You just found out that a guy had been toying with you. He made you feel like you’re one in a million… then it turns out he was never really in love with you.
And to make it worse, you genuinely liked him and thought he was the one.
Well, there’s no way to go but forward—away from the guy who played with your feelings.
Here are 18 tips that are going to help you get over that guy for good.
1) Stop feeding the monster.
There is a universal rule to follow when breaking free from a lover—the no-contact rule.
And there’s a reason why it’s become something short of a mantra. Because it works.
It basically means ending all contact, and this means deleting or blocking his contacts on social media, as well as any numbers you might have shared together.
This immediately puts several walls between you and him, so it’s harder to contact him when you feel tempted to reach out… and vice versa.
And that distance by itself makes it easier to move on. It’s like getting over a coffee addiction by putting your espresso machine behind five high-security vaults.
2) Don’t try to justify him and fix him up.
To be clear, you’re the victim here. He played with you, and no matter how hard he might try to spin it, it’s still his choice for playing with you.
It might be tempting to ignore this important fact… or even go deeper and take the “saintly route” of pitying him somehow. But this does nothing to help you at all.
Fact is that you were hurt, your time was wasted, and it’s all on him.
Don’t feel like you have an obligation to fix him, or that there’s something you can do to change his ways.
You can give him advice, you can work yourself raw trying to make him better. But in the end, he alone has the power to change himself.
And look. He’s not paying you for it, you’re probably not qualified, and you’re not a professional therapist so leave it to one.
3) Don’t get yourself stuck in the blame game.
Aside from trying to justify his actions, something that you might be tempted to do is to get yourself stuck in the blame game.
Maybe you’d blame yourself for not doing enough to keep him in, or maybe you’d blame him for not being smart enough to know your worth.
Now, reflecting on what went wrong in a relationship or what signs you shouldn’t have ignored is helpful. But thinking too much about who deserves the blame for what can easily get toxic and cement him deeper in your head.
You want to get over him, so the less you think about him the better.
4) Don’t hang out in the same places.
Okay, the food there was great. But when you’re trying to get over someone, you’d probably need to stay away for a while. Here’s why:
Visiting places you used to go with him conjures images of him that might haunt you. You’ll turn the guy into a living ghost, following you around.
Old haunts are precisely that— places that remind you so much of him that his presence would almost flesh out.
If you’re trying to get over the guy, steer clear of these places or you just might find yourself in an endless loop. Even worse, you just might hear him talk to you and you’d be tempted to talk back. Yikes!
5) Zoom out and look at the bigger picture.
Don’t get too hung up on this whole affair. It does not define your life.
You have roughly a hundred years to live and thousands of people you’ll meet in that time. He’s just one face in so many that you are bound to build bonds with. Many of them will be better.
Chances are that he isn’t even your first heartbreak. And, even if he were? He isn’t the last.
He’s not even a chapter in your life. He’s probably less than a paragraph or a footnote.
It may hurt a lot now, but eventually you’ll move on—and when you do, you’ll think back to this day and laugh at yourself.
6) Change the image you associate with him.
There’s this thing called defamiliarization. It’s about breaking past your preconceived notions and trying to make the familiar strange again.
Writers and poets use it all the time to help themselves see and understand new ways of looking at the world.
And it’s also something that you can use to help get over people you are having problems with—and, yes, that includes this guy who toyed with your heart.
Here’s how to do it: Make a visual representation of him and his flaws in your mind—put as many as you like— and anytime you miss him, go back to that image.
Perhaps you’ve always thought of him as a good person, if a little flawed. Maybe you associated him with the gifts and kisses he gave you.
But surely there have been times when he was not as good as he could be. Times that you ignored or excused, but are definitely hurtful.
Perhaps he used to excuse the times he neglected you by saying “you’re such a whiner”, or perhaps he is a slob, or he can’t hold down a job.
Wash away the dreamy exterior image you associate him with and let the dirty reality of his time with you stand in the open.
7) Remind yourself that you deserve a great guy.
Sometimes we look at the mirror and we don’t like what we see. We put ourselves down and think it’s impossible to find a good guy. So when someone gives us the least bit of attention, we grab it as if it’s all we can ever have.
Listen, you have to overcome your insecurities so you can find the love you want.
How can you do this exactly?
The most effective way is to tap into your personal power.
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and insecurities that suck the joy out of the things we love in life.
I learned about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of feeling unworthy all the time, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
Click here to watch the free video.
8) Acknowledge and accept that you were played.
You had your feelings played with. You’re angry, hurting, betrayed. You’re feeling dumb and ugly.
Don’t think you have to take it all in silence. So take a deep breath and shout your hurt away—scream into a pillow if you have to.
Once you’ve done so, take another deep breath and look at yourself in the mirror. It might not look like it, but you’ve already done a lot for yourself by acknowledging that you got played.
You could be worse. You could still be in denial. But here you are, facing the harsh reality that was thrust upon you. And that takes a lot of strength.
So give yourself a pat on the back, tell yourself that you matter, and think about what else you can do moving forward.
9) Visualize your future self.
Nietzche once wrote “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”.
I can think of a way to improve on that saying. What doesn’t kill you better run away screaming, because you’re going to be a superstar far out of their league.
You may feel small now. Helpless, even. And your feelings are valid, so rest and recuperate as much as you feel like you need to.
But there’s also a lot you can glean from these experiences that you can use to build yourself up. Think about it—did he flash red flags in your face that you didn’t recognize? Did you tolerate his abuse?
Now you know how to avoid all of those things and assert your worth when the next guy comes along. Learn from this trial so that you can build yourself up into the best version of you to ever exist.
10) Write an angry letter.
