16 ways to make a narcissist obsessed with you

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Narcissists are an entirely different breed of people. You’ll need to get creative if you want to make them fall for you.

Narcissists have an insatiable hunger for attention, admiration, and affection. It’ll be these things that you need to focus on giving if you want to make them obsessed with you.

If you don’t use this knowledge to your advantage, or else they’ll be the ones who’ll make you obsessed with them!

But that doesn’t mean that they’re impossible to catch. Here’s what you need to do to bind a narcissist to your spell.

1) Don’t give them the time

In the initial stages of a relationship, a narcissist will love-bomb you. They will mainly do this by trying to spend as much time with you as possible.

They’re trying to prime you. They’re buttering you up so that you fall for them as soon as possible.

Once you’re the one who’s hooked, they’ll start devaluing you, and you’ll be left in ruins. So you need to be smart with how you spend time with them.

What you need to do is to turn the tables against them. 

Spend less time with them. Make up excuses when they ask you out or say you’ll call them back whenever they try to contact you.

They will get frustrated that their efforts in making you fall for them are going nowhere. However, this will also make them want you even more and try harder!

2) Play hot and cold

You need to be the one in control of your interactions. You need to be the one to dictate the pace in order to keep their interest and constantly chase you.

To do this, play being hot and cold.

At times, be sweet and flirty. This will feed their desire for admiration and affection. Laugh at their jokes, be physically affectionate, and be eager to pay them lots of attention.

Because of this, they will start to crave your company. Once you sense that they’re feeling really good about how you interact with them, suddenly turn cold.

Give them sparse, seemingly uninterested replies—or don’t reply at all. Always tell them you’re busy to go out with them.

This sudden shift will send emotional shockwaves throughout their system. They will do everything to get back what they once had with you.

This might seem harsh, but it will only make them desire you more. 

3) Look as attractive as possible

For narcissists, appearances are the name of the game. They want social approval and one way to get that is by being with someone who is conventionally attractive.

Looking good is a great way to ensure that a narcissist will want to keep you by their side. In fact, try to look even better than they do! Being seen as someone who was able to snag a person supposedly out of their league will boost their ego even more.

Whether it’s a casual stroll around the city or a fancy dinner date, always put effort into your looks. After all, consistency is key.

It’s even better if you try to match their energy when it comes to fashion. Matching their style will make you seem like you’re truly theirs, making them feel even better.

4) Have some arrogance

Despite the narcissist’s cocky facade, most of them actually have low self-esteem deep inside.

This is why they’re drawn to confidence—arrogance, even.

If you walk into a room with a strong, confident gaze that catches everyone else’s attention? That narcissist will want you badly. They will want to be with someone who seems high status and powerful.

Not only will they crave the social approval of being with such a strong personality, they will also want your approval as the confident person in question.

They will see you as a challenge. They will see the confidence, want to catch it, conquer it.

Then, once they’ve made you fall for them, they’ll try to break you down due to their insecurity and jealousy. They will resort to abuse, devaluation, and idealization.

Be wary of this and keep your guard up.

5) Trigger his inner hero

Narcissists aren’t that different from other people when it comes to obsessions. 

They are driven to things or people they think they desire when something triggers them.

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct

Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships. 

And it’s something most women have never even heard of. 

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex. 

Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship. 

So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct? 

The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach. 

So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

6) Don’t give them attention

Remember when we said to be hot and cold? By cold, we mean freezing.

Sometimes, it’s best not to give them any attention at all. Narcissists are strange—as much as they crave attention, denying them attention will only make them want you more.

What this does is damage their ego. It will seem like they are not worth your time, and they will be angry at how you have the audacity to reject their advances.

Because you have subtly put yourself in a position of power over them, they will try to do everything to reach your level. In other words, they will try their very hardest to get your attention back.

7) Be like a prize—and make them earn you

Nothing boosts the ego of a narcissist than conquering challenges and claiming their prize. In this case, your attention is the thing they need to catch and conquer, and your affection is the prize.

So you need constantly act like a person of high value to the narcissist.

Whether it’s through having a high-paying job, an impressive social circle, or studying at a prestigious university or program, you need to have something that will make a narcissist want you.

