I met a great guy a year ago.
It turned from something casual into something serious pretty quickly.
But then his interest started fading, which ended with him breaking up with me a month ago.
It seems like this is the story of my life.
This got me thinking about how to keep a guy wanting more.
The next time around I’m trying these tips, and so should you.
How to keep a guy wanting more: 17 secrets to him hooked
1) Seduce him smoothly
Seduction is an art form, if you ask me.
I know far too many women who approach seduction in an overly obvious way.
They come on too strong and it drives their man away. I did it with my ex.
What are two things we know about men?
One: they tend to be very visual and turned on by how you look.
Two: men get most turned on by a challenge and something that’s a little bit out of reach or even forbidden.
The recipe for your seduction should combine these two male traits: you want to be a bit out of his reach sometimes, but also look sexy as hell.
Sexual repression has hurt many partnerships and marriages, but so has too much sex.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is great, but when one partner wants it more than the other it can lead to all sorts of weird feelings.
Also, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and saving sex and seduction for special occasions adds a whole element of mystery and excitement to your relationship that will have him coming back for more all the time.
2) Smell your best
I want the advice in this article to be practical.
One thing I noticed about a lot of dating and relationship advice is that it gets too theoretical.
This is about real things you can do to have your guy wanting you more.
Want to know one great method for how to keep a guy wanting more?
Buy some beautiful perfume and sprinkle it on your wrists. Wear a light scent that titillates his nose and makes his hair stand up on end.
Men aren’t only visual, they’re also very smell-oriented.
In fact, smell is really linked to our memories, strong emotions and sexual attraction.
“It’s a known fact that guys relate to smells and can connect easily with certain smells. As a woman, always make sure you have a great smelling perfume,” says Lizzy Whitcomb in her article.
“Don’t overpower your guy, but always smell fresh so he will be hooked on you forever!”
The only thing I would add is that don’t come on too strong. Like seduction, scent is best done when it’s just a hint of magic…
Just enough to keep him enflamed with desire.
3) Know your own value
In my past relationship that I mentioned at the beginning, things were mainly pretty good.
Looking back, I can see that the main problem was actually inside me.
I didn’t know my own value, and I didn’t claim and stand up for my worth.
Around my boyfriend, I was always apologizing for nothing and walking on eggshells, even though he treated me nicely.
At work, I rarely raised my voice or asked for what I felt I should be getting.
In my family life and friendships, I took what I was given, deeply set in this feeling that I was more or less average and not that valuable.
Looking around at what others had brought me jealousy, and I even found it hard to be happy at my own boyfriend’s successes sometimes.
This level of insecurity is hard to imagine, but so many people suffer from crippling self-doubt.
They just don’t know their own value.
4) Express interest in his hobbies
If you want to know how to keep a guy wanting more, take a look at what drives him.
I’m not talking about his car or truck, although that could be one answer.
What I mean here is those hobbies, passions and interests that get him fired up and excited like a schoolboy.
What makes your guy talk on and on and lose track of his surroundings? What subject brings that special glint into his eyes (other than sexual subjects)?
These are the hobbies and interests that you can actively encourage and sometimes participate in to get closer to your man.
Men don’t want a partner who’s an activity buddy, but they also don’t want a girlfriend who’s completely disconnected from what they love and care about.
If he’s really into politics and you start falling asleep just from hearing the words “electoral” and “legislation,” then it can be tricky…
But try to come up with at least one area where your passions overlap.
Maybe you both enjoy political comedy shows or one special celebrity political couple that you can bond over.
“A guy would absolutely love a girl who shows interest in his special hobbies, be it playing on his Xbox or climbing a mountain. Men want to spend their lives with a woman who truly understands them and connects to them.”
That’s what Team Lovepanky says to do, and I think they’re absolutely right.
5) Keep conversations engaging and interesting
There’s a misconception out there that men don’t get turned on by intellectual stimulation.
It’s false – at least in my experience.
I know strong couples who’ve split up for the very basic reason that they didn’t know what to talk about.
