Breaking up is never easy.
It doesn’t matter how mature or independent you are or how many past relationships you’ve had; when it comes to matters of the heart, most of us are fragile teenagers.
After breaking up with your ex, you thought that breaking off all contact and blocking him on social media platforms was the best thing to do in order to move on.
But have you asked yourself how that made him feel? If you thought he wouldn’t care, you couldn’t have been more wrong.
Read on to find out more!
1) He feels confused
When you block your ex, he’ll probably be confused at first.
After a breakup, there are bound to be mixed feelings. One person might have initiated the split while the other person might be feeling devastated.
If you broke up with your ex, he might be having a hard time processing the breakup.
In fact, he may not accept what’s happening – he may be expecting you to change your mind any day now.
So when you block him on social media, he’ll feel puzzled and surprised.
2) He feels rejected
Another way your ex may feel when you block him after breaking up is rejected.
Obviously, a breakup is a big deal and it’s never easy for either party involved.
Now, when you end a relationship, it can make you feel uncomfortable to stay in touch with your ex. It’s only natural that you’d want to avoid seeing him or talking to him.
So you decide that the best thing is to just block him. I get it.
However, when you do that, chances are that he’ll feel rejected.
He’ll wonder what you dislike about him so much that not only did you break up, but you decided to cut off any contact with him.
Where did he go wrong? What’s wrong with him? Why don’t you want to at least stay friends? How can you just cut him out of your life?
3) He feels uncertain about the future
If you broke up recently and you blocked him shortly after, he’ll probably feel uncertain about the future.
He was probably still processing the split when you blocked him. Now he’s wondering if there’s another guy in your life.
What’s going to happen to him?
He had a whole future planned out with you and now he’s all alone and for all he knows, you’re with someone else.
Now he’s filled with uncertainty and worried about the future.
But what about you? Do you feel uncertain about the future?
Even if you’re the one who blocked him and even if it was your idea to break up, it doesn’t mean that you’re not having a hard time. You probably feel confused about the future too.
The thing is that when we’re in a committed relationship with someone, especially a long-term relationship, we become reliant on our partner for happiness and not ourselves.
It’s no wonder that the future seems uncertain. I mean, you thought you’d spend your life with this person, you made plans, and suddenly, poof! They’re no longer part of your life or your future.
So where does that leave you?
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4) He feels angry
You should also be prepared for the fact that your ex may become angry when he notices that you blocked him.
Well, put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he blocked you?
You’d feel betrayed and angry. You’d ask yourself, “Who does he think he is to block me?” or you’ll think. “What an a**hole! After everything we’ve been through together, he blocks me like I’m nobody?”
A breakup is a painful experience. It can leave both people feeling sad and upset.
He might be trying to move on with his life and heal from the breakup. But then, he might discover that you’ve blocked him. He might feel angry because you’ve seemingly cut him out of your life.
Don’t worry, if he gets angry, it’s only a natural reaction and it will pass.
5) He feels hurt
Well of course he feels hurt.
He was devastated that you split up. He needs some time to process the situation and to get over you.
Maybe he thought you’d remain friends. Maybe he was hoping that you’d get back together.
Or maybe he was comforted by the fact that he could keep tabs on you online.
Blocking him on social media really hurt.
6) He misses your friendship
When you block your ex, he’ll probably miss your friendship.
The breakup was hard enough, but he thought he’d at least get to hang out with you and be your friend.
He may miss the comfort you provided him during the relationship. He may miss having someone to talk to and confide in.
If your breakup was amicable and you just don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with him anymore, he may miss the friendship you brought him.
He may miss having someone to talk to when he’s having a bad day and the support you gave him when he needed it most.
He wants to maintain contact with you even if you don’t want to go back to being in a relationship with him again.
The thing is that he doesn’t understand that you might need some time before you’re ready to talk to him again.
7) He feels like a loser
This may not have been your intention, but by blocking him on social media, chances are you’re making him feel like a total loser.
He feels like you’ve discarded him like an old piece of cloth that is no longer useful.
He feels like he has lost his worth in life.
He keeps thinking about what he did wrong. Is there anything he could have done to save the relationship?
