How to get him back after hurting his ego: 20 things to do

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If you’ve ever hurt your man’s ego, you know how hard it is to make amends. 

But don’t give up! 

Here are 20 ways to get him back from hurting his ego and make things right again.

1) Realize how hard your actions were on him – and take responsibility for them

The truth is: 

You hurt him

You didn’t slap him in the face, but instead, you were careless in your words and actions. 

That’s why you need to make him understand that you know what you did was harsh.

So instead of starting with “I’m sorry”, calmly tell him that you realize that your words and actions had a strong negative impact on him – and you are taking responsibility for them.

This shows maturity, growth, and character – which he will see as a sign of respect towards him.

2) Give him an unexpected compliment

Since you were careless in hurting him, it’s important to show him a different side of you.

So instead of sticking to the same old routine, give him an unexpected compliment on something he did right.

This is about the only thing that can make a man feel good about himself when he’s hurting from your previous actions.

And it will make your apology seem more sincere.

But here’s the trick:

Don’t go overboard with your compliments, but rather, sprinkle just enough in to show that you did take into account what he’s been going through lately.

For example, in his recent situation, show that you care by complimenting him for working harder at everything he does – his family, his career, and even his relationship.

3) Get tailored advice from a relationship coach

Last year my relationship reached a dead-end because I hurt my ex’s ego. Unfortunately, it had very bad consequences for both of us.

I’m talking do-not-resuscitate. Over and out. 

I was ready to walk away, but before I did that I took a step I’d never taken before. I reached out to a professional relationship coach. 

I had low expectations, but even my highest hopes were exceeded. The coach I spoke to at Relationship Hero quickly broke down the walls I’d built up in my relationship and helped me understand what I was doing wrong. 

This coach was tough but fair. They were genuine and very helpful.

They took apart every single lie I was telling myself and helped me understand how to truly resolve my conflict with my ex rather than running.

My relationship isn’t perfect now, but it’s so much better than what it was. Most importantly, I’m hugely optimistic about the future again. 

Click here to check out Relationship Hero and see if they can help you, too.

4) Offer emotional support 

Thank him for the huge sacrifice he made to be there for you, but offer to help him out in return.

It’s a win-win situation. 

He will warm up to you again because he can see that you have a heart and you’re not just a cold, empty shell. 

At first, he might be taken aback by this new change of behavior in you, but the more time passes, the more he will appreciate it and eventually love it.

Here are several ways to offer emotional support:

  • Offer to listen to his problems without judging him.
  • Don’t mention what happened in the past.  Just let him talk about it.
  • Listen to his problems without offering solutions. Just lend an attentive ear and without judgment, be there for him.

5) Give him a different perspective on the relationship

He needs to stop seeing you as the one who hurt him.

Instead, he needs to see you in a more positive light. 

By giving him a different perspective on the relationship, you’re helping him realize that you will be able to take care of him. 

This will make him feel secure.

You can do this by telling him how the relationship has improved in a certain area (e.g., in your career). 

But not to brag – make it seem as if that’s just the way things are.

Or you can tell him how you would like to take your relationship to the next level. 

Whatever you do, don’t demand anything from him. 

Instead, create a vision of the future that he wants, and let him know that this is possible. 

6) Don’t play games with his emotions

Another tip to get him back will be to stop playing games with his emotions.

Don’t start doing things that are going to confuse him like acting too affectionate one day and cold the next.

This will only make him question your love for him, which is the last thing you want.

Or don’t play hard to get either.

For instance, don’t stop talking to him, disappearing for a few days, and then calling him. 

Don’t act like you don’t care what he thinks and then come crying on his door the next day. 

It’s confusing at best and manipulative at its worst. 

In short:

Be honest with your actions – both with him and yourself.

7) Show your feelings without being manipulative

Manipulating a man’s emotions is not the way to get him back after hurting his ego. 

Instead, express your feelings in a genuine way.

For example, instead of saying “I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings”, you could say: “I really do appreciate how patient you are with me. It’s one of the things that I admire most about you … and I’m sure that you’ve felt the same way about me.”

He will appreciate you for it not only because you acknowledge his feelings, but also because it shows your maturity and that you can be selfless in a relationship.

