conscious decisions and change your mindset.
You see, personally I realized that having a crazy career was not necessarily what I was striving for.
I always thought that was what I wanted, because growing up I got good grades in school and was ambitious, but the thought of climbing the corporate ladder and spending my days in 9 to 5s was not something that excited me.
I’m going to be honest with you – accepting this was not easy. So much of my life I was conditioned to want to chase this dream, so how could I just let it go?
But once I did – once I accepted that I was much happier living a quiet life at home, traveling, having a family in the future, focusing on nature and giving my children a good life – that’s when my confidence skyrocketed.
My values were finally aligned with what I wanted at my core, and that alignment was reflected on the outside, too.
I knew what I wanted from my life, which made dating and meeting new friends a lot easier.
I could ask myself – do they align with my values?
This was much better than “Am I good enough for them?”
But before I met people, I had to do something else, first:
2) Take care of your own needs
If you constantly put the needs of other people before your own, you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed and being an insecure woman.
This is especially true in relationships where you have a tendency to put your SO’s needs first.
You don’t have to be a martyr and put all your energy into being some kind of super-human.
What you do need to do is make sure that you’re taking care of your own needs.
Whether that be alone time, therapy, or exercise, make sure you’re taking the time for yourself.
This is a great way to stop being an insecure woman.
The thing is, this applies whether you are in a relationship or not.
If you are single, this is the perfect time to focus on being happy on your own, so that your partner eventually will only add to your life, they won’t “complete” it.
And if you are in a relationship, this is the perfect time to learn more about yourself.
You are your own person, and you need to be happy regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship.
So make sure you’re taking care of your own needs, and not putting them second to anyone else’s.
When you understand that you alone are capable of meeting all your needs, a lot of insecurity and codependency disappear!
Now, once you do that, you are in a good place to choose which people to have in your life:
3) Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and add value to your life
We all have friends who bring us down and friends who lift us up.
It’s important to spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and add value to your life.
If you’re constantly surrounded by people who are bringing you down or don’t respect your boundaries, it will be incredibly difficult to stop being an insecure woman.
Simply put, if you’re hanging out with people who don’t support you, it’s time to make a change.
There are two ways you can do this.
First, you can speak up and tell the people in your life how they can better support you.
It’s not your job to try to change them, it’s their job to change their behavior to better support you.
If you’ve spoken up and they don’t change their behavior, it’s time to make a change and maybe let them go.
You see, there are so many people out there who will be perfectly aligned with your values.
When you hang on to people you have outgrown just because you are scared of being alone, it will be incredibly difficult to stop being an insecure woman.
Trust me, there is no more need to be insecure when you know that, no matter what, you only want high-value people in your life.
Okay, the next point I want to talk about might sound strange at first, but it carries a big significance!
4) Accept compliments without hesitation
If you’re like me, you might have a tendency to brush off compliments and make light of your achievements.
The thing is, someone who doesn’t accept compliments or deflects them by saying things like “oh, I didn’t even get ready today”, or “oh, it was nothing!” makes themselves seem a lot more insecure.
When someone gives you a compliment, accept it with sincerity.
If you constantly dismiss compliments and don’t believe that you deserve praise, it’s going to be incredibly difficult to stop being an insecure woman.
You have to start building a new mindset and that starts with accepting compliments and believing in your own strengths.
The thing is, this is a two-way street.
People who give you compliments actually feel better when you accept them instead of brushing them off.
You see, there is nothing conceited about saying “Thank you so much, that is so sweet of you!”.
Oftentimes, our own negative self-image is what is holding us back from fully accepting compliments.
We are so busy constantly beating ourselves up that we can’t even accept a compliment without feeling guilty.
I know, it’s a tough one to break, but it’s definitely worth it.
So how do you start?
Practice whenever someone compliments you, to simply say “Thank you”. No explanation, no belittling, just “thank you”.
This will do wonders!
At the same time, you will probably need to look at your inner monologues:
5) Challenge negative inner monologues
If you find yourself constantly being negative, it’s going to be incredibly difficult to stop being an insecure woman.
You need to start challenging your negative thought patterns by bringing positive affirmations into your life.
It’s important to talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a loved one.
You wouldn’t constantly put a loved one down or judge them.
You would be kind and reassuring.
You should remind yourself that you are enough and that you are worthy of the best life has to offer.
You can challenge your negative inner monologues and replace them with positive affirmations.
To do this, you can choose words that lift you up, not words that tear you down.
The thing is, when you feel good about yourself, you can be the best version of yourself possible.
This all has to do with the kind of relationship you have with yourself.
Insecure women usually don’t have a very good relationship with themselves.
In turn, the relationships they have with other people seem to suffer, too.
How do you combat this?
Well, in this mind-blowing free video, the shaman Rudà Iandê talks about exactly this topic – how we often self-sabotage our own love lives just because we lack a good relationship with ourselves.
He talks about ways to improve that relationship, and in turn become more confident and secure in yourself.
If you want to level up the bond you have with yourself and therefore with all the people in your life, too, Click here to watch the free video!