A lot of attraction happens in the mind, for men and women.
When conversations get dull or predictable between you as a couple it can spell the beginning of the end.
If you want to know how to keep a guy wanting more, pay attention to your conversations with him.
Are you really engaging or just skating on the surface?
In some of these scenarios, you might even be talking about boring things or avoiding conversations because you want to avoid a fight about underlying issues.
If this is what’s going on, then my advice is that sometimes fighting is good.
In the long view, communicating honestly and fully will always be preferable to hiding what you think and feel.
So open up and talk to each other.
What do you have to lose?
If you’re looking for topics, try something that taps into current events, challenges in your lives, events that are going on in the area or even talking philosophy and life values.
It won’t only be a way to get closer to your guy, it will also be a way to judge even more accurately about whether you’re a match.
6) Don’t be needy, it’s a turn off!
Neediness is like a bad habit. The more you do it, the harder it is to quit.
It thrives off those inner feelings of unworthiness and drives away romantic partners like the plague.
Why’s it so hard to shake?
In the opinion of many leading psychologists, it’s because being needy is something many of us learned to do as infants and kids.
When our needs weren’t met, we wailed and howled.
The problem is many of us didn’t drop the habit when we became teenagers and adults. We just modified it a bit under a polite veneer.
But the basic idea of: I’m upset the world owes me…
Maybe that remained. And it’s toxic poison for relationships and building attraction.
So if you want to know how to keep a guy wanting more, do your best to be self-sufficient.
Have your own life, your own values, and your own interests and sense of inner worth.
Don’t ever hinge your self-identity or worth on another person: it’s a losing bet, believe me.
It can seem like a paradox, because if you want something a lot and work for it you’re more likely to get it, right?
Well, in love it’s a little different…
The more you have your own life figured out, the more other people tend to come along and want to be part of it.
Sean Jameson talks about this too.
“Showing your man that you don’t need him will make him respect you more.
“If you desperately need him and drop your life for him, he will quickly realize that he doesn’t have to work for your love and respect anymore.
“When this happens, he will ultimately lose respect for you.”
7) Get your sex life sizzling
Earlier I mentioned sex and how you should look for a happy balance.
If a guy feels sexually ignored his interest may wane, but if he starts to think of you as just a sexual adventure then the relationship also could disappear.
The key is to make the sex amazing, occasional and unique.
You want him so dazed with satisfaction that he trips over himself to be the right guy for you.
You want his wandering eyes firmly fixed on your sweet self and not even interested in checking out other girls because he’s so turned on by what you offer.
The best way to get better at sex is basically to practice.
If you have good chemistry and a solid intimate connection, then the time you spend in bed can be a wonderful grotto of pleasure.
As you keep heating up that sexual connection you have, trying out kinks and discovering each other’s bodies and souls and wild things will happen…
8) Don’t go all in too soon
One of the worst things I’ve done in love is rush in too soon.
I have several good friends who have made exactly the same mistake.
They meet a guy, they like him and they give him their heart with no questions asked.
Whether it’s a month later or two years, they’re inevitably bundled on the floor in a ball of misery and hopelessness.
It happened to me and I know it’s probably happened to half the girls reading this.
When you meet someone you really like it can be the hardest thing in the world not to chase him to the ends of the earth.
Or text him every five minutes…
But doing so can actually be what dooms the relationship.
That inner neediness and search for completion can become a self-fulfilling lack of completion in the inside and outside world.
Instead of coming to you, he runs away…
Instead of working out, it falls apart.
So my advice is to let a guy win you over slowly. And even once he’s your one and only, never let him control and determine your self-worth or future.
In her article for A New Mode, Sabrina Alexis talks about this, writing:
“A lot of women make the mistake of acting like they’re in a relationship before they are.
“She operates under the mistaken assumption that if she shows him what an amazing girlfriend she’ll be, he’ll make her his girlfriend. This is just plain wrong.”
9) Make friends with his friends and family
You might never be just “one of the guys,” but it doesn’t hurt to make friends with his friends.
