Have you ever asked a girl how she feels about you?
I’m guessing it didn’t go well. Am I right?
The reason is that many guys simply don’t know how to ask a girl how she feels about you.
So they come right out and just…ask. And it’s awkward and blows up in their face nine times out of ten.
Here’s how to ask a girl how she feels about you the right way.
The key, my bros, is to be subtle but also normal.
I know that this combination can be a challenge even for the best of us, but I’m going to explain 18 simple and effective approaches for how to ask a girl how she feels about you – and get an actual answer.
Finding true love and intimacy isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely possible.
How to ask a girl how she feels about you: 18 simple and effective tactics
Women are complicated creatures. But if you’ve met one then I don’t have to tell you that.
In most cases, straight out asking a girl how she feels about you is highly unlikely to give you an accurate or meaningful answer.
In fact, it’s the worst thing you can do if you actually want to know the truth. These five approaches are far more effective if you want to get an X-ray into a girl’s heart.
Try them out and let me know.
1) Be honest about the vibe
My biggest romantic embarrassments came from not being honest with myself.
I wanted to know if a girl I was into felt the same way, but I ignored the fact that she generally avoided eye contact, was distant, and didn’t seem interested in anything I had to say.
In other cases, I would overlook the fact that a girl seemed to love spending time with me but also told me about other guys, ribbed me playfully, and clearly saw me as only a friend.
I wanted it to be different, so I ignored the vibe and eventually asked if these girls thought we had a shot at dating. It was a no on both counts, and many more times than that.
For that reason, it’s crucial that before you go anywhere near asking a girl you care about how she feels about you that you be 100% honest with yourself.
Make eye contact in a non-creepy way as much as possible. Is she into it? Does she smile when you look at her?
Simple things like this might seem silly but they tell you a lot about her potential feelings and openness to you.
2) Find her funny bone
Asking a girl if she’s into you is no joke but by using humor you can lighten the awkwardness for everyone. Keep in mind that there’s a right and a wrong way to do this, however.
The wrong way is to joke so much about topics like attraction, sex, and romance that she fully friend zones you and could never imagine being your girlfriend in a million years.
This is known as being an ass clown and will land you in the permanently single category.
The right way to find her funny bone is to joke in a playfully teasing and sexually suggestive way.
Find a balance here, as you don’t want to gross her out or get too raunchy. But make it clear that you’re not just her pet buddy and you see her as a woman, not a genderless friend.
Does she laugh and respond or even hit you back with a bit of teasing and flirting of her own or does she grimace uncomfortably and change the subject?
Congratulations, you just found out how she feels about you.
3) Try holding her hand
I don’t want you to make this special lady feel uncomfortable — and in today’s climate you can never be too careful — but I’m going to make a bold suggestion here.
If you want to know how she feels about you then try to hold her hand.
I know, one small step for you, one giant leap for mankind. The fate of your eternal romantic future may hang in the balance.
Does she withdraw her hand as fast as possible like she just touched an electric eel or does she let it linger and even snuggle into you a tiny bit?
If it’s option two then we need to be honest with ourselves here: she obviously has at least some attraction to you.
As Paisley Gilmour writes:
“Our hands are one of the most sensitive parts of our bodies, and Dr Becky Spelman says that when we hold hands, we are more finely attuned to one another’s feelings, emotions, and needs. ‘We are unconsciously exchanging emotional information with one another without necessarily registering it on a conscious level,’ she explains.”
4) What’s her body telling you?
No, not that. If you move that fast you’d be better off on a porn set than looking for a girlfriend.
I’m talking about what her body language is telling you.
Does she flip her hair a lot around you, lick her lips, orient her body towards you, push her cleavage out slightly when you come near, let her touch linger on you, make eye contact, and generally show the signs of a woman in love?
That means she likes you, buddy.
But if she shirks away from you, avoids eye contact, and generally doesn’t want to be near you then it usually means one of two things: she’s ultra shy and so into you that she can’t stand it, or she isn’t into you.
Usually, it means she isn’t into you.
5) Get your ducks lined up right
Believe it or not, many guys have failed at crunch time with a girl because they just didn’t have their ducks lined up. They asked her at the worst time or they let an inner hope grow that a girl could “save” them or somehow fix their boring life.
They hoped that the feeling of nothingness inside would fade out as they were showered in her radiant smile and wonderful love.