Prepare yourself for a shock!

In fact, you don’t need to have a conservation with him. It can happen just by sending a simple but powerful text. 

By doing this, you can change the emotions he associates with you and make him picture what a brand new relationship with you would look like. 

In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for women who want to change the way their ex feels about them. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger deep feelings inside him. 

Because once you paint a new picture of what your life together could be like, you could end up creating the relationship you’ve always dreamt of.

Watch his excellent free video here.

8) Be thankful for the people who have helped him get through a difficult time 

Imagine this:

He was hurt by your words and actions. 

But because of the people around him, he has managed to come out on the other side. 

These people are helping him get through his crisis. They are encouraging him to be optimistic. 

Be thankful for these people who have helped him in a very special way. 

Show that gratitude by thanking them for their support.

By doing this you will show him that you have changed and that you are willing to live in a way that’s going to make him happy.

And in return, they will certainly like you a lot more.

9) Clarify any mixed signals you may have given out 

When your ex’s ego has been hurt, he will go through several stages of recovery. 

First, he’ll try to convince himself that things will be just fine again. 

Next, he might start blaming you for the pain he’s feeling. 

He could also start talking about how to get you back

This is when you need to make sure that you are not sending out any mixed signals like saying “I’m sorry” when you really aren’t. 

Be truthful in your texts and emails to him. 

This will show that you have changed and that you are ready to listen to him without passing judgment on what he says.

10) Avoid using desperate excuses to get him back

You have to realize that there is a big difference between being needy and being desperate.

If you are needy, you simply need your ex’s affection to feel loved, but if you are desperate, you feel as if the world will collapse without him.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to mix up these two emotions because they are very similar. 

That’s why, to get your ex back, you need to let go of the idea that he is your savior. 

He can be a really important person in your life, but he can’t make you feel whole. 

So how can you know you sound desperate? 

Well, it’s fairly obvious if you start talking about things like “without you, I’ll die”, “I can’t live without you” and “you’re the only person who understands me”.

Then he’ll start thinking that you’re not just desperate, but also a little bit crazy. That means he’ll lose interest in getting back together with you

11) Allow him to heal by taking time off from the relationship

Most of us jump into our relationships with both feet and do everything we can to keep them going.

Because we’re afraid that if we don’t try every possible way to make them stay with us, then the relationship will come to an end.

But sometimes this doesn’t work. 

And when things get tough, you need to know when to let go before you get hurt even more. 

This is called taking a break from the relationship… And it’s something that most people don’t do.

By allowing him to heal by taking time off from the relationship, you’ll be showing him that you trust him to get better without you. 

And in return, he will begin to believe that there is hope for both of you and that he will be able to move on from the pain.

12) Encourage him to do things that make him happy

If you have hurt his ego, he will do everything he can to avoid you. 

And that can be a good thing because it gives him the space he needs to heal

However, at the same time, you need to let him know that you want him to be happy. You don’t want him to wallow in his pain forever. 

You want him to be strong and get back on his feet as soon as possible. 

So here’s what you do:

Encourage him to do things that make him happy.

That could mean suggesting that he go back to his favorite activity: running, playing basketball, or taking pictures.

Or doing things that his parents don’t want him to do but that you both always talked about.

It could also mean encouraging him to learn a new language, study a course or get a new part-time job.

Make sure that he knows that you want him to achieve his full potential by doing all the things that give him pleasure. 

13) Let him know that you understand why he reacted the way he did

It’s normal for us to react to the hurt we feel. 

Hurt can make you feel angry, sad, or depressed. 

When you hurt your ex’s ego, he will definitely want to get back at you. And that’s why you have to let him know that you understand why he reacted the way he did. 

If you don’t, it will only make him madder. 

So when your ex does start acting like a jerk again, remind yourself of what made him angry in the first place. 

That way, you’ll be able to respond in a way that won’t make things worse for either of you. 

14) Reinforce your intent by making positive changes in yourself 

Because you have treated your ex in a way that hurt his ego, he might start doubting the kind of person you are. 

He might even start questioning the very foundation of your relationship.

So don’t just let him believe that you mean what you say. 