Guys want someone who’s not just compartmentalized into one section of their life.
They want someone who can share various parts of their life with them.
At the same time, guys do need guys-only time now and then.
But what I’m saying here is to make sure you spend some time out with him in social settings that are more than just one on one.
It will make him see you as his serious partner, not just a girl he happens to be dating casually at the moment.
This could be a pub night, sporting event, or getting together with his family at a barbecue.
Showing that you’re open to spending time with his friends or family is really endearing and attractive.
He’ll see that you mean what you say and care about those he cares about.
That goes a long way to keeping him around!
10) Play just a little bit hard to get…
Being an unavailable ice queen won’t do you any good. But playing a little bit hard to get can be a major win.
“Forcing him to make plans with you ahead of time sets healthy boundaries. That means saying no when he calls you at 1am to see if you want to hang out. That’s not a date, that’s a booty call.”
In my experience, there are two basic ways to play hard to get.
The first way is to be hot and cold. Come on to him and flirt, then act a little bit detached and disinterested when he pursues.
The second way is to just act a little cold on an ongoing basis, with only small hints of interest or appreciation.
In my experience, the first method can be a huge turn on for a guy who gets tantalized by your displays of interest and affection and then frantic to get you back when you switch off.
The potential downside is it can lead to a guy sort of resenting you on a certain level or not trusting you.
The second way is really effective at giving you a bit of the upper hand in a relationship. You show less interest and have your own life, and that drives him wild.
The potential downside is a guy may start to think you don’t actually like him much.
Playing hard to get is a powerful tool. It can backfire, true, but it can also pay huge dividends.
Use it wisely.
11) Display your braininess
Like I was mentioning earlier, men are turned on by intelligence too.
These days it’s all the rage to talk about being sapiosexual, and there are plenty of men who are sapiosexual as well.
I’m not saying they don’t like to look at some nice cleavage like any straight dude, but they sure appreciate what’s inside your head, too.
That can be really refreshing.
So if you’re building a connection that goes beyond the ordinary with your guy, then try to show him your brain.
Let him bask in your knowledge of Renaissance poetry or astrophysics.
There’s nothing sexier than hearing someone you love talk about Mercury or the love sonnets of Petrarch.
Bryan Zarpentine talks about this in his article.
“A lot of you ladies are into smart guys, right? Well, it goes both ways. A lot of guys have their curiosity piqued by smart women.
“This is particularly true for guys who are a little on the dumb side. For some reason, they crave being around women who are smarter than them.
“If you come across as intelligent and well-read, guys are more likely to want you and think that there could be a future.”
12) Show him you know him
One of the best ways for how to keep a guy wanting more is to show him you know him.
Saying his name is the most basic way to show that what you’re saying is for him specifically and not just any guy.
From there, you also can think about what’s most important to him, the experiences that formed him, and the beliefs that define him.
Then talk about them now and then.
Show him you’ve been listening and that you care about what he cares about.
Even when you disagree, you love him enough to know what he’s saying and what drives him.
He’ll feel your care and the attention you put into paying attention to his words and he’ll love it.
Do this around his friends now and then for bonus points.
He’ll see you backing him up around his buds and he won’t forget it.
13) Use your eyes
Eye contact is one of those things which is hard to define but has such a big impact.
I’ve been in a restaurant across from a guy with such threatening eye contact I almost wanted to leave.
And then last week in the bank I started talking to a man with such kind eyes that I felt the world wasn’t so bad for just a moment…
The eyes are so powerful, and eye contact is the secret weapon of love.
Use your gaze to look deeply at your man and build that invisible but all-powerful connection that forms the bedrock of a relationship.
“Your lingering gaze will send him the message that you are deeply into him.
“Making eye contact will also make it clear that you want him to make the first move and that it is ok for him to kiss you,” advises this article on Love Life.
“Be sure to do it flirtatiously and not in a creepy, too intense way.”
That’s exactly it right there…You don’t want your guy to think you look like a cult leader who’s trying to get him to board a UFO.
