If you want him to put a ring on it, then there are some things you need to know.
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, if marriage is your goal it’s important to know how a man’s mind works.
If you’re currently in a relationship that’s going very well but he shuts down as soon as you mention the M word, there is a way to solve it.
If you’re not currently in a relationship but every guy you date seems to be doing his best to get as far away from a ring as possible, there’s also a way to successfully resolve that.
In this article, I’m going to make you a bold promise:
I will show you how to get a man to marry you within 12 months.
If you’re already in deep with a guy or just starting out, this guide is going to take you from where you currently are to walking down the aisle with the man of your dreams. It absolutely can happen. And it can happen much faster than you think.
Here is the ultimate 27-step guide for how to get a man to marry you within 12 months.
How to get a man to marry you within 12 months
27) Take his temperature
Some men will use the excuse of not being ready for marriage as a way to avoid the topic as a whole. But some men really aren’t ready yet. And giving them time and space to be ready can be the difference between a ring or a breakup.
For that reason, it’s important to take his temperature.
Ask him how he feels about marriage in general and let him know you feel ready to marry.
If he truly loves you a man will think seriously about marriage and will not be put off; but if he’s not ready yet he’ll be honest about that.
26) Are you in his future?
Everyone plans the future differently and has different abilities to be specific about their goals.
Asking your man how he sees your future together is a reasonable and smart thing to do. This isn’t about pressure or putting conditions on the relationship, it’s simply about being straightforward about where you’re heading.
Would you go on a week-long hiking trip without checking what destination you’re headed to? Exactly…
Want to get more specific?
Ask him if he sees himself with you long-term.
If he asks you how long-term you’re talking, it’s safe to say that he sees your relationship as a placeholder. If he says “yes”, it’s safe to say that he’ll lock it down. And if he hesitates when you ask, it’s just a bad sign overall.
25) Find out where he’s at in his life
Depending on his religious or spiritual background, family situation, career path, health, and many other factors, your target husband is going to vary widely in his approach to marriage.
He may believe in courting you without sex for many months or he may want to get physical quickly and expect to go many years without popping the question.
Find out where your desired guy is at in life before you stake your hopes on him.
Better yet, don’t ever stake all your hopes on anyone!
As the shaman Rudá Iandê teaches in his free masterclass on finding love and intimacy, when we start to put our happiness and self-worth in the hands of someone else, we go down a risky and disempowering road to codependency.
The point is:
Before you get too invested or put in your time and energy, find out where this man is at in his head and his heart.
24) Support your man
In these days of supposed gender equality, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking of everything as a competition — but marriage is actually a collaboration.
This doesn’t mean that you let this guy walk all over you or serve him meekly: you can absolutely stand up to him and be a little feisty.
But your husband-to-be doesn’t want a critic-in-chief to be on his ass every time he’s late for an appointment or forgets to take out the trash.
He wants someone who supports him through the good times and bad. He wants a cheerleader who’s in his corner and gets him even when the world doesn’t.
“When you’re out visiting family and friends, even if you’re not together, use the same types of strategies to talk about your partner’s good news. Be proud, supportive, and happy.”
23) Take a trip to Spain
Take a trip to Spain — or anywhere else that’s at least a bit romantic.
Even short journeys taken together as a couple can be the glue that eventually bonds together a lifetime.
Spending time one-on-one in nature, at a beautiful resort, or at a tranquil bed and breakfast with the waters of a crystalline lake lapping in the morning when you wake up – what could be more romantic?
Think of this as a preview of your coming honeymoon.
Just sit back and enjoy it. I recommend a glass of wine and a picture-perfect sunset.
If you can’t make it to Spain or even an hour away with your busy schedules then try your backyard on a date night.
22) Calm his money fears
Men can be held back from asking you to marry them because of money. It sounds trivial, but it’s really not.
A responsible man knows that life together — and sharing your finances — is going to be pricey, and he doesn’t want to write checks he can’t cash.
For this reason, it’s important that you let him know you aren’t expecting a very expensive wedding ring, and you don’t need the wedding to end all weddings, either.
“Whether you’re married, engaged, or just starting to get serious with somebody, it’s a good idea to come clean about your financial situation, learn to share your financial goals, and start talking about your financial habits.”
