You know the drill.
You meet a new person and you start to get all giddy like you’re a teenager again.
But then, you start to fall for them way too fast and before you know it, you’re already in love.
Before things get too serious, here are 18 no bullsh*t tips on how to not catch feelings so fast!
Let’s get started:
1) It’s best to know what you want first
Before you go jumping into a relationship, make sure that you’re clear about what you want.
While it’s alright to let things develop naturally and make decisions later on, it would help if you already have an idea of what you’re looking for in a partner and what you want out of a relationship.
Think about it.
You don’t want to get too attached too soon only to find out that the person doesn’t share your values or beliefs in life.
2) Don’t be overly keen to fall in love
One of the most common reasons that people fall in love too fast is because they’re desperate to find it.
Now, just because you want to fall in love and be in a relationship doesn’t mean you should get yourself into one overnight.
Make sure that you’re getting the balance right between what you want and what’s right for you first.
If you’re too eager to fall in love, you’ll miss out on the other important things that come with a relationship.
What’s more, if you’re constantly looking for love, you might start neglecting your friends, interests, or even just spending time on yourself.
All in all, you don’t want to be so busy chasing after people that you lose sight of what’s important.
3) Don’t have too many expectations about the first date
The thing about first dates is that we tend to expect so much from them, and if things don’t go according to plan, we’d feel like a failure.
First dates are great and fun, but it’s not the end of the world if things don’t work out then and there.
Remember there’s no rule saying that you have to immediately fall for your date because you had a good time with them or because they are compatible with you.
Let your interactions with each other lead to more dates or even a relationship instead of giving too many expectations on your first meeting.
Don’t let yourself get so attached to someone before knowing more about them.
4) Keep busy and think about something else
You know that old saying, “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”?
Well basically, if you don’t have anything to do then you’ll spend all your time thinking about them.
And when you do that, you’ll become infatuated and you’ll start to obsess.
What can you do?
The best way to avoid becoming too attached is by keeping yourself busy and distracted.
Now, you don’t have to do anything life altering.
If you simply make sure that there’s always something on your agenda, it will be less likely for you to think about them all the time and you’ll avoid catching feelings too fast.
5) Don’t be obsessive and needy
Don’t put so much pressure on the relationship.
If you’re super attached to someone already, then there’s a big chance that you’ll make them feel smothered.
For example, if you’re texting your date all the time and giving off signs of being desperate for them to like you back, then there’s a big chance that they’d feel suffocated by all the attention.
Make sure that you give each other enough space.
Try not to check up on each other too often and don’t bombard them with calls just because they didn’t pick up the first time around. If they want to talk to you, they will call back.
Take things slowly. You have all the time in the world to get to know each other.
Maybe they’re the one, maybe they aren’t.
Getting obsessive and needy will only be counterproductive.
6) Go out with your friends and have fun
This will take some of the pressure off during your dates and make you less obsessive over the person.
Instead of spending all of your time focusing on your date, go out with friends.
Trust me, you need to live your life and have fun outside of a relationship.
7) Take things slowly physically
Yes, it’s fine to have a great time with each other on your dates, but don’t move things along too quickly.
OK, I know what you’re thinking: no sex? Is she mad?
Let me explain.
You don’t want to start getting physical too fast because it would make things complicated between you two.
Getting physical too fast is one of the reasons that people “fall in love” too fast.
They confuse love and lust.
What’s more, for some people sex is just sex, whereas for others it’s something much more meaningful. So if you fall into the latter category, having sex too early in the relationship might be one of the reasons that you catch feelings so fast.
Love can’t be rushed or forced.
Take things slowly and you’ll be able to notice if the relationship is starting to develop into something more serious.
8) Don’t talk about your future together just yet
One of the main reasons why people fall in love too quickly is because they get ahead of themselves.
They start dreaming about their future together and hope that everything will work out between them.
We’ve all been there.
But love takes time, and so does falling into it.
Don’t expect too much from your relationship so early on.
Be sure to enjoy the journey and not just think about the destination.
The best way to do this is by not thinking about what could happen later on or talking about your future with each other too soon.
You see, if you’re moving too fast, it’s possible that one of you might get hurt in the end.
9) Enjoy being single
Trust me on this one!
Being single is so much fun!
How about making a list of all the reasons why being single is a good thing:
- You can do whatever you want whenever you want.
- You can see different people.
- You’re free.
- You get the whole bed to yourself.
You’re still able to enjoy your social life, so why not go out with your friends and have a good time?
You don’t have to put much effort into finding someone to be with because it will happen on its own.
And when it does, that’s when things will happen naturally and you’ll be less likely to fall in love too fast.
10) Have other things going on in your life
This is another great way to avoid catching feelings so fast.
It’s important to stay active and busy, and not just focus on your new relationship.
Put it this way:
If you’re too busy with work or school or whatever project you might have going on, then you won’t have time to catch feelings so easily.
11) Keep your options open
In order not to get overly attached to someone early on in the relationship, one good tactic is to keep your options open.
