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Getting a guy to like you isn’t always the hardest part — getting close to a guy is.
See, you can flirt, hang out, have fun, but if you’re looking for a meaningful, deep connection with him, you’re going to need a little bit more.
You’re going to need to bring out his vulnerabilities, share some of yours, and of course, have some laughs (and possibly tears) along the way.
But ultimately, this journey will bring you much closer together.
So, today we’re going to explore ways that you can bring him out of his shell, no matter how shy or reserved he is, and how you can create a closer relationship with him.
Why being yourself works best
Whether it’s a guy you’ve just met and fancy the pants off or someone you’ve recently started dating, getting closer to him is easier than you think.
And there’s one little secret I want to let you in on…
Be yourself!
Now, I appreciate that at the start of a relationship, or the beginning stages of a crush, all you want to do is impress, impress, impress.
We all do it, it’s human nature to show off our best side first, leaving all the flawed parts of ourselves for later on when we’re sure they’re going to stick around.
But if you want real intimacy and closeness with a guy, you need to be yourself first and foremost.
Why?
Because if you’re not being yourself around him, you’re not forming genuine closeness.
If you’re too busy trying to impress him and act like the “cooler” version of yourself, you’re not showing him who you truly are.
And for him to get close to you, there has to be some give and take.
You can’t expect him to be 100% honest and truthful with you if you’re desperately trying to mask your true colors, can you?
So even though I’m going to give you some great tips for getting close to him, at the heart of it it’s important to remember to be yourself and let him fall in love with you just as you are.
Let’s get straight into it:
Ways to get close to him
1) Find ways to meet up alone
To get closer to him you need to spend time together — and nothing beats hanging out one-on-one.
Even if you’re not dating yet, try to find ways to meet up without other friends in the mix, even if it’s just for a coffee or a walk alone.
The truth is:
The more you hang out alone, the more you’ll be able to focus solely on each other and start to build that deep connection that’ll eventually bring you much closer together.
2) Actively listen to him
I get it, you’re listening to him but all you can think about is how cute his smile is or the way his eyes have a cheeky glint to them.
You zone out, and the next thing you know you’re frantically trying to recall what he just said.
You can’t help it, but to get closer to him you need to start actively listening.
According to VeryWellMind, here are some simple ways you can actively listen and make him feel heard:
- Make eye contact when he’s speaking
- Don’t interrupt him
- Paraphrase what he said rather than give advice straight away (“So, what you’re saying is…”)
- Listen without judgment, quieten down all the voices in your head which are trying to rationalize his words
- Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and body language while he’s talking
Once you’ve got active listening down, he won’t get enough of speaking to you.
This’ll bring you closer instantly because he’ll feel comfortable speaking to you knowing that he has your full attention.
3) Treat him like a hero
Instead of thinking of heroes wearing capes and saving people from burning buildings, think about the everyday hero.
Because that’s essentially what all guys want – to be the guy who looks after his loved ones, especially his partner, and who is respected, valued, and appreciated.
And you can tap into his inner-hero very easily.
I’m referring to the “hero instinct”, a term coined by James Bauer.
In his book, His Secret Obsession, Bauer explains how every man has a biological drive to live a meaningful life.
They want to feel needed and useful by their family, they want to protect the people they love and they want to be respected.
But the good news is, you can trigger the hero instinct by doing these simple things:
- Letting him help you
- Supporting him
- Celebrating his success
- Challenging him mentally
- Making him feel like he’s the only guy for you
Once you’ve triggered this in your guy, he’ll feel closer to you than ever – and it’s all because he feels like he’s living a meaningful life.
4) Don’t be afraid to ask questions
A huge mistake people make is to talk only about themselves.
Even if you don’t mean it, nerves might make you ramble on and on until you finally realize you’ve been talking about your cat for the last half an hour.
Don’t make this mistake.
Avoid conversations that are only about you, and instead, talk about things where you can both join in.
And, ask plenty of questions.
You don’t want to interrogate him, but dropping in open-ended questions now and then will keep the conversation flowing and it’ll make him open up to you.
(Later on, I’ll be sharing some great questions that’ll spice up your conversations, so don’t worry if you’re not the most imaginative when it comes to asking).
5) Include him in your life
The goal here is to get close to him so that you can have a deep, meaningful relationship, and to win his affection, right?
So an easy way to do this is by simply including him in your life.
If you love to paint, invite him along to an art class and have some fun together.
If you’re into gaming, challenge him to a duel on your favorite game and show him your competitive side.
You see, getting close to a guy doesn’t involve any special tricks or magic, simply by letting him into your life, he’ll start letting you into his.
And step by step, you find that you’re spending more time together and learning about each other whilst having fun.
6) Take an interest in his life
And just as letting him into your world will bring you closer, it’s also important to take an interest in his life.