One of the best ways to deal with emotional troubles is to write them down. Turn them into something physical you can grasp.
So go grab a pen and write all of your hurts down. Commit to paper whatever comes to mind.
Believe it or not, you can explore your feelings more when you write it in an uncensored, unfiltered, letter.
You might think there are things you cannot say because there is the fear that people will see you differently, or that you don’t want to hurt anyone as much as possible.
Don’t hinder yourself with thoughts of consequences because this letter will not be sent anyway!
So go ahead and set free all the ugly words and emotions you’ve been feeling up until now. Treat it as an internal monologue.
It can help you discover a part of yourself you never knew you had.
And, if it suits you, rip the letter apart with all your fury when you’re done.
11) Snap yourself out of it—literally.
Do the bad incidents keep replaying in your head? Do you miss him again even if you already told yourself he’s good for nothing?
Use the “rubber band technique” to stop yourself from obsessing. It’s a tried and tested way to stop unhealthy habits because you associate the person with a bad feeling.
You can find any old rubber band around the house or in your office. Put it on your wrist so that it stays with you.
Anytime you catch yourself thinking these thoughts about him, pull the rubber band so that it snaps back. Not so much that it hurts you of course, but just enough to bring you back to the present.
The idea is not to punish you with painful snapping. It’s just a little jolt to remind yourself not to get lost in your thoughts.
12) Recommit to finding a healthy relationship.
Have you ever asked yourself why you often end up dating unavailable men?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with a heartbreak caused by a careless man, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to finding the right partner.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Click here to watch the free video.
13) Be thankful your roles are not reversed.
With all the negative feelings borne from this, you’d wish you were the one with the upperhand, right? The one causing the pain instead?
Well, you shouldn’t. Why would you think a player is superior? They’re actually beneath you!
If you really think about it, there’s nothing to be admired.
Players are emotionally detached. They don’t care whether they hurt someone or not.
Playing with someone’s feelings could be a disorder. They might have been played with before and want to toy with another to regain a sense of superiority.
They lack the sense of accountability or responsibility for the actions they do and think nothing of the outcome.
You’re not like that. Yes, being played sucks but you have to BE the better person and not go down the same route.
14) Channel your anger into positive energy.
When you’re mad, you make fists, flail, or grab your hair (don’t!).
Instead of stewing in negative emotions and emitting dark miasma all around you, convert it into positive energy. It doesn’t have to be a 20k marathon. You can just go out for a walk, or ride your bike, or dance.
Stick to a routine like eating or exercising regularly, sleeping a good amount, or just doing daily tasks with a fixed schedule to organize your life.
Knowing what comes next facilitates coping with change and gets rid of your anxiety.
Take a good long soak in the tub with your favorite scents while sipping from a glass of sparkling wine. Watch a feel-good movie. Forget the diet for a while and treat yourself to some ice cream.
Pamper yourself like you’re the most special person in your life, because you are.
15) Think of other people who got played.
When we find out that a guy is only playing with our feelings, it stings.
It stings so much because it makes us feel that we’re ugly and unworthy of real love. If it’s done to us more than once in the past, we’d start to believe that there’s something wrong with us.
One effective trick to counter these thoughts is by thinking of the many awesome people who were played, or worse, cheated on by their partners.
Look at Taylor Swift. It’s evident in her dating history and in her songs that she’s been through a lot. Console yourself in the fact that deception doesn’t care if you’re popular, rich, or an award-winning singer-songwriter.
When a player picks a target, they execute. Player’s gotta play, and that’s just life.
Console yourself by the fact that even the prettiest and smartest ones get played sometimes.
16) Give it a good cry.
Crying isn’t something weak people do.
In fact, if you’re wise, you’d want to cry because crying is actually good for you. Crying releases stress and relieves us of emotional pain. Crying also helps to release oxytocin and endorphins which are feel-good chemicals.
So it’s okay to shed those tears and when you do, make sure to squeeze them all out.
Repressing your feelings has adverse effects not only on your mental health, but on your body as well. It affects your immune system aside from other things so don’t keep it all in.
Just make sure you know when to stop. Give yourself a deadline—three days, a week, a month…then when you’re done, be done with it.
17) Talk it out with your friends and family.
When things are obvious, it’s easy to overlook.
You might forget that communication is the best way to unlock the troubles of the heart.
Call your friends over for a good chat. Just don’t hold a pity party since that might push you into an even darker place.
Go look for someone you trust with your personal life, and work through your emotions with them.
You don’t even necessarily have to use them as your personal therapy, or a shoulder to cry on—though don’t be afraid to open up to them if they’re fine with it—because the mere presence of someone you care about can help you stabilize.
When you talk to someone and not just the wall, you are reminded that there are people who are willing to stay with you through it and that you don’t have to do it all on your own.
18) Do the best revenge.
The best revenge happens when you don’t need to do any revenge—meaning, when you’re doing so great with your life they become insignificant to you.
Look, you’ve already gained a healthy habit with your routine, you’ve now recommitted to yourself, and you’ve learned your lessons.
Your current self (although still aching and angry) is much better than your past self who’s still blindly in love with a player. And you’re on your way to becoming better!
So go plan your life and turn that anger into something useful. You’ll thank yourself for using this moment as a turning point in your life.
So you made a mistake of believing a guy who turned out to be a player. And it’s okay.
The good thing is that you stopped yourself before it became irreversible.
You liked him, but you know better than to lose your time to someone who merely used you.
So instead of beating yourself up for it, congratulate yourself for being wise!
In fact, the experience wasn’t all bad. You’ve discovered a lot about relationships and yourself—lessons that are vital for you to navigate the dating world.
One day in the future, when you’ve already found the one for you, you will look back to this moment and thank it for teaching you about love and life.
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