You just want him to think you’re a beautiful woman whose eyes he loves looking into.
14) Have more passions than just him
Men love to be the center of attention now and then.
But if you want to keep a guy wanting more, then you have to focus on building up your own life.
Have more passions than just him.
If you’re passionate about your career, then work on honing those skills at work which are building you up into the woman you want to become.
If you have hobbies and activities you love to do, then keep practicing those.
Pencil in a regularly occurring salsa class on Thursday and Sunday nights, even if it means a couple of fewer dates with him.
Don’t try to be a people pleaser: men can sense this and will feel that you’re needy or are a low-value individual.
Go about your business, follow your passions, and make room for him as a voluntary and occasional choice.
Like I was saying earlier, men like a bit of a challenge, and that goes for your availability as well.
By keeping busy with your own stuff he will understand that he needs to up his game a bit and the challenge will turn him on and make him want to commit.
15) Don’t be a ballbuster
Men these days aren’t in the dominant position they once were, at least not in many Western countries.
They’re going to college less, have huge struggles with mental health, and are generally struggling to find meaningful roles in society.
I mean, the same could be said for many women, but…
My point here is that some women use their independence and assertiveness to be a little too hard on guys.
While I encourage you not to go overly easy on men and make them work for it, I also believe it’s very important to let them feel like men.
When you bust their balls over every little thing they do wrong or tease and undermine them in various ways all the time it can start to sap their confidence and interest in you.
Men like to know what they can do to please you and look after you.
Being a little demanding is a big turn-on.
But being impossible to please will leave them vexed and frustrated.
Sometimes, a woman who’s too much of a ballbuster causes a man to just plain move on and find somebody else who appreciates him more.
16) Get your texting right
No article about keeping a guy interested would be complete without at least addressing the topic of texting.
Instagram, Facebook, texting, messaging, iMessage, heck if I know…
The point is that whatever thing you’re using to keep in touch, you need to use it right.
With my ex, I fell right down in this nasty trap. I was texting like a maniac.
Even at work, I’d whip out that phone under my desk and blitz off messages 24/7.
I’d throw in some emojis and get a little jolt of happiness every time he threw one back at me.
I didn’t restrain myself at all.
When he texted me, I was already responding to his message in real-time while reading it.
This is the wrong way to go about it.
“Keep an idea of how long it took him to respond to your last text message, and don’t text him back quicker than he texts you back.
“It’s a turn off to appear that you have nothing going on,” says Rosie Valentine.
This is exactly true…
You don’t want to jump at the bait every time he casts a line.
Restrain yourself and write back a little more slowly. Take your time and finish what you were doing.
Practice spending a bit more time away from your phone.
An even more radical idea would be to go for a walk without your phone at all (as long as it’s in a safe area and you won’t need it for emergencies).
17) Don’t be an open book
Guys don’t like to be played with, but they do like a challenge.
Like I’ve been mentioning here, men want to work a little to win the heart of the woman they’re interested in.
And even once they know they’ve got your attention, they want to feel that slight tension of wondering if they could still lose it…
When it comes to getting to know you and building a deeper connection and relationship, they also want to be like ancient explorers and work for the gold nuggets they find…
Don’t present your personality and deepest experiences to them on a silver platter.
Even if you’re a very direct person, do your best to hold back a little.
A man will keep wanting more if you open up to him a bit but don’t spill everything.
There’s a lot to be said for open communication, but there’s also a lot to be said for getting to know someone slowly.
Real relationships are built on uncovering someone slowly and authentically, rather than in tell-all sessions or just baring your soul as soon as possible.
If your souls connect, they’ll connect: don’t worry about speeding up the process!
Is he hooked or not?
After trying out these different tips you will obviously want to know if they’re working or not.
To find out if he’s hooked or not, try no contact for a few days and see what happens.
If he messages and tries to get in touch then he’s at least somewhat hooked.
If he then showers you with gifts, compliments and offers of help you know you’ve got a live one on the line.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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