In this age of online dating and casual sex available at the swipe of a thumb, getting in bed with a man isn’t as much of a big deal as it once was.
But as all relationship gurus know, sleeping with someone right away is one of the worst things you can do if you actually want to have a long-term and meaningful relationship with him.
So how in the world can you keep his attention even if you’ve already given him what he wants?
Here’s the secret: you’re so much more than what you can offer after a single hookup, and your mission is to make him see that.
Here are 16 fool-proof ways to keep him interested even after he’s already scored.
1) If you’re a romantic, avoid convincing yourself this already means love.
The pretense of love can be the easiest trap to fall into, and there is no easier to way quickly convince yourself that love has started than by having sex, especially if you haven’t “been” with too many partners.
That’s just how the human mind works; the neurological explosions that occur during sex are strong enough to convince us that our feelings are real and that love is finally happening.
But the first thing you need to know after you have sex with a man if you want to keep him interested is that those feelings you’re feeling aren’t real, no matter how much you want to be.
Sex is just sex, and it’s not obligation to fall in love.
Just because you’re feeling butterflies in your chest doesn’t mean he is, and making that assumption is the easiest way to push him away.
Stay chill, and let love happen naturally.
Forcing it when it isn’t there for both parties is the last thing you want to do. Appreciate the moment for what it is, and let it guide you to whatever else comes next.
2) Tap Into His Biology
Do you know what men crave even more than sex?
In the last few years, relationship psychologists have been talking up a new concept called the hero instinct.
What it basically means is that men have a deeply rooted desire to step up to the plate for the woman in his life and protect her. He wants to provide her something no other man can and earn her love and respect in return.
In other words, he wants to be her everyday hero. This is hardwired into his DNA.
I know it seems kind of silly. In this day and age women can take care of themselves. They don’t need a hero in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about. While you may not need a hero, men have a biological urge to feel like one.
While you may think that your guy has got what he came for after sleeping with you, the truth is that men want so much more from a woman.
How do you trigger his hero instinct?
There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to make him feel like the hero in your life.
To learn exactly what you can do, watch this excellent free video. James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first discovered the hero instinct, provides an excellent introduction to this transformative concept.
When his hero instinct is triggered, a man is much more likely to commit to being in a passionate and long lasting relationship with you. Because you’re providing him something he craves. More than love. And even more than sex.
3) If you’re casual, avoid letting the relationship devolve into casual sex.
But of course, there’s also the danger of being “too chill”.
Depending on the kind of guy you sleep with, you might end up falling into a “friends with benefits” situation, where you end up being nothing more than an easy number to call when he wants to get laid.
You might convince yourself into thinking, “If I’m always around and always available, he will eventually fall in love with me!”
But the heart doesn’t work that way. As the old saying goes — why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
Casual sex can be fun and wild, but too much casual sex is like having your favorite meal whenever you want it.
It’s a balance of being fun, game, and ready to do whatever, while still keeping a part of you hidden from him so that he can’t get over the feeling that there’s something more.
4) Don’t let the chase end yet.
For guys, the chase definitely matters.
This applies to every guy, no matter how much they tell you that they don’t think about things like that.
The chase is a primal, animal instinct embedded in the human brain, and it affects men much more than it affects women.
While it may seem like a good idea to try to lock him down by giving him everything he wants, whenever he wants, this can actually doom your chances more than anything else.
Does this mean that you’ve completely messed up your relationship chances by sleeping with him before he developed real feelings? Not at all.
It actually gives you an advantage in some way: instead of his chase being about sex, you can give him something else to chase.
Show him that there are other things about you for him to desire, not just the space between your legs.
Make him work for you.
The next time he asks you out, maybe you won’t be available; maybe you’ll be out with “a friend”.
Make him wonder who “that friend” is, and make him know that he doesn’t have the right to know. Not yet.
5) Stick around after and show him that you’re more than just a lay.
What do you do immediately after you have sex with him for the first time?
You might fall asleep, wake up, and leave right away (or ask him to leave if it’s your place); or you might skip the post-coital nap altogether and just get out of his hair right then and there.
Maybe you’re nervous, or maybe you’re worried that he won’t want to interact with you anymore after you have sex, or maybe you think it’s the right move to make him “miss you”.
But immediately separating from him after sex is rarely ever the ideal move.
You may have heard of the term, “post nut clarity”, which is the state of clarity a man experiences after they orgasm.
This means that one minute they may be obsessed with you, and the next minute they’ll want nothing to do with you.
And the reason why this happens is that his entire state of affection for you is based on sexual lust and nothing else.
It’s during that period after sex when you can show him that you’re not just something he can sleep with when he’s hot and heavy, but a real person.
