If you’ve been dumped by a narcissist, you’re probably feeling frustrated and angry that you took so much crap from them only to end up being discarded like yesterday’s paper.
If you want to make a narcissist realize what they’ve lost and regret how they treated you, then this article is for you.
Here are 5 ways to make a narcissist miss you.
What’s a narcissist?
A narcissist is a person who has an inflated sense of self-importance and overestimates their attributes, skills, or talents.
They also tend to have a very unrealistic self-image, which they subconsciously or consciously project onto others in order to feel better about themselves.
But wait, there’s more.
Narcissists are people who often lack empathy and have no respect for you or your feelings.
In the case of a codependent, they’ll often abuse their partner in order to fulfill their own needs (which are usually selfish).
A narcissist feels entitled to whatever they want and has no problem getting aggressive or mean to get it. They have no respect for your time, feelings, or emotions, nor do they care about being nice or even pretending to be nice.
Narcissists also tend to lack remorse and rarely feel bad about anything in the world.
And when it comes to relationships, narcissists are often attracted to people that they can manipulate to get what they want. Narcissists often have a difficult time forming real friendships and tend to use people as a means to feel better about themselves.
But what if you could change the way you approach relationships for good?
What if you could find the type of love you know you deserve?
Well, to achieve this, you’ve first got to reconstruct your reality and the relationship you have with yourself. Only then will your love life stand a chance of succeeding.
I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift the mental chains and get back to the core of your being.
A word of caution – Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.
He’s not going to tell you that everything will be alright. Nor will he sprout meaningless positivity solely aimed at comforting you.
Instead, he’s going to force you to look inwards. You’re going to face the real you and get to know that person much better.
It’s a powerful approach, but one that works, especially if you want to revolutionize your relationships with others.
If you think you’re up for the challenge, if you’re ready to find the love you deserve, there’s no better time to start than today.
How to make a narcissist miss you
Here’s the truth: Because a narcissist always puts themselves first, chances are you won’t really succeed in making them miss you. What you can do is make them miss what you did for them and gave them.
1) Stop being their source of narcissistic supply
Wait, what is narcissistic supply?
Narcissistic supply is the stimuli a person derives from being rewarded for displaying traits that are admired by others.
A narcissist is usually attracted to people who provide narcissistic supply (aka attention).
Narcissists often see their partners as sources of narcissistic supply and use them to feel better about themselves. They take advantage of their partner’s desire to be in a relationship and tend to view them as someone they can manipulate into doing whatever they want whenever they want.
Unless they’ve found another source of narcissistic supply, chances are they’ll still rely on you to get the attention they need.
So, if you want them to miss you, you have to stop being their source of narcissistic supply.
In other words, don’t give them the attention that they crave
2) Be less available
If you want to make a narcissist miss you and beg for your attention, then become less available than usual.
This means that you need to stop engaging with them on any level that isn’t absolutely necessary. You need to put up boundaries and refuse to be manipulated.
When they try to contact or text you, don’t respond right away.
If they have questions, responses should be curt and to the point. Don’t engage in long conversations with them or add any personal details of your life or plans
Remember, narcissists are used to getting what they want, whenever they want it. They’ll expect you to drop everything for them and come running when they call you – even if you’re no longer together.
By making yourself less available, you’re taking away the attention that a narcissist craves from you.
3) Focus on yourself
Now that you’ve made yourself less available, it’s time to focus on yourself. You’ve spent long enough attending to their needs and going above and beyond to make them happy.
Simply put, it’s time you focus on your own needs. Start pursuing your goals, making plans for your future, and spending time with the people you care about or who actually care about you.
When a narcissist feels like they can’t get the attention they need from you, they’ll feel dissatisfied. This is because getting attention is what makes them feel better about themselves.
4) Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that they hurt you
Here’s the thing: Narcissists love attention, and negative attention is attention.
So if you’re tempted to list all the ways your narcissist hurt you and try to get them to feel empathy, don’t bother. You won’t achieve what you want and in fact, you might make them feel some kind of satisfaction knowing they had such power over you.
You mustn’t let a narcissist know how much you’re hurting.
Make sure to appear happy, even when you’re not. Smile and laugh around them, but don’t let them see you cry or hear you complain about how badly they’ve treated you.
5) Move on with your life
The best way to make a narcissist miss you is to move on with your life.
You mustn’t just sit around and wallow in your emotions.
While it’s important to recognize that you’re hurting, it’s also important that you acknowledge how much better off you are without someone who doesn’t appreciate how amazing and wonderful you really are.
So, get busy! Take up some new hobbies. Travel. Spend more time with your friends. Learn a new language. And when you’re ready, start dating again.
