How much space should you give him? 15 things you need to know

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‍Are you dating a guy you really like and are hoping to see again?

The problem is he has been blowing hot and cold, and wants space.

How much space should you give him? Here are 11 things you should know:

1) Don’t automatically jump to the conclusion that he’s just not that into you

If you don’t hear from a guy you’re dating and you feel like he’s pulling away, there are a few reasons why that could be the case.

He’s just not that into you is one of them.

Just because you want to see him again or think he’s a good guy, doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual.

While you may feel like you have some sort of connection, feelings aren’t always obvious.

And if he is interested in you but nervous about taking the next step, he may need some space to work through those feelings and make sure he’s ready.

However, if you’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, the sudden absence of communication is more likely to be about him needing time to think and process rather than not liking you.

You see, there are honestly a thousand reasons why a guy might need some space, and not liking you is literally just one of them, so the odds are in your favor if you give him some time to sort out his feelings.

The thing is, if you don’t respect his wishes now, that could change things.

Think about it: maybe he needs space because he has something going on in his personal life.

Now: if you don’t respect that, it might make him dislike you more, or even push him away completely.

If you give him space, though, he may just come back to you with a new perspective.

So, my number one tip is to not jump to any conclusions of any sort.

Chances are, this is nothing personal and will resolve itself soon.

And if not? Well, then you’ll also know soon enough and at least haven’t wasted time stressing yourself out!

2) Your first reaction should be to respect his wishes and give him space

If a guy needs some time and space, your first reaction should be to give it to him.

It shows your willingness to respect his wishes and follow his lead, which can be attractive to a guy who’s maybe a little nervous or insecure and is hoping to take things slow.

If you jump in and try to force him to commit to seeing you again, you could end up pushing him away even further.

And if he’s the kind of guy who has some doubts or is just sensitive, this could make him feel even more pressured and end up pushing him away.

The thing is, as a woman, your job is not to chase a man.

Instead, your job is to present yourself as the kind of woman he’d want to chase.

So, in this case, if you give him some space and respect his wishes, you’re being the kind of woman he would want to chase.

The fact that he’s into you is a good sign that it’s working!

And by giving him space you also show that you respect yourself enough not to be super desperate for his attention.

This can be an attractive quality for a guy to see in a woman, and if you give him space, he’ll be able to see it!

Trust me, speaking from experience, I know how difficult this can be, especially if you tend to be codependent or have a more anxious attachment style, but you will be okay, I promise!

If this is really difficult for you, it’s okay to have certain boundaries, like “I can deal with 2 weeks of space, but then it’s a dealbreaker – either he gets over it or I move on”.

Something like this can help you deal with the time in-between and give you some leeway to be patient.

Just remember, the end result is worth it!

3) What would a relationship coach say? 

While this article will shed light on the main reasons a guy needs space and what you can do, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like needing space.

Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help.

From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.

Click here to get started.

4) Before you make any assumptions, find out his reasons for needing space

Before you jump to conclusions, talk with him about what’s going on.

There are a few different ways to bring up the conversation, but your best bet is to be direct.

Say something like: Hey, I’ve noticed we’ve been taking some time apart recently. Is everything okay?

or

Hey, we’ve been talking less lately. Is something wrong?

He may have some valid reasons for needing space, like he’s busy with work or has a lot going on in his life, or he’s just not feeling the same connection that you are.

If he doesn’t respond well to your direct talk, it may be because he’s trying to avoid a confrontation.

In this case, you may have to ask yourself if you’re okay with him taking the lead and leaving you in the dark.

You see, when you ask him outright, there is nothing wrong with that.

After all, you do deserve to know where you stand with him.

Plus, he might have thought you didn’t notice and didn’t want to bring it up himself.

So, you have the chance to bring it up yourself and let him know that you’ve noticed the change in your relationship.

If he is giving you the silent treatment, then it’s most likely because he doesn’t want to talk about whatever’s going on.

