Did someone use you for sex?
It’s hard to imagine that someone you care about is capable of taking advantage of you, but it’s possible.
If you are struggling to get over the experience, we want to help. Read on for 10 ways to heal and move past this painful feeling.
1) Don’t blame yourself
At first, you might be tempted to blame yourself for what happened. You might assume it was your fault or that you were somehow responsible.
But as you learn more about being used sexually, you’ll realize that blaming yourself won’t help your healing process.
Soon enough, you’ll start to understand that it is not your fault and that by doing this, you’re not helping yourself.
You might think that you were naive or too trusting, and that might be true. However, it’s still not your fault.
Well… unless you agreed to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with this person, you’re not to blame.
If you did and now you suffer, then disregard this point. You might be a little to blame as well.
2) Cut off all contact with them
If you really want to get over being used sexually, the worst possible thing you can do is to remain in touch with this person.
That’s why you should cut off all contact – even if they try to apologize or be nice.
This way, you’ll be able to protect your emotions and make sure that they don’t get inside your head.
They have abused your trust too many times and will probably hurt you again. Saying “no” to any type of relationship with them at the moment would be ideal.
3) Find someone to talk to
Talking about what happened is one of the most important things you can do if you’ve been used sexually.
If you have a good friend or family member, tell them everything that happened.
Even if they have never been in this kind of situation before, they can still offer good advice and comfort. And it might help you with your healing process.
If you aren’t comfortable talking about what happened with an intimate person, then consider seeing a therapist or counselor.
They can help you get over the pain and move forward into the future.
However, you need to be careful because not all therapists are great listeners or good at helping people recover emotionally.
Do your research and look for someone who is right for you.
4) Get help from a real love advisor
While this article will shed light on the main ways to get over being used sexually, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like being used for sex. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate the delicate situation you’re facing and heal as fast as possible.
5) Set clear boundaries for yourself
After what happened to you, you might feel like you need to give up all sexual self-expression. But that isn’t true.
What’s important is that you set clear limits and boundaries for yourself.
For this, you need to learn how to say “no” when someone asks you for sex outside of a committed relationship.
And if they’re persistent, then don’t worry about hurting their feelings or being rude. Tell them it’s not going to happen.
It will be better in the long run.
And it’s best for your healing process.
Don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself or expressing your sexuality. However, you might want to take a break from flirting and dating for a while.
6) Learn to love and accept your body
In a situation like yours, you might feel like you need to take off all your sexual clothing and hide your body or stop grooming yourself.
But don’t do this.
You might feel ashamed because of what happened to you or because you’re afraid that someone will take advantage of you again.
However, those feelings aren’t really based on logic or facts. They’re just fears. And if you give into them, they’ll keep you from moving forward.
Instead, focus on loving and accepting your body.
Don’t worry about what other people think of your body or what they might say about it whether it’s good or bad.
7) Be honest with yourself about your feelings
Here’s another way to heal and move on after being used sexually: confront your feelings.
Being honest with yourself about your feelings and what you need can be difficult, to say the least.
But it’s important that you do this for yourself.
If you stay confused and don’t work through things, it might be because you’re hiding something from yourself or not telling the whole story.
Maybe you had a feeling that he or she was using you for sex but you ignored it. So, be honest with yourself.
This is the only way you can move into the future feelings better.
8) Don’t give up on love
Let’s be honest about being used sexually.
It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away.
But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are.
I learned about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what traps us in things like one-sided relationships.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about sex and love.
The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty.
The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like being used for sex.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find real love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to moving on and healing after being used sexually.
If you’re done with wasting your time on a love story that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.
9) Spend time with happy and positive people
When you’re going through a hard time, you might be tempted to spend time with people who are going through difficulties, too.
But while this might seem like it makes sense, it won’t help you move past your pain. Instead, you should spend time with happy and positive people who make you feel good.
You can do this in small ways, like hanging out with your friends, spending time at the beach, or going for a walk in the park.
Or you can do it in big ways, like going to a concert, meeting up with your favorite band, or watching a movie that has positive messages.
Whatever you do, it should be something that makes you happy and brings you joy.
10) Take your time to heal
When you’re trying to get over being used sexually, it’s normal to feel angry and sad while you’re healing.
But don’t rush yourself.
You might feel like you need to get over this pain quickly, but it might not be healthy. Instead, take your time.
You don’t need to go cold turkey and get over this as quickly as possible, but you need to heal.
And that’s where love, friendship, and living your life will be all that matter.