By making yourself one hell of a catch, they will be even more obsessed about wanting to earn you as their prize.

They always seek an ego boost from having someone other people also want.

8) Have them beg for approval

Remember that approval is a narcissist’s #1 goal. The best way to make them obsess over you is to make them constantly want your approval.

Do this by subtly and underhandedly talking about their flaws. Here are a few examples:

  • “You’re so confident. I know I can’t be that confident with acne like yours.”
  • “You’re so handsome. I know your crooked nose is funny to some people, but I’m sure it’s cute to others too.”
  • “I’m glad your stutter isn’t keeping you from socializing.”

Don’t be afraid to exaggerate their imperfection. Sometimes, these imperfections don’t even need to be real. The narcissist just needs to perceive it as some form of imperfection so that they can seek your approval.

Once you do this, you will sense them doing their absolute best to bring your attention to how much they’re improving. They will focus all their efforts on fixing this imperfection in your eyes. You will be all they think about, and that’s exactly what you want.

9) Be flirty with other people too

Narcissists don’t just want your affection and approval; they want to monopolize you too.

By flirting with other people, you will make them jealous. After all, they want to feel that they’re the only one good enough to have the affection of such an amazing person like you!

Don’t overdo it though. You still need to make it clear that they have a chance with you. Do it through some casual but flirty compliments and some light touching.

They will definitely notice that your attention is now being divided. They will then work hard to ensure that your eyes are all on them.

10) Make sure you have a life outside of them

You must ensure that you also spend time with your friends and on other hobbies.

Make sure that you’re not neglecting them. Make it a point to focus on them—and show the narcissist how much you enjoy life.

Not only will you seem like an even more confident and attractive person, but they will also feel jealous that you’re giving more time and attention to other things in your life.

They will then feel the need to try to make you give them more time and attention. Remember that you need to be someone of high status, not some loser who only thinks about them! The more you obsess over them, the less they will obsess over you.

If you give them too much time and attention, they will feel like they have “caught” you for good, and will then, in turn, give you less time and attention. They will do this because they have become bored of you.

Instead, what you want to do is to make them constantly chase you. You need to make them feel like you’re a challenge they must overcome, and your time is something they must earn.

Be careful, though, some narcissists will try to restrict how much time you spend with other people. This is abusive and controlling behavior, and you shouldn’t tolerate it at all.

11) Don’t compliment them

If you let them know how much you like them, they will become complacent and bored.

They will then stop chasing you because they will feel like, at least to a certain extent, that they’ve already “caught” you.

Remember that they’re chasing your approval. If you give them that approval, then the chase is over.

They might try to fish for compliments but don’t fall for the bait. We often tend to compliment someone back, but for the narcissist, just say thank you and move on with the conversation!

Let’s say they complimented your looks. Just say, “Thanks. I know I look great today.”

Not only did you not compliment them, but you also reasserted yourself as a strong, confident person.

12) Maintain distance

One crucial mistake you could make is to give them any kind of commitment. Both physical and emotional distance is key to making a narcissist obsess over you.

Not giving the narcissist what they want only makes them want you more.

It makes them want your affection and approval, and the more distant and colder you are to them, the more they will seek to be closer to you.

After all, here’s the thing: while they want you to reveal all your secrets to them, they don’t want to do the same to you. They want you to be close to them, but they don’t want to be close to you.

This will allow them to dominate and dictate the relationship—which is the exact opposite of what you want. You want to be the one in control, the one leading them on.

When you put up that barrier, they will see it as a threat and will fight tooth and nail to tear it down.

You need to keep this barrier up though, if you want to keep the narcissist clawing for you.

13) Make them save you

As much as you want to appear strong and confident, there are times when you need to give the narcissist a chance to be stronger than you. More specifically, make them rescue you.

You need to inflate the narcissist’s ego. This will make them feel important and feed their need to be seen as someone capable and special.

Deep inside, narcissists want to appear as some sort of hero. They want people to sing their praises. Give them this chance to be YOUR hero specifically—the hero of someone who was once just out of their reach.

