How to seduce a married man: 18 effective tips

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Flirtation is both an art and a science. You want to give just enough that your intentions are coming through but you also want to leave something to the imagination.

Flirtation is complicated enough as it is, and even more so when the guy you’re trying to seduce is a married man.

So how do you go about seducing someone who’s already married?

Make sure to focus on making him experience the rush of meeting someone again for the first time.

Be the one person in his life that makes him feel alive again; the person who brings excitement to his life.

Here are 18 tips on how to seduce a married man:

1) Seduce With Your Eyes

The key behind seducing a good married man — one who might find it difficult to jump into an extramarital affair and betray his wife — is seducing him subtly, secretly, through a kind of communication only between you and him.

Unlike a single man, you can’t flaunt your assets and flirt with him so openly, because you have to consider the very real possibility of scaring off the married man before you ever get him to bed.

Because even he wants you, if he thinks that you might be too much of a “loose cannon” and any relationship with you would immediately ruin his life, he’ll push you away with a 20-foot pole.

So start slowly and let your eyes do the talking.

Let your gaze linger on him longer than normal; show him that you’re interested in him as more than just another person in the room.

You want him to feel your stare and get used to it, until he can begin sensing that there’s more to your eyes than just a curious look.

2) Lean Towards Him Whenever You Get the Chance

The language of extramarital seduction is an unspoken one, because while you may or may not have nothing to lose, a married man can lose everything: his home, his children, and half of everything he owns, if he jumps into an affair with the wrong woman.

The first few steps of this dance involve not only looks, but gestures as well: show him your interest with how you move your body.

Whenever you’re around him, lean towards him so that your arm brushes against his, ever so slightly.

Flick your hair a bit so that the strands swipe across his face or any other part of his body.

Impose yourself upon him without crossing any lines, and let your presence be known to him whenever you’re around.

Give him the opportunity to smell you, to feel you, to understand what he thinks about the reality of being next to you.

Let his thoughts play with the annoyance of not being able to hold you in his arms, even if you’re within reach.

3) Treat him like a hero

Do you know what men really crave from a woman? It’s something more than love and even more than sex…

Above all else, men want to step up to the plate for a woman. Provide for her, protect her, and be appreciated in return.

In other words, men want to be an everyday hero. 

And if his wife isn’t making him feel like one, then this is the perfect opportunity to make your move.

The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. If you want to seduce a married man, it’s something you need to know about.

According to the hero instinct, men have a biological drive to live a life full of meaning and to provide for those he cares about.

And this drive is amplified in their romantic relationships. 

I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to be their “hero”.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. After all, it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.

If a man’s wife isn’t triggering his hero instinct, then you need to do this. 

How?

By finding ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.

The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, reveals exactly what you need to do.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) Make Your Flirtations Slightly More Obvious

A married man usually doesn’t feel like a desirable man.

He may have spent the last 10 or 15 years in a marriage, meaning the only woman who has given him any sign of physical attraction for over a decade has been his wife.

He’s forgotten two things: what it feels like to feel sexy to other people, and how to pick up the signs that someone might actually be attracted to him.

So you need to make your flirtations slightly more obvious than you would with a single man.

While single men are almost always on the lookout for hints and signs that an attractive woman likes him, married men are tuned out.

This means he needs a little extra help or pushing in the right direction.

Jokes, teasing, touching, laughing, a constant effort to minimize the proximity between you and him — do what you can to make him know that you like him, without doing it in a way that risks his reputation with anyone who might be around.

5) Ask Him For His Opinions

To have any hope at all in seducing a married man, he needs to be stuck in a rocky marriage.

And he might have already confided this in you — his problems with his wife, the small but heavy and persistent fights, and their overall difficulties in their relationship.

And one staple that unhappy spouses share is the feeling that they aren’t being heard.

So give him the opportunity to be heard.

Ask him what he feels about your outfit today, or get his opinion on something he passionately cares about.

Show interest in his interests, and make him realize that his opinion matters; even if it doesn’t matter at home, it matters to you.

The art of seducing a married man revolves around the goal of convincing him that he can’t pass up the opportunity to try being intimate with you, regardless of his previous commitments.

So let him know that you want him for more than just his companionship or good looks, but for his personality and mind as well.

6) Flirt With Him Even When You’re Apart

Maybe you work with him, maybe you see him on your daily route, maybe you work out at the same gym and at the same time.

And whenever you get the chance, you show him your subtle signs that you’re attracted to him.

While that may be enough for some men, it won’t be enough for others, especially when they’re still feeling slightly committed to their spouse.

Because while your flirting may flatter him, he might not realize that you’re flirting specifically to him.

He might think, “Oh, I’m sure she does that with everyone,” or, “I’m overthinking it, why would she flirt with me?”, or even, “She’s just doing it to pass the time.”