Your husband will love the idea of having a great wedding that you always remember, and buying you an engagement and wedding band that will fulfill your dreams.
But he’ll also love that he can see you’re truly not status-seeking and that you understand his reservations around finances.
21) Maintain an even keel
Life has major ups and downs but if you want to be wife material, it’s important to maintain an even keel as much as possible.
Your man wants to be there for you to lean on — he has his hero’s instinct, after all — but he doesn’t want to be your psychologist. Nor does he want to play Mind Game Olympics with you after a long day at work.
You may have legitimate issues and concerns — including with your partner — but it’s up to you to be the bigger woman and do your best to discuss them with him calmly without becoming a raging river of lava.
You should never repress down your anger and frustration but instead, you should find positive ways to embrace your inner beast.
None of us are perfect, but you can do your best to be a put-together woman who your man learns to respect to a high degree and comes to think of as his future queen and future mother of his children.
20) Drop helpful hints
Let’s be honest, even the smartest man can be surprisingly dense. He may be totally in love with you and enjoying every second you spend together but might have simply barely thought about the prospect of marriage.
This is where you come in, dropping hints now and then.
Don’t be too obvious about it, but a little wink and nudge should do the trick to cross over into his male consciousness.
Suggest a movie about marriage that makes it look like a lot of fun.
Leave a book or magazine with a bridal or wife-related subject matter lying around under a pile of stuff on the coffee table or in your car.
Try to make it subtle and drop your hints with class.
19) Let your friends help out
“We become the collective personality of those to whom we are closest. Their spiritual levels, mental levels, and interests become ours, and we in turn help shape who they become.
We influence each other. Surround yourself with people who embody the qualities you value. Choose friends whose thoughts and actions prove good character, social conscience, and integrity.”
If you want your guy to think more about marriage then spend time with married friends who are happy in their marriage.
For lack of a better term, your goal here is to “normalize marriage.”
Show him that while it is a serious commitment and a big step, it’s also a lot of fun and a real step into being a responsible adult in a positive way.
18) Become his one and only
Men love to check out a beautiful woman who can make him laugh or entice him into an enjoyable relationship. But to cross that bridge from somebody he cares about to somebody he’d marry and die for, you need to become his one and only.
One of the most important things to understand about how to get a man to marry you within 12 months is that it’s not really about the length of the time period.
Twelve months is completely possible.
Some women try for 10 years and the guy still doesn’t want to marry. Others have a ring and a life of happiness after six months.
To become his one and only, you need to be the woman who makes him feel valued for who he is and supported and loved in what he does. Do your best to be fully honest at all times and gain his respect and love through your strength and intimate trust.
17) Don’t let him settle into complacency
When you read the horror stories of women who’ve pushed too hard for marriage and driven their men away, it’s easy to decide that the best approach is just fully hands-off.
Let him come to you and put absolutely no pressure on him to commit.
Sorry, but this is wrong.
Sitting there for years and letting your guy move completely at his own pace is not a path to marriage. It’s a path to becoming background elevator music in his life or an occasional sex toy for him to relieve work stress with.
If you want a marriage that’s going to last and be serious then you need to be upfront about what you’re looking for and not wait around on him. Make it clear you have your own life and passions which are not just him.
Show him that he’s going to have to put in some work if he wants you to say yes when he hits his knee.
16) Show him you matter
Guys have a tendency to hog the attention and spotlight — especially if they’re a Leo. But don’t get me started on astrology, we’ll be here all day.
First and foremost, stop centering your man in everything you do. Yes, you want to support him and be his number one cheerleader. Yes, you want him to know that you’re there for him through all the ups and downs.
You don’t want your boyfriend to start taking you for granted. That’s a sinkhole that many relationships disappear into, never to be seen again.
Be unavailable sometimes, not as a game but because you’re really unavailable.
Learn to put yourself first in certain things and have a list of goals that don’t involve him. It’s only going to improve your life and make you more attractive to him.
15) Understanding his issues with commitment
Does it feel like whatever you do, nothing will get through to your man?
If so, it signifies that whatever is holding your man back from fully committing to you is rooted deeply in his psyche.
Psychologists have studied the way men think for years, but only one truly hit the nail on the head – Sigmund Freud, the father of psychology.