Some of that will naturally come through the amazing questions you’re going to now ask him, but getting involved will have an even more profound effect on your relationship.
So how can you get involved?
Well, start by finding out what he likes to do, and then casually drop in how you’ve never tried that particular activity before (essentially, hint until he gets the message and invites you along).
Warning – you may have to push yourself out of your comfort zone, especially if he’s into extreme sports whilst you’re a bookworm (or vice versa for that matter).
But the bottom line is:
The more you get involved in his life, the closer he’ll start to feel to you.
7) Be trustworthy and reliable
It’s no secret that trust is an incredibly important part of getting close to a guy.
Without it, you don’t stand a chance.
So how can you build trust with him?
Here are a few tips:
- Be reliable – don’t make empty promises that you can’t stick to
- Always be there for him
- Don’t play games
- Be courteous, let him know if you’re running late or can’t make it
- Keep his secrets to yourself (that involves not telling your best friends!)
As you learn to trust each other, you’ll naturally start feeling closer.
And for him, it shows that you’re not there to mess around and play silly games – you’re seriously into him and he can depend on you.
8) Reveal some of your vulnerabilities
This links back to what I mentioned at the start of this article – be yourself.
Sure, you don’t want to rush in and show him every flaw you have on the first date, but you don’t need to hide everything either.
A pivotal turning point when my partner and I got together was one evening in bed, having the classic pillow talk late at night.
What made this night special was how we both opened up to each other.
It started with a mention of families, and from there it snowballed.
Suddenly, we’re talking about the problems we faced growing up, the difficult relationships we have with our fathers, and so on.
Everything changed that night, for the best.
But it took some guts and courage to be vulnerable and show him parts of me I don’t normally share with others.
So I get it if you feel like you need to hold back, but just know that a little vulnerability here and there will help you both connect and understand each other better.
And ultimately, it’ll bring you closer together.
9) Start a hobby together
Another great way to bond and get closer to him is to start something new together.
Whether you try your hand at chess, snorkeling, or cooking classes, throw yourselves into something fun and lighthearted.
The important thing here is that you do it together.
Essentially, all those “feel-good” feelings you experience will be associated with him and he’ll do the same with you.
10) Call more than text
If you’re like me and the idea of calling him physically makes you nervous and sweaty, I feel your pain.
But there isn’t a way around this – calling is simply better than texting.
If you only ever text him, you lose out on a whole range of emotion, intonation, tone of voice, and laughter.
Sure, you can use emojis to reinforce your point, but a lot of meaning and emotion will still get lost.
Plus, texting doesn’t have the same amount of intimacy as picking up the phone and saying, “Hey, I just called to see how you are” does.
So what does that mean for you?
Pace around the room or doodle on a notepad, but get over the fear of calling and just do it.
The more you do, the easier it’ll become, and soon he’ll be calling you up just because he misses hearing your voice.
11) Plan adventures together
Planning adventures is another easy way to get closer to a guy. I mean, who doesn’t love exploring and having fun?
Not only will you both feel good, but you’ll start to learn more about each other in the process.
And you don’t have to plan a lavish affair.
Take a drive to your local national park, try out some new restaurants, or plan a Mexican-themed dinner one night.
Whatever it is, it’s time solely for the two of you, and the effort that you both put into making the day a great experience will go a long way in bringing you closer together.
12) Maintain lots of eye contact
Eye contact is a powerful tool – you can build trust, make cheeky suggestions, convey love, and much more with just a look.
It’s also key in showing him that you’re paying attention to him.
Even if you’re easily distracted by things around you, try to always look at him when he speaks – avoiding eye contact can make you look less trustworthy, or uncomfortable.
13) Play games together
As kids, we’re encouraged to play together to make friends, right?
So, why do we stop as adults?
Sure, we might not play the same games as kids do, but any form of game from poker to Monopoly will bring out your personalities and get things warmed up.
And the best part of it?
Throughout all the fun, banter, competitiveness, and jokes, you won’t even realize how much you’re bonding and getting closer to each other.
Plus, there’s a lot of room for flirting and teasing each other (and you’ll be able to find out if he’s a sore loser or not).
14) Focus on what you have in common
Couples don’t have to have the same interests to be close to each other – they learn to celebrate their differences.
But, in the beginning, it’s best to focus on what you do have in common.
And once you’ve found it, whether it’s the same taste in movies or a passion for spicy food, make that the main focus of your dates.
Naturally, he’ll feel more of a connection with you when you’re doing things that you both like.
15) Give him space
This might sound counterproductive…how can giving him space bring you closer?
But space and time alone are essential.
If you crowd him, call him constantly and never give him a second to breathe, you’ll overwhelm him.
And, things will get boring quickly.
If you both maintain your individual lives, you’ll have more to talk about when you meet up, you’ll have a chance to miss each other, and you’ll remain interesting.