He keeps beating himself up about being such a loser.
8) He feels lost
When people are together for a long time and they break up, it’s not unusual for one or both of them to feel a little lost.
A breakup can be a confusing and difficult experience. Blocking him on top of breaking up with him might make him feel so lost that he doesn’t know what to do with his life.
It might make him feel like he’s lost his way.
Why did you decide to block him? What is he going to do now? Who will he turn to?
9) He feels embarrassed
Hey, being blocked by someone you were once close to can feel pretty embarrassing. I mean, as if breaking up wasn’t bad enough. Right?
Your ex might feel embarrassed that you have thrown him out of your life like an old pair of worn-out shoes.
It would never occur to him to block you so now he feels like a fool. He’s embarrassed that you have rejected him in so many ways and that you have shut him out of your life.
10) He feels sad
When your ex starts to feel his absence in your life, he may start to feel sad.
Maybe he even regrets the breakup and wants to rekindle the ol’ flame.
But, if you have blocked him on social media, he cannot see your posts and photos. That means that he doesn’t know if you’ve moved on after the breakup. What’s more, he may even feel jealous of your new life and wonder what you are doing without him.
It can be hard for him to accept that you’re moving on without him. Even though he knows it’s for the best, he can’t help but feel sad about it.
11) He feels like he lost someone special
You were his friend. His lover. Hi go-to person.
What you had was special. You were special.
The breakup may have felt unreal. But blocking him on social media has somehow made things final.
Now he feels how real the breakup was and he feels like he’s lost someone very special and that things will never be the same again.
12) He feels insecure
Being blocked on social media can make you feel insecure, especially when the person who has blocked you is someone you loved and had an intimate relationship with.
It actually happened to me a few years ago. My boyfriend and I decided that we wanted different things and decided to break things off.
I thought we’d stay in touch, so imagine my surprise when I realized that he had blocked me. I felt terribly insecure – I thought there was something wrong with me and his gesture made me feel very small.
I now understand that he did it so he could have an easier time moving on, but back then, I was devastated.
Your ex is probably feeling like I felt – small.
13) He feels regret
Blocking someone is a big gesture that can really make someone take stock of things. By blocking your ex, you effectively said, “I don’t want anything to do with you.”
Now he’s filled with all kinds of regret.
He regrets ever having met you.
He regrets having loved you.
He’s hurting, so cut him some slack.
What he regrets most of all is having ruined things with you. He regrets not having been a better boyfriend.
14) He feels guilty for losing you
When a girl blocks a guy and the guy still loves her, he feels guilty for having lost her.
He regrets everything that happened and wishes that he could go back and change things.
He feels guilty for losing you, but he knows that it is too late to make it right.
He may even feel guilty for letting the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with get away.
15) He feels relieved
Finally, there’s a completely different way he may feel – relieved!
Maybe your relationship was stuck in a rut and he wasn’t really sure what to do about it. And then, one day, you broke up with him.
What’s more, you blocked him on social media. Now he feels relieved because he doesn’t have to deal with the awkwardness and uncertainty of a broken relationship.
He is relieved because he does not have to face you and the humiliation of being dumped by you.
He feels like he can finally move forward in his life and have a fresh start.
How to be friends with your ex: The DOs and DON’TS
After breaking up with your ex you probably needed some space away from him. You needed time to think, heal, and move on with your life. It’s no wonder that you blocked him on social media.
But that’s all in the past now. You feel like you’re ready to be friends.
Maybe you initiated contact again or bumped into him somewhere. Now you’re wondering, how to be friends with your ex.
Let’s take a look:
1) DO give it time
Are you sure it’s been enough time?
If the breakup happened recently, it’s likely that you’re still feeling raw. You might not be ready to be friends with your ex just yet.
Give yourself time to heal and to process what happened. It may take a few months or even a year if it was a particularly painful breakup.
Give yourself time to process what happened and why you decided to break up in the first place.
If you rush into being friends before you have really processed what happened, you might find yourself getting upset over little things again.
Be sure you are ready to move forward in a way that is positive for both of you before you try to make peace with your ex.
2) DO make sure you’re over each other
This is an important step for you to take before you try to be friends with your ex.