When your narcissist sees that you’ve moved on and don’t need them in your life, they’ll be sure to miss you.
How to get over a narcissist
Now that you know how to make a narcissist miss you and the attention that you provided, it’s important to learn how to get over them and move on with your life.
1) Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship
You must allow yourself to grieve the relationship.
Just because you know that the relationship was unhealthy doesn’t mean that your feelings of sadness, anger, or even shock aren’t entirely valid.
What can you do?
Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship and don’t beat yourself up if it takes longer than you expected.
The bottom line is that in order to move on, you’re going to need to accept what happened and how you feel about it, no matter how painful. You need to grieve.
2) Spend time with people who love you
One of the best ways to get over a narcissist is to spend time with people who love you.
This means being around your friends and family; people who not only want the best for you, but are also there for you when you need them.
Your relationship with a narcissist was all about making them feel happy and attending to their needs. What’s more, they probably put you down and made you feel unworthy of love.
The best thing you can do to get over a narcissist is to spend time with people who love you and put you first. The attention they give you will show you how amazing and wonderful you really are.
3) Understand that narcissists can’t feel regret
Narcissists are incapable of feeling regret or remorse, which means they can’t change. No matter how badly they treated you, they’ll never feel bad about themselves.
So if you want to get over a narcissist, then you have to set them aside and move on. There’s nothing that can be done and there’s no point in trying to salvage the relationship because it will do no good.
4) Stop obsessing
It can be hard to stop obsessing about a narcissist, especially if you’re still in love with them.
But if you want to get over them and move on with your life, then you need to make a real effort to forget about them.
Stop thinking, “What if?” because nothing good could have happened in a relationship with a narcissist.
By all means, acknowledge what happened in order to deal with your feelings. but don’t let your thoughts consume you.
Don’t let yourself become preoccupied with the narcissist, because obsessing over them won’t do you any good.
5) Don’t try to rationalize their behavior
It can be extremely tempting to try to rationalize why the narcissist treated you the way that they did, but this will do you no good.
No matter how much you rationalize it, you’ll still be left with a relationship that hurt you. Keep in mind that a narcissist doesn’t have the capacity to care about anyone except themselves, and they don’t have the ability to change that.
Narcissists have a personality disorder – a mental disorder – which is why they act the way they act. This means that there’s nothing rational about their behavior.
6) Resist the urge to get revenge
Resisting the urge to get revenge is one of the hardest things to do when you’re trying to get over a narcissist.
Why? Because you want so desperately to get back at them for all that they’ve done. But your desire for revenge will only make it harder for you to move on with your life.
What’s more, it will probably backfire because the narcissist will only thrive from the attention you give them.
Remember, a narcissist doesn’t have the capacity to feel bad about themselves. They’re set in their ways and there’s no changing that.
7) Keep busy
Something that can make getting over a narcissist even harder is spending too much time moping around and thinking about them.
Now, this means that you should find something to keep you occupied. Find a new hobby or start meditating in order to stay focused on positive future possibilities.
If you’re having trouble getting over the narcissist, then consider joining some support groups or taking up therapy to help you work through your feelings.
8) Heal your body and mind
One of the most important things that you can do to get over a narcissist is to heal your body and mind.
You need to take the time to exercise and meditate. Spend more time in nature.
It’s also important to eat a healthy and balanced diet – try to avoid processed foods, sugar, and bad fats. Remember to drink lots of water.
9) Never blame yourself
Narcissists often target people who have low self-esteem, which can make you feel like your self-worth is tied directly to whether or not you’re in a relationship with them.
It’s important that you stop blaming yourself for being the target of a narcissist because you didn’t do anything wrong.
Let’s be honest about getting over a relationship with a narcissist.
It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away.
But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are.
I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what trap us in things like abusive relationships with narcissists.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about relationships with narcissists and other abusive personalites and love.
The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to getting over a narcissist and moving on with my life.
If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.
10) Love yourself
This means accepting yourself for who you are with all your flaws.
It means forgiving yourself for your mistakes.
It also means setting boundaries and refusing to let someone who doesn’t respect or value you make you feel unworthy of love.
11) Don’t look back
It’s important to focus on the future and not dwell on the past. If you do, you’ll only get frustrated and depressed.
A good way to stop yourself from getting lost in the past is to ground yourself in the present by practicing mindfulness meditation. To do this:
- Sit in a comfortable upright position.
- Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose.
- Feel your lungs expand as you breathe in. Notice the sensation in your nose as the cold air comes in. Notice how your chest rises and falls with each breath.
- If your thoughts start to wander, that’s ok. Just bring them back to your breath. There is no past and no future, all that exists is the present moment.
