Have you pushed your romantic partner away because you’ve been acting too needy or clingy lately?
Love can make the most level-headed do some crazy things, so if you’ve been a needy gooey mess and need to make things right, you’ll find the answer in this article.
Here are 5 ways to redeem yourself after acting too desperate, pushy, or needy.
But, before we start… Let’s first look at the possible reasons as to why you’re acting needy.
We all have an emotional attachment style. It’s the way we are emotionally attached to people. It’s where we “feel best” when we’re close and bonded to our romantic partner.
I’m not saying that being needy is inherently a bad thing. There are actually a few positives to being needy. Check out this video, where Justin Brown takes a look at the upside of being needy.
If you fall under the needy attachment style, then you’ll feel most comfortable when you’re actively trying to keep your partner close.
That might mean hugging them a lot, asking them for reassurance, or asking them for an emotional connection.
What causes neediness?
1) Your partner is emotionally avoidant
Now, if you have a strong need for emotional connection and your partner is emotionally avoidant, then they are going to act like they don’t care.
They won’t show much interest in having deep discussions with you or hug and kiss you a bunch.
They won’t ask for reassurance from you because they don’t feel the need to see how much you love them or care about them. And you won’t get much physical affection from them.
If you’ve been rejecting your partner and asking for more connection than they’re ready to give, then it’s no surprise that they’ve been feeling pushed away.
2) You’re emotionally sensitive
Some of us are just born like this.
If you have an emotionally sensitive style, then you have a strong need for emotional connection and reassurance.
You’re easily overwhelmed by emotions and it takes extra effort to balance your own with your partners’.
What you need to understand is that your partner has an emotional attachment style that differs from yours. When you’re too needy or insecure, it will push them away instead of bringing them closer.
3) You’re always pushing for reassurance
Reassurance seeking is a sign of a people-pleasing personality. It comes from a desire to be loved or accepted by your partner and to feel safe, secure, and wanted in the relationship.
If you’re always asking your partner to reassure you that they like, love, and care about you, then you’re pushing your partner away.
When you’re always needing reassurance from them, it makes them feel exhausted and like they need some space. They may even be annoyed with the fact that you are constantly questioning their feelings for you.
Let’s be honest about feeling like you’re not good enough.
It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away. But I want to suggest a solution.
You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are.
I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what trap us in things like always seeking reassurance.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about being overly needy and love.
The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty.
The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like unhealthy attachment issues.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.
4) You’re always pushing for physical affection
If you always put pressure on your partner to show more physical affection, then you’re pushing them away instead of bringing them closer.
It shows that you have a very strong need for physical connection and reassurance, which likely comes from an emotional attachment that’s strong and urgent.
If your partner is distant, it may make you feel like they don’t love or care about you.
For example, if you’re constantly telling your partner to hug or kiss you, then you’re sending the message that you need their physical touch.
It makes them feel guilty for not giving enough of it to you.
Some people are just not touchy-feely and there’s a lot of guilt attached to that. When your partner feels guilty, it can push them away instead of bringing them closer.
What behaviors portray you as a needy or clingy person?
Neediness can manifest itself in many different ways.
Here are some of the most common ones :
- You’re readily available. Always
- You move too quickly.
- You’re trying too hard to impress your partner and make them love you more.
- You say “I Love You” too early in the relationship.
- Your self-esteem has been shaken and you need to feel validated.
- You’re scared to lose your lover or have them slip away.
- You have a fear of abandonment.
- You go overboard with the text, calls and DMs and act obsessive when you don’t get a swift response.
- You over analyze everything your partner says.
The bottom line?
You have to understand that acting needy will not make your partner love you more or commit to you. Instead, it will push them away.
So while you may have good intentions, the way that you’re going about it is the problem. You need to pull back and show your partner respect by giving them space when they need it.
Your partner probably feels smothered or suffocated by all the constant attention and reassurance seeking.
So how do you stop these behaviors dead in their tracks and take back control?
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How to recover after coming across as too needy
So now you know why you’re acting this way and understand the types of behaviors that make you seem clingy and needy, here are steps to redeem yourself.
1) Be empathetic
The most important step to redeeming yourself is to be empathetic. You have to understand how your partner is feeling and what caused their rejection of your neediness.
If you’re having a problem understanding why your partner has been rejecting you, then try to get closer and dig deeper into the issue. Focus on understanding why the person you’re in love with rejected you instead of pushing them away even more.
When you take an empathetic approach, that means focusing on your partner’s feelings first and then focusing on your own feelings second.
Too much focus on your own feelings can lead to needy behavior.
2) Realize they’re not super perfect
When you’re clinging to a person because of the fear of being alone, it is important to realize that they are not super perfect.
There will always be conflicts and problems in a relationship even with the best partners in the world.
You cannot expect things to always go smoothly. Life is no fairytale!
It helps to remember that your emotional attachment style is different from your partner’s.
Their emotional attachment style is what causes them to act and respond the way they do.
3) Learn to communicate better
The next step in redeeming yourself is communicating better with your partner. Sometimes couples have a lot of trouble communicating.
They feel unspoken emotions or blame each other for their problems instead of openly discussing them.
You can’t effectively communicate if you don’t have any common ground about how things feel to both of you.
For example, if you’re the one who’s acting needy and insecure, then your partner may misinterpret your neediness as insecurity.
You don’t want to make things worse by arguing about how needy and insecure you feel when you’re trying to be empathetic.
Instead, try to relate more on a common emotional level. Focus on expressing how you’re feeling instead of placing blame or making assumptions about what they’re feeling or thinking.
4) Learn to give space
The final step in making this relationship stronger than ever is learning to give space.
As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. This means that you need to realize when you’re stepping over the line and make the effort to let your partner have some space.
When they reject your needy behavior, it just makes you feel worse about yourself. You need to realize that they are not rejecting you as a person or that they’re not questioning their feelings for you.
Instead, they’re just going through a phase where they’re not into physical affection at the moment.
You can’t continually push for more closeness when your partner is unsure about showing it to you.
Instead, give them some space and stop asking for more than they are ready to give. Focus on appreciating what you have instead of constantly complaining about what you don’t have.
5) Be less critical
The final step in redeeming yourself is to be less critical with your partner.
Once you’re able to realize that your partner is not rejecting you as a whole, then you can begin to focus on what they’re doing right and not just what they’re doing wrong.
When you focus on the things they’re doing right, it can help regulate your emotions and remind you why you fell in love with them in the first place. You want to avoid being too critical and blaming them for their faults.
You can tell your partner that you want to work on being more empathetic by trying not to be too critical or judgmental with them. This will help you forgive them when they reject your neediness and makes the relationship stronger than ever.
Feeling insecure in your relationship isn’t a good thing at all. However, you can redeem yourself if you just seriously work on redeeming yourself.
When you realize that your partner is not rejecting you as a whole, then you will be able to focus more on what they’re doing right and less on what they’re doing wrong. This will help keep the relationship strong and reduce the stress from needy behavior.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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