Finally, some people value their alone time. If you take that away from him, it’ll make you less attractive to him and he’ll quickly start to resent you.
16) Be honest about your feelings
To create a close relationship with him, being honest about how you feel is important.
If you’re angry one day or stressed out, don’t try to hide it from him. Explain what’s bothering you and allow him to be part of your pain as well as your joy.
Here’s the thing:
Closeness comes from sharing the good times and the bad.
If you always act like you’ve got a perfect life, he’s never going to feel the depth that comes with helping you during tough times (which inevitably happens to all of us).
Plus, the more you both speak honestly with each other, the better you’ll understand one another and form a close connection.
17) Remember important details
Remembering the small (and big) stuff will earn you a lot of brownie points.
Again, if you actively listen, you’ll have a better chance of remembering to ask how his nephew’s christening went or whether his meeting went well at work.
Learn the names of his loved ones – his family, colleagues he mentions often, and his friends.
By doing this, you’ll show him that you truly care about him and take an interest in his life.
The truth is:
When someone remembers a tiny detail you mentioned ages ago in passing, it makes you feel good. It makes you feel valued.
By doing this with him, it’ll make him want to share even more with you, and naturally, you’ll grow closer.
18) Make an effort with him
There’s a common misconception that guys are meant to do all the work when it comes to dating.
They’ve got to plan the romantic dates or compliment you, and you should play “hard to get” to make him want you even more.
This might work for some.
But if you truly want to get close to a guy, it’s not the most effective way.
Guys like to be complimented. They like women who make an effort, who think about them and make them feel good.
Now, that’s not to say you need to chase and obsess over him, but show him you care.
Show him that you want to spend time with him by planning dates you know he’ll enjoy.
If a special date is coming up like a birthday, put meaning into his gift and he’ll realize how much he means to you.
Ultimately, actions speak louder than words.
19) Let go of the small stuff
If your goal is to get close to a guy, you’re going to have to take the high road sometimes and just breathe…and forgive.
Whether you’re still in the early days of getting to know each other, or you’ve been together for a while, it’s not hard to annoy each other from time to time.
I don’t know a couple who doesn’t argue or get into petty bickering.
But, if you make a mountain out of every molehill, you’ll stop any chance of becoming closer.
So what’s better, to be right or build a close connection with him?
I know being right and proving it feels good, but save it for the important stuff – as the old saying goes, choose your battles wisely.
If it’s not going to matter next week, don’t ruin your date over it.
20) Get intimate
If you haven’t already, get intimate with him.
You see, sex is much more than just the orgasm at the end.
Kissing, foreplay, and the action itself is an amazing way to bond with someone and create closeness between you, physically.
But it also helps emotionally and mentally. Essentially, when you engage in a little love-making, you release oxytocin, which increases your trust in others and reduces stress.
It’s also believed to be what makes us fall in love.
Plus, physical touch is considered to be another way to show closeness and affection.
What you can’t say in words, you can say with a hand on his arm or a ruffle of his hair when you walk past.
So, now we’ve covered the easiest ways to get closer to him, let’s look at some interesting questions that’ll help you bond:
Questions to bring you closer together
As we’ve already covered, questions and conversations are the best ways to get close to a guy.
By asking about each other’s lives, upbringings, memories, fears, you name it, it’s all essential to building that connection.
But if you’re not great at thinking up imaginative, interesting conversations on the spot, here are a few that’ll get him talking and the conversation flowing.
General, interesting questions:
- What was your relationship with your family like growing up?
- What’s your greatest achievement?
- What’s your biggest regret?
- Have you ever experienced a life-changing event?
- Are you where you imagined you’d be 10 years ago?
Questions about sex:
- Do you have any sexual fantasies?
- What’s your definition of great sex?
- What turns you on?
- If we could have sex anywhere, where would it be?
Deep questions to learn more about values and beliefs:
- Do you believe in life after death?
- Do you think miracles exist?
- If you could make one change in the world, what would it be?
- What values do you have that conflict with, say, your family?
- Do you believe in fate, or do you think we build our destiny?
Questions on love:
- What does an ideal relationship look like to you?
- Which is more important, love or compatibility?
- What are your relationship deal-breakers?
- What values do you look for in a partner?
Handy tip — don’t fill in the silence.
I get it if you’re a natural talker or you just hate awkward silences, but to get closer to him you need to let him open up.
So when it comes to a deep, personal question, don’t rush to speak the moment he falls quiet.
Give him a chance to gather his thoughts, and let him speak freely without being interrupted.
Hopefully, with the tips and questions above, you now have plenty of ways to get closer to him, through understanding, respect, love, and trust.
Just don’t forget to be yourself and show your vulnerabilities — it’ll do wonders for increasing your bond and bringing you both closer together.
To conclude
I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing. Why?
Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
