If you’re reading this, you’ve likely got a special guy in mind.
Maybe you’re starting a new relationship or you’re trying to spice up a relationship that you’re already in.
Being with someone you care about can be one of life’s greatest pleasures, emotionally and physically – even spiritually. But if the sex is lacking your whole connection can fall apart quickly.
That’s why understanding how to make a man addicted to you sexually can be your secret key to romantic happiness.
Caring about sex isn’t shallow or “basic.” It’s vital.
To get the type of commitment where a man wants to shower you in affection and is on fire with desire you need to know how men work, to understand male psychology, and how to turn on his “hero instinct,” all of which I’ll tell you about.
Grasping how the hero instinct works will help you steer your relationship inside the bedroom and outside. Putting it into action has my man very much obsessed with me – not only in a sexual way but in every way.
Without further introduction, here are 14 steps to help stoke the fire and keep it raging all night long…
1) Know yourself and your desires
It’s important that you know yourself before you can know how to make a man addicted to you sexually.
Discover and become comfortable with your desires inside and out.
Be willing to explore a little bit beyond your comfort zone to find out what brings you pleasure and excites your mind and body.
This is where you’ll explore new territory sexually, get to know your own body, and learn what brings you to climax.
If you are not sure about yourself, start there.
Touch yourself, watch erotic films or porn, experiment with talking dirty, and dress in a way that turns you on.
As you grow into your own sexuality and gain confidence and consciousness about your desires it will become easier to understand him.
Being in touch with your sexuality and desires will make it easier and more comfortable to be open about sex and pleasure with him.
This can lead to more open communication and mutual pleasure.
As you discover your own desires more fully, communicate with him, and get to know him on a deeper physical level.
The earlier you have this knowledge, the better your relationship will get.
As Julie Sibert writes:
“Guide your spouse’s hands and mouth. If you are a wife, guide your husband’s penis. Get comfortable touching each other and then communicate what you like and don’t like. Often it is the small nuances that make all the difference. Varying the type or lightness of a touch, for example, may pay big dividends in the intensity of pleasure.”
2) Find out what turns him on and learn his “love language”
Men and women are different in many ways, and each person has a particular way to see and understand the world.
In the same way, each person gets turned on in a different way and by different experiences.
Most men are very stimulated by the visual, but some of our special guys also get crazy from smell, sound or touch. Or by a combination of all of them.
Usually, though, there’s one main attraction factor for a guy.
When you talk to him, touch him gently and observe how he reacts and watch the signs that he’s getting turned on.
Pay attention to how he expresses himself, too.
If he uses sentences like “I feel so good when … “ or if he likes to taste different flavors, or if he pays extra attention to smells, these are clues about what could be an easy way to please him.
Noticing what excites him in other areas of life can tip you off as to which of his senses you should stimulate to turn him on.
Pay attention to how he sees and experiences the world: this is your keycode for accessing his inner desire and activating it.
As Gary Chapman lays out in his book Five Love Languages, people feel loved and show love in five basic different ways: “Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.”
If you know his love language then you can know how to make a man addicted to you sexually (even after a one-night stand).
Once you know what makes him react, use it to tease him. If he gets turned on with words for example, you can call him at lunchtime and tell him you were just thinking of the way he knows how to pleasure you just right.
To hear you talking about this will make him imagine the scenario and want you even more when he gets home.
Some men may well be more sexually stimulated by hearing and speaking dirty or sexual things. Some men like to try new locations and outfits or like to be dominant or to be dominated.
You can text him naughty texts if he likes to talk and gets turned on by words.
It all just depends on what his love language is…
Once you know what turns him on, it will be easier for you to make him sexually addicted to you, because he will understand you want to please him.
He’ll be interested in sharing more time with you since he looks forward to your exciting sex life together.
3) Leave him wanting more
This should be near the top of any list about how to make a man addicted to you sexually.
It’s absolutely crucial.
No matter how into you this guy is the best way to keep him interested in you sexually and coming back for more is to always leave him wanting more.
Men love a challenge and it makes their desire into a raging storm.
Turn yourself into his special project and his object of desire that he thinks of day and night.
Even if you’ve already had sex – maybe even for years – he must feel he has to deserve you, and more, you have to make him feel desire not only about sex specifically, but about your touch as a whole.
To get to this stage you have to perfect the art of foreplay and teasing.
Lead him to the edge, but not always over it.
