When you start to date someone new, they will most likely come with some baggage.
Whether it’s a child from a previous relationship, a needy/clingy ex, or (most commonly) an extensive sexual history, there are always skeletons in the closet waiting to jump out.
It takes a strong person to be able to accept their partner’s past and move on in the relationship.
To help you, I’ve come up with a list of 21 healthy ways to accept your boyfriend’s past and move on.
1) Respect him for opening up to you
Hey, everyone has a past. It’s part of being a human being.
The fact that he’s being open about his past instead of keeping quiet or even hiding things from you is something that should be valued.
You see, it’s kind of a big deal that he’s opened up to you. It’s important that you try to be understanding of any flaws that make him who he is.
Put yourself in their shoes:
Instead of keeping quiet, he’s chosen to share his past with you. This is something that he should be respected for and in no way made to feel ashamed.
2) Don’t judge him
Some guys have a lot more baggage than others.
Now, maybe he had trouble being in a relationship for more than one minute or maybe he’s got a bit of a reputation for being promiscuous – the list of women he cheated on or lied to is miles long.
It’s tempting to judge him but try not to.
People change. People grow.
Just because he did something before doesn’t mean he’ll do it again. He’s obviously someone you like, otherwise, you wouldn’t be going out with him.
So, why not give him the benefit of the doubt?
3) Bring out his inner hero
So, maybe he doesn’t have a great track record with his past relationships. Maybe he couldn’t settle down with just one girl.
Or maybe he hadn’t found the right girl yet – maybe nobody ever triggered his hero instinct.
You see, there’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.
And it’s something most women have never even heard of.
According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.
Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.
The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.
4) Focus on the present
Whenever you find yourself judging him for his past, remember that you’re dating this person right now – in the present.
Here’s the thing:
You can’t control what he did in the past but you can control your actions in the present.
Put your time and energy into building a positive relationship with him instead of swelling on a past you weren’t even present for.
All in all, you should focus on the present, not the past.
Trust me, it’ll do wonders for your relationship’s future.
5) Accept your feelings
If you ignore your feelings, you’ll have a hard time moving on.
Now, you might find yourself feeling insecure about his past or paranoid about what he’s doing now.
Try to be honest with yourself. Don’t push your feelings aside, instead, acknowledge them.
The problem isn’t his past but how it affects your present.
There is no reason to feel ashamed of your insecurities, recognize them so that you can work through them.
6) Have open and honest communication
Here’s the truth:
Communication is the key to a happy and healthy relationship.
If you ever feel like your insecurities are getting out of control, bring it up with him.
Remember not to make the conversation negative or to attack him with accusations of infidelity. Instead, just tell him how you feel.
You might be surprised by how much he’s willing to help.
7) Don’t let his past define him
You shouldn’t let his past define who he is.
Here’s why: If you constantly bring up his past and talk negatively about it, you’re just digging yourself into a hole.
Instead of focusing on the bad things he’s done in the past, focus on the good things he’s doing now.
We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, but they don’t define who we are.
Focus on the guy you fell in love with, the guy he is today.
8) Learn to trust
If he has been open with you about his past, that’s a good sign and there’s no reason not to trust in your relationship.
But trust doesn’t come easily to some people. Now let’s think about your spiritual journey:
Which practices are genuinely pushing you forward, and which are holding you back?
Unfortunately, many of us unknowingly fall into the trap of toxic spirituality.
As you can imagine, this can be extremely harmful. I learned this when I watched an incredible free video created by the shaman Rudá Iandé.
But why should you trust his advice? What makes him different from the rest of the gurus and experts out there?
Well, for one, Rudá isn’t interested in selling you his version of spirituality. All he aims to do is put you at the center of your world and back in control of your journey.
Rudá has included a few powerful yet simple exercises in the video that’ll help you reconnect with yourself and your spirituality. Again, exercises that put the focus on you.
So if you’re ready to bust the toxic spiritual myths you’ve bought for the truth and genuinely connect with your spiritual being, check out his incredible free video here.
9) Talk to someone about it
I don’t know about you, but I find that when I’m having trouble dealing with something, it always helps to talk about it with a friend or even my mom.
I get it, it’s hard to talk about your insecurities. But sometimes it helps to get things off your chest and to know that you’re not alone.
Let me explain:
Talking to a friend or family member might give you a new perspective on the issue you’re dealing with.
What’s more, it might help you see things from a different angle.
In short: Your friends may have good advice on how you can accept your boyfriend’s past and get on with life.
Worth the shot if you ask me.
10) Don’t be jealous of his ex
I know, I know. Easier said than done. But think about it:
If she’s so perfect, then why isn’t he with her?
