24 ways to get an avoidant to chase you (and fall in love)

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Are you interested in dating an avoidant?

If so, you’re probably wondering how to get them to become interested in you. After all, who wants to be the chaser when it comes to love? Not many people. 

Avoidants can be tricky because they often have qualities that most people find attractive. 

They’re usually confident, self-assured individuals. However, they are also people who are reluctant to become involved with someone romantically. 

But there is good news: just because you’re dealing with an avoidant, it doesn’t mean they won’t chase after you and fall madly in love with you! 

You need the right tactics and techniques to get them chasing you until they fall for you!

Let’s begin!

1) Don’t act like a chaser if you want them to chase you

We’ve all heard this advice. And to be fair, one of the biggest mistakes we can make is to directly and aggressively pursue an avoidant. 

Chasing after an avoidant is a dangerous game to play. This can lead you into manipulative behavior which makes the avoidant very uncomfortable. 

You also run the risk of being rejected, which will lead to hurt feelings, anger, and resentment. This is not what you want to happen with avoidants. 

That’s why it’s best for you to take a step back, give them space, and wait for them to make the next move. In the meantime, you can try these…

2) Share less about yourself and your life on social media

Look: you’re not going to catch an avoidant’s attention if you’re too busy detailing your life and plans on social media

Avoidants will stay far away from those who are sharing too much about their lives on social media. 

Why? Because they are private people who are not happy when they see others over-share, especially someone they’re interested in romantically. In their minds, someone who does that is not mysterious and could expose them to unwanted attention in the future.

If you want to get their attention, why not try something different? Limit your posts and focus on other things. 

It’s best that you only post about yourself occasionally. And when you do post, it’s best to share less about yourself and your life in general.

Also, try not to pay them a lot of attention on social media. While this might be a tough thing to do, you have to learn how to leave them alone! 

If you like someone who is an avoidant, it’s best for you to follow their lead. You don’t want to appear too eager in pursuing them. 

3) Pay them compliments from time to time

Avoidants find it hard to get close to people, so it’s best that you use compliments as a way to slowly guide them towards the relationship you want. 

When you pay him/her compliments that aren’t too over the top, it will make them feel good about themselves. 

And if they feel good about themselves, it could help them become more interested in you and spending time with you.

However, remember this: give them compliments that are honest and genuine. Do this and you’ll be golden.

Here are some examples:

  • Wow, I love that shirt! You look great wearing it.
  • You know, you’re looking very handsome today. That beard is working for you!
  • I like the way you think!

4) Don’t be too available for them

You want to show the avoidant that you are interested in them and trying to get closer, but you don’t want to make it look like you’re too eager for their affection

Let me explain: there’s a fine line when it comes to becoming too available for avoidants. 

When you’re too available, they will feel that you’re too willing to please them. And that’s not something they’re interested in. For instance, if they call you and tell you they want to hang out with you, don’t agree to it right away. 

Instead, tell them that you have something else planned and see if they’ll come along. This approach will give them the impression that you’re not that interested in them. 

How does this help? 

It will make the avoidant really wonder about how interested you are in getting closer to them. And because of this, it will lead to a chase!

5) Show proof that you’re a trustworthy person

Do you still want to get an avoidant to chase you? I have another solution for you: prove that you’re a trustworthy person. 


  • Always keep your promises.
  • Don’t cancel plans with them.
  • Be honest about your feelings.
  • Don’t lie to them about anything.

You see, an avoidant needs to see that you’re everything they don’t expect you to be. In other words, they expect you to have a lot of flaws and be dishonest.

So, show them the opposite applies and you’ll succeed in drawing their interest in you.

6) Don’t be an open book about everything, though

Here’s another characteristic that avoidants love: a little mystery.

Avoidants love women who are mysterious and hard to read. They want a challenge, and if you’re too easy, they won’t be interested.

So, try giving them what they want here and see where it takes you. It could lead to a great relationship!

Ways to be mysterious are: 

  • Don’t give him or her all of your attention;
  • Don’t express your desire to commit too soon;
  • Don’t tell them everything about your past;
  • Don’t give them every detail about how your day went;
  • Don’t talk to them about other people;
  • Don’t tell them all your secrets at once.

Most people are afraid of doing this because they think it’s going to lead the avoidant away from them and make them less interested. 

But is that necessarily true? No! Avoidants love mystery. It intrigues them.

7) Show them proof that you’re soulmates

Do you want to know how to make an avoidant fall in love with you?

You can make them forget all about their past by showing them proof that you’re his or her soulmate and a great match for them.

Soulmates? Are they real? Or some fantasy?