I mean, if you are still hung up on each other, you will find it very difficult to be friends.
If you’re not ready to let go of the relationship and move on, you might wind up trying to rekindle the romance, which is not good for either of you.
If you’re not ready to let go of your ex, you might also end up bringing up all your old insecurities and jealousies, which will make the friendship difficult as well.
The same goes for your ex. If he looks like he’s still in love with you, it’s not yet time to be friends.
All in all, if you’re still hung up on your ex, you need to give yourself time to move on. Only once you’re really over each other can you be friends.
3) DO set boundaries and be clear about what you want from your friendship
This is a crucial step to make sure your friendship is successful.
Boundaries are tools that you can use to protect yourself and your friendship.
You can set some clear boundaries that let your ex know what you want out of the friendship.
For example, you might say something like, “I’m happy to hang out, but I don’t want to discuss our personal feelings about the breakup anymore.”
If you don’t set boundaries, your ex might pressure you into discussing the breakup, which you don’t want.
Setting boundaries also shows your ex that you are mature and have self-confidence. You don’t have to be super strict with your boundaries, though. You can also be clear about what you want from the friendship.
For example, you might say, “I just want to be clear that I’m not looking to get back together.”
4) DO make sure that you leave the past behind you
Let bygones be bygones.
Avoid bringing up past fights, resentments, regrets, or other things that will get you caught up in the past.
Instead, focus on the present and what you can do to help each other move forward. If your ex does bring up something from the past, try your best to let it go and move on to the present.
If you feel yourself getting upset, you can say something like, “We can talk about that another time.”
When you bring up the past, try to do so in a positive way that helps both of you move forward. For example, you might say, “Remember when we went to that concert together? It was so much fun!”
5) DO commit to finding ways to support each other
One of the best ways to make your friendship work is to make sure you’re both actively looking out for each other and supporting each other.
That doesn’t mean you have to constantly be asking each other for favors, but it does mean that you make an effort to support each other in positive ways.
For example, you can support each other by always having each other’s backs and being there for each other.
You can also commit to building each other up by letting each other know when you’re proud of each other, complimenting each other, and supporting each other’s goals and dreams.
6) DO be prepared for him to find love again
Don’t be surprised if your ex starts dating again.
It’s a normal part of being human to want to be in a relationship, even after a heart-breaking relationship.
If you’re feeling sad about your ex finding love again, try to remember that it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. It just means that he’s ready to move on and find love again.
And remember, you don’t actually want to be with him because that didn’t work out.
You should think about dating again too. You deserve to be happy.
7) DO help your ex find love again
If he’s not dating, you might want to give him a little nudge in the right direction.
I know it sounds strange, but think about it: You don’t want to get back together with him and you want him to be happy, right?
You can encourage him to date again and maybe even set him up with some friends from work.
It’s important to be careful about this, though. You don’t want to get too involved in your ex’s dating life or you might find yourself getting jealous or resentful.
Only do this if you feel comfortable with the whole thing. If not, then it’s best not to meddle in his love life.
8) DO let go of any lingering resentment or jealousy
Even if you do everything else right and make a great, lasting friendship with your ex, resentment and jealousy can still pop up from time to time.
If you find yourself feeling resentful or jealous, you need to let go of it and move on as quickly as possible.
Remember that your ex doesn’t owe you anything. The two of you broke up for a reason. The friendship you have now is because you both choose to make it work. You don’t get to stay friends with your ex just because you broke up with him.
You have to earn the friendship and keep it strong. If you find yourself feeling resentful or jealous, remember that you have a choice. You can choose to let go of the resentment or jealousy and risk losing your newly found friendship.
9) DON’T attempt to rekindle the romance
Letting go of the romance between you is hard, but it’s important to let go of any lingering feelings of love or the desire to rekindle the romance.
If you attempt to re-ignite the romance, you could risk losing the friendship between you.
If you just can’t get the idea of rekindling out of your head, it’s best to keep your distance from your ex.
It’s important that both you and your ex are focused on healing from the breakup and moving on in their own separate ways.