It’s up to you whether or not you’re okay with that.

And the best part about this?

Well, there is a good chance that you have nothing to do with him needing some space, so asking him this question might alleviate your doubts and fears.

If he responds positively, then you can know that he just needs some time alone.

And if he doesn’t respond well to your question, then it’s up to you whether or not you’re okay with his lack of communication.

5) If it has nothing to do with you, then by all means…give him more space

If he has legitimate reasons for needing space, you should give him as much as he wants.

Be patient, and don’t try to force him to talk about it or explain himself.

If he doesn’t bring it up, don’t ask him about it.

Let him take the lead in the conversation. If he doesn’t, then you can check in with him again another day.

You see, if you truly like this guy and he has something serious going on in his personal life that requires all of his attention, then there is nothing wrong with giving him more space.

I know, you want to be the center of his universe, but sometimes, it’s just not possible.

It’s important to be patient and understanding when he needs space.

But at the same time, don’t give him all the space in the world because then you’ll just become a distant memory for him.

So, do not give him more space than necessary and make your wishes known to him.

Remember: A guy who needs more space is not necessarily losing interest in you; he just doesn’t have time for a relationship right now.

If this is what’s going on with your guy, then you could be totally fine with that!

If you are there for him during that difficult time, he might realize that you are an amazing woman who will support him even when things aren’t easy and rosy.

6) If it’s something about you and/or the relationship, then it’s probably not a good sign and/or there are some big red flags that need your attention right away

If he does have something to say, be mindful of his body language and tone.

If he is avoiding eye contact, speaking softly, or has a tense or nervous expression on his face, then it’s probably not a good sign.

If he drops red flags like he’s not sure where he wants to go with the relationship or he’s feeling overwhelmed, then it’s best to slow down and see how those things shake out.

Being unsure of the future is normal, but if he’s dropping some red flags, then it could be best to end things before they get too serious.

You see, when he makes it relatively clear that his reason for wanting space has to do with you, then it’s not a good sign.

I know, you probably don’t want to hear this, but your best bet in that scenario is ending things with him.

You can say something like “I’m sorry, I get your point of view, but I’m also not interested in being with someone who isn’t sure about me”.

This will show him that you value yourself and that you are not going to stick around for someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

If he is the one who wants space because of something you did, then it’s time to make some changes.

He probably said something like “I just don’t feel like we’re on the same page anymore”.

Or maybe he said that “you’ve changed and I don’t feel like I can trust you anymore”.

Whatever it was that made him say what he did, it’s time to make some major changes in your life so that he can see the change in you.

7) Don’t confuse a guy needing some time to think or process things with him needing space from you specifically

A guy may need space because he wants to think things over, like if he’s not sure he wants to go on another date with you or if he needs more time to decide if he wants to commit to a relationship with you.

This isn’t necessarily a sign that he’s not interested in you or that he wants to break up with you.

However, if a guy does need space and you want to keep seeing him, you may want to give him some space of your own.

If a guy says he needs time to think but you want to keep the relationship going, you may want to give him space so he can come to a decision without pressure from you.

Now: this one is tricky, you don’t want him to just mess around for months, never fully committing to you, but especially in the beginning, it’s okay to need a few days to figure your feelings out.

You see, there might have been past experiences that make it hard for him to trust his feelings for you.

Maybe he’s been hurt by a woman before and now he’s having trouble trusting that you aren’t going to hurt him as she did.

Or maybe she gave him mixed signals and he doesn’t know what to think about your relationship.

Or maybe it’s something else entirely, but guys need time to figure things out, just like women do.

If a guy says that he needs space because he needs time to think, then it might be best to give him the space he wants so that you can figure out what you want too.

If the two of you want different things, then it might be best not to try and force something that is not meant to be.

8) Regardless of whether he wants to see you or not, be kind to yourself

If you’re dating a guy who wants space, it doesn’t mean you’ve been rejected or that there’s anything wrong with you.