To save you having to take a degree in psychology just to get through to your man, we’ve put together something much easier to help you in your relationship:
Our free commitment quiz, based on Freud’s most highly regarded theories.
You see, his issues with commitment have nothing to do with you. You could be the perfect woman for him but he still won’t see it.
So rather than let him slip away, be the one who finally understands what’s holding him back and learn how to unleash his commitment.
14) Shake it up
Any relationship can go stale like an old bagel if you don’t shake things up now and then.
Tell him you’re considering a career change or moving to a new place. Talk about how you’re gaining interest in a new spiritual practice or creative endeavor that you’re going to be devoting more of your time towards.
Your guy should never feel like you’re part of the scenery or background of his life. He should feel like you’re the beating heart of his life who he’d do anything for and wants to marry before another lucky fellow beats him to it!
By showing him that you’re willing to make big decisions and bold moves you can zap him out of his complacency and make him start to see you in a new — more marital — light.
13) Explore your options
Exploring your options needs to be done the right way or it can end your relationship. Think of this as the nuclear option — but one that should always be close at hand.
If your guy’s interest is wandering then it can help a lot to show him that you have options — in other words, that other guys like you as well.
This can be something as simple as chatting a bit flirtatiously with your waiter the next time you eat out or posting a very sexy photo online that gets guy friends drooling like chimps in the comments.
Try not to do this in a way that’s too mind-gamey, but if your guy is fading out on you then feel free to fade out too and show him that you’re not his property and he’s still got a long way to go before he fully wins your heart.
12) Take a step back
Men have a hunter’s instinct, and many guys will start to feel a little bit complacent once they think they fully have you.
Coach Adrian has the answer for you:
“The moment you take this guy off that pedestal, he’ll take notice. It’s too easy for a guy to get comfortable and take you for granted if you’re readily available all the time, if you’re bending over backwards for him, and if you make it blatantly obvious that you want to be with him.”
Giving him some space and valuing yourself enough to step away is a power move that can yield amazing results.
Don’t be angry or resentful of him, just calmly and affectionately step off to take some time on your own things and let him be him.
Show him that while you love and care about him, he doesn’t define you and his approval and interest in you is not the all-sustaining life force that keeps you going.
If he loves you, he’ll be one step closer to searching for a wedding ring after experiencing you withdrawing your attention a bit.
11) Go big or go home
Your relationship isn’t only defined by the time you spend with your partner, it’s also defined by your behavior and actions on your own time.
If you hang back and let him make all the big decisions — including the eventual possibility of marriage — you’re relinquishing your power completely. Show him that you’re a woman who goes big or goes home.
Make it clear through your actions, words, and job responsibilities that you say what you mean and mean what you say. Make a big purchase without mentioning it to him and live your own life without always finding ways to fit him into it.
If he wants to be a coequal partner with you then maybe he should think about proposing.
10) Don’t forget your friends
Your friends can be your invisible lifeline and keep you going through tough times.
Spending more time with your friends is a way to show that you have your own life and have others who are loyal to you and value your company as well.
If your man is beginning to feel entitled to your physical and emotional affection then his attraction can wane a lot.
Leave him free to hang out with his buddies and do the same on your end. Friendship is a beautiful thing and you never know — you might get some really valuable advice from friends as well, especially married ones.
If they got their guy to put a ring on it then they’re the best ones to ask about how they did it.
9) Look after yourself
Love goes way beyond surface appearance and having all the right makeup or hairstyle, but those things still matter. So do the clothes you wear, dental hygiene, and the way you carry yourself.
You don’t need to be a princess who prances down the street like you’re in a Gucci ad, but you can show him that you hold yourself to a high standard and you expect him to do the same.
Looking after yourself is also about far more than just having a nice appearance. It’s about self-valuation and self-respect.
When you care for yourself, you complete that all-important step of loving yourself before seeking it externally.
8) Don’t obsess about marriage
When you obsess about marriage and talk about it too often, you can make your man feel like he’s being fitted out for a tux without even agreeing to it. And he’s worried that the tux is going to turn into a straitjacket.
When you completely drop the subject of marriage or any pressure on the relationship you turn over all your power.
But on the other hand, when you obsess about marriage and make him feel like he’s under the gun then there’s a very high probability he’ll react negatively in some way and try to run off.