Make him wait for sex sometimes, and have fun in other ways than penetration.
4) Try roleplaying and inventive games
Another big part of how to make a man addicted to you sexually is to try roleplaying and inventive games.
This has worked wonders in my relationship.
Even though I thought it was a bit weird at first now I look forward to the sexy games we play together.
Learning my man’s “love language” – mainly words plus a strong accompanying visual side – I created a game where there is a special code word that he can say where I will take off my panties and bend over for him to take me once we’re alone.
He has ten tries to guess the codeword and I’m allowed to give him hints, but too many times wrong and he has to wait until the next day to make love to me – and there’s no touching himself to relieve the pressure, either!
Sometimes we also roleplay in a related game where I’m a spy and he’s trying to find out if I’m a double agent.
Let’s just say he’s … “blown” my cover many times, and I’ve blown his a few times, too, with messy results.
As Paisley Gilmour writes:
“Imagination is a powerful thing, so costumes in role play aren’t a requirement. If you’re broke or uninterested in wigs, hats, and costumes, go ahead and skip it. But if dressing up helps you get into “character,” go for it. If you’re not sure what to go for, there’s always the classic French maid, nurse, and secretary.”
Another sexy game my guy and I do is write down sexual activities on small post-it notes and then put them in a container. We then pick three for the week, each with a different day written on them.
He then knows he gets to do the specified hot activity on a certain day. Let’s just say that his texts get noticeably hornier on those days.
5) Make his jaw hit the floor
Flirting is how we attract new people and often it’s how we keep them attracted, too. If you want to know how to make a man addicted to you sexually you must master the art of flirting.
Even a long relationship or marriage is, in many ways, a never-ending process of flirtation.
In the early stages of a budding relationship, whether it be more emotional or sexual, you also need to keep flirting with each other, otherwise, he might just move you to the friend zone.
He has to see that you are interested in him.
Don’t be afraid to flirt dirty, either.
A different way to speak in a dirty way and also be classy is to speak in ambiguities. Use words that could mean several things and then act innocent when he gets turned on.
Imagine you’re an upper-class British princess in 1800 with a naughty side.
“Why, I can’t believe you would think that Mr. Jones,” you say, with the hint of a wink.
To flirt with your body language can also bring you very good results. You could slip your shoes off and rub up against his leg while you are having dinner or drinks. You can also gently bite your lips when talking to him or come closer and touch his arms with your breasts.
He’ll notice, trust me.
6) Find the balance between being hard-to-get and available
When we want a man, we want to make contact with him. That’s normal, and if he’s into you he’s going to enjoy it.
The key here is not to overdo it.
Don’t demand all his time or attention or make him think he’s already got you fully under wraps.
At the same time, the idea of playing hard to get is off base.
As psychology researcher Mairi Macleod notes:
“Yes, if you show that you’re confident and you don’t “need” somebody, you appear like you’ve got lots of options and so you must be a good catch. The trouble is, though, that if you pretend you’re not fussed about having someone there for you, you’re going to be an attractive choice for a guy that’s not that into commitment.
Or in developmental psychology parlance, you’ll end up with someone who’s avoidantly attached. When you eventually choose to reveal that you would in fact quite like a nice intimate relationship, a potential partner with an avoidant attachment style will run for the hills.”
He has to feel like he is having fun when he speaks to you, even though you’re apart, but you don’t want him to feel “obligated” or locked-in during the early stages of your interactions.
Let things unfold naturally, and show him your sexy side by being confident and secure in your sexuality.
7) Become a master seductress of sexting
These days everyone seems to be glued to their phones half the time.
It wasn’t until recently that I had a shocking revelation:
Maybe they’re not answering business emails
Or discussing meetup plans with the bros or gals
Or talking to mom
Maybe they’re sexting!
Think about it. This would explain a lot. What could be more absorbing than a smoking hot pic coming into your text messages?
Sending him naughty texts is the first step when it comes to how to make a man addicted to you sexually.
You can tell him early in the morning, a few days after you had sex, that you just can’t stop thinking about how hot it was to spend the night with him. This will lead his mind back into the steamy memory.
Don’t be afraid to compliment him too and let him know you want him.
As an example, you can send him a message saying you wonder how sexy he might look while working. This will touch his ego because men like the competition and also like to feel desired and like they are living up to a heroic role – this is the “hero’s instinct” I was talking about before.