They will feel ecstatic that they’ve finally earned the attention of someone they’ve been desiring for so long. They will thus stick around you, awaiting another opportunity to swoop in to save the day.

What’s important is not to do this regularly. Remember that you need to be hot and cold.

After they save you, they will become more aggressive and maybe even ask you out. Reject them a few times before saying yes. This will keep you in their mind all the time!

I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to feel obsessed with you.

Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours. 

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

14) Never answer I love you’s

If there’s one phrase you should never, ever tell them, it’s “I love you too.”

Once you tell them that, it’s game over. They’ve finally caught you and the chase is over.

Narcissists, as harsh as this sounds, are like children—they always want what they can’t have! And once they finally “have” you, they’ll stop wanting you.

Don’t give them what they want. That is the key to making them want you!

Instead of saying I love you too, just smile, don’t say anything, or be cheeky. Tell them that you love yourself too or that you know they love you.

They might be in shock—maybe even appalled!—at your response, but it will surely make them chase you even harder.

15) Don’t be afraid of drama

Narcissists live for the spotlight. All they want is attention.

So don’t be afraid of drama!

Narcissists feel like they’re the protagonist of a movie. So whenever you’re with them, try to act like you’re actually in one. 

Try to be extra exciting and adventurous, edgy and mysterious, or clever and argumentative.

If you’re dull and mundane, then they’ll quickly lose interest.

So even when something small happens, try to escalate the situation and cause a bit of drama. 

If the narcissist was late, be angrier than you normally would’ve been! If you’re arguing over something petty, pretend to be really upset.

This extra edge between the two of you will keep him intrigued for a long, long time.

16) Break up with them before they break up with you

Narcissists will most likely initiate a break-up sometime in the future. They do this to feel in control of the relationship or make you feel like you need them more than you actually do.

Don’t let this happen and use their strategy against them. Break up with them or at least cut-off contact during the initial stages of the relationship, when they are still being extra sweet and are constantly love-bombing you.

After all, they expect you to fawn over them with their grand expressions of affection. You’ll shake up their world by reacting in the opposite way they expect you to.

They’ll be left confused and upset, but they’ll also be eager to get you back.

At the very least, leave before the narcissist begins the cycle of abuse. Once they start, they’ll be establishing control, so don’t let them do that.

And you know what—when you leave, leave for good. You’re most likely much better off without such a person and moving on with your life!

Can a narcissist be obsessed with someone?

Yes, they can. However, their obsessions will always be toxic and unhealthy.

Narcissists are obsessed with themselves, but they will obsess over someone who they both want and think is better than them. In other words, they obsess over people they can’t get.

It’s never out of genuine admiration and appreciation for a person. After all, a key component of narcissism is the lack of empathy.

The fact that they lack empathy also means that they can never sincerely love or be attracted to people because of who they are. 

They always want something else out of any relationship they pursue (mostly approval and admiration).

A narcissist might act all romantic and devoted at first but make no mistake. It’s not because they actually feel that way for you. They simply don’t have the capacity to obsess over someone in a healthy and loving way. 

What to do if it doesn’t work

Being with a narcissist isn’t the easiest type of relationship.

They are self-obsessed and usually hurt people who love them.

It might not be that easy to get a narcissist’s attention, and you may feel like you’re not good.

But let me tell you something.

There are a lot of great men out there who’d be willing to be by your side and would appreciate your love.

The only thing you have to do is to rewind your mind to get attracted to those types of guys rather than narcissists. 

How do you do that?

Well, what if I told you that you could change the way you approach relationships for good?

What if you could find the type of love you know you deserve? 

Well, to achieve this, you’ve first got to reconstruct your reality and the relationship you have with yourself. Only then will your love life stand a chance of succeeding.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift the mental chains and get back to the core of your being. 

A word of caution – Rudá isn’t your typical shaman. 

He’s not going to tell you that everything will be alright. Nor will he sprout meaningless positivity solely aimed at comforting you.

Instead, he’s going to force you to look inwards. You’re going to face the real you and get to know that person much better. 

It’s a powerful approach, but one that works, especially if you want to revolutionize your relationships with others. 