12) Be grateful it’s over
When you think about it, it was a terrible relationship so really, you should be happy that’s it over. This means that you can now look forward to meeting someone who is worthy of your love and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
How dating a narcissist changes you
It’s almost impossible to date a narcissist and not be affected by it.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways in which dating a narcissist changed you.
1) Loss of identity
Dating a narcissist has been known to make people feel like they don’t know who they are anymore.
The narcissist has manipulated and abused you, they’ve isolated you from your friends and family, they’ve made you feel worthless, and convinced you that they’re the only person in the world who could love someone like you.
You’ve started to act the way they like in order to get their approval – you don’t know who you are without them.
2) You end up enabling and defending abuse
You’ve started to believe that you deserve mistreatment, and you’re willing to excuse behavior that’s totally unacceptable.
You have the tendency to deny their abusive behavior and blame yourself for their shortcomings. You make excuses for them, telling yourself that the abuse wasn’t real or wasn’t your fault.
In doing this, you’re enabling abuse and protecting the narcissist from any repercussions for their actions. This gives them carte blanche to continue hurting you.
3) You become anxious
You’ve spent so much time trying to please a narcissist and you’re completely drained, both emotionally and physically.
Here’s another thing, your anxiety may have even reached the point where you experience panic attacks, social anxiety, and other mental health issues.
4) You feel helpless
You feel both powerless and hopeless because of how you were treated by the narcissist.
You’re feeling trapped because you think there’s no one else who will ever love you like this partner does – that nobody else will want you.
You’ve lost your self-confidence and you feel like you’re unable to make decisions for yourself, which is why you’re so dependent on the narcissist.
You’ve completely given up on feeling good about yourself and wanting to be with anyone who could love and respect you.
5) You have trouble developing new relationships
After everything that you’ve been through with a narcissist, it’s difficult to trust people. You’re worried that you’ll end up being hurt again, and you’re afraid that they’ll treat you the same way the narcissist did.
How will you know if you come across another abusive personality? After all, when you first met the narcissist, they were perfectly charming and seemed quite normal.
As a result, you’re extremely cautious about who you trust and hesitant about letting anyone in.
The bottom line is that you don’t want to put yourself through the same kind of hell that you went through with the narcissist and it’s hard for you to develop new relationships because of all that’s happened.
6) You become isolated
The narcissist will do everything in their power to isolate you from your friends and family.
They are possessive and jealous and they don’t want you to have anyone to complain to – they don’t want anyone to see their true colors and know how they really treat their partners.
Because of the narcissist’s manipulation, you’ve lost all connection to your friends and family. You don’t see them or talk to them anymore, which means that you don’t have anyone to talk to about how you’re feeling and you don’t get to socialize with others.
You no longer have any support system and nothing is holding the narcissist in check – they can treat you however they want and there’s no one who will stand up for you.
7) You become insecure
The narcissist has made you believe that you’re not worthy of anything good in your relationship.
They’ve told you that no one else could ever love someone like you and this has left you feeling insecure about yourself. You don’t think that anyone will ever appreciate you for who you are, especially because the narcissist always treated you badly.
This makes it impossible for you to have any kind of healthy relationship with anyone because the narcissist’s voice is still echoing in your head, telling you that there’s something wrong with YOU.
8) You have trust issues
You feel paranoid because you think that the narcissist is going to do something to hurt you without meaning to.
You’re constantly expecting them to do or say something that makes you think that they don’t really care about you – they’re only using you.
Because of the abuse, the narcissist has created mistrust and this makes it difficult for you to have healthy relationships with anyone else.
That includes romantic relationships. You see a potential partner as a potential threat and this makes it hard for you to relax and get close enough to them for a relationship to develop.
9) You get depressed
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can do real damage to your mental health. This means that it’s possible for you to develop depression or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
10) You become subservient
You feel like you have to do whatever the narcissist wants. You’re afraid of them and you believe that they will manipulate you into doing something that you don’t want to do.
They want to control every aspect of your life and can be extremely demanding in their treatment of you, which makes it difficult for you to be your own person.
You constantly feel as though it’s your fault that the narcissist is angry or upset with you, even if they’re not real or if it’s a reaction to how much abuse has been done to them.
11) You develop self-esteem issues
After the narcissist has made you believe that you’re undeserving of love, happiness, and respect you develop self-esteem issues.
You’ve accepted that it’s impossible for someone to love you and appreciate you like the narcissist does – that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you.
It makes it difficult for you to feel good about yourself and want to be with someone who could love and respect you.
This means that when you look for a partner, all you see are things about yourself that make it impossible for someone to love you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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