How to make a guy want a relationship: 17 no bullsh*t tips

What’s better than dating the man of your dreams?

Being in a serious relationship with the man of your dreams!

But sometimes your ideal man doesn’t realize how great of a partner he would be, or how amazing your relationship could be if he would just give it a chance.

And in times like these, you need to do what you can to push him in the right direction: into your loving arms.

In this article, we talk about 19 subtle things you can do to gradually and psychologically convince your man to want a relationship with you.

Here’s everything you need to get him to make things official:

1) Make Yourself Invaluable In His Life

The first step in evolving from someone he’s just seeing to someone he can’t live without is slowly becoming a pillar in his life, rather than just someone he sees every now and then.

Find ways that you can fill his needs without him realizing it, even if he doesn’t realize what those needs are.

This could be something as simple as being the first thing he sees every morning, with a “Good morning :)” text every single day, and a “Goodnight :)” text right before he falls asleep.

The point is consistency — without overdoing it, become a constant presence in his life, one that he soons realizes he doesn’t want to live without.

2) Become a Positive Influence For Him

Men don’t have the same support structures amongst their social circles that women have.

Whereas women usually have at least a handful of girlfriends who are always ready to dive in and drown them in positive affirmations and compliments, men tend to be more self-reliant and distant, even from their closest friends.

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But that’s not to say men don’t need positivity as much as women do; they just don’t offer it as willingly to each other.

Which is why if you become his main source of positivity, you’ll soon turn yourself into a dopamine trigger that he needs every single day.

So push him, compliment him, and show him you love him even when he’s not at his best.

Give him the nudges he needs to make the best decisions for his life, and he’ll soon see that you’re changing his life for the better.

3) Make Him Say Why You’re So Important

One psychological trick to win a man’s heart is by slowly teaching him to say it.

We often underestimate the power of words; while you might be thinking something, if you never actually say it, then your mind won’t really feel it.

So if your man is starting to fall in love with you, an easy way to push him over the edge is by making his mind realize it with his own words.

How do you do this subtly?

Maybe try playing a game with him. Ask him: What are the top five things you love about me? How do I make your life better? What would you do if I disappeared tomorrow?

While these might just be idle thoughts, the simple act of making him say his feelings out loud is enough to solidify those thoughts for good.

4) Get Close With His Friends (and If Possible, Family)

So much of our lives are shaped by social expectations and obligations.

We choose a certain job or to live in a certain place or to go to certain events because our friends — and to a much greater extent, our family — expects these things of us.

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And one way you can get your man to commit is by using these social obligations to your advantage: get close with his friends and family.

While you don’t want to be overly clingy and too try-hard (because his friends will be the first to notice and tell him that you’re potentially “crazy”), you also want to give off the best impression every time you meet them.

Don’t be snobby or a killjoy; always go with the flow (to a reasonable limit).

And if you get the chance to meet his family before you two become official, then maximize your charm: win over the people in his life, and they’ll be mad at him for not putting a ring on your finger.

5) Don’t Throw Yourself At Him

As much as you want to make a guy know that you want him, you also want to make him know that he can’t take you for granted.

Too often, a woman becomes hopelessly in love with a man and thinks that the key to his heart is by giving him everything.

While this might be the best way to do it in an ideal world, you need to remember that love is as much a game as it is genuine.

So be scarce. Hold back your affection, your compliments, your time.

Show him that you have other things going on in your life, and that your entire world doesn’t revolve around him.

Because the moment you show your entire hand is the moment he has full control.

And nobody but the worst people want to be in a relationship where they have complete control over their partner.

6) Keep Things Fun, Not Serious

While some men are just waiting to find their perfect girlfriend so they can settle down and put down roots as soon as possible, there are other men who have a phobia of commitment and thinking long-term.

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For men like these, one of their top fears in a relationship is a drastic change in their life, and a significant change in their relationship with you.

Dating you might be fun, cool, and everything they want it to be, but a part of them will always wonder if things will suddenly change once they cross the line with you into an official relationship.

Will you stop being fun now that you’ve tied him down? Will you no longer be your adventurous, funny self?

So show your man that you’re not looking to tie him down just to make things serious.

You want to be official but that doesn’t mean your relationship has to change.

Don’t overwhelm him with serious talks every time you want to push him into a relationship, because you’ll be achieving the opposite of what you want: he’ll be looking for the nearest exit rather than the nearest wedding planner.

7) Let Him Be Him

Men don’t want things to get too serious when the relationship gets serious, and they also don’t want you to change his life.