What do I mean?
Why, date other people of course!
This will give you a chance to see what’s out there.
And another thing:
It will give you a chance to see how things go with that person before you decide if they are someone worth committing to or not.
And if you really start to fall in love, you’ll know that it’s really because you like that person and not out of desperation to be in love and in a relationship.
12) Ask yourself, are you in love with love?
If you’re too infatuated with someone and you’re falling for them, then chances are that you want to be in love.
But be honest with yourself:
Are you in love with love?
Are you in love with the idea of being “in a relationship” or are you in love with the person?
If you’re in love with the idea of love, it could be why you catch feelings so fast.
13) Develop your own interests and have your own life
Make sure that you have your own interests, hobbies, and friends.
It’s important to have your own life and not to get too caught up in the other person’s.
It’ll make things less complicated for you in the long run because you won’t feel as desperate to be with them.
You’ll want to be with them because you like who they are, not because they’re the only thing on offer at that particular moment.
And remember, just because you have one good date doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be. It’s just too early to tell.
14) Don’t spend all your time together
It’s easy to become so infatuated with someone that you want to spend all your time together.
But is it good for you?
If you don’t want to catch feelings too easily, try not to spend all your time together.
I know it’s very tempting but you must fight the urge. Some time apart is healthy for any relationship, especially a new one.
What’s more, if you’re not constantly together, it will give you a chance to miss each other.
You know what they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
This goes for calling and texting. Get off your phone from time to time.
Find something else to do.
15) Don’t get too comfortable
One of the main reasons why people fall in love too fast is because they’re getting too comfortable with each other too fast.
Now, it’s normal to feel comfortable with someone that’s nice and that you get along with, but that doesn’t mean that you should completely let your guard down.
Remember that you’re not just in a relationship yet. You don’t know each other nearly enough and you two haven’t gone on a lot of dates yet.
Stay on your toes and remember to think before you speak.
16) Know the person’s weaknesses
We’re all human and none of us is perfect.
We all have faults and weaknesses.
Some people fall for someone too easily because they see them as perfect beings – they don’t know what their weaknesses are yet.
All in all, knowing these things beforehand would help us avoid falling for someone blindly.
17) Don’t be afraid to be alone
Finally, you should know that you don’t need to be in a relationship to be complete.
One of the reasons some people are so quick to fall in love is because they are scared to be alone.
They’ve grown up with the idea that in order to be happy and to feel fulfilled they need someone to be there with them.
But if you’re afraid to be alone then you are going to miss out on a big part of life.
Many people live their whole lives without another person by their side. They don’t realize how many wonderful things they could be doing if they weren’t stuck in such a relationship.
Why do you catch feelings so fast?
When you’re trying to break a habit, one of the best ways to do it is to understand it – to see what it’s root cause is.
So let’s take a look at why you might be catching feelings so easily.
You believe in love at first sight
If you grew up reading fairy tales and watching Disney cartoons then you probably believe in love at first sight.
Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone.
But the thing is, love at first sight is a rare thing.
Most people may feel like or attraction at first sight, but it will take really getting to know the other person for them to fall in love.
The bottom line is that you might be catching feelings too fast because you want it to be love at first sight.
You lack self-awareness
If you aren’t self-aware, then you might be the type of person who gets too attached too fast.
Being self-aware means being able to recognize your flaws, strengths, and weaknesses.
It also means that you can understand why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do.
One way to become more self-aware is by becoming more mindful.
When you have a mindful state of mind, it means that you are aware of your thoughts and feelings at all times.
It’s important that you are mindful because when we aren’t aware of our thoughts or feelings they can control us instead of us controlling them.
You were neglected as a child
So now you’re desperate for someone to love you.
And you’re coming on too strong too fast because you’re trying to make up for lost time.
It’s important that you understand that there are no shortcuts in life.
The best way to get over your bad childhood experiences is to work through them.
Whether that means going to therapy, journaling, or even setting boundaries with your parents.
Some of the most powerful people in the world are strong because they had it tough as a kid and still managed to succeed despite their abusive childhoods.
You are emotionally immature
If you’re emotionally immature, then that means that you can’t handle certain situations.
If this is the case, then you probably catch feelings really fast because you can’t handle being alone and are always trying to fill up a void inside of you.
You fall for someone’s appearance
One thing that you have to understand is that what’s on the outside matters, but it’s not everything.
You see, you might be making big mistakes in your life because you’re only focusing on their appearance and nothing else.
What are your options?
If you’re constantly falling for people too fast, then it might be time to take a step back and learn to look deeper.
Take the time to actually get to know the person you’re dating before falling in love with their looks.
You think with your heart instead of your mind
Are you one of the people who throw reason out the window when it comes to falling in love?
Are you the type of person who makes decisions with your heart?
If so, then you might fall for someone too fast because your heart is controlling your mind.
The key is to balance out your thoughts and feelings.
Be rational, but be open.
Follow this rule, and you’ll be fine.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.