We’ve put together a list of 20 key tips to help you re-attract an avoidant ex.
Some of these tips may be common sense, but the vast majority are highly effective. All it takes is one small change in your approach and your ex will be begging for another chance with you in no time!
You should also feel free to use this post as a checklist if you find yourself struggling with any particular problem area and want some ideas about how to go about tackling it.
Want to see how it works right now? Let’s dive in!
1) Let them know you’re sorry
If you realize that you were the one who made your relationship fall apart, don’t be afraid to admit it.
If possible, fix these mistakes and share with your ex why you made these mistakes and how you can improve upon them.
When your ex sees that you are aware of what caused the relationship to break down, they will see that you have matured as a person since then and they will be more likely to trust in the relationship again.
Although they may have had their reasons for leaving, it is important to let them know that you regret what happened and wish things could be different now.
2) Don’t chase them and accept the break-up
A lot of people make the mistake of clinging to the hope that they can change their ex’s decision to end the relationship.
They continue to chase their ex and ignore attempts by their ex to make contact. This type of behavior only makes things worse, because your ex starts to wonder why you’re so desperate for them back.
They also become annoyed with your refusal to accept what has happened and move on with your life.
If someone is avoidant, it simply won’t work to chase after them – it will only serve to put them off! Avoidants will tend to be drawn toward confident individuals.
3) Make him feel like an everyday hero
Make your ex feel important. Show your ex that they are important by listening to what they have to say and by showing genuine interest in their life.
If they have a new haircut or body shape, tell them how beautiful they look.
Don’t be afraid to ask them what they are thinking about and what their hopes and dreams are. If you are interested, show it by listening to them and relating to them on a deeper level.
What’s more, there’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.
And it’s something most women have never even heard of.
According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.
Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.
So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?
The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.
4) Start with small talk
Your ex will be relieved that you don’t start by asking for a second chance.
You’ll have more success starting small-talk conversations by simply surfacing their name first and letting the conversation flow from there.
No need to jump straight in with your old flame and tell them what a mistake they’ve made, you can actually go about discussing more pleasant topics before mentioning the dreaded ‘second chance’ concept.
This is especially true if your ex has been avoiding you after they dumped you… they’ve probably been confused and anxious as to why you’d be contacting them.
By starting off with a small talk about their work or a fun thing you’ve been up to, you’re giving them a reason to think that you’re still on good terms with each other and this will help them feel more relaxed.
5) Avoid looking needy, insecure, or ‘clingy’
These are all big turn-offs and will almost certainly guarantee that you won’t get back together with your ex.
Your actions need to portray a sense of maturity and independence rather than desperation, insecurity, or clinginess.
If you’re exhibiting these qualities it means that you’re most likely not over your ex and might be causing them to feel insecure, which will make them avoid you even more.
If you really want your ex to take another chance on you then ensure that you don’t look needy, insecure, or clingy. Instead, avoid being aggressive and pestering them… this will make the whole process of re-attracting an avoidant ex a lot easier.
6) Show that you have changed for the better
You should feel free to change your social circle and start trying out new hobbies to help you reprogram your mind and change the way you see yourself.
It would also be a good idea to go to the gym or plan a healthy diet for yourself.
At the same time, you could take up activities that are healthy for your body, such as walking or going to the park.
Most importantly, make changes with your ex in mind. Show them that you want to do better and they will be more likely to give you another chance.
7) Make a pact to be better when you are not together
When you’re not together, try to do something that will make your ex happy.
It can be as simple as sending them a text message telling them that you have been thinking of them while they were away, or a photo of a cute cat they like on social media.
Then again I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to rebuild mutual attraction to you. Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.
And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours.
8) Give your ex space
When you re-attract an avoidant ex after a breakup, remember that they need time to relax and settle back into the relationship again.
Getting your ex back is not an overnight process so it is important that you don’t get impatient with the process.
If they are unwilling to get back together with you, don’t push them. Give them time and space to think about what they want out of life.
Don’t call them unless it is important because this will just make them feel pressured by you and if they don’t want to talk to you over the phone, don’t push them into it either.
Let them be alone, they will be more likely to open up to you when they have time to think about things and see that it’s not what they want.
9) Stop feeling so desperate
Avoidants are often attracted to people who act very independent – if you want them back, don’t appear too desperate! It will make you unattractive.
If you are constantly needy, not only does this make you seem clingy, but it also makes you appear insecure. This is a huge turn-off for most people, especially if they have just broken up with their ex.