Alexis Watts interviewed guys about how it feels to be pressured to marry and they said it’s horrible:
“I think I feel the pressure more thanks to social media, and the constant posts showing people coupling off, getting married, and having kids! When did my Facebook become a baby feed? And of course, I also receive pressure from my mom, which I think is more of a cultural thing. She wants me to find a ‘nice girl.’ Hey, so do I!” said a man called Vlad.
7) Be specific about your timeframe
If you tell a guy that he has to marry you within one year then there’s a pretty high chance he’ll back out. But setting a general timeframe with a man you’re serious about is perfectly fair and there’s nothing unattractive about it.
Many times players will say they are “open” to seeing how things go as a way to dodge out of a relationship while still enjoying its benefits.
Don’t fall for that trap.
If he isn’t clear about whether he really wants serious or not in the long run, then you can only conclude that he’s stringing you along.
Find yourself a man who’s not playing.
6) Get to know his family
Getting to know your boyfriend’s family is a wonderful way to move deeper into his life and establish bonds that go beyond just the two of you.
It’s often best to start with his brothers or sisters, rather than going directly to get to know his parents.
Divya Sharma writes:
“Siblings and first cousins are generally more likely to let you in and making you feel comfortable in the group. Meet them in friendly settings and try building a rapport with them.”
And once you do meet his parents try your best to show you can also be a helpful member of the team.
Ask his parents if there is anything you can help with — even if you’re not sure what you’re doing, it’s okay. Just try to find a balance between being a guest and someone who doesn’t need to be treated like a guest.
5) Be clear on why you want to marry him
There is nothing more unattractive to a guy than a woman who just wants him for social status or to check off a box.
If your guy starts to feel like you want to get married more than you want to get married specifically to him, then he’s going to be hitting the road if he has any self-respect.
If marriage or your long-term future comes up then make sure that he knows what it is about him and the life you can have together that sparks your interest.
Make sure to be honest with yourself as well about why you want to marry this guy.
Alyson Krueger at Brides understands exactly this, writing that:
“Questions to ask yourself include: Are they invested in your overall happiness? Are they vulnerable with you? Do they share their failures as well as successes? Are they willing to put in the work when conflict bubbles up?”
4) Practice self-love
Self-love is powerful. It can be tempting to dismiss it as New Age gobbledygook, but that’s because self-love has been miscommunicated by many gurus and mentors.
It doesn’t necessarily mean posting perfect sunset pics on Instagram with yourself in a yoga pose. It means sitting quietly and feeling content with who you are without needing anyone in the world to see.
It means feeling pain and discomfort and letting those feelings exist and move within you without rejecting them or engaging in denial and bitterness.
The Persian mystic Rumi writes in his poem “the Guest House:”
“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.”
3) Communicate as clearly as possible
Communication is the key to a relationship: it’s something we’ve all heard and in my opinion, it’s very true.
You can have the highest attraction of two human beings in history, but if you’re crossing wires when you communicate it’s going to be borderline impossible to make it work long term. Do your best to communicate as clearly and honestly as possible.
Communicate with your boyfriend the way you would like him to also communicate with you.
When arguments arise, do your best to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
For example, instead of saying “you never care about or listen to what I say,” say “I feel sad sometimes when I don’t feel heard.”
2) The difference between like and love
To the world, you might be just another girl, but to one guy you might be the world.
Like and love is only distant cousins.
If he’s truly in love with you then he’s going to do what it takes to make you happy and prove his commitment to you.
At a certain point, you need to let love work its magic. It’s not up to you to convince your man to ask for your hand in marriage. Make your desires clear and then let love flow.
Hear the wonderful words of Rumi:
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
1) Trigger his hero instinct
If you haven’t heard of the hero instinct before, now you have.
It’s a term coined by author and relationship psychologist James Bauer to describe a deeply-ingrained male attraction hot button.
The hero instinct is a man’s basic biological urge to protect and provide for a woman. It can come up spontaneously, but it can also be triggered. Trigger the hero instinct and you’re into the serious romantic commitment zone; fail to trigger the hero instinct and you’re just another girl.
I recommend watching this free video on how to trigger the hero instinct and familiarizing yourself with it.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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