If you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to say goodbye to someone you thought you’d spend your entire life with, it can be an incredibly painful experience.
I mean, how can you get over someone you planned a future with?
Well, all I can say is that it’s possible and I can give you some tips on how to do it.
Acknowledge the pain you’re feeling and let yourself grieve
Letting yourself grieve is incredibly important when you’re trying to get over an ex.
This doesn’t mean moping around in bed and crying all day, but rather acknowledging that the loss of a relationship can be as painful as loss of a loved one.
However, especially in the beginning, moping around and crying as much as you need to is just as important
Grief doesn’t just go away after a few weeks or months; it’s something that you have to work through and live with, especially if you had planned an entire future with this person.
If you are in a state of denial or trying to “get over” your ex too quickly, you will only prolong your suffering.
Let yourself feel the pain and sadness, accept it, and know that it’s all part of the healing process.
I know, that feeling the pain is not always fun or something you necessarily want to do.
However, it is really important. You see, you lost something and someone special.
The thing is, when this happens to you, to your brain it almost feels as if someone died.
You need to grieve the version of yourself you would have been with this person at your side and you have to grieve the future you had planned together that no longer exists.
And the only way to get over someone you planned a future with is to allow yourself to grieve.
Don’t be afraid of your feelings and don’t try to push them away.
This will only make things worse in the long run, trust me.
You see when you suppress your feelings, they are still there and will come up again at the worst possible moment.
By acknowledging your feelings, you’re actually making room for them to leave.
It’s a bit like a wound that needs to be cleaned out in order to heal.
And by letting yourself grieve, you’re allowing your feelings to leave and heal your heart.
Think about it this way; if you had lost a loved one, would you try to push away the pain and sadness?
Of course not! You’d allow yourself time to grieve and acknowledge those feelings because that’s what helps you get over someone!
And it’s the same with losing an ex; acknowledging and feeling your pain is what will help you move on.
Find out the brutal truth about unrequited love
I know, unrequited love can be extremely difficult to deal with, especially when you already had plans for the future together.
The brutal truth about unrequited love is that the problem is not the person that doesn’t love you back.
There is something you can do when you are in this situation.
Justin Brown summarized it beautifully in his video “The brutal truth about unrequited love“, and I highly recommend that you watch it.
When I went through a difficult breakup a few months ago, Justin’s advice really flipped a switch and changed my perspective on the entire situation.
If you want to find out why you are going through what you are experiencing and what to do about this situation, Justin’s youtube video will offer you some clarity and the next steps you need to take.
Take some time for yourself!
When you break up with someone (or someone breaks up with you), it’s not just that person who’s affected, but also you.
When your relationship ends, so do your dreams of a future together, and this can be devastating.
You need space and time for yourself after a breakup so that you can start healing from all the grief and pain.
Simply put, you need time alone to start accepting what happened and move on from it.
And most importantly: You need time for yourself so that you can start adjusting to life without your ex!
If you are too busy dealing with other people’s problems or taking care of them, there will be no room left for you in your own life.
Now especially is the time when you need to make yourself a priority.
Take some time for yourself to do whatever makes you feel good, whether it’s binge-watching your favorite show, reading a book, going for a walk in nature, or doing something else that calms you down and puts your mind at ease.
And remember that it’s okay to take a break from social media and from your friends sometimes; this is your time to deal with what happened.
You are allowed to grieve the loss of your relationship, but you need time for yourself so that you can start moving on!
And the best part?
Spending time alone will help you adjust to the new situation and will help you feel okay with being by yourself for a while!
When you’re ready to start spending time with other people again, you’ll know that it’s time to start putting yourself back in the world.
But if you don’t take some time for yourself first, it will be hard to return to your normal life.
So take a break from social media and spend some quality time alone!
Accept the reality of the situation
Sometimes, we just need to accept the situation for what it is and not try to convince ourselves that it could be different.
If you were dumped, if your partner was dishonest, or if you were in a toxic relationship, it’s important to accept that, no matter how much you want the situation to be different.
This is one of the biggest steps in letting go of your past relationship and moving on to a new one.