If you want to know how to get your ex back fast, you should always remember that the most important ingredient is time.
If you have been apart for a long time, it will take more work on your part to win their heart back again and get them to fall in love with you all over again.
10) Don’t break their confidence
If you were the one who broke up with your ex, but you still want them back, don’t make any kind of request or demand for things that they don’t want to do.
Don’t tell them what you expect from them and don’t ask for anything in return.
If your ex wants something from you, they will have to come to you and ask for it. This will tell them that you care about them and that you are willing to do anything for them.
11) Don’t talk about them behind their back
If your ex was the one who broke up with you, they may have had their reasons for doing so.
It is important not to talk about them behind their back – this can cause more conflict than if they did not know what happened to you at all and you were free to discuss them in peace.
12) Stop questioning why you broke up
If you are constantly asking yourself “why did my ex break up with me?”, it will only cause more confusion and make you feel worse.
It is important to realize that everyone interprets things differently and everyone has their own perspective on a situation.
In order to get back together with your ex, it is important to accept that they may have had good reasons for breaking up with you in the first place.
13) Be caring
If your ex feels insecure or hurt, they will want to know that you care about them. If you can give this to them, they will be much more likely to open up and talk.
If your ex asks something of you and you ignore it, they will feel abandoned and betrayed by your actions. It is important to always be there for them when they need a shoulder to lean on.
14) Be honest
If you want to get your ex back fast, it is important that you are not afraid of being honest with them.
If you don’t tell your ex the truth about how you feel, they will not be able to understand what went wrong and why you broke up in the first place.
Don’t be afraid of putting on a bit of a show for your ex – be bold and confident about who you are. It will tell them that you really mean what you say and that makes it believable.
15) Reassure your ex
If you were the one who broke up with your ex, reassure them that you want to be there with them.
Tell them that they are the first person you want to talk to when something good happens in your life and when something bad happens, tell them you will do everything so it doesn’t happen again.
Also, tell your ex that the reason for the breakup is no longer important. What matters is what’s happening now and how much time has passed since then.
16) Be the first to make the next move
Don’t wait for your ex to make an effort – instead, plan an activity together and invite them.
This will show them that you are serious about making things work. If they decline your offer, let it go and don’t take it personally; they probably just didn’t have time to fit in another activity at that time.
17) Stop blaming your ex
The first step towards winning back your ex is to never blame them for the breakup.
You must accept full responsibility for it and if your ex tries to throw the blame back at you, look for ways that you can see it from their perspective.
As soon as you place blame, a debate will start about who’s really responsible for the breakup and no one wins in this situation.
A debate also makes both parties feel pressured into defending their position, which just reinforces their view that they were right all along.
This is a lose-lose situation for both of you, so it’s important to avoid it at all costs.
18) Practice better communication
Start every conversation with a few compliments – it will lead to deeper topics and make the rest of the conversation easier.
Express your feelings clearly – honesty is always best.
Don’t act like you are perfect – it will make your ex angry. No one is perfect.
19) Keep up the good work on your own initiatives
Make yourself appear busy and popular – it will make your ex feel miserable.
Your ex is bound to assume that you missed them when they were gone, so it’s helpful if they see that you didn’t really need them in your life at all!
If you want to re-attract the avoidant, don’t dwell on their relationship with you, but instead concentrate on your own budding success.
20) Don’t be too enthusiastic
You can put an avoidant off very easily by getting too keen on them far too fast – give them plenty of space to adjust slowly.
All you need to do is give them enough time and space to miss your company and then wait for them to take the initiative.
21) Be playful and don’t take things seriously
In order to know whether your ex is interested in you, you should never take yourself too seriously.
Be playful and make jokes – this will show that you have a fun side.
If you can get your ex to laugh a little bit, they will be more likely to open up and talk with you in the end. If your ex is more fun when they were with you, they will want to get back together with you.
22) Show your ex that you are not jealous
If they have an attractive friend, or they mention that they have a crush on someone, don’t act jealous or upset.
Instead, be happy for them and hope that it works out well. This will show your ex that there’s no reason to be jealous of the other person and that you trust them.
When you know how to communicate with your ex in a way that will make it easier for them to want to be with you again, things will become more streamlined.
Breaking up isn’t the end…
By following the advice in this guide, you’ll be able to re-attract your avoidant ex quickly and without too much hassle.
The tips provided can be used in any order that you choose.
In fact, I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing.
Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.