So you just broke up with your lover? How do you get your ex back? It’s a question on the mind of every heartbroken, confused and devastated soul who’s ever been through a relationship breakup.
Well, getting your ex back is far from impossible. It just takes a lot of hard work, patience, and a sense of persistence that most people don’t have.
But if you want your ex to miss you and want you back, read on as we walk you through the 10 steps to make that happen.
1) Don’t contact him
This one is pretty important. Do not message, call, or go looking for your ex. If he contacts you, it will just make things more complicated.
Let him come to you. He may miss you as much as you miss him and want to get back together.
Give him time and space. He may call or text you out of the blue when he’s ready. Or he may not, but either way, you don’t need to chase him. He will come to you when he’s ready.
You have to be patient, and you have to be persistent. You have to wait for your ex to get back to you.
You have to give your ex space, and you have to be patient. Your ex might not get back to you right away, and that’s okay.
Give your ex time. Your ex might just be in a bad mood, or they might be in a ‘waiting-for-regrets-to-die-down’ kind of mood.
If you keep trying, and if you keep being patient, then your ex will get back to you. And when they do, you’ll be ready for them. You’ll be ready to make up, and you’ll be ready to move forward.
2) Spend time healing after breaking up
This is the most important step. You must heal yourself first.
There is nothing worse in life than being in a relationship that ends badly, and then trying to get your ex back. If you’re not ready to let go of the relationship just yet, that’s perfectly normal.
Give yourself time to process the breakup and grieve the loss. You will get through this.
3) Be yourself
Remember, your ex saw you for who you are. You can try to be ‘smoother’ or ‘prettier’, but by the time you’re done trying, you might as well be your true self.
And your ex may surprise you by liking the real you. If you try to be someone you’re not just to get your ex back, then you’ll just end up getting hurt.
So, don’t try to be someone you’re not. Be you. If you want your ex back, they will respond to the real you. If they don’t, then they’re not the one.
4) Start doing exercise
Exercising is a great way to get your mind off of things and relax. If you’re really lucky, your ex will even join you!
Exercise is also a great way to clear your mind, release endorphins, and get rid of negative energy. So go on a walk with a friend, take a yoga class, or do something that makes you move.
When you’re doing something you love, you’ll feel better. Plus, it’ll be good for you.
5) Take care of your look
When you’re heartbroken, you tend to neglect yourself. You’re so focused on making the other person happy, you forget to take care of yourself.
But neglecting yourself is a huge mistake. When you neglect yourself, you tend to become more clingy, angry, and desperate.
All of which are qualities your ex will most likely not want in a relationship with you. So when it comes to getting your ex back, look your best.
Put on makeup, do your hair and nails, and put on perfume or cologne if you want. Do whatever it takes to feel confident and beautiful.
6) Meet new people
When you’re heartbroken and lonely, you tend to focus on the one who broke your heart. You see him or think about him constantly, which will ultimately make you miss him even more.
But the more time you spend thinking about your ex, the less time you have for new people in your life.
So the best thing you can do when you get your ex back is to meet new people. Doing this will help you to feel more comfortable in social situations and make friends, which will ultimately help you get your ex back.
So call up some of your old friends, meet up with them for coffee, and hang out with them. You’re going to need their support, so make an effort to get together with them again.
7) Subtly show him the better version of you, but don’t let him see you’re trying
This is a strange but important step. You have to show your ex that you’ve changed since they broke up with you.
No matter how much you want them back, they might not realize that you’ve changed and you have to show them. You have to make a conscious effort to be a better person than you were when you and your ex were dating. It’s that simple.
Change your life for the better. Do things that make you happy. Go out with your friends. Help out your family members. And most importantly, make yourself a better person.
Do things that make you feel good and help you grow as a person. If you do this, then your ex might realize that you’ve changed and want you back.
8) Solve your both problems
This is the hard one. You have to offer your ex what he wants, and you have to want what you want.
First, you should figure out why your ex wants out.
If you want your ex back, you need to ask yourself why they want out of the relationship. Were there problems in the beginning? Or has your ex suddenly realized that the relationship isn’t what they thought it was? Whatever the case, you need to know what your ex is thinking so that you can try to change it.
Your ex might want to break up because:
- You’ve started to change and they didn’t like what they saw in you
- They realized they made a big mistake and want out of the relationship
- They’re sick and tired of fighting and want some space to clear their minds
- They have someone new and want out so they can be with this new person
Whatever the case, you need to know why they want out in to get them back. Once you know that, you can work on fixing it.
And then, you have to be willing to change.
Everyone changes over time, and so do relationships. But if you want your ex back, you need to be willing to change for the better too.
Everyone has their issues. You’re no exception. You might be the one who got out of the relationship because you were ready for a change, but your ex might want to stay stuck in the old you if they want to keep you.
Depending on what’s changed in you, your ex might be willing to compromise. They might be willing to work on adjusting to your new, better self. But if you want to make things easier on both of you, you need to be willing to change.
9) Make him feel special
Everyone loves to be treated with respect, and that includes your ex. So if they reach out to you, don’t respond unless they ask you a question. Give them their privacy and let them know you want to be left alone.
However, if they want to talk to you, let them know you’re willing to listen. But make them feel special. Do something nice for them that shows you care.
Just because your relationship is over doesn’t mean you have to stop caring about your ex. You can still be there for them. They just have to want to be there for you too.
If your ex wants to talk, listen. Be there for them if they need you. But don’t take over their life the way you once did. Cut back on the number of times you see them so they have some time for themselves.
Help them see things from your perspective. Explain why you did things a certain way in the relationship and how things could’ve been better. Let them know how much you care by showing them actions, not just words.
10) Learn to accept if necessary
If you’re still hung up on your ex and want them back, you have to accept that they’re not coming back. Your ex has moved on with their life and is no longer thinking about you.
This is a bitter but necessary pill to swallow if you want to get your ex back. You’ll never get their attention if you’re still hung up on them.
There are plenty of other guys out there who will be lucky to have you. If he says he does want you back, then you can work on getting him back, but don’t hold your breath.
That’s it. Ten simple steps to get your ex back and make him miss you. Getting your ex back isn’t easy, but it is possible. You just need to put in the work, follow these ten steps, and give it a try.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.