If you think you’re up for the challenge, if you’re ready to find the love you deserve, there’s no better time to start than today.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

How do you keep a narcissist interested in you?

Keeping a narcissist is tricky. Remember that they’re never actually interested in people themselves, only the validation they can potentially give. 

Once they get their scoop of validation from a person, they’ll most likely move on to the next.

This is why narcissists are typically attracted to empaths or dependent or vulnerable people.

Unfortunately, people like this will be the ones who can easily fall into their trap. They will shower the narcissist with all the affection and admiration they will trick them into giving.

By the time they realize just how entitled and egotistic the narcissist is, it’s already too late: the narcissist has successfully manipulated and abused them already.

Then, of course, they will move on to their next victim.

If you want them to stay, here are the things you should do:

  • Impress them
  • Obsess over yourself
  • Encourage their narcissistic tendencies (without compromising yourself!)
  • Show off your skills, talents, and achievements
  • Give them the silent treatment from time to time
  • Call them out in public or on social media
  • Ask people who have been with narcissists to share advice

This is easier said than done, however. Narcissists are competitive and manipulative and will do everything to “win” the battle against you.

In fact, you might not even notice that the person you’re dealing with is a narcissist. They’re very charming, after all, and many people fall for them.

This is partly why narcissists actually become even more narcissistic over time. 

They tend to get the things they want through manipulation and deceit. Their “successes” fuel their ego, and they’ll only want more.

Why you might not want a narcissist to obsess over you

Overall, it’s important to keep in mind that messing with a narcissist is risky and trying to beat them at their own game is very difficult. 

Making a narcissist obsessed with you might feel satisfying, but it’s still dangerous to keep them that close.

Even if you are able to stay clear of their usual tactics, narcissists are most definitely smart enough to come up with new tactics to get the better of you. You can only outwit a narcissist for so long—they will only become even more relentless in chasing you.

As much as your resilience and cunning will intrigue them, at one point, they will eventually do anything to “win.” And by anything, we truly mean anything.

At the end of the day, ask yourself: is it really worth spending all your time and effort playing these petty emotional games? What do you get out of it aside from temporary satisfaction?

You’ll get burnt out eventually, and the risk-to-reward ratio simply isn’t worth it.

A narcissist will never truly love you 

You can do anything. 

You can give them all the wealth in the world, you can move the sun and moon for them, you can be the most attractive, perfect person in the world—and they still will not love you in any sincere way.

That’s simply not how they are. They are built without the capacity to love. Trying to make a narcissist love you is like trying to make a dog do astrophysics.

However, trying to control a narcissist has its own merits if at least to protect yourself as you try to make your way out of the relationship. Here’s what you should do.

The first thing you need to do is to educate yourself about all the mind games and manipulation tactics they will employ. The more you know about them, the more effectively you’ll be able to protect yourself from them and even use them against the narcissist. 

Here’s a great video to get you started.

Remember, though: as satisfying as it might be to retaliate against a narcissist, it’s also bad for your karma.

Not only is this a mere band-aid solution to the larger problem, you’re also employing the same abusive strategies to get the better out of another person.

It’s really best to simply be the better person. Don’t stoop down to their level. If you don’t want to retaliate against them by using their own methods, just be a rock toward them. 

Be flat, cold, and unemotional. Don’t invest any kind of emotional or mental energy when you interact with them. 

You will not get anything out of this relationship, so there’s no reason to invest in it in any way, shape, or form either. 

That’s why the best thing to do is to simply leave for good. It’s the best revenge you can have. A narcissist wants to be needed…

…And there is no better way to tell them you don’t need them by walking away and being happy and fulfilled without them!

Bottom line

No matter what you’re doing, dealing with a narcissist is tricky, difficult, and dangerous. It’s like playing a game with your sanity and mental health constantly on the line.

Narcissists are simply different kinds of people. They are fundamentally different from everyone else, so treat them accordingly. 

It’s safe to assume that because they lack empathy, they are always scheming to exploit other people.

At the end of the day, even if you win from time to time at their game, it’s still a losing battle. It’s simply not worth all the time and energy to out-narcissist a narcissist!

I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing. 


Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before. 

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman. 

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.