If you continue to hope that a relationship is going to work out when it’s obviously not going to, you will just prolong your suffering.
Think about it: if your partner is just not interested, if the timing isn’t right, or if you have very different goals in life, you have to accept that and move on.
There is no point in forcing someone to stay who wants to leave.
I like to think about it this way: why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t wholeheartedly want me?
It’s not fair to you or to your partner.
And it just causes more pain, stress, and anxiety.
So accept the reality of the situation and move on!
If you have done all that you can do to make the relationship work, but your partner has decided that they don’t want to be with you anymore, accept that.
Acknowledge how hard it was for you to be in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.
If your partner was abusive or emotionally unavailable, acknowledge those things and how difficult it was for you to deal with them.
You don’t need to dwell on them or focus on them, but acknowledging what happened will help you focus on moving forward and getting over this relationship so that you can find a better one next time!
Take time for self-care
As I said above, it’s important to let yourself grieve, but you also have to take care of yourself in the process.
You need to make sure that you are not just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself all day.
You need to be active, go out, socialize, have fun, and be around people.
But at the same time, you also have to respect the fact that you are going through a very painful time right now and you have to take care of yourself in the process.
You don’t have to go out and party every night if you don’t want to, but you do have to do something you enjoy every single day.
In fact, I don’t necessarily recommend getting drunk and partying a lot after a breakup, as it won’t necessarily help you deal with your emotions, it will simply mask them.
Instead, spend quality time with people you love, journal, spend time outside in nature, and so on.
Focus on the good things in life, rather than just dwelling on your breakup.
In other words, focus on being happy and enjoying yourself instead of focusing on being sad and miserable.
You don’t want to live in the past forever, so you need to focus on the present and future.
If you are too sad and miserable right now, it might be too difficult for you to focus on anything else.
However, if you do something that makes you happy every single day, even if it’s just a little thing like going for a walk or reading a book, it will help you move forward instead of just sitting around moping all day.
Find out what it is you need right now and then go after it!
Revisit the relationship and figure out what went wrong
As painful as it might be, it can be helpful to revisit the relationship that didn’t work out.
Why did your relationship end? What happened?
If you were in a long-term relationship and it ended recently, it can be especially helpful to look back and see what you could have done differently and what mistakes you made.
This can help you learn from the past and give you insight into the kind of person you are and the type of person you want to be in a relationship.
I know, this is gonna be hard, especially when you don’t really understand why your partner broke up with you in the first place.
But you need to understand the “why” of it all.
Did you cheat on your partner? Did you treat them badly? Did they get bored? Did they find somebody else? Are they not ready to commit?
On the other hand, if your partner broke up with you because of something that has nothing to do with anything YOU did, then don’t beat yourself up over it.
You didn’t do anything wrong and there is no need to punish yourself.
Instead, focus on becoming a better person and learning from your mistakes so that next time, things will work out differently.
While you shouldn’t beat yourself up over your past relationship, it can be helpful to look at the relationship and see what you could have done better.
What could you have done differently? What mistakes did you make? And if you had another chance, what would you do?
You can’t change the past, but you can use it as a learning experience for the future.
If you had another chance, what would you do differently? What lessons have you learned from the past relationship?
You see, people who aren’t very good partners usually go from relationship to relationship, always reliving the same patterns and always blaming their partner for everything that went wrong.
They never take responsibility for their mistakes and they never learn from their past.
But that is not you, right?
You are a much better person than that, right?
So use the lessons you learned from your past relationship to become a better future partner.
What did you learn? What can you do differently? What will you do differently next time?
This self-awareness without blaming yourself will help you become a better partner.
Get out of your comfort zone with new activities
When we’re in a relationship, we sometimes get into a routine where we just stay in our comfort zone.
You might sit on the couch every night and watch TV, or you might only go out to the same places with the same people.
Simply put, you might not be challenging yourself as much as you could be.
If you want to get over your ex and move on to a new and better relationship, you have to put yourself out there and challenge yourself.
Become the person you want to be in the future and not just the person you were in the past.
Getting out of your comfort zone and trying new activities will also help you to realize that your life is not over now that this relationship ended.
