It’s painful when someone we love slowly loses interest in us. Maybe we’ve become too available. Maybe they realized that we’re not the one for them. Maybe we’ve become painfully boring.
Whatever the reasons may be—and there could be plenty—the good news is that it’s quite easy to reignite a man’s interest.
I will share with you 13 no-bullsh*t ways to make your man crazy for you again and three things you should never do.
1) Leave him on read
No matter how evolved we may be, studies reveal that men still love the thrill of the hunt.
When he becomes too comfortable in his relationship with you, that spark that caught his eye and his heart disappears. The love chemicals in his brain have calmed down because you’re now an ordinary fixture in his life, no longer so exotic or out of reach!
Instead of answering his every message the moment you get a ping on your inbox, leave him on read every now and if you decide to reply, don’t reply too fast! This is especially effective if you’re the type who replies quickly.
This will make him wonder if something has changed in you. This will make him curious again about you. He’d think “What’s she doing? She’s usually not too busy.” Well, you are! If you’re not, go get busy.
Having a little mystery and independence always makes anyone hot.
But of course, do this only to messages that aren’t so important. You should be careful that you’re not actually being neglectful. Because if you do that, you’ll just end up ruining your relationship even more.
2) Do things for you again
Remember how much you’re in love with yourself before you met him? Go love that girl again!
I know it’s annoying, but it’s a fact: Being overly eager and available can be a big turn-off.
Yes, it’s ideal to just be genuine and not stop ourselves from expressing love, but clingy behavior isn’t really love, is it? It’s an indicator of an anxious attachment style, something you have to work on yourself.
To stop yourself from overdoing anything for love, simply put yourself in their shoes.
Imagine getting the angry messages you sent them just because they didn’t reply in an hour (they’re at work).
Imagine receiving poems and love letters every week.
Imagine getting heart emojis every hour.
Yes, you’re free to do those things but we can agree that it’s not so sexy. It’s suffocating!
Think long and hard about your relationship with him and think about whether you’ve at all played the role of the overly-attached girlfriend. Be very honest with yourself. Learn to separate obsession from real love.
So what can you do about it?
Well, that depends on how hard you’ve pushed him away. If he’s still there for you, but slowly drifting away, then what you can do is show that you’re not that clingy.
When he messages you or asks you to do things, avoid dropping everything for him. If there’s something else that you should be doing first—even if it’s just cooking dinner—then do that.
3) End all your relationship demands right now
Bossy can be sexy if you’re working but when it comes to love? It totally isn’t!
Maybe you easily get jealous and you demand that your boyfriend sends you photos when he’s out with friends. Maybe you get mad when he can’t be with you to help you arrange your living room because he has to be with his family.
Try to restrict how much you impose on him.
If you’re usually bossy at home and in your relationship, he will instantly notice the difference.
It’s not so easy to be attracted to someone who keeps imposing things on you and labeling you a bad partner for not following them. Make this change not only to get him interested again, do it so you will have healthier relationships.
4) Give him the right kind of attention
Yes, I just talked about giving him some space, but what if the reason he suddenly pulled away is because you neglected him?
You see, relationships can suffer from both too much and too little attention. So maybe it wasn’t really because you’re clingy, but it’s because you’re the opposite— you’re too distant.
And unlike women, men rarely demand attention because they think it’s too needy. They won’t even admit they’re affected that you didn’t say anything when they showed you their latest project.
Few things kill one person’s love for another other than being made to feel neglected. It makes them feel like they don’t matter at all, and it leaves them incredibly insecure.
Do you still show interest in his day-to-day life?
Do you take him into consideration when you make your plans?
Do you actually listen to him and give him some praise?
Of course, if you haven’t done it already, the easy fix would be to talk to him about it, but as I’ve mentioned, it’s not easy for guys to open up about feeling neglected. It’s a man thing.
So the next best thing to do is to really pay attention to your guy and ask him about his life and interests again. And really, really, really pay attention. Give him all the love and care in the world if he pulled away because you’ve not showered him with love.
5) Say something positive
The last thing anyone wants is to live the rest of their lives with someone who does nothing but complain day in and day out.
Every single one of us is entitled to a little venting here and there, but remember that unless he’s a licensed therapist and you’re his client, it’s absolutely not his job to listen to the things that are pulling you down.