They’ve spent a lifetime listening to horror stories of girlfriends and wives completely changing their boyfriends’ and husbands’ lives.

The more independent and carefree your man is, the more he’ll wonder if being with you is going to change his life in ways he doesn’t want.

How do you prevent him from thinking this? Let him be him.

When he wants to watch a football or basketball game that doesn’t interest you, don’t make a big deal of it.

You don’t have to love all his hobbies; you just have to show him that you can co-exist with him without stepping on his toes just because he isn’t joined at the hip with you every second of the day.

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8) Create a Reward System

It might sound too simple to actually work, but you’d be surprised at just how much basic conditioning can contribute to our deepest feelings: create a reward system for your man.

Your rewards need to prove to him that being a boyfriend would be an amazing experience, one that makes him excited rather than worried.

Every time your man does something that a boyfriend or serious partner would do, reward him for it.

These rewards could be as simple as a kiss on the cheek, a “thank you, babe!”, or even just a hug.

You could up the ante and give him bigger rewards for bigger acts of service: buy him his favorite dessert, cook him his favorite meal, or do something crazy in the bedroom.

Whatever you do, you need to make it clear: you’re rewarding him because he did something great for you, and you want to do something great for him in return.

That’s not the kind of thing he could have in any casual, friends-with-benefits relationship, and could be the exact thing that makes him want to become official.

9) Entwine Your Life With His

The more entwined your life becomes with his, the more natural the transition will be from casual to serious relationship.

Don’t limit your interactions with him to weekly dates, so far removed from the rest of his life, because that’s the easiest way he can keep you at an arm’s length from everything else he might have going on.

Push yourself onto him in subtle and gentle ways. If you both have a shared interest in a new gym, convince him to sign up to a regular schedule with you.

If he needs help with meal preparation because he’s trying a new diet, offer to do groceries with him once a week, and maybe that’ll lead to a regular dinner or lunch over at his place, which might lead to you staying over every now and then, which might lead to breakfasts and so on.

Simply put: slide yourself into his life the way he might’ve slid into your DMs, until it gets to the point where he wonders why you aren’t his girlfriend already.

QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac sign. Check it out here.

10) Show Him You Need Him

A man always wants to be needed.

They want to know that they have the capability to provide the people around them with what they need; this makes them feel valuable and useful, and consequently, worthy of being loved.

If a man thinks that he adds no value to your life, he might constantly question whether he’s good enough for you, which might slowly push him away from you.

So prove to him how important he is in your life.

Make him do little favors for you here and there — helping you with a big move, taking care of you when you’re sick, giving you assistance in whatever way you need — and over time he’ll realize just how much you need him.

11) Disappear Every Now and Then

Guys are wired to want the chase; it’s in their DNA. That drive to hunt is ever present in any guy, nurtured by centuries of hunting and mating rituals in our pre-modern ancestors.

So now that dating is as easy as swiping right, men don’t really get to “hunt” for their mates. Too often, people dive into a relationship before it even gets serious. If you’re keen on sealing your man, trigger the hunting instinct in him.

Disappear from time to time. Don’t be predictable. Let him know that the prospect of being in a relationship with you, or just seeing you at all, isn’t as sure as the sunrise.

As soon as he realizes that he actually has to work for your affection, he will start feeling more involved in the relationship.

He’ll realize whether or not this is something he actually wants to be a part of, not something that was just dropped on his lap.

12) Don’t Tell Him Everything

You go on a few dates, you vibe really well, and you’re convinced this man is the right one for you.

You feel yourself falling deeper for him and one by one you start telling all your childhood secrets and making him privy to your deepest darkest shame.

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Too often relationships fail before they even start because people become so open with their partner before the timing is right.

No one wants to be at the receiving end of so much information before they’re ready. There’s a difference between opening up and unloading all your burdens to one guy.

Revealing everything about yourself might also make him feel like you’re desperate for affection and connection.

Instead of making him feel loved and appreciated, he might feel like you’re using him as a crutch.

So take a step back, breathe, and let the conversations flow naturally. Don’t be afraid to show him your true self but also keep in mind that no one wants to go too deep too fast.

13) Plan Major Trips With Him

The modern dating age has made it difficult to get people to commit. One psychological trick to get him to commit to you is by taking him on a major trip.

Not just a drive around the city or a beach trip that’s an hour way. Do something major with him that involves actual planning and decision making.

The very act of doing something with you and committing to that plan will get him used to the responsibilities of being in a relationship: doing things together, making long-term commitments, and following through.