If you always do the same things, then you might think that your life is over now that this relationship is over.
But if you challenge yourself to do new and exciting things, then you will see that your life will go on.
Things will work out eventually, so there’s no need to rush or worry about it too much.
Get excited for the completely new future that opened up for you
What happened in the past happened and you can’t change that.
Sure, you need to let yourself grieve that future that is no longer a reality for you.
But what you can do as well, is looking forward to the completely new future that just opened up for you.
You might be going through a breakup, but that doesn’t mean that your life has to stop there.
You can use this as an opportunity to explore things you haven’t done before or make new and amazing friendships.
You can also use it as an opportunity to date new people and date in a way that you’ve never done before.
At the end of the day, you have to figure out what you want your future to look like and how you want to get there.
You see, as difficult as it might feel in the beginning, you will get to a point where you look to the future with a sense of excitement.
There are so many possibilities now, your future is no longer set in stone!
You can do anything you want now and you’ll have a good time doing it.
So get excited about the completely new future that opened up for you and make sure to enjoy every single day of it!
Who will you be with? Where will you live? What will you do?
All these things are super exciting questions to ask yourself and they will help you to move on from this relationship.
Don’t keep torturing yourself with memories of your ex
It’s okay to think about the past, but if you keep torturing yourself with memories of your ex, you won’t be able to move on.
You see, it’s important to let go of the past and not keep reliving it.
You are not your past relationship.
You have to move on and focus on the future instead of reliving the past.
Don’t expect yourself to make it through this quickly or easily. It might be a long and difficult journey, but it will be worth it in the end.
One thing that I recommend is that you don’t keep torturing yourself in this process.
This means you should get rid of, or at least put away all the things that belong to your ex.
Also, you should maybe refrain from contacting them for a while. Simply remove them from your life completely.
You can always be friends with them later on but for now, it’s best to not torture yourself with memories of your ex.
So take a deep breath and let go of the past. It’s okay to think about it, but you should also think about the future instead.
Spend time with friends and family
One of the most helpful things after a breakup is spending time with friends and family.
You see, they will make sure to distract you from your ex and they will also help you get through this.
You see, even if you don’t realize it now, spending time with friends and family is one of the most helpful things after a breakup.
In fact, I would say that this is the number one way to get over a breakup!
So go out with them more often and just enjoy their company. This will help you heal much faster!
And the best part?
They will most probably have amazing advice to offer to you about moving on and they will remind you that no matter what, you are loved and you are worth it!
So don’t hesitate to spend time with them. They will help you in more ways than one.
One thing that I recommend is that you don’t spend all your time alone.
It’s understandable that you want to be alone sometimes, but it’s also important to spend time with people who are important to you.
So go out and enjoy life! Go out with friends and family and have fun! You deserve it!
Don’t try to force yourself to love again right away
It’s natural to want to fall in love again as soon as possible, but you don’t want to force yourself to fall in love with someone just because you feel like you should or you want to get over your ex.
You don’t want to be with someone just because you feel like you have to and you don’t want to settle for someone just because you feel like you have to.
You want to be with someone who makes you happy and feel fulfilled when you are ready for a new relationship.
Simply put, you don’t have to force yourself to love again right away.
You can take your time and let love come to you when it’s meant to.
The thing is, forcing yourself to get together with someone right away will only suppress your feelings about the breakup.
You gotta let yourself grieve, there is no point in masking your pain by getting together with somebody else.
The thing is, you can enjoy your single life and explore new things without feeling the pressure to find a new relationship right away. Eventually, love will find you, but you can’t force it.
And the best part?
If you had a future planned with someone, I am going to go ahead and assume you were in a relationship for a while.
Now, while being in a relationship is great, so is being single!
Enjoy your single time and live out anything you would have loved to do while in a relationship!
You will be okay
Even though it might not feel like it right this second, you will be okay.
Breakups are tough, but you are tougher.
It wasn’t meant to be, and that only means that your ex-partner opened the way for the love of your life to arrive.
Try to think about it this way and maybe that will make things a little bit easier.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.