You look great. You’re fun and interesting.
How come you’re still single?
Sometimes, getting the right guy to notice you can seem impossible. The guy with the cute smile at the coffee shop. The serious looking guy from work. The guy who gets the same bus to work in the morning.
It seems that whatever you do, they just look straight through you.
Yet there are easy things you can do right now to get a guy to like you. I’m going to list 16 big ones below.
Before I get to them though, you first need to know what you’re up against…
Remember – Guys aren’t just after one thing
Men are much more complicated than women give them credit for. Women assume that most men are only interested in getting them into bed, but that is only half the story.
Men, like women, have a set of needs and expectations they want met. If you understand what they are, you’re halfway to getting a man to like you and keeping him interested after sleeping with you.
What are the top 3 things that guys need to feel when they meet someone new?
1. Men want to be needed
Men love to feel important.
They like to know that if they weren’t there you would miss them. This isn’t just about emotional support.
Men like to be the ones who can offer practical help too. It could be putting up a shelf or giving you advice on applying for a job. Whatever it is, you should be able to show your own needs and allow him to meet them.
This is as true for dating as for when you’re in a relationship. Something as simple as asking a guy in a bar what other places he would recommend in the local area creates a sense that he is the expert on it. That he knows things that you don’t.
2. Build his ego
There is nothing worse than a girlfriend who is constantly complaining about some aspect of his personality. Instead, focus on giving him genuine compliments, and telling him what you like about him rather than what you don’t.
This sounds simple, but so many women get it wrong.
3. Men want excitement
I am not just talking about excitement in the bedroom. I am talking about the spark that you get when you’re with a certain someone. A feeling that, somehow, when you are together it is easier to find joy in everyday things.
Largely this is something that you can’t fake – it is either part of your relationship or it isn’t.
What you can do, however, is create the conditions where excitement is more likely to raise its head. Surprise him after work. Try new things. Be creative with where you go on dates.
Something like taking him for a mountain hike will stick in his memory much more than meeting up for a drink in the same bar every weekend.
How to get a guy to like you: My 16 top tips
Those are the 3 things men want when they meet someone new. Bearing that in mind, let’s have a look at my top 16 ways to make a guy really like you.
1. Catch his eye
Cicero first said that the eyes were the windows to the soul. Those Roman guys really knew what they were talking about, huh?
You might be wearing a push up bra and a dress with a low neckline, but I promise you the thing that will snag his attention is your eyes.
There is something incredibly intimate about holding direct eye contact. There is even research that proves that looking into someone’s eyes for a long period will actually make them attracted to you.
Catching his eye across a crowded room or bar is the number one way to pull him into your world. Glance across, and when he looks back it is your job to hold his gaze slightly longer than feels comfortable for you.
Believe me, he’ll be hooked.
And steady eye contact doesn’t end there. When you are talking with him make sure you keep firm eye contact. It shows that you are strong and confident.
There’s nothing worse than having a conversation with someone whose eyes are darting everywhere apart from being on you. It sends out a signal that they aren’t interested in the person in front of them. That they are looking for other options even as they are talking to you.
Strong, steady eye contact during conversations reassures him that you find him fascinating. He feels that at that moment he is the very center of your world.
2. Tap into his biology
Did you know that men have a biological drive to feel important and needed?
In the last few years, scientists and relationship psychologists have been talking up a new theory called the hero instinct.
What it basically means is that men have a deeply rooted desire to step up to the plate for the woman in his life and protect her. He wants to provide her something no other man can and earn her love and respect in return.
In other words, he wants to be her hero. This is hardwired into his DNA.
I know it seems kind of silly. In this day and age women can take care of themselves. They don’t need a hero in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about. While you may not need a hero, men have a biological urge to feel like one.
The interesting bit is that it’s up to the woman to trigger this instinct in him. There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to make him feel like the hero in your life.
And when his hero instinct is triggered, a man is much more likely to commit to being in a deep, passionate and long lasting relationship with you.
Because you’re providing him something he craves. More than love. And even more than sex.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first discovered the hero instinct, provides an excellent introduction to this transformative concept.
3. Be Genuine
If you want a guy to fall for you, then it has to be for you.
There’s no point in him walking away desperate to see you again but with an entirely false impression of who you actually are. All that basically means is that he wants a second date with someone who isn’t really you.
There are no winners here.
You have to keep up an illusion and he will ultimately realize you aren’t who he thought you were and end up disappointed.
Be prepared to show all sides of your personality. If you hate watching his favorite football team then don’t be afraid to tell him exactly how much.
4. Don’t be afraid of being argumentative
Watch men when they’re together. How often are they arguing about something?
There’s never in human history been a conversation between a group of men where one of them voices an opinion and everyone else nods and says “yeah, I think you are right”.