As you heal, continue being honest with yourself so you can reach the next step in your healing process.
You can do this by looking at yourself in the mirror every day and saying “I am strong” or “I am independent.”
How do you treat someone who used you sexually?
Everybody makes mistakes, but this one has a very big price attached. There’s no excuse for what they did. Not at all.
If you feel like you’ve been used sexually by someone you care about, here are some things to consider…
1) You don’t need to justify your anger
You’re entitled to your anger, so instead of hiding it, just deal with it.
If they’ve made you feel used in an intimate way and they’re not taking responsibility or apologizing, then they don’t deserve your respect or friendship right now.
They’ve abused your trust in a very big way and you don’t deserve it.
2) You need to focus on yourself
Another way to treat someone who used you sexually is to not give them any attention at all. Instead, focus on yourself.
They won’t be happy when they’ll see you flourish, better looking, and more successful. How so?
They’ll regret using you and losing you.
3) Ask them why they did it
Ask them why they did it, and whether there was a good reason behind their actions. Maybe they just wanted to try different things but never expected it to be this painful.
Maybe they made a mistake and couldn’t take back what happened. Or maybe they just acted on feelings in a moment, and then regretted it afterward.
Whatever their reason was, your next step is to focus on your healing process.
4) Put distance between you and them
Put distance between you and them, so you can stop thinking about what happened for a bit. – That’s how you should treat them.
If you keep thinking about it, then there’s a risk that you will get hurt again.
That’s why this is important to your healing process: so you can move on from the pain and betrayal.
5) Think about the big picture
If they’re someone you care about and you want to stay friends, think about the big picture.
Ask yourself these questions:
What will happen if you try to stay friends with them?
If they know that what they did hurt you and that it wasn’t right, then will they stay away from you?
Or will they get hurt by your actions?
If their actions were wrong, then how can you forgive them?
If it was just a mistake, then ask them to apologize and admit that what they did was wrong.
How do you make someone realize they hurt you?
Would you like to make them realize they hurt you by using you sexually?
1) Just tell them
This is the best way to do it and it doesn’t take long.
If you want them to get the point, just say what you need to say. Talk to them about how you feel and why they hurt you.
This should make them realize what they did.
2) Ignore this person
Don’t go and talk to them.
Just don’t listen to their problems; try not to be around them anymore and make sure that you’re doing things your way without needing or relying on them right now.
This way, you’ll send them the message that what they did hurt you.
3) Don’t help them anymore
Another way to make them realize that they hurt you is to not help them out. If they can’t see that they hurt you, they will never realize it.
Don’t help them anymore; don’t do things for them or give advice. Then they’ll need to focus on you instead and realize what they did.
4) Don’t be nice to them again
Stop being nice to them and don’t talk with them if they hurt you. It might feel weird the first time, but keep doing it until they get the point: What happened isn’t ok.
If you stay around them and don’t say anything about it, then it will be like you’re telling them that it’s not a big deal.
How do I stop being played?
Someone used you for sex, so it’s only natural to ask yourself why it happened and how to prevent it in the future.
Here’s what you need to do…
1) Set clear boundaries for yourself
First, you need to set clear boundaries for yourself.
For example, being alone with someone or being touched without your permission are examples of boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.
You need to do this for yourself, so you can protect yourself from being hurt.
If you let someone touch and play with you without saying no, then they’ll only see how easy it is to get away with and go back for more one day. So make sure you don’t let them do this to you.
2) Define your relationship before having sex
To avoid getting played, one suggestion is to define your relationship before sex. In other words, you need to clearly define where things stand between the two of you.
For example, if they clearly tell you they don’t want to get involved in a serious relationship, then you shouldn’t continue.
If they don’t make it clear, then you shouldn’t go any further with them.
3) Stick to your values
Try to stick to your values about sex and dating. If you have these values for a reason, then stick to them no matter what someone does or says.
They can tell you that you should have sex with them because it’s fun, but that doesn’t mean that you have to do it.
Just say no, because it’s not right for you. This applies to everybody.
4) Don’t give in if they play with your feelings
If someone is playing with your feelings or if they are hurting you, then don’t let them continue doing it.
Don’t give in or go along with it if it bothers or hurts you. – That’s how to avoid getting played.
The truth is that there are many ways to get over being used for sex, but you need to find one that works for you.
Try to figure out why you got hurt in the first place and how to avoid it in the future.
If you have trouble doing that, then this article can help you figure it out.
You just need to be honest with yourself about what happened and why. Once you do that, then you can find a way to heal from it and move on from the pain.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.