This is a driving biological motivation inside men that wants to protect and help women and be a hero in their eyes. When you tap into it and encourage it there’s not only a growth of romance – there’s also a supercharged growth of sexual desire from his end.
It is good to make him remember everything you are and how good it is to be with you and, of course, to actually have you.
To up the caliber of your sexting, try sending some classy but sexy photos.
You could start with some innocent image of your mouth with a nice lipstick and ask ”how about this color?
You could also try sending him pictures in a lingerie store, trying different colors, and asking him which color suits you best…
The sky is the limit when it comes to sexting.
8) Make your bed ground zero for pleasure and fun
There’s a really common mistake many people make:
Many people talk about their problems in bed and make it into a place of stress and separation.
You dread going to sleep and don’t even want to see your partner, much less have sex with them.
Your bed should be a place where you recover your energy from sleeping and express your desire through making love.
If there is something that’s hard to talk about, or any concern to discuss, do it in the car or get some fresh air in the yard or on the balcony and talk it out there.
Don’t use your bed as a place to argue or vent.
Men make very “big picture” generalizations and links and if he starts to think of bed as a place of tension and stress he will also avoid sex.
As dating coach Noah Van Hochman puts it:
“Those trigger mechanisms that can set you off are much more sensitive when you are exhausted and anxious. It may just take a small spark to set off the powder keg that has built up within you.
Sometimes a short but quiet walk after work or dinner can lessen the chances of an all-out argument, while other times just letting your partner know that you are frazzled can turn the chance of an argument into something much more pleasurable.”
9) Entice him with your wardrobe
If your man is attracted to you then his desire isn’t going to hinge on whether you look like a supermodel on any given day.
But at the same time, what you wear does matter, and understanding the styles that turn him on is an important part of how to make a man addicted to you sexually.
If you have large hips and he likes it, you can use a skinny dress that accentuates these curves when you go to meet him.
In many cases, you can change just one thing and make him go crazy.
For example, if he likes your breasts, you can wear a revealing top and while you talk or have dinner, he’ll only be thinking about revealing and enjoying your succulent charms.
You don’t need to change who you are to get his attention or stoke his desire, but paying attention to what clothes and style turn him on can go a long way to getting him hooked on your love.
As Adriana writes at Bad Girls Bible:
“Questions that are simple and pointed are best. Try to be playful and try not to make him feel pressured or on the spot. Here are some examples of questions to ask him:
What’s your favorite color of lingerie? Would you think it was hot if I dressed up as a school girl? Do you like lacy panties or silky ones? How would you like it if I put on one of your dress shirts with nothing underneath?
Watch for what he looks at and responds to. Does he give you lots of compliments when you put a lot of effort into your make-up to go out? Does he express how sexy he thinks you are lounging in sweats? What catches his eye in magazines or on television?”
10) Let him see that other men desire you
Your man must understand that he’s not the only one with his eyes on you.
If you get into a restaurant and someone smiles at you or says hello, you smile back and say hello, too.
Don’t play games or try to make your guy jealous, but at the same time don’t be afraid to embrace your value and the desire that other men have for you in how you behave publicly.
This doesn’t mean flirting or being overly seductive to strangers.
It just means having an appreciative attitude about the attention you get from men when you’re out and about.
Your guy will notice, too, believe me.
And even if it digs a bit at some insecure part of him it’s also going to drive him wild with desire.
He needs to know that you are attractive and how lucky he is to be with you, especially when he figures out other men are checking you out.
Even though you talk to and smile at others who give you attention, letting him be certain that he’s the only one who has real access to your body and soul will inflame his attraction and lust for you.
11) Seduce him by surprise
Many of my friends say that their relationships end when they get bored.
The sex becomes monotonous and they aren’t “into it” anymore.
In a lot of cases the love and affection is still there, but the physical intimacy has become very stale and lost all its spark.
You don’t have to be like a porn actress or goddess of intimacy to learn some ways to make a man addicted to you sexually that will avoid this sad fate.
If you just tell him you want to feel him inside of you so much, that you can’t wait to be alone with him or that you have a surprise for him later, you’ll already pique his interest.
Try being a little spontaneous at times and see what happens.
Maybe you’re out for a hike and it takes a detour into some … unfamiliar territory.