While a single man will make every attempt to believe that there’s attraction from a woman, a committed married man will make every attempt to dissuade themselves from believing it.

How do you get around this? Show him that your flirting isn’t just a game you do when you’re bored around him.

Make your interest known constantly and persistently, and most importantly, show your interest even when you two aren’t together.

Send him flirty texts throughout the day, or just check-in on him from time to time. Those little reminders and displays of affection will be more than enough to win him over.

7) Show Skin, But Keep It Classy

This point might depend on where you and your married man usually see each other.

If he’s someone you work with, someone you work out with, or someone you jump bump into from time to time, this can determine what you’re typically wearing when he sees you.

Regardless, it’s important to show more skin than you might be used to.

Office attire can be formal and stuffy, so loosen it up: if you know you’re going to be spending long hours with him in a meeting one day, then wear a low top, reveal your arms, and maybe even show some cleavage. Let him see what you look like in a hot pencil skirt.

But of course — don’t make it too obvious.

The sensibilities of a married man may be more conservative than the sensibilities of single men you’ve dated, so keep it sexy but classy at the same time.

8) Give Him What He Isn’t Getting At Home: Respect

While physical attraction, lust, and sex are fun and exciting things you can offer him, there’s nothing that will draw him in more than giving him respect.

In a stressful marriage, he might not be getting the respect from his wife that he feels he deserves, and that’s one way you can easily turn yourself into the more attractive alternative.

Show him that you care about what he has to say. That his opinions not only matter, but deserve to be stated, and you’re willing to listen to what he feels and what he thinks.

Getting respect is a key plank to the hero instinct. I mentioned this concept above.

Simply put, men want to feel like an everyday hero to a woman. If you want to have a chance with a married man, then you have to make sure that woman is you.

The best way to go about it is to watch this simple and genuine video.

You’ll learn the phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little things you can do to bring out this very natural male instinct.

9) Hold Yourself Confidently

No matter how unhappy he may be in his marriage, you have to understand that his first and foremost prerogative will be trying to save it (unless he’s at the point where he’s totally given up).

So if he’s decided that he wants to flirt with the idea of having an extramarital affair, he’s not going to do it unless he’s absolutely smitten by the woman.

And that means you need to build the kind of energy he can’t refuse.

Confidence, positivity, kindness, and strength — you need to be the kind of woman that makes him think, “Did I marry the wrong person?”

He needs to want to be around you despite his marital commitments because you have energy and power that he simply can’t ignore.

10) Kiss Him “Casually”

Seduction is all about the push and pull. Even if you’ve gone past hand holding and moved on to a more intimate territory, there’s no reason why you should give up on the chase completely.

Part of what makes the idea of an affair so attractive to married men is that they get to experience life as a single man again.

You can expose him to things he hasn’t felt in years: the excitement of the chase, the feeling of will-they-won’t-they.

So instead of going all in every single time you kiss, try lingering. You want to build that desire slowly and make him realize that you’re not an easy chase. Married guys will always be one step behind because they’re inevitably hesitant or regretful due to their circumstances.

By sneaking in an innocent kiss every now and then, or even planting a soft kiss on his lips without letting it erupt into a full make out session, you’re easing him into doing more intimate things with you.

He’s less likely to pull away when things get too intense because he’s already been wading around in the water.

11) Excite Him and Introduce Him To New Things

More often than not, married life puts a damper on the fun things in life.

Bogged down by work and the routine of being in a married household, it’s likely your married man is craving for excitement in his life.

Establishing a good foundation is key to successful seduction.

Instead of just trying new things in the bedroom, give him exposure to things he may not have experienced in a while.

It’s normal if he’s hesitant at first; after all, he’s used to doing certain things in certain ways.

But if you give him a little nudge and ask him to step out of his comfort zone, he’ll soon realize that there is an entire world to be lived outside of marriage.

Before he even knows it, he’ll start associating seeing you with fun. Instead of eating out at a restaurant, try cooking a complicated dish together.

Introduce him to a new sport. Make him do things he’s uncomfortable with.

The married life can be monotonous; be the one person in his life that makes this exciting and spontaneous for him again.

12) Ask Him What He Really, Really Wants

Compromise is a staple in any marriage.

If your guy has been married for a while, it’s likely he’s used to agreeing to a compromise just to keep his spouse happy.

As great as compromise is for resolving things peacefully, couples do so at the expense of their own personal freedoms.

For the first time in a long time, give him the opportunity to assert what he really wants. Not what he thinks you want him to do, but what he really, really wants to do.

By doing so you’re empowering him to start making decisions purely for himself without any repercussions on the “unit”.