No matter how cool and noncommittal a man may be, he will have dreamt of his ideal partner at one point or another.
Show him you’re ready to be “more” than just another mindless hook-up; show him you enjoy his company for more than just what he can do in bed.
6) See him again, but don’t sleep with him next time.
Keeping a man interested after sex obviously means seeing him again, but it also means showing him that this isn’t going to be the kind of relationship where he gets to have you every time he asks.
Go out with him; maybe to a movie, or a dinner, or whatever he plans for you two. Dress up, look nice, be interested, and be your usual amazing self.
But at the end of the night when he thinks he’s going to get lucky, show him that he doesn’t have tonight’s lottery ticket.
This turns you into a jackpot that he yearns for, not just a quick hot bang whenever he wants.
7) Inflate his ego when you’re together.
Men’s brains are a lot simpler than you think.
One psychological trick to keep any guy pining for you is by simply inflating his ego when you’re together.
You can talk about how good he is in bed (chances are he already revels in it) or you could mention things outside his bedroom skills.
This will make him feel like you’re paying attention to him outside of sexy times.
You can compliment his home, his amazing work ethic, or, and he’s an easy one, just how funny his jokes are.
By giving his ego a boost, you’re triggering his hero instinct.
I mentioned this concept above.
The hero instinct is a new concept that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. And it’s something you need to know about if you’re worried that a guy will lose interest in your after sleeping with him.
Basically, men want to step up for the women they care about and provide them something no other man can. He craves this feeling more than love and even more than sex. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
The best part is that you can actually trigger the hero instinct in your guy.
There are words you can say, phrases you can use, and texts you can send to trigger this very natural instinct in him.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But if you want your guy to commit to a relationship with you after sleeping with him, I think the hero instinct can make all the difference.
8) Keep teasing him sexually; let him know there’s more to you he hasn’t seen.
Sex is often the final frontier for most relationships that end up dying down, and this is because people are often sexually dull.
For noncommittal men, getting in bed with a woman is usually enough to end their desire for her; they’ve put the notch on their bedpost and they’re ready to find their next target.
But you want to show your man that there’s so much more to the sexual possibilities with you than the one night they’ve already experienced.
Does this mean you have to go beyond your comfort zone and do all kinds of kinky things just to satisfy him? Not necessarily.
But plant the idea in his head that they’ve yet to experience what you can really offer, and a single night in the sack with you isn’t nearly enough to have you.
Tease him. Send him subtle selfies of you in outfits, or give him hints of what you want to do with him.
Ask him what his unfulfilled sexual fantasies are and share yours. Make him want you so much more than you want him.
9) Stay fun, stay interesting, stay yourself.
We get it — you want to please him. You want to do everything in your power to make sure that he doesn’t lose interest in you.
You want to say yes to whatever he asks and be ready to jump up and fall in his arms whenever he reaches out.
And while this may keep him interested in you for a while, this kind of behavior isn’t what it takes to instill the real, deep-rooted feelings you want him to have for you.
He will like you the way he might like a video game — you’re fun and always ready, and you do whatever he wants.
But a relationship isn’t built on this kind of all-pleasing dynamic.
Relationships are built off friction and growth, and there is nothing more interesting than finding someone you don’t really understand, because you want to keep trying to understand them.
So don’t change who you are, and if he doesn’t like who you are then you don’t want to be with him anyway.
Be the best version of yourself you can be, not his perfect female fantasy.
10) Confidence is key; self-doubt isn’t.
Has he stopped texting? Has he moved on? Was your night in bed not as great for him as it was for you?
Sleeping with a man before they have any real attachment to you can be horrible for your self-esteem, especially when you want them to react in ways they aren’t doing.
These feelings are normal, and the self-doubt that creeps in during this period can be tough to deal with.
But don’t let that self-doubt manifest in any way that he can see.
Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that you’re missing him while he’s busy looking for his next sexual conquest, because that’s the easiest way to boost his ego.
Radiate confidence, even if you aren’t really feeling it.
Let him wonder why you haven’t texted him back; let him wonder whether you are out with someone else, and why you aren’t asking to see him again.
Love is a pure and wonderful thing, but the path to getting there can be a series of complicated little games. Make sure you know how to play it.
11) Don’t stop seeing other people immediately.
When you feel like you’ve connected with Mr. Dreamboat, it’s easy to dismiss other prospects immediately.
After all, why should you see other guys when you’ve found the guy that you seriously want to date?
It’s tempting to go all-in with the guy you just slept with.
I mean, you had an amazing night together and you’re pretty much convinced that the two of you are a perfect match.
But before you dump or ghost all the other guys sliding in your DMs, think about what he feels.