Sex therapist Vanessa Marin has great suggestions on how to seduce your man by surprise, writing:
“In long-term relationships, most couples don’t make much of an effort to initiate sex creatively, or even at all. Think about the last few times you initiated sex; odds are it was probably at the end of the night when you were already in bed and exhausted. Instead, try to initiate sex in moments when your partner not expecting it, like first thing in the morning, or right after they get out of the shower.”
12) Let your confidence shine
To make him feel pleasure and also to be happy, it is important that you feel good.
You have to think about your own pleasure too.
Even though we’ve been talking about him and his pleasure, men usually get very attracted to women who are confident and maybe even a little bit bossy.
You have a good chance to make him even more addicted to you if you make sure he knows you’re a woman who gets what she wants.
Men find confident women sexy and also they feel like it is a challenge to be interesting and attractive to a strong and confident woman, and there is something you must know: men like to be challenged.
To show him that you are confident you can be specific about what pleases you on the bed, by telling and showing him, but also, you can show him how confident you are, with everything you do:
The way you talk about your work,
The way you walk down the street,
The way you plan and believe you will do everything right to accomplish your goals
When you’re in the bedroom, you can tell him to sit on the bed and then push him and sit on him, or pull him inside the bedroom.
There is something that makes a lot of men crazy, which is when a confident woman sits on their faces, with no shame of taking control of her own pleasure and at the same time, letting the man see her up close and dripping wet.
Trying a different sex position is another surprise he will really like, and you can suggest it in many ways, like watching a movie together (a movie you had chosen before you even talk about watching it, and which shows a sex position you would like to try with him).
Play a little bossy!
When I say, be bossy I mean you have to show him situations where you are in a position of authority and how you act, such as when giving orders to employees at work.
While you speak, he will imagine you in a dominating position.
If you figure out he likes to be dominated, you can also make it into a game between the two of you.
13) Try new things together
Once you know him more deeply you can find out new things he would like to try with you, like giving him a sexy lapdance or seducing him with seductive outfits.
If you’re shy and usually wear comfortable and more average clothes, a sexy red dress, high heels, and some makeup will be enough to make him see (and desire) you in a different way.
You can also try giving each other a soft massage.
Focus on his back, arms, legs, and neck. This isn’t something he gets every day, and it can really make the difference when he feels stressed.
He will not only get relaxed, but will get into a better mood, and will be turned on by your hands (especially if you touch his back with your breast sometimes).
Simple different things may have a big effect on him.
Remember that talking it over can be a big eye-opener and can be a crucial step in learning each other’s love languages that I talked about above.
As psychologist Barry McCarthy says:
“Take turns saying what each partner finds attractive about the other, and then make 1-3 specific requests to enhance attraction. Take the initiative and tell your partner all the psychological, physical, emotional, relational, and interpersonal qualities about him that you genuinely find attractive.”
14) Create your own special sexy days
Most couples celebrate Valentine’s Day or their anniversary and that’s about it.
Try coming up with some more special days together and go on romantic dates followed up by smoldering passion.
Treat a normal day like Valentine’s Day just for the two of you.
You’d be surprised how special it can be.
You can also do this spontaneously. Meet after work and take a drive to walk in the fall foliage or go on a ski trip for the weekend with just the two of you and a roaring fireplace and bearskin rug…
Things are about to heat up big time.
He’ll be thinking about that weekend for months and anticipating the next time he gets you alone and looks deep into your eyes while he’s deep inside you in a snowy cabin.
You can be sure that this is how to make a man addicted to you sexually…
Concluding thoughts on how to make a man addicted to you sexually
Men like to explore and investigate as much as they like to be challenged.
He can’t take you for granted, so if you tell him everything about yourself right at the beginning – or if you show all of your cutest parts physically and emotionally – you won’t give him the chance for his desire and sexual attraction to reach a crescendo.
A good way to surprise him emotionally is to tell him something he didn’t know about you after you’ve been together for awhile, or show him that you can change in unique ways like with a new haircut.
New sexual positions, toys, trying new things in your relationship and more can spice up your sex life, but at the end of the day it’s the connection between the two of you that’s going to make or break your sexual bond.
Men like to feel a woman wants them, too. If you show him desire while in public places, he is going to feel like you can’t resist him. A gentle whisper or touch, telling him looking in his eyes is often enough.
Keeping this balance between expressing your desire and keeping part of yourself a mystery is the key to how to make a man addicted to you sexually.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
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