How to win your ex back (slowly): 15 tips to play the long game

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Are you looking for ways to win your ex back? Or do you simply want to know how you can slowly rekindle your romance?

Whatever your intention, there’s no denying that getting back together with an ex is hard. But guess what?

It doesn’t have to be impossible!

Even if the two of you aren’t together anymore, you can still win your ex back if you know what you’re doing.

Here’s 15 ways you can slowly win your ex back and initiate a new chapter in your relationship.

1) Let them miss you

The first step to winning your ex back is making sure they miss you.

You may think that they already miss you, but chances are they just remember being with you fondly.

But you know what?

That’s not the same thing as missing you. It’s a subtle but important difference.

But when they truly miss you, they’ll be eager to open up a dialogue with you. They’ll want to see you again, and they’ll remember why they fell in love with you in the first place.

And when you really miss someone, you’re ready to go ahead and do anything to see them.

So how do you make sure your ex misses you?

It’s easy: Just give them space and wait for them to reach out. But you know what else?

You need to make sure that your ex thinks you feel better off on your own. So, don’t pretend to be in a relationship with someone else. Don’t pretend that you don’t think about your past relationship anymore.

Just show them that you’ve moved on and prefer to live in your own happiness.

Remember: the best way to make your ex miss you is by creating a sense of mystery around yourself while making it clear that there’s room for them in your life again.

So, make them wonder what it would be like if the two of you were together again, even if it’s for only a few days at a time.

2) Avoid contact for a while

Let me ask you a question.

How hard are you trying to keep in touch with your ex?

If you’re trying to keep in touch with them all the time, it may seem like you’re trying too hard. And that way, chances are that your ex will think you’re just trying to win them back.

But you want to do it slowly but efficiently, don’t you?

That’s why you need to make sure that you avoid contact with your ex for a while.

In other words, don’t make any plans or set any deadlines for getting back together with them.

You should also keep in mind that it’s best not to talk about your ex at all. In fact, the less you talk about them, the better it is. The less they hear from you, the more they’ll miss you. And the more they miss you, the better chance they might give things a second try.

So here’s what I recommend: You should let your ex know that there’s no rush to get back together. You should also avoid asking them about their life or making any plans with them until they reach out to you first.

I know it’s now easy to be patient when you want to get back with your ex so badly, but trust me when I say that it’s not too late to be patient.

I mean, it’s already been a while since you and your ex broke up, right? And they’re still not contacting you?

Maybe they’re using the same strategy. But one thing you shouldn’t forget is that while you’re not contacting them, they should know that you’re doing well but your love life hasn’t changed.

So, don’t ask them to meet up with you so soon. And don’t try to make them jealous by doing something that shows that you’re still interested in them.

Once you start contacting your ex again, take things slow and don’t get too pushy or intense about it. You need to build up some trust again, so give them time to come to you.

3) Get tailored advice from a relationship coach

While this article will shed light on some ways to slowly win your ex back, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, get over a breakup, and rebuild relationships. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are. 

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, I recently experienced a tough patch in my own relationship, and I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was. 

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing with your ex.

Click here to get started.

4) Re-establish your presence in their life

Okay, now you know that it’s better if you don’t contact your ex for a while and let them know that you’re not trying to get them back.

But that doesn’t mean you should just give up on them.

Instead, you should make it a point to re-establish your presence in their lives.

But when is the right time for this?

Let me explain:

Once your ex starts missing you, it’s time to re-establish your presence in their life. Don’t go over the top with this step, but let them know that you care about them.

You can do this by sending a text message or an email every now and then, or even by sending them a small gift on their birthday. It doesn’t have to be big; just make sure it has some sentimental value attached to it.

Why am I suggesting this?

Because if you’re not around, they’ll miss you and be reminded of all the good times they had with you. They’ll also be reminded of all the things they missed out on by not getting back to you.

And most importantly, they’ll realize how badly they acted for hurting your feelings in the first place.

So here’s what I recommend: you should keep in touch with your ex once you notice they miss you, even if it’s only through text messages or emails. But don’t try to make any plans to get back together with them right away.

Keep in mind that it might take time for your ex to come around and get back into contact with you again because they might still be hurt and angry. And they might not be ready to get back together with you just yet.

5) Be the bigger person

I know it might sound cheesy, but if there’s one thing I learned from my own experience, it is that the way you treat your ex depends on how they treated you.

If they constantly hurt your feelings, then treat them as such. If they were a good person and helped you out when times were tough, then act like one.

But this is only whenever some time has passed since the breakup.

So what should you do in the meantime?

While you’re waiting for them to miss you, why not go ahead and do all the things that will make it easier for them when they do decide to reach out?

Well, here’s the thing:

Make yourself an even more attractive partner by being the bigger person in this situation. Show them what a great catch you are by being kind, supportive, and accommodating of their feelings and needs.