Let me assure you that soulmates are real and this person could be yours! You see, soulmates are the people that are a match for you in every way, who share your values and interests.

When you show an avoidant proof, they’ll think “wow! This person is so much like me, we are bound to be a perfect match!”

And then all of their walls will come tumbling down when it comes to you. You’ll become the ultimate person they want to spend their time with!

With that in mind, you’re probably wondering what kind of proof you can show them.

8) Make sure you always look your best

When it comes to an avoidant’s attachment style, you should know that they will do their best to put up walls around themselves. To them, you’re just another person who will leave them at some point.

But what if I told you there was an easy way to impress them?

It’s true! You can impress them with your charm and beauty. After all, avoidants are humans, too!

Their defenses will begin to crumble when they see how stunning an individual you are! 

That’s why you can get them to chase you if you push the right buttons.

Don’t overdo it, though! Don’t overwhelm them with your charm or your looks. 

Make sure to keep a balanced approach:

  • Stay fit and healthy;
  • Wear clothes that look good on you;
  • Don’t wear makeup too much; 
  • Make sure your hair is always perfect;
  • And never underdo anything. 

9) Flirt with him or her, but just the right amount

Since your goal is to make them chase you, a little flirting is recommended; to get them started.

But it’s not recommended to flirt too much, or too early. 

The right amount would be enough to get them hooked and interested. It can help you start a great relationship!

For example, if you’re talking to them, try smiling and looking them in the eyes. 

If you stare for too long, that can come off as awkward. But if you do it in moderation, it will show how attracted you are to them. 

And direct their attention to you!

10) Use your body language to make them comfortable

Did you know that you can make an avoidant chase you and eventually fall in love with you if you manage to make them feel comfortable in your presence?

You can do so with the help of your body. How?

Well, there are certain body postures and ways you can use your arms to help you make them feel cozy. 

For example, pay attention not to cross your arms when they’re talking to you. Why not? Because it can make you seem defensive and closed off. 

Another thing to do is mirror their body language

This will make them feel more comfortable around you. Why?

When you mirror someone’s body language, they tend to feel comfortable with you because they think you’re getting along.

And because of this, it will make them want to be close to you and eventually start a relationship with you.

11) Arm yourself with patience because you’ll need it

Are you a patient person? If not, this could be your chance to improve yourself!

Otherwise, there’s no way you can get an avoidant to chase you and fall in love with you. 

I’m serious about this: you will need patience if you want to get one. 

How so? Let me give you some examples:

  • They will pull away;
  • They will be defensive;
  • They will push you away;
  • They will make you wait;
  • They will keep you waiting.

All of this can happen, so you need to have patience. It’s all part of the process!

How to cultivate patience?

  • Don’t get frustrated; 
  • Just wait them out; 
  • And try to understand what they’re feeling. 

And remember, the more you wait, the more they will be attracted to you, so use patience wisely! 

12) Give them a taste of their own medicine 

If you want to get an avoidant to chase you, then there’s one thing that you need to do: give them a taste of their own medicine.

What do I mean? Pull away a bit yourself when they start pulling away from you.

How does this work?

Well, if you don’t follow their lead, you become the chaser, which is definitely not what you want. By applying this strategy, you’re telling them that it’s okay if they want to take a step back from you. 

This could leave an avoidant confused and wondering how to proceed with you. It will make him or her want to chase you!

13) Learn about the Zeigarnik effect and apply it 

What is the Zeigarnik effect? Simply put, whenever you’re having an interesting conversation with him or her, you should stop in order to maintain their interest.

I’m going to bore you with the psychological details. What you need to remember is that your avoidant will react to this by becoming more interested in you!

Do this when you’re talking on the phone or having a conversation online. Just think of an excuse to hang up or stop replying. 

By applying the Zeigarnik effect on them, they will chase you and fall in love with you! 

14) Distract them with activities to boost intimacy

Here’s another thing you should know about avoidants: they have the tendency to overthink. Also, they might get insecure more often than not. 

So, if you distract them with creative activities, for example, then they’ll focus on what they’re doing and it will be easier for them to interact with you in that context.

However, other activities such as hiking, cooking, swimming, and dancing are just as effective in this area. And if you do it right, they will chase you like crazy!

Try them out! 

15) Don’t react when they become distant

Sometimes, avoidants are more distant than usual. And, if you react by acting sad and clingy, this will only push them away even more.

So, the key here is to not react at all. 

It’s not that you need to pretend that nothing is wrong; it’s just that you should focus on making them chase you and eventually fall in love with you. 

They will have to chase you in order to repair their relationship with you. 

16) Find ways to make them feel good about themselves

Want to know a secret about avoidant people?