Is he ready to commit like you? Is he ready to say goodbye to all the other girls on his phone?
Chances are, he’s not and that he’s just shopping around. If you want to keep him around longer, don’t stop seeing other people for his sake.
Dating others divides your attention so that you’re not overwhelming him.
This also lets him know that he has competition and that he has to work a little harder to earn the prize.
Knowing there are other knights storming the castle triggers the inner competitiveness that’s inside every man.
Being aware of the fact that there are other guys pining for your attention will make him want you a lot more.
12) Make every night you spent together better than the last one.
Having sex as the bedrock of your relationship isn’t all that bad.
If you want to keep him interested then one of the best ways to do this is by engaging him in the way you know he loves: in the bedroom.
Spicing up your sex life and giving him little surprises every time you sleep together will keep him engaged.
Being unpredictable keeps him on his toes and makes him a lot more excited to see you.
Of course, you don’t have to do something you’re uncomfortable with just to get the guy you like interested in you a little longer.
Small efforts like wearing a sexy piece of lingerie as opposed to showing up in a hoodie or wearing nice perfume and make up on date nights can make a whole lot of difference.
You don’t have to do insane sex moves to introduce novelty in the bedroom.
Doing things before he requests them or even just initiating it first before he does are both great ways to improve the last time you spent together.
13) Don’t overthink things too much.
After all the late-night texting and flirting, the two of you finally slept together.
That moment feels more magical than any Disney movie you’ve ever seen and you could swear sparks flew every time you touched.
Now you’re wondering if he likes you or he wants to see you again.
You’re also wondering if you’re too available or too eager or too happy around him.
Now you’re thinking if it’s best to initiate the next conversation or ignore him until he finally begs to see you again.
You don’t want this good thing to end, we get it, so you’re doing everything you can to make sure it doesn’t.
But in your mission to make this relationship happen, you might be overthinking too much and forgetting to just enjoy the moment.
Anxiety’s pretty difficult to mask, and if you’re feeling worried about the state of your relationship, chances are he’s picking up on that vibe too.
Overthinking makes us make stupid decisions.
Before you know it, you’re making narratives in your head and worrying about every single thing about the relationship even when there’s nothing to worry about.
All this pent up anxiety will eventually translate into a tense relationship, and he won’t want to stick around if he’s feeling tense all the time.
14) Don’t overstay your welcome.
Guys enjoy having their personal space and are adamant about protecting it.
The next time you sleep over at his place, don’t mistake his friendliness as an invitation to overstay your welcome.
If there’s anything guys hate more, it’s being forced into a corner and being compelled to do things.
Just because he asked you to eat breakfast with him doesn’t mean he actually wants to eat breakfast with you.
Maybe that’s his way of being nice while making sure you get out of his place ASAP.
Just like women, men can be pretty sensitive when it comes to their thresholds, and one of their biggest hang-ups can be their physical space.
If the after-morning conversation slows down to a halt, take it as a sign that he’s just politely waiting for you to see yourself out.
Don’t get to the point where he actually has to make up an excuse to be alone.
Otherwise, he’ll associate you with having to lie and will likely dread the next time you guys have to hang out together.
15) Don’t give him a free pass; say no to friends with benefits.
After a man sleeps with you, he’ll make it his mission to lock you down and put you on speed dial. This means bumping you up from strange acquaintances to friends with benefits.
Even though it’s tempting to run to him every time he sends you a “You up?”, resist the urge and remember that you deserve better than this.
Saying yes to his every whim will only make him think that you’re an easy prey.
Sooner than later, he’ll realize you’re just like all the other girls he’s slept with and he’ll be bored and on the lookout for something more exciting.
While you don’t want to make impositions on your relationship, you also don’t want to make things too easy on him.
Giving him the perks of a relationship without making him work for it forfeits the chase part that guys love so much.
This makes him less likely to work for your affection. Before you know it, he’s already given up on the chase and has his eyes set on someone else.
16) Watch out for your feelings. Don’t want him more than he wants you.
And last but definitely not least, watch out for yourself.
Getting a man to stay interested and eventually fall in love with you after sleeping with him can be a tough and brutal affair, but the moment you start letting it really get to you is the moment you lose any chance of winning him over.
Remember: no matter how much you like him right now, this could just be another page in your long and winding life.
He might seem like the perfect man you’ve been waiting for all these years, but the perfect man would see your value and know that you’re someone they can’t lose.
If it was meant to be, it’ll happen. Don’t throw yourself into a flurry of emotions and forget your own self-confidence and self-love along the way.
After all, there’s nothing sexier than strength and independence.
The real reason why men pull away
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