I bet cavemen sat around the campfire arguing all night about the merits of clubs over axes.
These arguments cover everything from who should win the next election, who their favorite sports player is, or whether a shark would beat a polar bear in a fight.
Men like arguments. Not about complex emotional things, but about music, films, sports, and everyday life. It’s the way that they establish hierarchies – find their place in a group.
I am not saying you need to argue every last thing. But there is a place for voicing opinions and showing him that you have strongly held views that you own.
He wants to be challenged.
Relationships need balance. He needs to know from the very start that the woman in front of him can hold her own in a discussion about anything.
5. Communication isn’t just what you say
Body language is incredibly important in flirting. It’s actually much more important than what you say.
Scientific studies show that, when flirting, 55% is through body language and 38% through tone and speed of our voice. Only 7% is what we actually say. Yes, you heard that right – 7%!
Basically, if you get the body language right, you’re over halfway there!
Having the right body language lets him know that you are interested. But it also helps move your relationship from a smile across a room into a much more intimate space.
Body language starts with a smile, but it covers so much more. How you walk. How you hold yourself.
There are a few simple tricks that you can practice and use when talking to a guy.
Angle your body so it is facing towards him. And always make sure you keep your body language ‘open’. That means no crossed arms which automatically create a barrier between you and him.
Try and mirror how he stands too. If he drops his right hand, then you drop your left. This might all sound crazy, but there have been many scientific studies that show this stuff really works.
6. Break the touch barrier
Touch is incredibly important.
I’m not suggesting that you grab him in a bear hug and paw him all over. It needs to be much more subtle than that. Find a way to touch him lightly and briefly. It could be as simple as admiring his jacket and asking him where he bought it, while briefly touching it.
Or if he is sharing a story with you, try lightly touching his arm to show that you agree. A quick, fleeting touch is all that you need. Don’t linger too long.
What this does is break a barrier that he didn’t even know existed. It creates an immediate intimacy and sets up the idea that the pair of you are the sorts of people who can touch one another.
7. Make him feel essential
If you want to get a guy to like you, then you simply have to dig a little deeper and get inside his mind.
What drives him as a man? What does he want from a relationship with you?
You may think that men are all about money, sex, food, sports, and power.
Sure, those things all come into play at times. But I think there is a deeper truth that few women are aware of.
Men are actually driven less by those external things above and more by how you make them feel about themselves.
Above all else men want to feel essential to the woman in his life.
This doesn’t mean you have to cling on and suffocate him with attention. What it does mean is that you need to make him feel that he is providing you something that no other man can.
In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.
I mentioned the hero instinct above. It’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
The hero instinct is the drive inside a man to live a life full of meaning, to provide for those he cares about, and the desire to earn respect from those around him.
Men don’t want to be an action hero but they want to do something with their lives that matters and they want to make a difference.
This is especially true for how they approach relationships. They want to protect their woman, treat her right and earn her love in return.
They want to be your hero. And if you want your relationship to succeed, you’ll let him.
How do you trigger the hero instinct in your man?
The best thing you can do is watch this excellent free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
James outlines the simple things you can do right now to make him feel more essential to you.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But if you’re wondering how to get a guy to like you, I think learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.
8. Nudge his personal space
You should also be prepared to stand close to him – which is easy if you are in a loud environment like a bar.
All of us have a clear sense of what normal personal space feels like. You need to nudge at the boundary of that. Getting closer to him physically, even without touching, sends out a clear signal that you are interested in him.
You’ll instinctively know what feels ‘normal’ and what feels slightly closer than normal. You should aim to be just over the boundary of that.
9. Show passion
Men love passionate women. Not just in the bedroom, but in all aspects of life.
It’s easy in the modern world to be weary and cynical about everything. But speaking with intent about the things that matter to you lets him know that a relationship with you will be a positive force in his life.
Men don’t want someone who will agree with everything they say. A woman who is passionate about the world is a woman who it is fun to be around. It also sends out a signal that there might be other areas of life where that level of passion could be fun to be with too.
10. Make Him Laugh
I’m not asking you to become a stand-up comic. But laughter is a great way of breaking the ice when you are first getting to know someone.
No one wants to be with someone so serious that laughing with them feels as strange as laughing at a funeral.
There are different ways to find laughter in a relationship.
Don’t be afraid to tease him a little. Obviously, stop short of relentless mocking. But if he does or says something that makes you smile then you shouldn’t be scared to show it.
Be prepared too for laughter at your expense. Being genuine is about showing your flaws as well as your strengths, so there may be things you do or don’t do that give him cause to tease you.
The big point is that the early getting to know each other part of a relationship is meant to feel like fun. If you tiptoe through it, anxious about saying or doing the wrong thing, then your tension will transmit itself to him and neither of you will be having fun.