As simple as this may be, just the simple fact that he can unapologetically be himself again will be refreshing, which might just be exactly what he needs to feel like himself again.

13) Smile and Laugh: Smother Him in Good Vibes

There are many things that can cause a married man to stray far from a commitment and one way to do this is to give him things he’s no longer used to.

Long-term relationships, no matter how strong, can be weighed down by too much history.

You, on the other hand, offer a fresh clean slate where he can express himself without fear of judgment or retaliation.

Simply put, this man probably needs a break from the conflicts he inevitably experiences in his everyday life.

Shower him with love and adoration and he’ll no sooner turn to you for a dose of positivity.

Make him laugh. Make him feel good about himself. Make him feel wanted, loved, and cherished once again.

Show him that you can bring out a good side to him, that you can offer him things beyond sex and lust: that you can be the source of pleasant interactions, whether it’s little surprises or grand gestures of affection.

Recommended reading: How to trigger the hero instinct in your man

14) Never Bring Up His Marriage

If you’re keen on starting a relationship with a married man, one of the most important things to keep in mind is how you handle his marriage.

Be tactful about his circumstance. He already knows he’s indulging in something he shouldn’t; you don’t have to remind him every now and then.

If you really want to pull him in, focus on his individuality instead of the things that are going wrong in his marriage. Using his marriage as a way to relate to him can only backfire.

At the end of the day, he’s still his own person; the marriage is only a part of his identity.

Focus on his individual strengths and weaknesses instead of luring him away from his spouse by driving a wedge between them.

Seek to foster a real friendship in a way that it can blossom to something else.

Get him to trust you and enjoy your company and attraction should follow if you play your cards right.

15) Make the Most of Your Sexual Tension

Don’t jump the gun and immediately seduce him all the way to the bedroom you.

If you think your married guy is responding positively to your subtly but straightforward advances, prolong the tension.

Keep the intensity high but short. Build off what you currently have and make the sexual tension stronger and more urgent.

Brush up against him when you walk by.

Stare deeply into his eyes when he talks.

Seek out opportunities where you could be alone with just him — ride the same elevator, linger around when you’re both looking for supplies.

Make your presence palpable and addicting.

16) Let Him Know He Can Lose You If He Doesn’t Go For You

Make your intentions clear but don’t make it seem like you’re desperate.

The power dynamic will always be imbalanced because he’s in a commitment that he can always fall back on.

Inevitably, you’ll always be the person pouring in more affection and seeking him out.

As the seducer, you’ll likely find yourself giving more affection rather than receiving it.

Even so, you don’t have to stick around if he clearly isn’t reciprocating your advances.

Give him little nudges and encouragement here and there, but let it be known that you’re not going to stick around forever.

So flirt, stick around, but also know when to pull away.

He may be married, but he’s still a guy. Trigger his primal, competitive spirit.

Just knowing that he might lose your interest could be enough to spark him into finally confronting your feelings and making a move back.

17) Capitalize On Your Similarities

Highlighting your similarities with someone is a great way to convince them you’re compatible.

Married men, especially those who might be a little older than you, may find it difficult to see anything in common with a younger woman.

So how do you even let him know that you are a possible prospect for him? Help him out by showing how similar the two of you are.

Show him that circumstances are not the only thing you have in common. Discovering shared hobbies and values are key in finding ways to relate to him.

Ask him about his interests. What does he do outside work? How does he like to spend his free time? What conversation topics does he enjoy talking about?

Make him know that you’re keen to learn more about him as a person.

And even if you don’t have that much in common, your sheer effort in getting to know him is flattering and already puts you on his radar.

18) Give Him the Perfect Setting and Go For It

The spark is there, the sexual tension is electrifying, and you swear he tried to initiate something once or twice.

End the back and forth and give him the opportunity to do so. If you really want something to happen between the two of you, keep in mind that you’ll be the one who has to set it up.

He could be feeling the same way as you but there’s a chance he’s never going to act on it if left to his own devices.

Instead of leaving it up to chance, take things into your own hands. Plan a setting he just won’t be able to resist.

Give him the opportunity to “slip up” and seal the deal once and for all.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Your journey with this married man will not be straightforward. Some days he’ll be into you and some days he’ll act like you don’t even exist.

It’ll constantly feel like a struggle between convincing him that you’re worth his time, and convincing yourself that he’s worth yours.

But if you do manage to seduce a married man, it can be one of the most exciting and thrilling relationships of your life.

The real reason why men pull away

Want to learn the real reason why men pull away from emotionally committing in a relationship?

It’s not what most people think.

We reveal all in our free eBook Attraction Triggers.

This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love.

Most importantly, it will teach you practical techniques to activate those triggers in your man so you can build a successful long-lasting relationship.

Check it out here.