It’s a great way to ease any man into the idea of being in a relationship and sticking around, without having to force him into having that conversation.

14) Prioritize Yourself

Any ideal man for a relationship would want his partner to be his equal. No guy worth keeping wants a 50s housewife for a partner.

Guys who are hesitant to commit to a relationship often worry that they’ll lose themselves and have to surrender to the relationship.

If you really like someone and you want him to see that you’re relationship material, you need to show him that the relationship isn’t going to diminish him as a person.

QUIZ: Does he really love you? My fun new Zodiac quiz can help you figure it out, based on his Zodiac sign. Check it out here.

Men are protective of their identities. They crave independence and personal space, and want the same thing from their partners.

As caring and as giving you have to be to win his affection, you should also draw the line and make yourself the ultimate priority.

He needs to see that you value self-respect and standards. When he does, he’ll gravitate towards you and your strength, and so you more as a potential partner.

15) Hint About Your Ex

In the modern dating world, entering the relationship means the end of the chase.

They no longer have to work for it or put in an effort into anything, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

The initial excitement of the “will they, won’t they” doesn’t have to fade just because you’re growing closer together.

Don’t let him settle, at least not in the very beginning, and keep him on his toes. One way you could do so is by hinting about your ex.

Doing so serves as social proof, showing him how desirable you are and how lucky he is to have you.

16) Figure Out What He Needs Most

It’s not that men have different emotional needs than women; it just so happens that most men don’t have the social support that allows them to be open about it.

If you want him to see you as a potential partner, you need to be able to anticipate his needs and provide what he really wants.

Different men in varying stages of their lives want something specific to them.

Guys who have their stuff together in the traditional sense are likely looking for a nurturing partner with whom he can share his life experiences with.

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A man who’s starting his career is looking for a supportive, independent partner who can cheer him on.

Take a step back and try to see what your man needs most in his life. When you become the source for the thing that he longs, it’ll almost be like attracting a moth to a flame.

17) Become His Best Friend

The best relationships are rooted in amazing friendships. You can’t expect to build a long-lasting bond with someone if you don’t have the basics down.

To be truly intimate, men need more than just superficial attraction.

He wants to be able to bond over things he enjoys: his favorite sports team, his job, his interests and hobbies.

Too many relationships fail because people neglect the single most important component of dating: friendship.

If you want a man to see you as something more than just a fling or a one time thing, you need to make him realize that you offer more than just the initial excitement.

Be the person he can tell his frustrations to at the end of the day. Be the person he talks to about his ideas and opinions.

Be someone who gives him unconditional support, acting as his rock when everything else is unsteady.

At the end of the day, relationships are really nothing more than great friendships with the extra benefits. Be his friend first and becoming his partner will be that much easier.

18) Show Him You’re Done With the Games

Chances are, your guy’s already been through a number of failed relationships (because who hasn’t?).

So he knows what to look out for, the signs of a woman more interested in the games surrounding a relationship rather than the relationship itself.

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So cut the games and just be real.

That doesn’t mean you have to be serious instead of fun; it means that you never try to manipulate his feelings, never force him to say things, and never play-act your anger or disappointment just to get a reaction out of him.

You might think you’re being clever and subtle, but even the densest guy can tell when you’re making artificial tension. And no one appreciates that.

19) Offer To Pay

It’s a small gesture, but a meaningful one.

The man is always expected to pay for the dates; even if the woman doesn’t ask him to do it, he’ll do it just because he knows that’s what a gentleman should do.

But after a few dates, the expectation can get heavy; he’ll start to wonder if this represents the entirety of his possible relationship with you, with you expecting him to handle all the “serious” responsibility.

So surprise him from time to time and pull out your wallet before he does when the check comes.

Insist on covering the check, on paying for things, and on splitting the bill whenever it seems fair.

He’ll love the assertive and independent nature of these actions, and think of you much more as “wife-material” than “just another girl”.

Make Sure You Actually Want A Relationship With Him

If you’re going through all the trouble of trying to win him, make sure that you actually want a relationship with him, and not just a relationship for the sake of being in one.

Before making the move to win him over, ask yourself why you want a relationship with him in the first place.

What qualities of his do you like? What do you see in him that makes you feel like he’s the right guy for you?

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Don’t fall into the trap of wanting a relationship just because there’s nothing else.

Before following through our tips, make sure you’re actually making the right decision and not settling on a compromise with yourself.

You deserve a great partner and he deserves someone who truly cares about him, too.


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