And this inner neediness and lack of self-esteem made them come across as desperate, low-quality and grasping when they showed interest.
Don’t be this hypothetical guy (not me, I swear).
Instead, get your ducks lined up. Make sure that no matter how strong your feelings are you are prepared for her to make it clear she’s not into you and accept it fully.
If she shows interest then have a plan for where to ask her out to and be ready to go in for the kiss.
You got this.
6) Play some Clue
Honestly, playing the board game Clue isn’t a bad idea if you’re looking to bond with this girl.
But what I’m referring to is more like dropping clues. Instead of Professor Mustard with the candlestick in the study, you’re looking to win her heart with your wit in the living room.
Make it happen by giving her some clues that you’re into her.
Compliment the dress she’s wearing, express interest in her future plans and job or educational pursuits.
Give her clear clues that you’re into her, but not so glaring or tactless that she rolls her eyes and loses interest.
Licensed counselor Trudi Griffin has great advice when she notes that you should:
“Say something admiring about her looks, her intelligence, her job, or her passions. She’ll feel flattered and see that you’ve been thinking about her and really listening to what she’s talking about.”
7) Keep an eye out for red
In addition to watching her body language, you should watch to see if she blushes when you tell a joke or flirt. Some chicks are very good at hiding their reactions, but an involuntary blush is hard to hide.
Also watch for her swallowing nervously, breathing in sharply, or other signs like licking her lips, looking down shyly, and so on.
These can be classic signs of attraction and if you want to know how to ask a girl how she feels about you then you need to become observant to subtle signs that she’s into you before you ask.
8) Screen her beforehand
Another way to find out if a girl likes you is to screen her beforehand by asking what she likes in a guy.
Bring this up in a fun way, not as some kind of grilling session. And don’t make it too much pressure like “you mean you prefer he’s tall or medium? Or green eyes or more brown?”
Let her share the level of detail that she wants to and don’t push it. Just subtly keep an ear open for things about yourself that she may be hinting at.
If she responds with being uncomfortable or describing basically the opposite of you then she’s either teasing you or she’s got her heart set on someone else.
9) Phone a friend
Remember the show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” (I do, for the record).
Whenever a hard question came up and the contestant didn’t know the answer, one of the options to get help was to “phone a friend.”
That’s what you should do. Phone or talk to a friend of yours and ask about this girl you’ve got your eye on.
Don’t take their word as Gospel truth, but assuming it’s a friend you respect and find smart then listen to what they say.
Do they think you’re potentially a good match? Do they believe this girl might be interested in you or do they think you’re out to lunch?
Ask a friend and gain some clarity on the situation.
10) The key is in the conversation
This girl might be giving you amazing eye contact, signs of interest, and wanting to hang out 24/7. But if you find it impossible to start a conversation with her then asking if she likes you is going to flop either way.
Even if you’re both shy, try to start a conversation of some kind and keep it going.
You don’t need to talk for hours, but just pick a topic you or she is interested in and keep it going for a minute or two.
Try to connect with her and really pique her interest. Find out what she’s really all about under that pretty surface.
Then when you ask how she feels about you, you’ll at least already know that she enjoys talking to you and asking won’t be half as hard as it would have been if she was a virtual stranger.
As the Victoria State Department of Health in Australia observes that:
“Good communication is an important part of all relationships and is an essential part of any healthy partnership. All relationships have ups and downs, but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict and build a stronger and healthier partnership.”
11) Invite her to ask you questions
There’s nothing more awkward than telling her all about yourself without her asking. This is like when a salesperson tries to hard-sell you on something like buying more in a store or going on an extra tour when you’re on vacation.
At its best, it’s amusing and a waste of time, at its worst it’s extremely annoying and sad.
The correct way to do this is to ask her a question or two and invite her — playfully — to ask you anything she wants as well.
Then let it be. If she wants to probe into your naughty secrets she will. If not, she won’t.
12) Talk to those who know her best
If you want to know how to ask a girl how she feels about you then one of the top pieces of information you can ever hear is to ask those who know her best.
Sometimes coming right out of the gate at her isn’t your best play.
She may have been burned by a past relationship, be super shy, or enjoy playing hard-to-get. That’s why in many cases, your first route to find out how she feels about you shouldn’t be her, it should be her friends and family.
