It’s not as easy to get over a breakup as some people make it seem, especially if you didn’t initiate it.
In order to make it easier, here are 10 helpful tips on how to move on!
1) Take a step back
Give yourself some time, space, and perspective.
Allow yourself to feel the pain and let it wash through you without pushing it away.
You deserve this time and space so the emotional storm can brew in peace without your actions or thoughts interrupting the natural process of moving on.
Look at it this way – by taking a step back, you will get to see the bigger picture and manage to see what could you make out of it.
There is always a chance to learn from your mistakes and decide what you want to do with your life!
2) Let go of the guilt
This is maybe one of the hardest things to do. We tend to take all the blame when things don’t work out the way we want them to.
However, despite being so hard to let go and allow yourself to truly move on and learn from it, if you don’t, you won’t get any further.
Guilt will keep you in a way that will hinder your ability to move on with new friends, new love, and new possibilities for this life, which can certainly prevent your further growth and prosperity.
Accept things the way they are and try to learn from your mistakes.
Sure, you might even make a mistake again, it’s only human, but as long as you keep trying and doing things the right way, you will get there and fix whatever went wrong.
3) It’s not personal
It’s very easy to blur the lines between someone else’s feelings and your own when you experience a breakup.
If they don’t love you anymore, then it’s not your fault.
Remember, you are not responsible for another person’s feelings, even if they are concerned about a relationship with you.
You are only responsible for being true to yourself and your feelings.
Don’t fall into the trap of feeling bad for someone who simply cannot commit to a relationship with you for whatever reason that may be.
Recognize that he or she is no longer yours to have.
You can’t control anyone else’s feelings.
Don’t try to talk your way into the person’s mind in order to re-convince yourself that the two of you were meant to be.
That’s a dead-end street and a waste of energy.
4) Choose happiness
As hard as it is, know that you don’t have to let yourself get dragged down in the dumps.
Don’t put all your energy into trying to make this other person feel something for you or putting energy into convincing yourself that you’re better off without them.
Find your true happiness and make it happen.
Some things are simply not meant to be.
Give yourself the chance to take some other path in life and find the person who will make you happy.
Accepting that the person you thought you would spend your life with decided to be with someone else is not the end of the world, even though you may think that at the moment.
5) Focus on the positives
Focus on the things you do like about them, things they may have done that helped you, and things that really brought you to life.
This will bring you joy and a feeling of lightness which will laser in on the positive things, regardless of whether the other person is around or not.
This will allow you to look at them without resentment or hatred, so you are left with only an appreciation for what they brought out in you.
Look at it this way – some people come to our lives just to teach us something and then move on with their lives.
Look at your relationship as something that happened to push you out of your comfort zone, so you can move on and find a person who will be perfect for you.
6) Re-define what you want
As hard as it may be to believe, sometimes the other person feels exactly the same way about you that you feel about yourself.
Maybe he or she didn’t love you, but maybe they felt safe with you, maybe they thought of you as a valuable friend, and maybe they did love you.
Maybe it was only a little love.
Whatever their feelings have been can only help to define who YOU are.
Don’t discount that.
It is part of who you are and part of why you have your own personal worldview.
So, the next time you are in a relationship, and you feel “unloved” or “mistreated,” ask yourself if this other person fits into your worldview all along.
Sometimes we just like someone so much that we want them in our lives no matter what.
But the truth? You can only keep the people who want to stay in your life.
7) Stop trying to change them
Give up on changing someone else’s feelings about you.
It is a complete waste of time and emotions.
We can try to be better, wiser, prettier – it doesn’t matter.
People either click, or they don’t, and that is the harsh truth.
It is better to make peace with it and simply accept it as it is, so you can accept people for who they are.
What it means is this – we are not always going to like or love the people we meet.
It doesn’t mean we should try to change them into what we think they should be.
You can only control your own feelings, thoughts, and actions.
You cannot control anyone else’s.
8) Have a true friend
After a breakup, it can be tempting to cut off all social contact, but as awful as it is to let go of someone, you still need to be able to function.
When you are broken-hearted, it is so easy to find yourself isolated because you feel alone and bitter about the breakup.
That’s understandable, but if you truly want to move on, you need to make sure that you have at least one close friend who will stand by your side through thick and thin.
Every pain gets easier when we share it with someone who has our back.
9) Living life on your own terms
When a breakup occurs, and you are left with nothing but time on your hands, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself and lying in bed all day.
Then the next thing you know, you’ve wasted days and weeks that could have been spent working on your goals, catching up with friends, or doing something else productive to help move forward.
We all give a certain amount of power away when we are in a relationship.
You may let them make decisions for you, you might allow them to determine where you spend your time or how you spend your money.
Just because the relationship is over doesn’t mean that you forgive them for this and continue to let these things happen, that’s just giving away more power and life.
Decide what YOU want and start growing it.
10) Do a little bit of self-work
When someone breaks your heart, and you are left trying to pick up the pieces, you owe it to yourself to not forget your dreams and why you wanted them in the first place.
If you look back at this period as a downfall, it will be a long time before you regain your energy and enthusiasm.
Now is the time when you can break apart all those dreams that never came true or all those goals that have failed.
You need to learn from this experience and use it as the motivation for moving on with your life.
Allow yourself to look at this relationship as a learning experience, so you are better equipped for future relationships.
Everything that happens can hurt us or serve as a guideline for us to learn.
Listen to your heart and let it tell you what it wants.
In the end, it is up to you what you do with the situation.
But if you have dealt with it in a healthy manner, then realize that you’re stronger than you think, and your feelings are authentic.
Feel them and follow them in a way that will keep them alive and well, they are only “useless” if they no longer serve as a motivator for your life.
When someone breaks your heart into pieces, it can be extremely scary to start over at the beginning of your life all by yourself, but after a while, you will feel ready to pick up the pieces and understand that this is part of the process of becoming you.
You have to have the ability to get over things, move on, and let this experience become a powerful part of your growth.
With a little bit of effort, you will be able to heal and move on with your life!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.