They aren’t as confident as they seem. Their bouts of insecurity are often masked by a mean streak which makes them come off as arrogant.

So, if you want to impress them, it’s best that you find ways to make them feel good about themselves. This is definitely something they need in their lives. 

Don’t know where to start?

Well, besides paying them compliments, you can also feed them with sincere praise and take an interest in their hobbies. 

How? You can do this by getting them to talk to you about what they like and what they’re passionate about. 

This is a great way to make them feel good about themselves! 

17) Understand their nonverbal clues and use them to your advantage

But there’s more! One other thing that you can do is look for nonverbal clues.

Why? Because by doing this, you can understand their body language to get an idea about how they’re feeling.

For example, when they give you a glance and start blushing, that’s a good sign that they’re interested in you.

On the other hand, when they avert their eyes, that means they’re conflicted about you.

And if they keep staring at you for too long, that could mean that what you have to offer is important to them. So, you should take note of all this! 

18) Adapt to your avoidant’s communication style

Avoidants don’t know how to effectively communicate with others.

Basically, you’ve got to adapt to their communication style in order to make them chase you. 

In other words, don’t expect them to speak in a way that’s similar to the way you communicate with others. 

What they will probably do is talk in one-word sentences and make random comments.

Also, don’t expect them to reply to your text messages right away – they’ll probably take their time in replying. 

But here’s what you should do: just wait patiently. They’ll eventually get around to responding!

19) Don’t rush them into anything or put pressure on them

Most people don’t realize this, but avoidants love to feel as though they’re in control of their relationships. They want to be the one who chases after the other person… and eventually falls in love with them.

So, if you’re someone who’s constantly pressuring him or her into doing something that they don’t want to do, then you’ll just push them away even further.

Instead, let him or her have some room to breathe and go about doing whatever he or she wants. 

You just need to remember that when he or she gets the idea that you’re not putting pressure on them, they’ll probably start to chase you and open up more.

20) Be as genuine as possible with them

In spite of the fact that they seem like they don’t care about anyone, avoidants actually want to find someone who really cares about them. 

But if they think you’re lying or faking your feelings towards them, then they’ll back off without a second thought.

So, the key here is to be as genuine as possible. 

What this means is that you need to be yourself and don’t be overly nice or fake in any way. 

Avoidants might not be the best judges of character, but they are still able to pick up on an excessive amount of fakeness. And, when they do, they will start to back off from you.

21) Acknowledge his or her needs

Your avoidant might have problems communicating his or her needs. But, this doesn’t mean that they don’t have any needs at all.

If you get the idea that there’s something on their mind, then find out what it is and try to address it.

Here’s the thing: if you do this, then he or she will see how much you care about them and be open to forming a relationship with you – in fact, they’ll start to chase after you!

22) Don’t make them think that you depend on them

To reach your goal and make an avoidant chase you and fall in love with you, you have to make them feel like you’re doing great on your own.

Otherwise, they’ll start to lose interest in you. 

So, if you need help with something, don’t come running to them for help. Instead, find another way to solve the issue at hand.

Doing this will make him or her chase you more. And, when this happens, there will be a magical spark that will transform him or her into your emotional partner!

23) Talk about your fears with him or her

An avoidant’s greatest fears are abandonment, rejection, and losing someone.

What are your greatest fears?

Regardless of what they are, you can get through to an avoidant if you talk about them. By doing this, you can make him or her open up to you and start to trust you.

However, don’t try to come up with things you’re actually not afraid of in your attempt to get close to them.

No matter what your fears are, they’ll still be able to see right through you. So, don’t try to fake your feelings – instead, just be real! 

24) Give them time to get close to you

If you want to make an avoidant fall in love with you, then give them time to get close to you. 

In other words, don’t force them into a relationship or get annoyed when they’re not totally open with you right away. 

Just know that it will take time for them to let their guard down and open up – but it will definitely happen if they like you and are willing to commit! 

Until then, keep on trying and being patient. It’ll all be worth it in the end! 

Do avoidants want relationships? 

Yes, they do.

They may not express their feelings, and they might even push you away. But don’t let that stop you from trying to get close to them – it’s worth the effort! 

The thing with avoidants is that they need to feel as though they’re in control of their own lives. So, you’ve got to make sure that you don’t take that away from them.

If they want a relationship, then they’ll eventually start to chase after you and fall in love with you. So, just give them some time and be patient!

Final thoughts

As you can see, avoidants are emotionally fragile. And, if you want to make an avoidant chase you and fall in love with you, then you’ve got to treat them the right way.

But don’t get frustrated if he or she doesn’t respond to your text messages or calls, or if they pull away more often than not.

All in all, it just takes time and maturity to get through to an avoidant.

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