10) DON’T see your ex too much at first
In the beginning, you’ll want to see your ex as often as possible, but too much contact could end up shaking your friendship apart before it even gets off the ground.
It’s best to take it slow and introduce the idea of friendship into your interaction at a natural pace.
Too much contact too soon could give the impression that you are still interested in being more than friends or that you want to rekindle the romance.
Trust me, you want to give your ex some time to heal and move on before spending too much time with him.
Let your friendship form slowly.
11) DON’T be friends just to make your ex jealous
It can be tempting to be friends with your ex just to make him jealous, but it’s not a good idea.
In fact, it’s a childish idea and you’re better than that.
If you want to be friends with your ex, do it because you genuinely want to remain friends with him and not because you are trying to make him feel jealous or insecure.
Be a grown-up.
12) DON’T expect everything to go perfectly from the beginning
If you rush the process of becoming friends with your ex too quickly, you could end up driving him away.
Unfortunately, things don’t always go perfectly, and it’s easy to make mistakes when you’re getting to know each other again.
You may say or do the wrong thing, and you may feel like you’re walking on eggshells around each other. You may feel uncomfortable around each other or you may regret becoming friends.
Let the friendship develop naturally and give it time to grow. There’s no need to rush into things, and it might take a while to get things right.
13) DON’T confide too much or be needy
Although you want to be friends with your ex, you shouldn’t expect him to be your best friend or a shoulder to cry on.
Let your ex get to know you as a friend and go at his own pace.
If he doesn’t want to confide in you or open up to you, respect that and let him have his privacy. Don’t force him to tell you everything.
There are different types of friendships, find the type that’s right for you.
14) DON’T rush or force things
When you become friends with your ex, it’s important that both of you are ready to make the friendship a genuine part of your life.
Don’t pressure your ex to become friends with you. If he’s not ready to be friends with you, he’ll let you know.
Don’t force your ex to do things he isn’t ready for.
For example, if you want to see each other but he doesn’t, don’t force him to go out with you. Let him set the pace.
Don’t try to bring things out of him that he isn’t ready to bring out. If he isn’t ready to laugh or smile yet, you probably shouldn’t try to make him laugh.
15) DON’T pry into his life
When you become friends with your ex, you’ll want to know all about his new relationships and friends, but you shouldn’t pry.
After all, you don’t want to come off as jealous or intrusive.
Let him tell you about his new life at his own pace.
16) DON’T force things if you feel uncomfortable
If you feel uncomfortable with any part of your new friendship, let your ex know. If he keeps doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable, let him know that it’s bothering you.
If you feel like it’s strange to be spending time with him again and you change your mind about being friends with him, don’t feel like you’re obliged to be friends. Talk to your ex and explain how you feel.
Let him know that you thought you could be friends but now you know that it’s just not right for you.
17) DON’T think about the past
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to be friends with your ex is thinking about the past and feeling bitter about how things ended.
Instead of dwelling on the things that went wrong, it’s best to focus on the future and what you can do now to make things better.
Start by being kind to your ex, even if he hurt you in the past. Showing him that you are capable of being a kind and compassionate person may make him more likely to want to be friends with you.
Holding on to negativity from the past will only make you resent him more and will make it harder to move on. By letting go of the past, you can make the most of your future and have a friend in the process.
18) DON’T be afraid to share your feelings and worries
One of the best things about being friends with an ex is that you can be open and honest with each other.
You don’t need to pretend that everything is OK when it’s not, or that you feel happy when you don’t.
Instead, you can open up to your ex about how you feel and talk about your worries without having to worry about things going badly.
If you’ve recently ended a relationship, you may feel sad, anxious, or worried about being single. If your ex has recently ended a relationship, he may terrible too.
Being friends with your ex can help to soothe both of these very normal feelings. It can also help you to process your emotions, which may make you feel less overwhelmed if you’re feeling particularly sad.
You may have been surprised to find out what a big deal blocking your ex might be. You probably weren’t expecting it to have such a big impact on him.
That being said, if you feel that you need to block him in order to move on with your life, I completely understand. He’ll also understand – eventually.
And if one day in the future you feel like you could be friends with your ex but you’re not sure how to go about doing that, then be sure to follow my tips above.
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