In other words, just show them you’re a bigger person.

But there’s something you shouldn’t forget:

Do not contact your ex and play the “bigger person” card after you’ve been hurt by them. You’re coming off as desperate and manipulative. Instead, wait for them to make the first move.

What should you do if they don’t?

If your ex doesn’t contact you, then try to be patient for a little while longer. It’s all about keeping an open mind and not getting too emotionally attached to them (at least not yet).

After all, you’re trying to win your ex back slowly, not all at once, right?

So, try to be the bigger person and be patient until your ex comes back to you.

6) Don’t communicate with your ex directly

Communicating with your ex directly is something that you should avoid at all costs.


Because this will make them feel important and will make them feel like they are still in the relationship. And this is something that we don’t want, right?

That’s why you should reach out to third parties. Instead of reaching out to your ex directly, send a message to their friends, family members, or coworkers.


Because you need to find out how your ex is doing in order to win them back. But you shouldn’t do it directly.

This means that you shouldn’t respond to their texts and calls right away. This is one of the most important things that you can do if you want to get back together with your ex.

So what can you do in this situation? Send this “No Communication” text

— “You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.” —

This one needs to be sent to your ex at the right time for it to be truly effective.

But why I like it is that you’re communicating with them that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need them to play any role in your life anymore.

Why is this so good?

You induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction to you again.

I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

7) Be patient and wait for them to contact you first

Believe it or not, sooner or later, ex-partners reach out to each other and start the healing process.


Because they realize that they invested so much of their energy and resources in that relationship. And they also realize they want to maintain contact with that person. Maybe not as partners, but as friends at least.

Okay, I get it that you really don’t want to be friends with your ex. But you know what?

The thing I said above is a good thing because it means that your ex will contact you as time passes.

And you should use this opportunity to win back your ex!

And if you do nothing in the meantime, your ex will eventually come to you and initiate contact.

But what if your ex won’t contact you?

The truth is that when you want the other party to reach out first, there are two things that you need to remember. 

First of all, it should be clear that it’s okay for them to contact you. If they don’t want to talk to you anymore, it’s going to be hard for them to accept your offer. 

Secondly, your ex shouldn’t make any plans with anyone else so soon after breaking up with you. It will show that they’re still interested in getting back together with you, and if they do that, then it will make their intentions seem more genuine than if they just meet up with someone else on a whim. 

So, remember: It will only take one person who is doing everything right and making some good moves in order for things between the two of you to work out again. So try to be patient and wait for the right time to make the very first move.

8) Make sure they know you’re over them

Another good way to try to win your ex back is to get over them. And most importantly, let them know you’re over them.

Sounds surprising, right?

Although you’re trying to win your ex back, you’re doing it slowly. And that’s why you need to get over your ex before attempting anything else. Otherwise, everything will seem half-hearted and fake.

Let me explain.

If a person can tell that you still want them romantically, then their desire to be with you will be greatly diminished.

Whenever you show them that you’re really over them, it will show that you’re not the same person who was in love with them and that it’s time for something new.

And when your ex sees this, they will start thinking about their own situation and realize that they are still in love with you, just not in the same way as they used to be. And this is something they can’t really resist. 

So, before you try to win them back, make sure you’re over them. Make sure you’re no longer attached to them.

And once you’re over them, then it’s time to start over and get going!

9) Be confident and don’t try too hard

Let’s be honest.

How hard you’re trying to get back together with your ex is going to be directly related to how much confidence you have in yourself.

If you’re not confident and you’re constantly trying too hard, then there’s no way that things will work out.

Why am I saying this?

Well, when you’re trying to win your ex back, it’s important to feel confident.

And the only way you can feel confident is if you’re not trying too hard.

You need to make sure that everything is going great and that you’re doing everything right. But at the same time, it’s very important that you don’t try too hard.

In simple words, if you want to win your ex back, you need to appear confident and avoid showing any signs of desperation.

To do this, you need to let them miss you a little bit. And the best way to do that is by avoiding contact with your ex for a while. 

But don’t worry! You shouldn’t wait months before making contact again. It doesn’t have to be that long. 

A week or two should be enough time for your ex to start missing you and wondering why they haven’t heard from you in a while. 

This will make them think about what life would be like if the two of you were together again… which is exactly what we want, right?

So, be patient and wait for an invitation from them.  Once again, before you try anything else, make sure that you feel good about yourself and that it’s clear to everyone else that you’re over your ex.

And once you do this for a while, then it will be much easier for them to see how committed and serious you are about getting back together with them.

10) Make sure you know what they are getting into

Even though you’re not going to directly contact your ex, you still need to know what they are getting into.

This is especially important if you’re trying to win your ex back after breaking up.

If you don’t know what they’re getting into, then there’s a good chance that the two of you will end up losing your relationship.