He might be willing to lend you an ear for a while, but eventually, his patience will run out and he will soon begin to associate calls and messages from you to be preludes to hours of ranting. And when that happens, he will begin to dread the times when you decide to make contact.
It’s going to be hard to make him stop associating you with negativity. Some people never do. However, that doesn’t mean you should just give up on trying!
For one, try to hold your tongue whenever you feel the urge to bitch at the world. Does he REALLY need to know? Does it concern him? Will it matter in six months if he heard your complaints or not?
Now if your answer to one of these is “no”, then stop. Hold your anger and frustration and try to hold them down. And if you must complain? Reserve it for the therapist.
6) Bring out the green-eyed monster in him
I’m sure you expected this because it’s one of the classic tactics to reignite someone’s interest but the thing is…you have to do it the right way.
Tease him a bit, make him slightly jealous. But do be careful!
If you push it too far, you’ll end up ruining your relationship—jealousy is a poisonous little thing that murders relationships like there’s no tomorrow.
Don’t get wasted and flirt with men!
Instead, just allow yourself to have wholesome conversations with men. There’s a huge difference.
Look, just because you have a boyfriend doesn’t mean you should only hang out with girls. Go ahead. You’re not doing anything bad. The first time you do this again will be a reminder to him, but especially to you, that your world should not revolve around one guy.
If he’s begun to take you for granted, this will remind him just what a catch you really are.
7) Remind him (subtly) of the good old days
Relationships almost always start on an energetic high where almost everything is new and shiny. But relationships can’t last forever like that, and things will eventually begin to calm down. Change is not only inevitable as the two of you grow older, but it is also necessary for your relationship to survive in the long run.
Arguments begin to happen, the relationship might begin to feel stale, and sometimes you might even forget why you’re putting up with each other day in and day out. Basically, life happens.
That’s why it’s good to remind each other of the good old days every now and then.
Say that the two of you are having a very slow day where there seems to be nothing exciting going on at all. Take that as an opportunity to talk about that vacation you had in Paris years ago, or of that time when you had your first kiss.
If they’re not around, you can send or post old pictures on social media, reminiscing about the good old days.
8) Be smokin’ hot inside and out
This is going to be a bit “duh, of course!” but a very quick and easy way to get him looking at you again is to look and feel pretty. Maybe you stopped prettying yourself up a while into the relationship because you thought it was a bother.
Wear that lovely red dress you’ve always loved, put on some make-up and maybe use that perfume that he’s always liked back in the day.
Now, let’s be real. If he stops loving you simply because you’re no longer wearing make-up or dressing up, he’s probably not worth it. But on the other hand, looking and feeling pretty can rekindle his feelings for you even if they had quieted down for other reasons, as well as help reaffirm his decision to be with you.
And don’t do it just for him, either! When you’re pretty and you know it, it will show in the way you walk and talk.
It’s a rush of confidence that can change your aura that’s sure to grab his attention if your looks alone weren’t enough for some reason. Confidence is sexy so go get that old self back.
9) Think of him as a friend
You might have gone “but why?!” at this suggestion. After all, you want him back badly, and the last thing you probably want is for him to be ‘just a friend’, but you do want some effective techniques, don’t you?
Besides, thinking of him as a friend doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s actually just a friend. You just have to reframe your mind a little bit.
Sometimes, we feel like we own our partners. In some relationships, the couple gets too close to each other that they start to become each other’s everything, and that includes being their slave.
By thinking of him as a friend, I basically mean respect him as you’d respect your friends. Unchain yourself from the toxic dynamic you’ve created and see him as a human being who’s separate from you.
It’s strange how we treat our friends waaaay better than how we treat our partners.
For example, you might be expecting too much out of your partner and get impatient with him where, with your friends, you’d be more than happy to sit back and wait.
Or when something bad happens, you might feel tempted to hurt your partner to have him looking at you whereas with your friends, you’re perfectly willing to shrug and let it be.
Give it a try. Think of him as just your closest friend. Remove all the unhealthy relationship stuff. You’ll see that your relationship will improve a ton, whether you get him back again or not.