If a guy doesn’t want to commit to you or wants to break up with you, he’ll tell you.

There’s no need to psychoanalyze his silence or read into his actions.

If you’re in a relationship and he’s pulling away, you may be tempted to blame yourself.

You may be thinking things like “What did I do wrong? Was it something I said?”

But regardless of whether he wants to see you or not, you need to be kind to yourself.

Use this time to take extra good care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and getting plenty of sleep.

You may want to talk to a friend or family member about how you’re feeling, or consider seeing a therapist.

You deserve to feel happy and loved!

9) Don’t wait by your phone for him to call

If your guy wants space, don’t sit around and wait for him to call you.

Instead, take this opportunity to put yourself out there and do the things you’ve been wanting to do.

Join a club, take a class, or do something you’ve wanted to do for a while but have been putting off.

Doing these things will help you feel less anxious and help you be more confident and attractive.

They will also give you something to talk about when you see him again.

If you’re dating a guy who wants space and you want to keep seeing him, don’t wait by the phone for him to call.

Instead, keep doing the things you’ve been doing and go out and meet new people.

You see, there is nothing attractive or empowering about putting your life on hold and waiting by the phone for a guy to call.

Show him (and yourself) that you don’t necessarily need him to have fun, you have your own life and you’re going to continue living it.

10) Don’t check in with him constantly to find out why he wants space and when it will be over

Although it may seem like a good idea to check in with him, it’s best to leave it be if he doesn’t want to talk.

If he wants space, you need to respect that.

Try to keep yourself busy and not put too much thought into it.

If you do find that you’re constantly checking in with him, then it may be a good idea to talk with a therapist or a friend about your feelings and why you feel the need to know more.

If you are feeling anxious and have the urge to text him, try to distract yourself.

Go for a walk, go find a new coffee shop nearby, go do something that will get your mind off of things.

You see, after having talked to him once about why he wants space, you should really leave him be for a while.

Asking him every day if he has already made up his mind will only make things worse.

Think about it: he is probably trying to figure something out and you are just putting on extra pressure by asking him more frequently.

If he has already told you that he wants space, then you should take his word for it and respect it.

If you can’t handle the thought of waiting for him, you should end things with him.

Maybe ending things will actually inspire him to finally make a decision.

11) If he doesn’t respond after a little while, be proactive and check in with him

If he doesn’t respond to your last text or call after a few days or weeks, don’t sit there and wonder what he’s thinking.

Instead, check in with him.

You can send him a text that says something like: Hey, it’s (your name). I know we haven’t talked in a few days. I wanted to make sure everything is okay.

If you don’t hear from him after a couple of days or weeks, you can send another, but then you should stop.

If you don’t hear from him again, it might be a good idea to let the relationship go.

This is a little more invasive than just letting him be, but it’s also more respectful of his wishes to let him take the lead and check in if he wants you to know what’s going on.

You see, it’s totally fine to check in after a few days or a week, it will show him that you haven’t forgotten about him and that you’re still interested, but if he doesn’t respond after that, then it’s a sign that he doesn’t want to talk to you and you should respect his wishes.

Now: the only thing you shouldn’t be doing is bombarding him with texts.

Double, triple, or quadruple texting will not do you any favors in this situation, believe me!

If you text him too much, it will just push him further away and make him wonder what the hell your problem is.

Again, if you have to ask yourself if he’s interested in you or not, he probably isn’t.

If you’re still not sure, try the waiting game and see what happens.

But remember: just because he’s not texting or calling doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you!

He probably does like you and just wants to be left alone for a while.

What now?

Whatever is going on with him, it is not your fault.

I need you to know that no matter what a guy does, it has nothing to do with your inherent worth as a woman.

That’s right: the reason he wants space has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

You may think that you have done something wrong or that he has lost interest in you, but I promise that is not the case.

The truth is, he just doesn’t know what he wants.

Don’t beat yourself up over this.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.