And that would be too bad because, in most cases, it’s much easier to get back together with someone you still have contact with than someone you don’t.

But only if you know what they’re getting into, of course!

Just talk to their friends and be aware of what they’re doing and how they’re doing it. And if you notice that there’s someone who might be romantically involved with your ex, then it might be too late to act.

So, make sure that you follow up with your ex and see if there’s something going on.

11) Show you’ve changed but you still care

Did you know that change is a very powerful tool in relationships?

Well, it is. And that’s why you need to use it to win your ex back.

You see, when someone has really changed and they’ve become a better person, then they automatically start desiring the person who helped them change.

After all, there was a reason why you and your ex broke up, right?

Maybe they didn’t get along with the person you were back then. But if you show that you have changed, then they’ll start desiring you again.

And that’s exactly what you’re trying to do.

If you can show that you’ve changed for the better but that you still care about them, then this will make them want to get back together with you too.

So, how do you show that you’ve changed? Well, by changing your behavior first of all. But also by showing that you care about the other person in different ways.

But the key here is to show that you still care about them. So, even though you have changed a lot since breaking up with your ex and you have moved on from them, make sure that they know how much they mean to you.

And the best way to do this is by showing them how much they still mean to you by showing them how much you miss them and want them back.

12) Let them remember the good times

Have you noticed that people get back together with the same person they broke up with and then start remembering the good times that they had with that person?

And this is very important because it shows that the person still cares about them and wants to get back together with them.

Of course, you can’t just tell your ex how much you miss them and what great memories you have of them. Instead, you need to show them.

So, do something nice for your ex when they’re not around. Pay attention to their friends or pay attention to their hobbies and interests so that they can see how much you care about them in different ways.

And it’s also a good idea to go out with your friends where no one knows who you are, but just make sure not to mention your ex or anything about the breakup at all!

Whatever you do, you need to let them remember how amazing your relationship was and how great they felt while in it.

That way, they’ll be reminded of the good times and will want to get back together with you. So, you’ll slowly win your ex back!

13) Rekindle your passion for them

Does your ex know that you still have a lot of passion for them?

If they don’t, then you’ll have to do things to show it.

Now you might think taht you can start writing poems and letters to your ex and send them gifts like flowers and chocolates.

But guess what?

None of these strategies work.

Instead, the main way that you need to show that you still have a passion for them is by being honest with them.

Tell them everything about what’s been going on in your life since the breakup, but make sure not to mention anything about how much you miss them or how much love there is between you two.

You need to show that you still have passion for your ex, but in a way that is different from before.

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, then it would be obvious to them. But if you show that you’ve changed a lot since breaking up and that they’re not so important to you anymore, then they’ll start desiring you again.

So, how do you show this? Well, as we already mentioned above, it’s by showing them how much they mean to you by showing them how much they still mean to you.

And you need to do this by showing them how much passion and excitement they once brought into the relationship.

14) Re-frame the conversation 

So, you’ve done all the things that we’ve mentioned in this article, and your ex is back in your life.

But now what?

Well, you need to re-frame the conversation so that it’s not about how much you miss them or how much you love them.

Instead, talk about something else. Talk about different things that have happened throughout the breakup and how they didn’t affect you as much as you thought they would.

And don’t ever bring up a topic that was the reason why you broke up. Try talking about something else instead!

The main advantage of reframing the conversation is that it will cause the conversation to go in a different direction. This way you can avoid dealing with those topics that you know is going to cause drama between you two.

15) Suprise your ex

And if none of these methods we’ve discussed worked, then the final step is to surprise your ex.

You might think that this is impossible, but actually, it’s not.

Just because you’re not together anymore, doesn’t mean that you can’t still surprise your ex.

And guess what?

It’s actually quite easy to do!

All you need to do is to surprise them and make them feel really happy about something. It doesn’t necessarily have to be with gifts. Instead, you need to publicly express how much you appreciate them as individuals.

For this, you need to do something that will surprise your ex.

What can you do?

Well, you can do a bunch of different things. One of the most common ways is to compliment them publicly and make them feel important.

You can also surprise them by doing something that they don’t expect from you. For example, if they thought you were going to be defensive about the breakup and angry at them, then surprise them by being really nice and letting them know that it’s not about that at all.

So, the next time that you see your ex, try to surprise them, and believe me, this will help you to restore your relationship.

Bottom line

To sum up, after breaking up with a person who’s too important to you, there’s no need to feel desperate.

The reason is that there are so many proven ways to slowly win your ex back.

Hopefully, now you know how to get them back and restore the trust that you had before the breakup.

Just remember: getting your ex back is not an easy task, but if you want to, then it’s definitely possible. So, follow these 14 things to get your ex back, and you’ll soon realize that getting your ex back is not as hard as you think.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

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I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

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