Men love women who can make them laugh and who can laugh at themselves. It shows a level of self-confidence which men find irresistible. Studies have shown that making someone laugh is one of the surest ways to take a relationship to the next level.
11. Be memorable
After your first conversation, you want him to walk away with a clear memory of you – a positive one.
So try to make sure that the conversation you have is a memorable one. Ask lots of open questions. Don’t just ask him what he does – ask him why he does it. What is the thing he loves most about his job?
This quickly gets the conversation past small talk and into real depth. It becomes not about what he does, but who he is.
Guys aren’t always used to having those sorts of conversations. And that means that it will stick in his memory at the end of the night.
You can also help him to remember you by giving his brain some easy cues to prompt his memory. You want him to remember you as fun and interesting — a person he definitely wants to see again.
To do this, think about how he might remember you. The girl who always drinks cocktails? The girl in the hat? The girl who loves books?
You don’t need to be unnecessarily quirky or act out of character. This is about you being you. Think a little about how your friends see you — how they would describe the real you.
Take one of those features and make sure you put it front and center. Make it easy for him to draw it out.
When he goes home at the end of the night it will make sure that there is an easy hook for his memory to keep you buzzing around in his head.
12. Don’t be too available
Men aren’t into women who play games. The ‘wait 3 days before texting’ kind of advice that you may have read from some dating guru is advice I can’t stand.
However, there is a balance to be struck between showing him you are really interested and not scaring him off by being too intense too early.
A big part of this is making sure that you don’t suddenly put your life on hold just because there is a new guy in it.
It’s always tempting in the early part of a relationship to want to spend all of your time with your new partner. But it is a good idea to make sure that you keep the life you had before the relationship going too.
Losing touch with friends, changing your routines and stopping doing the things you enjoy doing is a bad idea.
This isn’t just about having a ‘fall back’ option. He has fallen for a passionate and independent woman and part of that package is that you have interests of your own. It lets him know you are confident and have a full life that he can fit into.
That will make committing to a relationship feel like less of a risk to him.
13. Build an alliance
It would be easy to see his male friends as competition for his attention. Yet doing that is a battle that you are likely to lose.
Creating a situation where he is constantly having to make choices between spending time with them or spending time with you will create a tension in him that will not end well for either of you.
A guy’s friendship group is really important to him. He cares about them and, more importantly, he really cares what they think. It’s as important for you to get along with them as it is to get along with him.
The sad truth is that they have the power to make or break your relationship with your new man. All it will take is a few snarky comments when he says he is seeing you on Friday night and he will begin to wonder if the relationship is really one for him.
Don’t see his friends as ‘the enemy’. They’re actually your potential allies.
If they know and like you, and if they see you getting the right balance between wanting to see him and letting him have his own life too, then they could be your biggest advocates.
You’ll want to make a good impression. But remember — the most important thing is being yourself. His friends are people too, and if they think you are being false with them, then they will let him know.
If they see you as a positive influence on his life, as someone who makes him happy, then they will want him to keep you around.
14. Live in the moment
Are you one of those people who is already thinking about what you are having for dessert before the starter has even appeared on the table? Sometimes thinking ahead can kill your enjoyment in the here and now.
We all have daydreams and wonder what the future holds. That’s fine. Thinking too much about the next stage, however, can be a relationship killer.
The early days of a relationship can be the most breathtaking, exciting and life affirming part. It is important that you enjoy them for what they are. Maybe the relationship will evolve into something else or maybe it won’t.
The important thing is to enjoy it in the here and now for what it is.
15. Don’t mention the ex
Men don’t like being compared to other men, even in a positive way. There is no quicker way to make a man lose interest than spending the whole evening talking about your ex.
You don’t have to pretend you don’t have a past. One of the most natural conversations to have in the early days is about how you ended up single. However, you need to avoid that becoming an evening long tirade about the shortcomings of your last partner.
For one thing it sends out a very strong signal that you aren’t actually over him yet. Holding on to anger is a surefire sign that there are still a lot of feelings there for someone who is no longer in your life. For another, you are talking about another man. You should be focusing on the person in front of you.
16. Don’t be afraid to give compliments (or receive them)
Guys are people too. You like getting compliments — and so does he.
It isn’t just about sharing information. Maybe you like his shirt or that he is a great cook. The message you are really giving is that you are noticing him in a way that other people don’t.
Compliments don’t have to be about looks. In fact, they have more force when they are about his personality. If he is a good listener, then let him know that. It shows that you have depth and are looking at something beyond the purely physical.
As with all of the other tips on this list, the important thing is to be genuine. If you are giving a compliment, then make sure it is one that you really mean.
There you have it. 16 surefire ways to attract a guy. Try these next time you are out. I think you’ll be surprised with the results.
The real reason why men pull away
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