10) Have a good time or chat with his family
Now let’s get a little bit sneaky. If you’ve been together for a long time already and he’s pulling away, win his heart again by connecting to his family.
Of course, do not ever do this if you don’t have a good relationship with his family. For the love of God, no! You’d look desperate and pathetic!
The good thing about this technique is that it can really be useful and you’ll see the result in a short amount of time.
Talking to his family, if you’re indeed close, can help you learn more about him, which will help you map out the right approach to win his heart back. After all, how we love is programmed during childhood.
If you’re feeling brave, go ahead and ask his sister’s or mother’s help on how you can solve your relationship. Of course, you should ask them to be as discreet as possible. You don’t want him to think you’re too crazy for him.
11) Have a good time with your common friends
If he decided to leave your relationship for a while, then it might rekindle his feelings for you if you hang out with your friends.
You don’t have to tell him you’re together. Maybe one of your friends could tell him or send a group photo of you having fun.
It would make him think of the things he will lose when he leaves you for good. It will also remind him that you’re just good without him, and that could actually be a good thing. If done right, it will make him go “hmmm”. And if he still has feelings for you, then he’d go “awww I miss herrr!”
12) Have an interesting life right now!
Maybe the reason he’s lost interest is that you’ve become so boring. Ugh. You hate to admit it but that’s what you’ve become. Acknowledge this fact, forgive yourself, then let’s get to work.
Of course, you can’t become interesting overnight.
Since we’re talking about quick fixes, then we gotta fake it ’til we make it, amirite? Wrong. You gotta do the first steps to an interesting life and make it known!
You list down all the things you’re interested in. Let’s say you’ve always wanted to try archery. Go find an archery class and post it on your Facebook with a caption “Who wants to shoot arrows with me?”
Not only will this make you interesting, it will also make him a little jealous and possessive if he’s still slightly into you.
Just a warning though: Don’t post a thirst trap photo if you don’t want him (and everyone else) to cringe. Keep it classy.
13) Do something that’s totally out of character
This is a little risky but worth a try.
Let’s say you’ve always been Ms. Goody Two Shoes. That’s how you’ve been your entire relationship. And let’s say he’s acting very distant to you lately but he gives you a call asking you for a favor—maybe to pick up his mail or upload a file.
Instead of responding to this interaction in your usual way, give him the exact opposite of Ms. Goody Two Shoes. Give him Ms. I’m Too Busy instead. After all, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, right?
On the other hand, if you’re Ms. Little Devil all your life, do sweet things for him. You should definitely pick up his mail and upload his files without making him awful for it.
Things you should never do when a guy pulls away
1) Never chase him
When a guy pulls away, he doesn’t want to be chased. He wants to be left alone and you should definitely give him that. The more you chase, beg, and negotiate, the farther he will flee.
Cry if you have to but set him free. However, before you part ways, make sure you tell him that you won’t hang around waiting for him for too long.
2) Never make him feel guilty for it
That loving feeling may fade every now and then and sometimes, some of us just need to be left alone. Don’t accuse him of cheating. Don’t make him feel like he’s ruining your relationship.
Think of it as just part of any relationship. If he says he needs space or that he’s losing his feelings, there’s really nothing you can do about it. No amount of nagging will make him interested in you again. If you don’t want to burn bridges (and you really shouldn’t if you love this man), don’t make him feel guilty for losing his feelings.
3) Never blame yourself
Yes, you might have some flaws but you’re not the most awful girl in the world. If he lost interest in you, it’s not because you gained weight or you still don’t earn six digits. It’s probably not even about you.
Some people are not just as skilled at maintaining a long-term relationship. Some people are lost. Some people just can’t handle an awesome girl like you. There are so many reasons why a person loses interest. Unless you cheated or did some deal breakers in a relationship, don’t assume you’re the one to blame.
If this is his first time to pull away, it’s only natural that you want to try to fix things fast. But it will do you more good if you calm down and only do these steps once you’re not too emotional and anxious. If you’re calmer, you’ll do things better and see things more clearly.
The most important thing of all is to set a timeline for yourself. Set a date to stop trying and start accepting the fact that you have to move on.
Then, no matter the result, make a vow to yourself that you’ll love yourself more than you’ll love any man. It seems counterintuitive but this is the #1 secret to keep any man hooked for life.
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