See, exes will always hold a bit of mystery. No matter how much you learn about them, it’s impossible to know everything there is to know about someone.
But it’s important to remember not to be jealous of her. She’s part of his past and you are part of his present.
Things obviously didn’t work out between them or they’d still be together.
Bottom line is that he’s with you now so don’t obsess about his past and let it affect your present relationship.
Don’t be jealous of his ex, no good will come out of it.
11) Don’t snoop
Personally, I’ve never done it, but I have friends that just can’t help themselves!
They’ll go through their boyfriend’s phone and check his texts and emails. They’ll constantly be on the lookout, waiting to catch him “in the act”.
But I have news for you.
If you have no reason to suspect him of cheating on you other than his past, your suspicions are totally unfounded.
What’s more, you’re likely to push him away with your irrational and jealous behavior.
Now, you have no right to snoop through his phone or computer.
How would you like it if he went through your private correspondence?
Don’t dig through his stuff – it’s irrational, paranoid, and not cool.
12) Stop bringing up his past
Think about who you’re dating right now and not the guy he was before you met him. And please, stop making comments about his past and how it makes you feel.
It’s not going to make anything better. In fact, it will just put more pressure on your relationship.
He’s not accountable to you for his past.
If he messes up while you’re together, then this is something you can talk about. But you really have no place bringing up the past (before you) whenever you have a fight or feel insecure.
13) Work on your relationship
If you’re so intimidated by his past and not sure how to make him yours and only yours, I may just have the solution.
I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to commit to a relationship.
Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.
And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours.
14) The past makes us who we are
He’s a great guy, right? And what made him such a great guy?
His past experiences of course!
You see, our experiences – whether they be positive or negative – make us who we are.
His previous relationships have taught him to be patient and a good listener.
What’s more, you should be thanking his exes for the fact that he’s such a generous lover.
See where I’m going with this?
His past – however you may feel about it – made him into the guy you know and love today.
15) Have empathy
I know it’s not easy to accept his past, but try and see things from his point of view.
How would you feel if he kept bringing up your past?
It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who’s constantly making you feel bad about something you did before you even met them.
Now, look at things from his perspective and you might find that he does have a reason for everything he did.
In short: Empathy will make it easier to move on from his past and focus on your present and future instead.
16) Accept reality
Accept reality for what it is.
You can’t change his past and you know that he has baggage, so try and embrace it.
If you can’t live with his past, then you’ll never be happy with him and you should let him go.
What’s more, if you can’t accept reality, you’ll have a hard time not only in your relationships but in life in general.
17) Work on yourself
Let’s be honest: he’s not really the problem here.
You’re the one that just can’t let go of the past. Maybe your own past experience is affecting your ability to trust.
If that’s the case, you must work on your issues so that they don’t affect your current and future relationships.
Have you ever considered seeing a therapist?
Here’s another thing:
You’re too preoccupied with this relationship. Take some time to do something for yourself.
Take up a new hobby. See some friends. Take up meditation.
If you put some energy into something other than your relationship, it might help put things into perspective and help you accept your boyfriend’s past.
18) Don’t compare yourself to others
Don’t think about the women that your boyfriend used to date. That’s like comparing apples to oranges.
If you’re happy with your boyfriend and the life you have now, then why should you compare his past and your present situations?
Think about it:
What’s the point? What could you possibly achieve with such comparisons?
19) Don’t punish him for his past
If you like this guy and want your relationship to succeed, please don’t punish him for having a life before you.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll also see that you do have a past too.
20) Ask questions
Are you curious about his past?
Instead of imaging all sorts of things based on the little information you have, why not take the time to ask him about it?
In my experience, if something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it than to keep it to yourself.
If you’re not sure about something, ask for clarification.
Things are often a lot worse in our heads than in reality. And the more we obsess about them, the worse we’ll make them out to be.
You might find out that there’s more to the story than what you have imagined and it could even bring you guys closer together.
What’s more, being able to talk to each other openly about everything will make you a stronger couple.
21) Understand that it had nothing to do with you
In order to accept your boyfriend’s past and get on with life, you need to understand that it had nothing to do with you.
You might be the jealous type and find it difficult to accept that your boyfriend had many relationships before you.
But what he did in the past has nothing to do with you. He didn’t even know you back then!
The guy was just living his life – just like you were living yours – so why not cut him some slack?
How do you make sure you’re enough for him?
This article has a lot of great and healthy tips to help you accept your boyfriend’s past.
If he used to be a player and you still feel a bit insecure, I totally get it. If you want to make sure that you are enough for him and he stays faithful, there’s only one thing I can think of.
I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing.
Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.