In order to challenge your negative thoughts, you can do so easily by focusing more on your strengths:
6) Focus on your strengths
When you spend too much time focusing on your weaknesses, it’s going to be incredibly difficult to stop being an insecure woman.
Instead, spend time focusing on your strengths and how you can leverage those strengths to achieve your goals.
When you concentrate on your strengths and the value they can bring to your life, it becomes easier to stop being an insecure woman.
When you’re focused on your strengths, it becomes incredibly difficult to fall into the trap of negative self-talk.
It’s during these times that you need to remember to refocus your attention on your strengths and how they can help you achieve your goals.
If you want to stop being an insecure woman, you need to focus on your strengths and the value they can bring to your life.
It’s the only way to truly silence your inner critic and start seeing yourself for who you truly are.
You see, a secure woman knows exactly what her strengths are and how she can put those to good use.
Maybe sit down one day and ask yourself: what are you really good at?
You can write down a list and it can include anything, from climbing, running, cooking, sewing, to being empathetic, loving, kind, etc.
This will boost your self-esteem and you can ask yourself how you can put those skills to good use!
Now, we shouldn’t forget about another important skill:
7) Understand your body language and what effect it has
The way you move, sit, and stand has a powerful effect on the way people perceive and interact with you.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by insecurities, it might be because you’re not aware of how your body language is being interpreted by others.
There are many websites that can help you understand how your body language is being interpreted.
You can also ask a friend or loved one what they see when they look at you.
You may be surprised by their answer. When you understand how your body language is interpreted, it becomes easier to change the way you move and stand so that you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
If you want to stop being an insecure woman, it’s important to understand how your body language is being interpreted and how you can change it to feel more empowered.
And the best part?
Changing your body language can actually change the way you feel about yourself!
It’s true – when you fix your posture and portray a more open, relaxed composure, you will suddenly feel better, too!
Now, once you feel better, it will be easier to value yourself more:
8) Value yourself and never lower your standards
You have to understand that you are worthy of love, respect, and admiration.
You have to understand that you are enough, just as you are. You have value, not because of who you’re dating or how many likes you get on social media, but because you are a human being.
Your value does not come from the outside world, it is intrinsic and comes from your own heart.
As a secure woman, you have to know that you are extremely valuable and therefore it is important to never lower your standards.
You must know what you are worth and never settle for less than you deserve.
You see, you have to know that you deserve to be loved, respected, and appreciated.
Simply put, you are worthy of everything that makes life worth living.
You have to know that you are worthy of happiness.
If you want to stop being an insecure woman, you have to know your worth and never lower your standards.
If you lower your standards, you are only hurting yourself.
A lot of women, unfortunately, settle for someone who doesn’t treat them right, because they think that this is what they deserve.
As soon as you start seeing your own value and stop lowering your standards, you will notice that the people you attract are much higher in value and will treat you like the queen you are!
Lowering your standards is a no-go if you want to stop being insecure.
Believe in what you know you deserve, and you shall have it.
9) Stop comparing yourself to others and stop judging them
It’s important to stop comparing yourself to others. It’s also important to stop judging others.
You have no idea what someone else is going through in their lives. You have no idea what someone else’s struggles are or what someone else’s pain looks like.
It is important to accept people for who they are and not compare yourself to others.
But not just that, it is also important to respect people for who they are and not judge them.
It is important to celebrate people for who they are and not compare yourself to others.
It is important to understand that everyone has their own journey and their own path to take.
Comparison is the thief of joy. For so many years I would compare myself to other women and feel “less than”.
In reality, another woman’s beauty doesn’t take away from yours!
People forget that just because the stars and flowers don’t look anything alike doesn’t mean that one of them is less beautiful than the other.
Stop comparing yourself to other people and catch yourself when you judge them.
You see, judgment is usually the result of seeing something mirrored to us that we haven’t acknowledged in ourselves, yet.
So, get curious when you feel like judging someone! How does that relate to you?
And last but not least, let’s talk boundaries:
10) Create healthy boundaries
Another really important aspect of becoming more secure as a woman is to create healthy boundaries.
Boundaries are where you draw the line and decide what is okay for you and what isn’t okay for you. Boundaries are about the limits you are willing to accept in your life.
Your boundaries allow you to decide what your values are and how important those values are to you.
I want to encourage you today, if there is something in your life that doesn’t feel right or that doesn’t feel good, then it’s time to set some healthy boundaries!
You have the power to do this! You have the power to get yourself into a better situation, where people treat you better and where people respect your time and space!
The clearer your boundaries are, the less likely it is that someone will cross them.
If a person knows exactly where they stand with you then there won’t be any confusion about what your needs are and how you want to be treated.
The clearer your boundaries, the more secure you will feel in yourself.
Plus, it will be easy to weed out the people who don’t add value to your life – who crosses your boundaries repeatedly, even when you ask them not to?
Becoming a more secure woman is not easy, I won’t lie to you.
However, the entire process is so incredibly rewarding that you will never look back once you have embarked on that journey.
You see, when you value yourself, the world will see you through different eyes, too.
Every aspect of your life will improve and you will finally get the life you deserve!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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