Make sure that it is someone you already know, however, and that you are sure you can trust.
Otherwise, they may leak your interest to her without your permission, dynamiting the whole endeavor.
But if you’re buddies with her dad then by all means ask him what’s up with his beautiful princess’ love life (as long as you know how to run fast if he takes it the wrong way).
13) Keep an eye on her socials
No girl wants a guy to lurk her on social media and pounce on every latest Instagram post like an out-of-control simp.
But if you keep a general eye on what she’s up to on social media you can get a feeling for whether she’s 1) available 2) into another guy 3) the type of girl you really would be potentially interested in dating or not.
One of the common mistakes many guys make when they like a girl is to idolize her and think she will be their perfect queen.
Then, even if they do start dating her, they go down a rapid slide of disillusionment and want to bail out as soon as possible when they find out she’s just as mixed up and flawed as they are.
For this reason, use her social networks and get to know her in order to find out whether she’s really your cup of tea or not.
14) Unleash the power of your mutuals
If you have mutual friends and colleagues then use that to your advantage.
Plan activities together with the group where you’ll have a chance to get to know her better and gauge her potential interest in you.
The best tactic for how to ask a girl how she feels about you is to spend time with her up until asking this kind of question is no longer awkward and you’re already pretty sure you know the answer anyway.
By spending time together with mutual friends and getting closer with her, you’ll reach the point where asking if she likes you is already a foregone conclusion and you won’t be wavering with insecurity.
Like S. Chon writes at Paired Life:
“Basically, a mutual friend means that you’ve both been approved by the same person. Score! A mutual friend also means that you probably have some things in common.
This is a very valuable tool that you can use to your advantage. People are always looking to be around others that have things in common with them.”
15) Watch a romantic movie with her
Watching a romantic movie together can be one of the best ways to find out how she feels about you.
You can also switch this up and watch a horror movie together. This gives her the perfect excuse to cuddle close to you for some hugs and comfort when the monster shows up.
In a romantic film, use it as an opportunity to joke around a bit but also to observe what she finds touching and romantic in a man and in a love story.
In a horror film, treat it also as a bit funny but make sure to be the rock-solid guy she can lean on when the screams start.
16) Ask about her past relationships
This is a risky one, but if you’re feeling lucky then go for it. Asking about her past relationships is risky because it runs the chance that she’ll slot you into the friend category.
But asking in a general way can also be a big step forward because if she opens up to you just a bit, she is letting you in her secret woman’s world of past love.
And that knowledge gives you immense power to tap into her heart and become her next Prince Charming.
If you ask about her past relationships in a serious way but not in the way that a female friend would ask, then you also subtly hint to her that your interest is more than just casual and that she can think of you in a similar way…
17) Ask her out on a date
If you’re at this part of the list then you should have a fairly good idea of whether she likes you or not.
If you still can’t make heads or tails of it then you may have to take the old plunge, unless you want to wait around until she’s got a new guy.
Keep it easygoing, something like dinner or going to an art gallery for a wine and cheese night if you want to get high class.
There’s nothing like Brie to bring out her romantic side.
Remember that you have to be prepared for rejection, so if you ask her out while you’re still totally on the fence about whether she’s into you then there’s a high probability she’s not.
And if you want some good ideas for how to ask a girl out, here’s eHarmony with some unique tips.
18) Just do it
The final and ultimate way for how to ask a girl how she feels about you is to…ask her how she feels about you.
Just keep in mind that what she tells you may be designed to soften the blow, exaggerate her feelings, or even — in some cases — downplay how she feels about you so she doesn’t seem too desperate.
Words only go so far, which is why I’ve encouraged you throughout this list to look more at her actions than her words.
What does it all mean? Does she like me or not?
Here’s the ultimate truth.
It’s something you already know.
Only you can know how you feel about someone. And only she can truly know how she feels about you. It’s also just a fact that how we feel about people does change.
She may be borderline in love with you now but in a year you’re just old news. As awful as that sounds it’s happened to many guys.
By the same token, you may be just another guy to her at the moment, but as you spend more time together and connect, you are on her mind more and more and become her one and only.
Anything is possible in the wild world of romance.
Just remember that any strong attraction is going to have signs and if she’s checking off the boxes of the signs above then there’s a very high chance she’s attracted to you.
Which means it’s now on you to make a move.
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