Instead, reinforce your intent by making positive changes in yourself to make it clear that things are changing between the two of you.

For example, you could start working out every morning and make healthy eating decisions. You could also start working on your financial situation.

Or you could change the way you treat other people in your life, like your family and friends. 

And you could also start working on a new passion project that would inspire and excite your ex. 

But whatever you change, make sure it’s done in a way that is in line with who you really are.

15) Make an effort to keep in touch with him 

Don’t let the relationship end without doing anything to keep it alive. That means making an effort to keep in touch with your ex.

You don’t want him to feel completely alone when things don’t go the way he wanted them to go.

Sure, it might seem weird to talk about how you want your ex back when things aren’t going well. 

But in reality, it’s the best way to remind him that you’re a different person now. 

And that makes him question whether the relationship still has potential. 

And most importantly, you don’t want to let him go completely. 

Because life is short and relationships are meant to last. Don’t forget that. 

16) Remind him what made him fall for you in the first place

His ego has been bruised. 

His confidence is shaken. 

And he has no idea what to do next. 

That is why you have to remind him of what made him fall for you in the first place. You don’t want him to only remember the bad times that you two spent together. 

Remind him of all the amazing moments that made him fall in love with you the first time around. 

Remind him how great it felt being with you and how much fun the two of you had together. 

Find a subtle way to remind him of those moments like getting his favorite meal cooked for him or giving him a gift that reminds him of a great experience you two had together. 

And remember not to push him to open up to you if he doesn’t want to

17) Find new things to talk about (other than the relationship)

It doesn’t matter how much you know about each other or how closely you’ve been with each other. 

After a breakup, there are still many things that you don’t know. 

You may have misinterpreted your last conversation and overreacted to it. 

You may have overlooked something extremely important that you should’ve told him about. 

And you may have been holding back when it comes to sharing something with him. 

All these things can make things feel awkward after a breakup, so it’s best if you find new things to talk about (other than the relationship).

Here are some ideas: 

  • Talk about your hobbies, passions, and interests with each other.
  • Talk about your favorite things as a couple.
  • Talk about the things you regret doing in the relationship.
  • Talk about the future, including where you see each other in five years’ time. 
  • Talk about your exes and what you learned from them. 

Be careful when talking to him though; don’t make it seem like you’re trying too hard to rekindle the relationship.

18) Find out what he’s looking for in you

Another way to get him back after hurting his ego is by finding out what he’s looking for in you. 

When you know his deepest needs, you can try to fill those needs.

You might also find out that what he’s looking for has nothing to do with you. 

It might be about him, or it could be about what he wants from life in general.

You have to find out which it is though because that’s the only way for you to know what you can give him and how much of yourself you should give away.

19) Be creative about expressing how much you care for him

You don’t want to try too hard to get your ex back. 

After all, that can lead to more hurt and resentment than anything else. 

So instead, try being creative about expressing how much you care for him. 

Maybe he sees you as intense and high maintenance. So when you’re around him, try acting more laid back and easygoing. 

Another idea is getting creative when approaching your ex with a problem or concern that he could help you with.

This way he can gain back some of the confidence he lost and start seeing you in a new light.

20) Don’t be defensive, especially if he brought up your actions

It may seem like he’s attacking you or blaming you for the end of the relationship. 

And that’s understandable because it feels like he doesn’t want to hear bad things about your behavior. 

But don’t take it personally, especially if he brings up how you hurt his ego in some way.

He probably just wants to set the record straight and get you to understand why things ended the way they did. And if you’re willing to hear him out, then that’s a good thing.

Another positive thing about if he brought up your actions is that it shows he’s willing to be open and honest with you even if it means being vulnerable. 

That’s a great attitude to have in a relationship. 

Final thoughts

Getting your ex back when you hurt his ego is not an easy task. It may seem like nothing is working, but that doesn’t mean you should give up

The best thing you can do is to keep trying different things and keep experimenting with these 20 tips until you find something that works.

If you do that long enough, you will find the right approach that’s in line with who you really are and what makes you happy in your relationship. 

After all, your ex fell in love with the real you. So don’t try to be different now just because your relationship ended.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.